Text: Episode 20

1.

I was restless all night and couldn't sleep for a long time.

Insomnia.

2.

9:34。

Cao Chengrui slid the screen of his mobile phone, thinking about whether to call Yang Xinyue, he wanted to know if something happened to Yi Yao. Looking at Li Ling, who was sleeping next to him, he quietly sat up, got dressed and opened the door and walked out. The air was filled with the smell of "coal" peculiar to the winter in the Northeast, and the sky was gloomy. He walked out of the neighborhood aimlessly.

If the soul can go out of the body, then it must be very similar to the current Cao Chengrui. Only the flesh walked in the cold air. His heart was empty, inexplicably lost, frustrated, and helpless. Cao Chengrui suddenly thought of many years ago, when his article was rejected and not recognized, and he only had a dozen yuan left in his pocket, just like him now, walking silently, walking all the time, not knowing where he was going.

"Tao Qiwu, you pat your ass and leave, and then you leave me here......" Cao Chengrui muttered to himself, he wanted to drink, but he couldn't find anyone to accompany him.

Cao Chengrui didn't notice the snowflakes floating in the sky.

Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder from behind him, and Cao Chengrui stopped and looked back.

It was the man in white last night.

"How do you ......"

"Don't be nervous." The man in white smiled, "How about we go have a drink?" ”

The tone was unmistakable.

In a blink of an eye, the two of them found a small restaurant on the street and walked in, and ordered a plate of tiger dishes, a platter of smoked sauce and dried fresh mushrooms. The man in white unscrewed a bottle of 52-degree Luerhe liquor, poured himself a glass and poured a glass for Cao Chengrui.

"It's not even noon?" Cao Chengrui said with a smile.

"I know you want to drink." The man in white took a mouthful of food and put it in his mouth and chewed, "You still don't remember who I am?" ”

Cao Chengrui shook his head.

"You've seen me...... At least the photos you've seen. The man in white put down his chopsticks and stared at Cao Chengrui.

"I seem to have an impression, but I just can't remember it." Cao Chengrui licked his lips, then raised his hand and pulled his throat.

It's not a meal, there are only two of them in this small restaurant, and the window facing the street can't see the outside street because of the frost, everything is gray, and it looks so unreal.

"I don't blame you." The man in white picked up the wine glass and took a sip and said, "Sometimes I don't know who I really am. ”

Cao Chengrui frowned slightly, he didn't like this kind of conversation in the clouds, "If you have anything, just say it." ”

"Drink first, don't you want to drink just now?"

The man in white reached out in front of Cao Chengrui with his hand holding the wine glass and touched his glass. Cao Chengrui reluctantly picked up the cup and took a sip. The hot taste explodes in the mouth and reaches the whole body.

"Now can you speak?" Cao Chengrui put down his wine glass and asked.

"My last identity was Liu Yinghong."

Liu Yinghong...... Cao Chengrui thought about it and suddenly looked at the person in front of him in horror and said, "Aren't you dead?" ”

"Strictly speaking, I did die, because he wanted me to die."

"What are you talking about? No kidding! Who are you?! ”

"I can be Liu Yinghong, I can also be Zhao Yinghong or Wang Yinghong."

Cao Chengrui felt as uncomfortable as being choked, and involuntarily raised his hand again and pinched the skin on his throat. He couldn't say a word, just looked at Liu Yinghong in front of him in a daze.

"You don't have to look at me like that, it's really hard to understand." Liu Yinghong also put down his wine glass, "I was created by him, I can be whoever he wants me to be." I'm just a prop to advance the story. For example, I need to be a hospital nurse, I am a hospital nurse, and the plot requires me to be beaten to death by a mentally ill person, no matter how unreasonable it is, I will be beaten to death by a mentally ill person. That's what I'm here for. ”

Liu Yinghong saw that Cao Chengrui was silent, so he said again: "The world we live in is not real, this is the character in the novel, you and I are, everything is created." Liu Yinghong picked up chopsticks and sandwiched a slice of sauced beef and said, "For example, what we are eating, what we are drinking, what we are doing, all of this is arranged by him." ”

"It can't be!" Cao Chengrui gritted his teeth and said.

"Then I ask you, do you remember when you were a child? For example, what happened to you in the first and second grades of elementary school? Who is your homeroom teacher in the first and second grades of primary school? Where do you go to preschool? Where did you live as a child? ”

"These are a bit vague, but ...... But that's because it's been too long...... I don't remember exactly. Cao Chengrui searched in his mind, and the fragmented images were blurry.

"It's not because it's old, it's because he doesn't need you to remember it. You will remember what he wants you to remember. ”

"What the hell is this kidding?"

