I once stayed in the first level because I didn't get good grades, but I still wanted to change my grades.

As soon as I entered the new class, everything was different from before. Different people, different teachers, different environments.

And my good friend was in the same class as me.

The homeroom teacher of the new class is a good friend of my dad.

I thought it was a good thing.

Later, my grades remained in the upper middle range. I'm still as lazy as ever, reading novels, playing on my phone, chatting, passing notes, and doing things that make scores unhappy.

However, I do not accept crazy suspicion and malicious troublemaking.

He can say in front of the class that I'm crazy with other people because I'm a little late for washing my hair.

He could take my things without any politeness and complain to my parents.

He could hit me the head and rub my face on the table because he was unhappy.

He can lie and be self-righteous.

He can do whatever he wants.

And I, I can't have a little bit of liveliness.

I don't care.

As a result, my results regressed, and it was my turn to be in the middle and lower reaches, even close to the bottom of the list.

Later, there was a big exam.

He made a bet with me.

If I get in the top 20, he will let me be at the same table with my good friend.

He has always known my death.

Of course I agree.

So, a week before the exam, I read books and studied and wrote my homework carefully.

The exam came out, and I was seventh.

I looked at the people around me with red crosses, and I only got one multiple-choice question wrong, or because I read it wrong.

I looked at the three-digit scores on the paper, and I looked at the top quartile rankings.

I add up the grades, and I count the points less.

I'm so happy.

It turns out that I can also do well in the exam.

But he lied to me, he told me, "You can't sit together." ”

I think he reflected, appealed, and reasoned.

He didn't listen, and maybe he didn't want me to do it in the first place.

What does it mean to make a solemn bet with me and swear yes?

I'm very angry.

Young paranoid, reckless.

From then on, I buried my head deep on the table and never lifted it again.

I don't look at the blackboard, I don't read the textbook, I just bury it in the crook of my arm.

I thought it was revenge.

The same came the sarcasm of my classmates caused by the drastic improvement in my grades.

and school violence.

Crowds of people surrounded and trapped me, and I couldn't breathe.

I'm so depressed.

Everyone's eyes, everyone's movements. They all prick me like needles.

And what is really fatal is the questioning of parents.

"Are you cheating?"

There is no question mark, this is a declarative sentence.

In an instant, the flood burst the embankment and poured for thousands of miles.

I fell into the abyss of endlessness.

I hid in a no-man's corner and cried like crazy.

Young and sensitive, I don't know what to do.

Every day at school I pretended to smile, and every night I locked the door of my room and got into the bed to cover myself and cover my mouth so that my crying could not come out.

I trembled and ran through the dark tunnel.

There is no light.

Nothing.

Every day, every day, there is not a day that is not spent this way.

Everyone's eyes changed.

I've changed too.

I fell and could no longer hold my head up.

As a result, people have become more determined in their speculations, and words are raging and violence is rampant.

I'm used to it.

I didn't know it was a disease until much later. I found out what those thoughts of suicide and self-harm were, and I thought it was normal.

Later, I figured it out.

I really regret it too.

I don't live my life for others, I don't live for other people's eyes and actions, we live only for ourselves.

If we can, why should we give up?

If you don't live beautifully, how can you be willing?

Nothing else matters, just listen to your own voice.

The only thing that can heal the mind is the heart.

If you want to become a light, you can only get out of the darkness and overcome yourself first.

No matter how uncomfortable it was at the time, it would be a thing of the past.

There is no eternal time, only an eternal past.

You'll find that it's not a problem.

It's all in the past tense.