Why is "I" "me"?

Who is that voice in my head?

......

Looking at the vast night sky,

Lin Fan's consciousness sank into infinite reverie again,

I was caught in the middle of the questions that have surfaced in my mind from time to time since I was a child, but I have always been insoluble.

Lin Fan has been an "outlier" since he was a child,

Age-appropriate thoughts often pop into his head.

He has great fantasies about the myths and stories of legends, and for some reason he always feels that this world is far from as simple as it seems.

Withdrawn, cold, and passive, he has a character that is out of place for a geek.

In the same way, almost no one among his peers wants to be close to him, and no one wants to be friends with him.

Except for his little hair.

But after going to college, due to different schools and majors, in the two years when graduation is approaching, the intersection between the two of them has become less and less, especially in the last half a year.

I heard him mention once in a while that he had attended a special training session and might not be able to contact him again for a long time after that.

"When I get back, let's have a drink."

This was the last message he sent, more than half a year ago, and there has been no news since.

Lin Fan didn't ask too much about this, the two grew up in an orphanage since they were children, and the trust and understanding between each other cannot be explained in three or two words.

Lin Fan waited,

Wait for the day of reunion.

Whew-

A gust of cold wind blew and slapped on Lin Fan's body, he shrunk back and tightened the coat he was wearing.

The coat was rented by Lin Fan for 15 yuan, and it was very cold at the top of Mount Tai at night, even if it was the height of summer, but the temperature difference at the towering altitude was still unbearable.

After graduation, Lin Fan was not in a hurry to immediately submit his resume to look for a job, he chose to put on a backpack and take his painting book with him on a journey to find mountains and rivers.

This time, he came to Tarzan.

will be at the top,

See the mountains at a glance.

The mountain road is long, the road is long and difficult, but as soon as Lin Fan climbed to the top of Mount Tai, this poem immediately appeared in his mind, the majesty of Mount Tai is intimidating.

Heaven and earth are so big, and life is so small.

Since the beginning of Qin Shi Huang to the Qing Dynasty, there have been 13 generations of emperors in turn to climb Mount Tai to seal Zen or sacrifice, and there are 24 generations of emperors to send officials to worship 72 times, leaving more than 20 ancient buildings on the mountain, more than 2,200 steles and stone carvings.

For thousands of years, people watching the mountains have been bustling, coming and going, and Mount Tai has stood tall and independent of the vastness.

Looking down from the top of the mountain, the city is nestled at the foot of Mount Tai, and you can see a night scene of dim lights.

Sitting cross-legged, Lin Fan took out the picture book in his pocket and depicted the night in his eyes with the faint light of his mobile phone.

The wind is still blowing, the stars of the summer night are following, and the peace in my heart does not retreat, as if I continue to close my eyes, and my thoughts will be blown away.

......

It's getting deeper and darker, it's time to go to bed, and tomorrow you have to wake up early to watch the sunrise.

Lin Fan put away the painting book,

rise

"Hiss......"

suddenly

A familiar pain struck,

headache

It's as if there are countless pins and needles in my head.

This is his old problem, since Lin Fan has a memory, he will have irregular headaches, and the duration is short.

The longest time I remember was when he had a headache all night, and he woke up from his sleep twice during the night.

It's worse than a nightmare.

But he never told anyone, including his small hair, he chose to suffer in silence by himself,

He's such a strange person.

Fortunately, the pain only lasted for a while before disappearing, probably caused by the cold wind blowing at night.

Lin Fan rubbed his temples, patted the dust on his body, walked to a sheltered place, leaned into the small tent he had set up, and closed the zipper.

Climbing the mountain is very tiring, there are a lot of people around, there are some noises outside the tent from time to time, staying in the night is getting deeper and deeper, the temperature is getting lower and lower, the noise is getting less and less, and the sound of sound sleep comes and goes.

Lin Fan's sleepiness gradually hit, his eyelids became thicker and heavier, and then he fell into a deep sleep.

Whew-

Suddenly the top of the mountain was foggy,

The fog grew thicker, slowly pouring from the steep wall of the mountain into the crowd sleeping on the top of the mountain, the thick white mist shone with a strange cold light in the moonlight, but no one saw it, and everyone fell into a deep sleep.

In the tent,

Lin Fan fell asleep deeply,

The mist seeped in through the zipper crevices of the tent, and then slowly and strangely falling, settling at the bottom of the tent like some kind of liquid.

There were more and more white mist in the tent, and they seemed to be conscious, passing through Lin Fan's clothes, surging into his skin, and then, slowly submerging into his body.

"Hmm......"

Lin Fan, who was asleep, snorted lightly,

The familiar pain was getting stronger and stronger, but I don't know why he couldn't wake up from his sleep, and just passively endured the pain.