"What's the thing you remember most vividly?"

"I stayed in Beijing for a few months......"

"Very well, so where were you before you went to Beijing?"

"I'm running all over the country."

"Do you remember where exactly? At best, this is what happened last year. So where were you at this time last year? ”

Cao Chengrui's mind was in turmoil.

"Can't tell? Because he feels like you don't need those memories. ”

"Who the hell is he?"

"He's the author."

"What?"

"He's the author who created this novel, and he's created everything in the novel."

"So, who is the author?"

"Cao Zhibo."

"It can't be! Cao Zhibo is the pen name of Tao Qiwu and me! Cao Chengrui hammered the table very excitedly, and the wine glass almost overturned.

"That's right, Cao Zhibo is indeed the pen name of you and Qiwu, but what can this be?"

３.

November 18, 10:33, fine, -14 degrees Celsius.

I was restless all night, barely falling asleep at dawn, and then I fell into an endless nightmare—am I real?

Sweating and panting, leaning on the head of the bed, the sky was spinning, but my heart was really dazed. What am I going to do? What can I do?

Helpless, lost, empty, full of frustration.

What I can't see, what I can't touch, is real. The sunlight shining through the window, the sound of the washing machine turning next door...... Before you know it, gloomy clouds obscure the sun, there is a thunderclap, and icy rain pours down, flooding the city without appreciation.

It's dark, I'm exhausted, and it's still raining in November in the Northeast? I closed my eyes tightly, and the sound of thunderstorms in my ears gradually subsided, and when I opened my eyes again, the sky was clear outside the window.

Illusions, everything is an illusion...... I'm mentally wrong, my whole person is wrong.

"Are you awake?" I saw Li Ling walking in from the living room, holding a bowl of porridge in her hand, and her voice was very soft and soft: "Why did you suddenly have a fever, it's really uncomfortable." ”

She sat on the edge of the bed, carefully holding the bowl of porridge.

I looked at her, strange and familiar.

4.

He took the bowl from her hand.

As if remembering something, I picked up my phone and looked at the time, 16:41. It was pitch black outside the window, and you could see a flashing red light on the top of a high-rise building in the distance.

"Let me go home with me to see my parents, I have wronged you."

"Go home to your parents?"

"Huh? This is the day before yesterday, burned? ”

"You mean ......"

"Don't say it, eat and sleep! I've said hello to your unit, so you can rest for a few days. ”

"Units?"

5.

16:52。

I hadn't eaten all day, and I had no appetite when I looked at the porridge in my hand.

A long time ago, I was excited to upload my own articles to the Internet, and I had to refresh them every day to see how many people were reading what I wrote.

Gradually, I found that every day was a fixed click, I was very grateful, grateful that he could read the articles I wrote seriously, and I also wanted to interact with him, thank him for reading, until one day - I found that the fixed click was none other than myself, I refreshed it every day, and there will be a browsing record when I click in.

It's ridiculous that I think someone is reading what I've written every day.

I'm talking to myself, I'm grateful to myself.

It's scary, I've been talking to myself all the time.

Everything that really exists, in fact, does not exist, is all my imagination.

What I write is not read, and it is a hundred times more uncomfortable than being scolded.

It was a bad feeling, and I almost broke down.

I looked at Ma Ting in front of me and was at a loss.

I made him worried, I'm sorry for her.

It's so sad that it makes people laugh off their big teeth.

"Why don't you eat it?" Ma Ting asked me softly.

"I can't eat it."

"If you can't eat, you have to eat, and only by eating can you have resistance."

I nodded, tears rolling in my eyes.

6.

"Wake up!" Li Ling patted Cao Chengrui's shoulder hard, calling as she hit.

Cao Chengrui was startled and sat up suddenly.

Li Ling, who was lying beside him, dragged the quilt brought by Cao Chengrui and said tiredly: "Have a nightmare? It scared me in the middle of the night. ”

"Hmm...... Had a nightmare. Cao Chengrui gasped, his body shaking, "You go back to sleep, I'll sit for a while." ”

At 2:36, Cao Chengrui sat at the computer desk, and the table light on the table was bright and white. He reached out to turn on the computer, and the case fan "buzzed" and the screen glowed with blue light. When he opened the webpage, he wanted to see "Untitled", he hadn't touched it for more than ten days, and the novel was still updated on time every day, thanks to Li Ling. He flipped through it, and the last chapter update was 18:46 on November 20.

Dead.

"Hmm......" Cao Chengrui couldn't help frowning, date, time, he pondered, remembering what he had done these days.

At this moment, Cao Chengrui felt that there was a figure shaking beside him, and he hurriedly turned his head to look.

