"But you always stay here for hours after work, and you always help people with their shifts. You're too engaged. I know you're on duty for Tilatiton too, but I want you to go home as soon as he comes. Also, I hope you don't come to work for a few weeks. You have to pay attention to your body, it's a very hard, very demanding job, and you have to keep a proper distance. ”

"Not now, Ponnan, please, I need to stay here now more than ever."

Phong Nam gently squeezed Lakdana's taut hand: "This is not the place for you to solve your own problems, I think you know this yourself. You're the best volunteer I've ever had, and I'd love to have you back, but only after you've taken some time to sober yourself up. ”

"I probably don't have that kind of time anymore." Rattana muttered quietly.

"What did you say?"

Lakdana shook her head and forced herself to squeeze out a smile: "Nothing, of course you're right." I'll leave as soon as I can after Lati passes. ”

About an hour later, Ratithorn arrived at the call center, and Rattana left the building for the next two minutes. When she got home, she immediately closed the door, leaned her back against the wooden door, and listened to the silence around her—a terrifying, overwhelming silence.

Oh my God, she really wants to go back to the call center office. She needed to hear the gentle voices of the other volunteers, hear the phone ringing, and the beeping of fluorescent lights on the ceiling.

With no distractions in mind, her mind flashed horrific images: hospital beds, syringe needles, infusion kits hanging beside her. In one of the horrific images, she saw her bald head, her skin dull and her sunken eyes. Until she can't see herself clearly, until she is no longer herself.

Next, she remembered how she felt when she was too weak to be human. Soon after the doctors started chemotherapy, she would sink to the fragile bottom of the disease, then near death, and eventually become the object of sympathy and horrific memories of others when they spoke of death, a tragic example of the imminent end of life.

Rattana suddenly sprang up and ran through the living room like a dart, rushed into the kitchen, and opened the sliding door. She rushed into the twilight, the suppression of fear causing her to gasp for breath, the stimulation of the cold air slowing the breathing of her lungs.

You don't know what's wrong or what's wrong......

She repeated the mutter, and walked to the pool. In vain, he tried to lay a net in his heart, so as to catch the painful panic of being whipped.

The resin-walled pool resembles a large bathtub, and the water is sluggish due to the cold, like a black oil slick in the moonlight. She sat down on the edge of the pool, took off her shoes and socks, and plunged her swaying feet into the cold, deep water, and remained in a footless position until her toes were numb and she did not retract.

She wished she had the courage to jump into the water and swim to the fence at the bottom. If you can hold on to that thing and continue it long enough, you might be able to completely anesthetize yourself.

She thought of her mother, of Nadagan Tsnewa dying in her bed, in the house they had always called home.

Every scene in that bedroom was so clear: daylight shone in through the lace-encrusted curtains, leaving snowflakes on the furniture; It is surrounded by pale yellow walls, and an off-white velvet carpet covers the entire room; The bed was covered with my mother's favorite quilt, and the off-white quilt cover was embroidered with a small pink rose pattern; The aroma of meat ~ cardamom and ginger wafts from the plate with meat and vegetable chowder; A cross sits on a curved headboard, and a portrait of the Virgin Mary sits in a corner of the floor.

Memories ignite and force Rattana to relive the events that happened throughout the house: sickness, death, clean-up, and sale. She took one last look before moving out, and it was so clean and tidy. Mother's Catholic tokens were packed one by one, and the cross-shaped shadow left on the wall was obscured by a framed print by Humphrey Bogart.

Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks and fell into the water. She watched as the teardrops crashed into the water and then vanished.

When she looked up, she suddenly realized that she was not alone.

She jumped to her feet and stumbled, but she steadied herself. She rubbed her eyes, the intruder was just a teenager. His hair was black, his skin was pale, and he was emaciated, and his appearance was so handsome that he did not look like an ordinary person.

"What are you doing here?" She asked in a low voice, not particularly afraid, it is difficult to be afraid when she meets this angelic person, "Who are you?" ”

He just shook his head vigorously.

"Are you lost?" It looked like she was lost, she thought to herself, besides, it would obviously be cold to go out in only a T-shirt and jeans like him, "What's your name?" ”

He raised his finger to his throat and shook his head desperately, like a foreigner who was anxious because of a language barrier.

"Do you speak English?"

He nodded, and waved his hands in the air.

It was actually sign language, and he used the sign language of the deaf and mute. Rattana recognized it, which reminded her of the old days, and she had also trained her autistic people to communicate with their hands.

"Can you lip read? Or can you hear it? She replied in sign language.

He was stunned, and Rattana was able to understand sign language, which was probably the most unexpected thing for him.

"I can hear clearly, I just can't speak."

Rattana stared at him: "You are the one who called. ”

He hesitated for a moment and nodded heavily: "I didn't want to scare you, nor did I call to harass you. I was just...... Wondering where you are. No crooked thoughts, really, I swear. ”

At the same time, his resolute gaze met him.

"I believe in you." But what should she do now? The call center is closed to the operator and the caller.

Well, having said that, she can't kick this poor kid out of the house.

"Would you like something to eat?"

He shook his head. "Can I just sit with you for a while? I'll sit in the pool and go to the side. ”

He behaved very naturally, as if he had become accustomed to being told to get out of the way.

"Don't." Lakdana said. Seeing him nod, and then turned to leave, she hurriedly explained, "I mean, sit over here, sit next to me." ”

He leaned over slowly, as if waiting for her to change her ways. Seeing her sit down and put her feet back into the pool, he took off the dirty sneakers on his feet in disbelief, rolled up his loose trousers, and sat down a meter away from her.