November 12, 2020 at 01:30 a.m

Ningxia Wuzhong Hongsibao District

"When are you going to go back to Egypt? "My sister-in-law, who was restocking at the shelves, asked me, and I replied, "Let's leave in four or five days", "Oh"... Then the sister-in-law silently went up to the second floor......

I was on the bar to help my mother look at the store, because the mobile phone was almost out of power, so I got up on the second floor to find a charger, and heard my father, mother and sister-in-law talking in the kitchen on the second floor, so I walked in, my mother saw me come in, so I immediately turned around and wiped my eyes with my cuffs, I deliberately joked to my mother, "Oh, Comrade Xiulan is crying?" Why are you crying? Tell me quickly" My mother didn't say a word, turned to look at me, and then asked me what I wanted to eat, and I said that I was going out to eat barbecue with my friends, and I didn't need to cook for me at night. My mother smiled at me dotingly, and then said, "My old baby has been hungry for me recently, go eat it."

Then I went to a nearby barbecue restaurant with my friends and had a very bad barbecue, about half past eleven, my mother sent a message to ask me when I would go home, I told my friend that I was in a bad mood, I chatted with him, if my mother fell asleep, I closed the door of the store and went to sleep first, and left a door for me. My mother replied that she was not in a hurry, let me settle down my friends, and there might be people who came in to buy cigarettes and alcohol at night, she would stay up again, and wait for me to come back by the way.

About two o'clock in the morning, I finally listened to my friend's complaint, I was worried about my mother's rest, I ran back to my mother's shop, and I found that the mother's eyes sitting on the bar were red and swollen, there is no doubt that she must have cried for a long time, I actually felt that it may be my sister-in-law who told my mother that I was going to leave quickly. So he comforted his mother and said: "Comrade Xiulan, don't cry, I went out for better development, this is a good thing, although we have to separate, but I will continue to become excellent outside, fight for you, and let you live a better life." As soon as the words fell, the mother's tears rolled down like beans, and then the mother said: "I heard that you were leaving, my heart thumped, after coming back to run at home this year, I was doing everything for the family alone, and now the epidemic is so serious, others are going back, you have to go out because of life, my heart hurts, I feel sorry for you." Looking at my mother's haggard appearance, I felt even more sorry for her difficulty, and swallowed all the tears into my stomach with my mouth puffed out.

It was more than three o'clock in the morning when I closed the door to the second floor, I went back to the house to rest after watching my mother fall asleep, almost four o'clock in the morning when I was awakened by urine, and when I got up to go to the toilet, I found that my mother was doing a prayer, I thought it would be more than five o'clock (because my mother would get up at half past five in the morning every morning to wash Xiaojing and do morning prayer), after returning to the house after going to the toilet, I lay down not long after I heard my mother finish the service and then listen to the news on the mobile phone, just when I was in a daze and wanted to fall asleep, I was woken up by my mother's alarm bell. I felt that something was wrong, but I couldn't say it, and then I was about to continue to sleep when I suddenly turned white, it turned out that my mother didn't sleep all night, I knew she must have cried all night, so I got up and put on my clothes and walked to my mother's room, sure enough, my mother's eyes were even more red and swollen, I asked her why she got up so early today to worship, and my mother deliberately joked to me: "I misremembered the time, I got up early, you talk about my brain, not as good as your little nephew."

The discomfort in my heart came to my heart again, my mother, because your heart has become too broken and haggard, when will my son completely reassure you, and completely let you no longer bear the suffering that this life brings you. "Let's go, Mom, let's go for a morning run together", my mother looked at me and smiled, then wiped her eyes, looked at me in surprise and said, "Then let's go for a walk together."

In my memory from childhood to adulthood, my mother was a tearful person, because my mother was abused by her mother-in-law's family, she would often secretly lie on the bed alone and cry:

Because my brother and sister and I often starved and couldn't eat enough, my mother would cry, because my mother would come home in the middle of the night after a day's work, and when she found several of us sisters lying in the wheat field outside the yard asleep and no one took care of her, she would look at the moon helplessly and cry:

Because he carried wheat for a day for his grandfather and had nothing to eat, he sat on the top of the hill and cried hungry:

Because a few of our sisters were lying at the door and crying when they watched the children of the uncle's family eat candy:

Crying because I was leaving home to do business in a foreign country:

Crying because my brother was away from home and going to school:

Because..................

Uncle said that my mother's tears for our brothers and sisters and cried dry, when I was a child, I never understood why my mother loved to cry so much, and now it is finally white, because of the previous poor life, my mother had to go out to work like a man to make money to support our brothers and sisters, and every time she went out, it was basically five or six months or more than a year, so when I was very young, I remembered that my sister was worried about me and my brother, yes, our brother and sister are wild children who are unattended, and our mother is outside, but the heart has always been on us. Later, when we grew up and our lives slowly got better, my mother had to choose to go to other places to do business, and I didn't know when to get together with my mother.

Mother said that when she thought of the sins we suffered when we were young, her heart hurt like a knife, and finally looked forward to the time when we grew up and felt that we could be by her side and be loved and cared for by her, and we left her because of our academic work, so the time spent with us from childhood was too little and too little, and my mother said that she felt ashamed of us, and she accompanied us too little when she was a child. So every time we leave her, she will cry like a child and can't bear us, and my father told my mother to let my mother cry as little as possible when we leave her in the future, so that our hearts will not be uncomfortable, and we will be more relieved to go to work and study, and not to add a burden to our hearts. Of course, my mother also accepted my father's suggestion, so in recent years, whenever we left, my mother would smile and settle us down here and there, but her tears have long been around her eyes I don't know how many times, if we find that my mother is crying, my mother will immediately wipe away the tears and then smile and say: "Mom didn't cry, Mom is fine, Mom is happy for your continued progress."

But I know that when we leave, my mother will definitely cry for a long time, feeling guilty that she didn't take good care of us when we were at home, worrying that we won't be able to live well when we go out, and feeling guilty that she can't do anything for us.

It is said that women are made of water, and perhaps it is the most appropriate to use it on the mother's body, which is weak and hard. Inexplicably, I have a mentality, hoping that my mother can become a ruthless person and a selfish person, so that maybe my heart will be put down and I will feel at ease.