On his right, Li Ling was looking at him with his shoulders crossed, "It's well written, it's time to tell the story of the end of the Republic of China." ”

"Well, that's a good job."

"Do you feel good about yourself? Write all the dead people through, and it's really dead that doesn't make people stop! ”

Cao Chengrui glanced at Li Ling: "Don't always die and die, Tao Qiwu is my brother!" And if you want to say that you feel good, you also feel good, right? It's all written by you. ”

"You say I wrote it? Are you sleeping? ”

After listening to Li Ling, Cao Chengrui only felt that his eyes were dark.

7.

"Boom!" I was awakened by a heavy knock on the table.

"You can't drink it either." Liu Yinghong in front of me knocked on the table with a wine bowl and said to me: "I can drink more than half a catty, and you will pour it?" ”

I frowned and sniffed hard.

"Shopkeeper!" Liu Yinghong turned around and shouted at the bar: "Add a bowl of gnocchi soup to my table and put some pepper noodles on it." After thinking about it, he shouted again: "Let's cut another half catty of beef with sauce." ”

"Okay." The chubby middle-aged shopkeeper nodded with a smile and ordered the kitchen to get pimple soup.

I tried to think about what happened before I got drunk, but I couldn't remember anything. The tavern was full of drinkers, and the smell of wine and meat wafted through the air.

This two-story tavern is built on the river's edge, and the windows look out over the mountain peaks.

In the corner of the east side of the second floor of the tavern, there was a chair, on which sat a middle-aged man with an erhu, and beside her stood a girl in a green cloth dress, with a ponytail and a red hair rope, who looked to be fifteen or sixteen years old.

The two have come and gone, singing and harmonizing: "A round of bright moon shines on the West Chamber." ”

"Twenty-eight beauties are skillfully dressed."

"Three, invite Zhang Sheng to the banquet."

"No one jumps over the wall."

"Mrs. Fifth Watch knows."

"The six-flowered board tortures the warbler and interrogates the matchmaker."

"Tanabata is a bold and good time meeting."

"Night incense in front of the Eight Treasure Pavilion."

"For a long time (9), it is difficult to give up affection."

I was fascinated by the sound, watching the girl's lips open lightly, completely forgetting the confusion in my mind.

"I said you're right to come here to find me!" Liu Yinghong picked up the wine bowl and took a big sip of wine, and after drinking, he "hissed", "Our Liucheng is a good place!" Don't look at the mountains, but there is a big river that runs through the city! Our Gada is located at the junction of the two provinces, and water and land transportation must be distributed here! Look at the house built along the river, he must have three or four hundred rooms on both sides, big and small, right? On the south bank of the river, there are even more businessmen! What fireworks, willow courtyards, wine shops, gambling houses, pawnshops, silver silk villages, that is really eating, drinking, and having fun! Hahaha! ”

Liu Yinghong's words pulled my mind back from the girl, and at this moment, Xiao Er walked over with a handkerchief on his shoulders and a pimple soup, and put the pimple soup on our table with a smile and said, "You two use it slowly!" ”

8.

On the south bank of this large river, there is a small two-story building.

At a table facing the window on the second floor sat three adults and a little boy of five or six years old.

"His second uncle, you can help take care of the little fifth son, your eldest brother and I plan to go to Fengtian to find some work to do, and find the eldest and second son by the way, it is inconvenient to take the little fifth son."

The woman who spoke was dressed plainly, and her clothes were shabby but clean.

"Second child, now it's just me, your sister-in-law and the little fifth son......" The man sitting next to the woman wrapped his braid around his head, and he choked up in the middle of his words, and touched the little boy's head with one hand.

For a moment, it was as if the air was frozen.

The year was chaotic, and the people of the Northeast were involved in an inexplicable war. Whether the two countries are fighting for the railroad or something else, ordinary people do not know, they only know that if they fight, they will die.

The family was separated while fleeing the fighting, the eldest daughter and the second daughter were missing, and the third son was buried under the rubble.

The second uncle sighed: "This world is in chaos......" After that, he touched the boy's head.

The sun was setting, the second uncle pulled Xiao Wuzi to stand on the shore and waved goodbye to the two people on the ferry, Xiao Wuzi bit his lower lip, snot and tears, but did not cry, and the pigtails on the back of his head swayed left and right because of sobbing.

Xiao Wuzi's second uncle has an orchard in Liucheng Nanshan, planting pears and raising some chickens, ducks, geese and dogs, everyone knows that he is such a number, not because of how sweet the pears he planted, but because his second uncle is a veterinarian, good at managing mules and horses.