It hurts more and more,

It hurts more and more,

Painful,

began to be numb,

He can even sense that his body and consciousness are separating......

Then his breathing became weaker and weaker,

In the end, he fell into silence, and his meager perception sank into a dark darkness of ignorance.

In the depths of Lin Fan's consciousness,

In the originally dark scene, a vast white mist suddenly appeared, and Lin Fan's consciousness woke up from the silence and turned into a hazy and vague perception, like a dream, as if hovering between reality and dreams.

"Where is this?"

"Am I dead?"

In Lin Fan's vague consciousness, these doubts surfaced, but before he had time to think about it, the thick fog instantly submerged his hazy consciousness.

It's like a dream.

But a voice in his head told him with no doubt that it was not a dream.

For some reason, he was convinced.

After some time, the fog cleared, and he began to see some obscure images.

In this hazy dream, he vaguely saw nine magnificent rivers crisscrossing the boundless land, with no end in sight.

Like nine ancient beasts, sleeping on this wilderness.

The surface of the river is still, and the water is dark and yellow.

After looking at it for a long time, it seems to have an illusion, as if it can devour your eyes and soul.

In the middle of the river, a huge old stone bridge stands on it, spanning both banks, connecting a large loess road with no end in sight.

The road was long, the fog was hazy, and there seemed to be people crowding on the loess road, and the figures were blurred, but there was no sound.

From a distance, the people on the road are as small as ants.

Obviously, the loess road is bustling with people, but the atmosphere is extremely lonely and silent, this loneliness seems to be able to penetrate people's hearts, suffocating, and unable to break free.

On one side of the river, the torrent of people slowly moved towards the giant bridge, and on the other side of the riverbank, there were strange flowers in full bloom, all blood-red and unusually bright.

Several flower stems are arranged in an umbrella shape, born at the top of the flower stem, the petals are inverted lanceolate, the flower is blood-red, rolled backwards, the edge is wrinkled and wavy, and it blooms strangely, which is the only color in this world.

The sky was grayish-white, without the slightest color, and in the extremely distant sky, a round of yellowish sun hung high, but there was not a trace of warmth.

It's an ancient world with no sound and no warmth.

It's like an old black-and-white photograph, full of traces of time.

It's cold, it's lonely.

Whew-

A dark wind blows,

Lin Fan's hazy consciousness was in a trance, and the picture was turning.

In a trance,

Lin Fan saw a continuous array of ancient buildings, like palaces, which looked a little out of place in a dead black and white world.

The temperature here seems to be lower, not from the outside to the inside, but from the bottom of the heart from the inside to the outside, full of oppression, so oppressive that people are almost suffocated.

Here, people can't raise the slightest yearning for life.

In the dark, Lin Fan had a feeling that it seemed that this place had also been prosperous and lively, although this sense of prosperity and liveliness was not full of vitality in the general sense.

Looking at this dead and silent palace, Lin Fan felt an indescribable sense of familiarity in his heart, and he didn't know where it came from.

Whew-

Another wind blew,

The picture shifts again, only getting more blurry.

The fog was thick, and there seemed to be tall figures emerging around him, accompanied by a vast and simple heavy aura, Lin Fan couldn't see their faces clearly, but he faintly felt that they were looking at him.

Lin Fan tried to see who they were, his consciousness struggled to get closer, but he couldn't get close, obviously close at hand, but it seemed to be far away from the abyss, close to the end of the world.

There seems to be an infinite amount of time between them.

alas

A low sigh came, long and long.

It seemed to be whispering in Lin Fan's ear, and it seemed to emerge from the bottom of Lin Fan's heart, full of indescribable complex emotions.

The surrounding figures gradually became smaller, as if they had crossed the ages, poured into Lin Fan's eyes, and were deeply imprinted in the depths of his consciousness.

Hiss......

His consciousness was another tearing pain.

Click-

As this shadow disappears,

The surrounding scene quickly shattered and fell apart in the blink of an eye, and the white mist quickly retreated in all directions, and the bizarre picture began to dissolve.

Lin Fan's vague consciousness swirled for a while, and he fell into the darkness of unconsciousness.

In the tent, the silent Lin Fan gradually had the sound of breathing again.

......

Mount Taishan,

The thick fog had dissipated at some point, as if it had never appeared.

People began to wake up, others came from down the mountain, and the noise gradually spread.

The sound of footsteps and chattering was intertwined, and it entered Lin Fan's tent.

Lin Fan slowly woke up from his deep sleep, and the pain seemed to have just subsided.

"Huh?"

Is it over?

The content of the dream comes out of my mind,

It was like an imprint in the depths of his consciousness, which he couldn't forget, but it was also hazy and inexplicable, accompanied by a looming pain.

