More than a year ago, I passed the postgraduate exam, and last September, I officially became a graduate student in science and engineering. Today, it's only been a year and two months. However, I feel that a hundred years have passed.

In the past, I always thought that after studying for a master's degree and then a doctorate, life would be perfect. Nowadays, the "torture" every day has slowly dispelled the idea of studying for a doctorate, and even slowly, I began to be afraid. It turns out that the Ph.D. is not that I can read it if I want to, but that I don't have the ability at all, let alone such a good mentality.

Looking at the data obtained after a busy day, he shook his head, "Alas, it was another useless day". A few days ago, when I heard that the senior of Dalian Institute of Technology chose to end his life because of too much pressure, my first reaction was, "It's a pity that he is still so young." But after carefully reading his suicide note, tears crept up his face. This is probably the first time in my life that I have felt how much I am like him.

Unyielding results, useless data, faulty instruments, and even medicines that can't be borrowed... One by one, the piles slowly piled up into a mountain, pressed in my heart, getting heavier and heavier, and more and more suffocating.

I don't know when "reading" has become so difficult and people's hearts have become so fragile. In the eyes of people, high education is the "nightmare" of many people, and how many people's dreams. After so many years of education, we have never been taught by anyone to learn to accept our mediocre self.

Someone said, "This is a besieged city, and those in the city want to go out, and those outside the city want to come in." That city carries too many people's dreams, too many people's pride, and too many people's enthusiasm and overwhelm.

More than once in the past year or so, I've asked myself, "What the hell am I doing?" Am I too stupid? Why can others, but I can't! "I often feel incompetent, and I can't breathe from that frustration. Seeing that others are busy every day, they seem to be very happy, is it just me, maybe I'm too glassy.

Today, after four days of useless work, the line of defense in my heart has completely collapsed! Yes, I cried angrily, crying heartbreakingly, ghosts crying wolves. At this moment, I suddenly wanted to go home, and I especially wanted to leave this place. When I saw the bottles and cans on the test bench, all I thought about was to find a trash can and throw them all away. Sitting in the chair in the laboratory, I called my friend in a collapsed way, and heard the voice of a familiar person, I cried louder, as if I had been greatly wronged and finally found my relatives.

My friends persuaded me and enlightened me. She told me, "People, there is always more than the upper and lower than the bottom, just be yourself." ”

I understand the truth, but I can't get past myself. Finally, what is called "I have heard many great truths, but I still can't live this life." ”