"Second Master Tao, whose family is this child?" The uncle and nephew walked out of the city and walked up the hill, and they met the guy from the pharmacy in the city.

"Ah, my eldest brother's family, life is sad......" the second uncle sighed again.

The pharmacy guy nodded and said: "It's not what's wrong, this battle has been fought for almost a year, Lao Maozi and the little devil are fighting, burning, killing and looting and no one cares, look at our yamen is really fucking like a grandson." ”

"What's the trick? No trick! It's better to die than to live! The second uncle said goodbye to the pharmacy guys, and continued to take the little fifth son to the house halfway up the mountain.

This Nanshan is not high, the highest point is only three or four hundred meters, just on the edge of the city, the stone mountain road connects several families who live on the mountain.

It was getting dark in the mountains quickly, and after a while walking, the surroundings became dark.

The second uncle lit the prepared lantern and illuminated the road under his feet.

"Little Wuzi, what name did your father give you?" The second uncle saw that Xiao Wuzi was a little scared, so he asked him without words.

"Shoude." Xiao Wuzi grabbed the second uncle's clothes and looked around as he spoke.

"Oh, I think about it, your eldest sister is called Chuanxian, the second sister is Chuanshu, the third brother Shouliang, your name is Shoude, virtuous Shude, my eldest brother is quite good at choosing names...... But what is your nickname Goko? I haven't heard that you have a fourth child in your family! Could it be that your father and mother ......."

The second uncle paused and smiled secretly, thought for a while and then said: "Don't be afraid, there are no wild beasts on this mountain, they have long been defeated, we are not from the deep mountains and old forests." Seeing that Xiao Wuzi didn't react, he said again: "Haha, look at you little coward!" Listen to the second uncle, the lights are on! Just look at the road under the lamp, don't look around and be careful of getting stuck! ”

Shoude was obedient this time, and stared at the light under the lamp without looking elsewhere.

After walking for a while, Shoude trembled and asked, "Second uncle, how long will it take for us to arrive?" ”

After not listening to the second uncle for a long time, Shoude looked up at the second uncle, only to see the second uncle opening his mouth slightly, looking left and right, as if he was looking for something.

"Second uncle?" Shoude shouted.

The second uncle was startled, stopped and looked at Shoude and asked, "What's wrong?" ”

"Second uncle, how far is it to get home, I'm tired of walking." Shoude pouted.

The mountain wind blew through the branches and leaves, and from time to time you could hear some sounds that I didn't know what they were.

"Come, second uncle carries you." The second uncle said, put down the lantern, bent down and let Shoude climb on his back.

In July, the northeast mountains are cool, and when you lift your nose and smell the fragrance of resin and earth, the second uncle carries a lantern on his back to Shoude, and the lantern swings with every step, and the light and shadow sway.

Shoude looked at it and became sleepy, his upper eyelids lowered his eyelids, and he fell asleep after a while.

9.

I followed Liu Yinghong, who walked ahead of me with a lantern.

"I said Seven-Five, aren't you doing well in Hallebine?" Liu Yinghong didn't look back, and asked as he walked forward.

"What? Who are you talking about? "I was dazed.

"What's that? I'm talking about you! Aren't you good at Hallebine? Why do you think about me? ”

A gust of night breeze blows, and the wine is on my head, Qiwu is me, and it is my familiar name.

"Look at how you drink some wine! Follow me! This mountain is sometimes old and evil! ”

10.

I don't know how long it has been, Shoude opened his eyes in a daze, he was still on the back of the second uncle, and the second uncle was still walking on the mountain road, the wind was still around, and the unique smell of the forest permeated the surroundings.

The light of the lantern was accompanied by the footsteps of the second uncle.

"Second uncle, haven't you arrived yet?" Shoude asked.

The second uncle replied, "Don't worry, it's almost there." ”

"This mountain doesn't look so high, why is the road so long?" Shoude pouted and muttered, "Second uncle, are you tired?" I was able to walk on my own. ”

"Don't sleep anymore?" The second uncle stopped.

"I don't sleep." Shoude jumped off the back of his second uncle.

"Okay, then let's sit here for a while, rest and then go." The second uncle didn't know if he was tired or hot, and he was sweating profusely.

The second uncle wiped the sweat on his head and said to Shoude: "For a while, you still stare at the road under the lamp, don't look elsewhere, concentrate on watching the road!" Do you hear that? ”

Shoude nodded, in fact, he couldn't see clearly even if he wanted to, his eyes had long been accustomed to the light, and it looked dark in the distance.

The second uncle sat on the stone steps, only to hear Shoude's stomach "gurgling", so he touched Shoude's little face and said: "Hungry, your second aunt must have cooked at home, and we can eat it when we go back!" ”

Shoude nodded.

