Song Zixun's heart shook suddenly, "Rong'er ......"

"Those days may not be worth remembering for you at all - I have always pestered you in spite of my reserve, and I probably caused you a lot of trouble." Du Rongzhi hooked the corners of her lips self-deprecatingly, "Even in your heart, you may have long been very disgusted with me......"

"......No," he said quickly, "I've never hated you." ”

Du Rongzhi didn't seem to hear it, and said to herself, "But at that time, I really liked you." ”

The corners of her mouth slowly hooked up a faint smile, and that smile appeared on her pale and emaciated little face with a dreamy look, and even her cheeks were dyed with a light layer of red, "I've never liked someone that much - I like it so much that if you look at me or say a few words to me in a gentle voice, I will feel ...... Full of joy. ”

She said slowly, those youthful times, which even she thought she had forgotten a long time ago, were still as clear as yesterday after two lifetimes, "You may not know......" she said softly, "I have done many stupid things because I like you." ”

"Really?" He took her hand as if it was never warm, and asked in a low voice, "What are they?" ”

She chuckled, and said seriously while recalling, "I was not a good woman at that time, but I always wanted to learn how to make a thing for you by myself, and I worked hard for two nights, and even my fingers were swollen, but I only embroidered a purse that didn't look like it......"

He frowned and thought for a long time, and he couldn't remember what purse he had received, so he couldn't help asking, "What happened later?" ”

"Later......" Du Rongzhi shook his head with a wry smile, "Later, I asked Ah Che to hand it over to you, but he laughed at the embroidery on it instead of mandarin ducks but wild ducks, saying that I didn't embroider half as well as Fu's...... I was so angry that I threw my purse into the lake and had a big fight with him, but I felt very uncomfortable...... That night, I hid under the covers and cried all night. ”

Song Zixun took her into his arms, "...... I don't know that. ”

"Yes," Du Rongzhi nodded with a smile, "because of these...... It doesn't really matter at all. "Maybe the reason why I cried all night was because I knew it from then on...... No matter how hard I try, I don't deserve you. ”

"Nonsense." He felt a throbbing pain in his heart, frowned and looked at her, and said, "I want a wife, not an embroidery girl...... What's more, you're embroidering very well now. ”

Du Rongzhi smiled noncommittally.

How would he know?

In the days of his disgust, neglect and white eyes in his previous life, her only pleasure every day was to do embroidery work with the girls...... Practice makes perfect.

Du Rongzhi reached out and stroked his eyebrows, smoothing out the folds a little bit, "Zixun, whether you believe it or not...... In the more than a year since I married you, I really tried hard to be a good wife. ”

Song Zixun couldn't help but be moved, pulled down her cold hand and put it on her chest, "I know...... You've been good, you've been good. He said in a dumb voice, "It's me who can't live with you and break your heart......"

"You're not sorry for me." Du Rongzhi shook her head with a smile and sighed softly, "It's me who is too greedy...... There is so much to want. ”520

"We had a very happy time, too." She said softly, "You've been treating me so well since I walked in...... I am grateful in my heart. ”

“…… Later, when Wan'er gave birth prematurely, I almost couldn't survive, and it was you who rushed into the delivery room to accompany me and comfort me, despite everyone's dissuasion......" she smiled at him, "and I told myself then...... If you treat me so sincerely, what should I not be satisfied with? ”

“…… Lovely and well-behaved daughter, considerate and affectionate husband......" Du Rongzhi chuckled, "I even thought I was the luckiest person in the world. ”

She looked at him, her tone as calm as if she were talking about an inconsequential matter, "Until that day, you told me—you, you don't have to be me. ”

Song Zixun shook her hand violently.

"That night, I hugged Wan'er, who had a fever and convulsions, and asked myself over and over again, was I wrong? Am I not doing well enough? She still chuckled, tears streaming down her eyes, "I don't remember how many times I looked at the door, and I always imagined that maybe the next moment you would push the door in......"

Song Zixun opened his mouth, he instinctively wanted to say something, but his throat seemed to be blocked by something, and it was so dry that he couldn't even say a word.

"But you never came."

She smiled and let go of his hand, "Now that I think about it, maybe I've been sick since that day...... I hate Fu and I hate you, but I always have to pretend that I don't care about anything...... But in my heart, I really can't get over it. ”

"Even when you and I get along the most, I look at your back and can't help but think: it is this person, it is him, who has destroyed all my longings for marriage and family......"

"Don't say it, Rong Zhi, don't say it......" Song Zixun finally found his voice, he hugged her hard with red eyes, and said in a hoarse voice, "That night was really just an accident, I was drunk, I didn't know when something happened to Guan'er, and I didn't know that it would hurt you so deeply...... If I had known earlier...... "If he had known...... Nothing said that night would leave her alone!

"I had a messy life during those days, and I don't know how I survived." She smiled self-deprecatingly and obediently let him hold her. "I keep telling myself that it is ordinary for a man to have three wives and four concubines, not to mention that like you are from a noble background, even if you don't have the Fu family, there will always be other people in the future, and I am not qualified to ask you for more ......"

She took a deep breath and smiled weakly at him, "But it's much harder to think about than to do...... Whenever you try to get closer, or do something close...... I can't help but think of that desperate night...... That desperation made me more and more irritable, more hysterical, and ...... Hates you more and more. ”

"Rong Zhi ......," he interrupted in a low, almost pleading manner.

She ignored it, "I thought it was all going to pass sooner or later...... When there are more and more women around you, I will slowly sober up...... Like every whimsical wife. ”

But then, her child was gone.

Her children...... Once again, it's gone.

The secret that had been pressed in the deepest part of her heart for so long, and she didn't dare to think about it or touch it, when she dreamed back at midnight, the wound that often hurt so much that she couldn't breathe was uprooted again, and the blood was torn in front of everyone.

"Zixun, I want to live a good life with you......" she smiled helplessly with tears in her eyes, "It's just this...... It's really hard. ”