Although it is in a "dream",

But he knew that during the past period of time, his body had stopped breathing for a while, which meant that he had entered a state of death for a period of time.

It's like a dream,

I woke up for a long time and still didn't dare to move.

It was obviously an extremely strange experience, but he didn't have the slightest shock, just reminiscing about everything that happened just now, he knew that he had been a strange person since he was a child, so he could gladly accept any strange thing.

Lin Fan lay in a daze, his eyes looking at the top of the tent, and his thoughts didn't know where to go.

Why is "I" "me"?

Who is the voice in my head?

In the dark, Lin Fan seemed to have a trace of enlightenment, but he couldn't grasp it no matter what.

The voice in Lin Fan's consciousness told him that this experience would not be the last, he had a hunch and was sure that he would still fall into the previous state of death, and that it would not be as short as this time, and he needed to be fully prepared.

The sound outside the tent became more and more noisy, and the sound of footsteps came and went, endlessly, and Lin Fan's thoughts were pulled back.

Is it almost dawn?

I took out my phone and looked at the time, it was past four o'clock in the morning, and the sun was almost out.

Lin Fan took a deep breath,

"Hoo ......"

Then he put his hands on the ground, got up and unzipped up, and walked out of the tent.

It was still dark outside the tent, the temperature was still very low, and everyone was wearing overcoats and flashlights, and it was the hour before dawn, when the sky was at its darkest.

Lin Fan turned around and took out the backpack in the tent, then put away the simple tent and hid it in the backpack. Then he picked up his backpack, followed the crowd to Riguan Peak, found a suitable place, sat on the ground, turned off his mobile phone, and waited for the sunrise.

Lin Fan waited quietly, the wind on the top of the mountain was still very strong.

At the beginning, the sky was still dark and dreary, the west was a piece of iron blue, the east was a little white, and the universe was just, as the old word described, one and the blue.

Gradually, the place where heaven and earth meet in the distance, a red glow appeared, and the dark sky slowly faded.

"Wow-"

I don't know who shouted first, and then the exclamations came one after another, and what came into view was a realm that had never been seen before, and last night's strong wind actually piled up a magnificent sea of clouds.

The horizon is a line of red glow, slowly fading from the horizon to the sky, and on both sides of the red glow in the sky, the blue sky and the pale sea of clouds are distinct.

Creation Zhong Shenxiu,

Yin and yang cut the dawn.

The brilliance of one side removed the sleepiness of the sky and woke up the bright glow in the four corners——

The bright horse is galloping enthusiastically......

For a while, the sea of clouds also came alive and churned; Washing the dew-dyed man-shaped islands stirred up foaming waves on all sides of the shore, shaking the floating reef of life, as if to report the arrival of light and joy......

Looking to the east again, a red sun slowly rises from below the horizon, radiating like a newborn hope, brushing away the chill of the early morning.

Looking at the grand scene ahead, Lin Fan only felt that his soul had been purified, and under the morning sun, Lin Fan greeted the newborn sunshine, and his deep eyes reflected a strange light.

There seemed to be a black mist surging in the dark pupils, as if it could swallow up the sunlight.

Looking at the vast world in front of him and the sea of clouds surging under his feet, Lin Fan seemed to see a whole world, which was full of lights and traffic.

Under the bustling lights, the world was wrapped in a fog, and Lin Fan's gaze seemed to be able to penetrate the fog and see the essence of the world.

Lin Fan knew that one day his gaze would completely penetrate this layer of fog and see the whole world under the fog.

By then, you will be able to understand,

Why "I" is "I".

......

Soon after,

Lin Fan got up and put his bags on his back,

With his picture book,

Embarked on the journey down the mountain.

......

Soon after,

Lin Fan ended his landscape trip ahead of schedule,

But he knew that

My journey has just begun,

And he,

Just need to prepare yourself for the beginning.

thereupon

He took his bags on his back,

With his picture book,

went to a no-man's land,

disconnected from everything in the outside world,

Didn't tell anyone,

anyway

No one cares,

Except for the little one who doesn't know where he is now.

......

A month later,

Lin Fan returned to Banyan City,

Back to this starting point,

opened a studio,

Began the real beginning of his life.

As for this past month,

No one knows where he went,

No one knows where he came from.

I don't even know what he brought.

Only he knows that he has returned from hell with infinite secrets and with anticipation of the world, and has started his life anew.

The past is gone,

The future is coming,

All the past,

All are prologues,

Vientiane Beginning,

The future is promising,

all

It's all just getting started...

......

One day three years later,

Lin Fan's mobile phone suddenly received a call,

A familiar but seemingly more mature man's voice came from the phone,

"I'm back, let's go, let's drink."

......