After resting for a while, the second uncle stood up with the lantern and patted the ash on Shoude's buttocks and said, "Let's go, let's go home!" ”

didn't take a few steps, Shoude found that the second uncle took him this time not on the stone steps he had just taken, but plunged into the forest on the side of the road.

This South Mountain is not high or dangerous, and the forest is not deep or dense, because it is close to the town, and there are many open spaces in the forests on this hillside, or there are village houses or wooden pavilions for enjoying the shade.

Opposite to the South Mountain is the North Mountain, which is slightly higher than the South Mountain, and there are few people on the mountain. There are many tombs on the whole North Mountain, some new and some old, in the words of the locals, "South Mountain Yang, North Mountain Yin".

Shou Deshen followed the second uncle one foot at a time, and he didn't know why the second uncle chose such a difficult path.

I don't know how long it took, he faintly saw a light flickering in front of him, and when he raised his nose and smelled the fragrance of scrambled eggs, Shoude thought that the second uncle must have taken a shortcut. Shoude's second uncle's surname is Tao Yuanxing, and his daughter-in-law Zhao has two daughters, the eldest daughter Tingjuan is ten years old, and the youngest daughter Tingfang is six years old.

As soon as I entered the courtyard gate, I heard the voice of the second aunt Zhao: "The head of the house is back?" ”

Tao Yuan responded happily: "I'm back." ”

"Why is it so late!" Zhao Shi came out while wiping his hands with a hand towel, and saw Shoude stunned for a moment and then with a happy face: "You are a little fifth son, right?" Look at this tiger's brain! ”

Tao Yuanxing and Zhao have two daughters, and they have long wanted a son, so they are also happy.

"Hello second aunt!" Shoude's eyes turned, and he opened his arms to hug Zhao.

"Yo! Really sensible! Hungry, huh!? Zhao picked up Shoude and shouted into the house: "Juanzi! Yoshiko! Your brother is here! Go get the chopsticks! ”

Tingjuan and Tingfang also ran out in response, looking at the little boy in their mother's arms like a monkey.

"Sister Juan is good, Sister Fang is good!" Shoude grinned and shouted, he already had two sisters, and he was close to the little girl.

"What a human being this kid! The little mouth can talk! Zhao put down Shoude and turned back to Tao Yuanxing and said, then turned around and took the lantern in her husband's hand.

Tingjuan looked at her younger brother and laughed unconsciously, but Tingfang beside her pouted.

"Daddy! Who is he? Tingfang pointed to Shoude and asked Tao Yuanxing.

"Your uncle's little fifth son! It's called Shoude! He lived in our house for a while. Tao Yuanxing said and said: "Don't bully your brother!" ”

Tingfang stared at the big watery eyes and turned around to get the dishes and chopsticks.

Shoude was arranged to live in Tingjuan and Tingfang's house, sleeping in the innermost part of the kang, this night Shoude didn't know what was going on, he couldn't sleep when he closed his eyes, he didn't know what would happen tomorrow at a young age, Tingjuan and Tingfang who were sleeping on the side breathed evenly, and from time to time Tingfang could be heard humming and chirping and saying unclear dreams.

At that time, most of the boys and girls were married at the age of fourteen or fifteen, and Tingjuan would reach the age of marriage in a few years.

There is nothing to say for many days, this Shoude has lived in the second uncle Tao Yuanxing's house for more than a month, helping the family to do some small work all day long, and from time to time being squeezed by Tingfang and squeezed down There is nothing else, but Sister Tingjuan is very good to him, and after a long time, he is close to Tingjuan, and Sister Tingjuan is called a sweet.

11.

I have been working on the dock with Liu Yinghong for the past month, and I don't need to use my brain to carry it. But I felt like I was seriously ill, and I couldn't remember how I got here, and I couldn't remember what I did in Hallebindu.

I just listened to what Liu Yinghong told me, and I should be his fellow countryman if I put it together intermittently, he went to Liucheng to mix, and I went to Hallebin.

"Tired today, aren't you?" Liu Yinghong wiped his sweat with a hand towel, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Let's go drink in a while!" I'll take you to a little girl to play with? ”

"I don't go, my tired legs are straight, how can I have the mind."

"Hey, hey! Have you changed sex? Liu Yinghong looked left and right, lowered his voice and said: "It's okay not to go, recuperate, and take you to get a big ticket in a few days!" ”

"What's big?"

"Are you stupid? Why is it like seeing you this time like a different person? Liu Yinghong looked disdainful, "A lot of silver, so you understand, right?" ”

Text: Episode 20 -End-