Afterwards I had more headaches than before and my tinnitus became more frequent. I had no choice but to ask for leave, and my father led me to the hospital.

The doctor said that it was because of my long-term lack of sleep, nervous stress caused by neurasthenia, which induced migraines, and it was best to take a break from school to recuperate, and then prescribed a lot of medicine. Following the doctor's advice, I had to ask the school for a long vacation to go home to recuperate.

I don't know if it's the effect of the drug, although my mind is still a little dizzy after lunch every day, but the left temple no longer hurts, and the number of tinnitus is less than one day a day.

I thought I would be back in school soon, until I picked up the book again and realized that this fast referencing speed was actually coming from a snail. It turns out that headaches and books have secretly had a super-appropriate relationship, forming a conditioned reflex.

This has made me change my mentality a lot, and my head will often pop up a lot of ifs uncontrollably - if I didn't ignore the exam time when I took the comprehensive exam, if I didn't know the questions when I took the English exam, I would choose one answer, if I applied for Fudan University or Nanjing University, if I chose Northern Jiaotong University......

Although every time I come back to my senses, I always force myself not to think about these ifs, but it seems that these ifs are repeatedly deepened by the idea of "don't think" every time reason has the upper hand.

Later I found out that the best way to deal with these things was to go out, but every time I returned to the room, the grumbling would regain the upper hand, and slowly accumulate the strength to oppose going out, but these forces were not strong enough to pull me back.

It was a rainy afternoon, and I sat at the desk in my bedroom and flipped through the essays, and accidentally saw an excerpt from myself: "I think, therefore I am."

I suddenly remembered what Yu Zhaomin said to me about Descartes, "Then you should really search the Internet, he may be able to help you solve your doubts." Thinking of this, I immediately stood up, looked for an umbrella, and hurried out the door, heading straight for the nearest Internet café.

Surprisingly, there are not many people in the Internet café, probably because a large part of its parents are still in class, right? Of course, that's an afterthought.

At that time, I didn't have the heart to analyze these, I paid the money and rushed to the computer, couldn't wait to open the browser and quickly typed the word "Dicard", and then clicked on the extended search entry of "Dicard's love equation" without hesitation——

In 1649, on the streets of Stockholm, 52-year-old Descartes met 18-year-old Princess Christine of Sweden. A few days later, he was unexpectedly informed that the king had hired him as the little princess's math teacher.

Following the guards who came to inform him to the palace, he met a girl he met on the street. From then on, he became the little princess's math teacher.

The little princess's mathematics improved by leaps and bounds under the careful guidance of Descartes, who also introduced her to a new field of study, the Cartesian coordinate system.

The daily inseparability of each other made them fall in love with each other, but the princess's father, the King, was furious when he learned of this and ordered Descartes to be put to death.

After the bitter pleading of the little princess Christine, the king retracted his order and released her back to France, and Princess Christine was later placed under house arrest by her father.

Descartes fell seriously ill shortly after returning to France, and he wrote letters to the princess every day, but Christine never received Descartes' letter because she was intercepted by the king.

Descartes died of exhaustion after sending Christine the thirteenth letter, which contained only a short formula:

=a(1-si

θ)。

The king could not understand it, so he summoned all the mathematicians of the city to the palace, but no one could solve it, and he could not bear to watch his beloved daughter sullen all day, so he gave the letter to Christine.

When the princess saw the letter, she immediately began to draw the figure of the equation, and when she saw the figure, she was very happy, and she knew that her lover was still deeply in love with her, and that the shape of the equation was in the shape of a heart. This is also known as the "heart-shaped line".

After the death of the king, Christine ascended the throne and immediately sent people around Europe to look for her sweetheart, but the deceased people left before her, leaving her alone in the world...

It is said that this world-famous alternative love letter is still preserved in the memorial of Descartes in Europe.

The text is followed by a diagram that does look like an apple drawn on a number line.

From this, I couldn't help but think of the apples on the class schedule and the heart on the half-section of the bridge pier by the canal, and my heart was surging for a while, so I got up and rushed out of the Internet café before I could see it completely, and strode home.

Completely ignoring the muddy water on the trouser legs, I threw away the umbrella and rushed to the bedroom, hurriedly found the "Anthology of Tang Poetry and Song Ci" that Zhao Min gave me, and turned the last page with trembling hands, probably I was too excited, so I turned a few more pages forward.

What caught my eye was Su Zizhan's song "Jiangchengzi": ten years of life and death, without thinking, unforgettable. Thousands of miles of lonely graves, nowhere to talk about desolation. Even if you don't know each other, your face is dusty, and your temples are like frost.

At night, I suddenly returned to my hometown, and I was dressing up in the small window. There are no words for each other, only a thousand tears. It is expected that the intestines will be broken every year, the bright moon night, and the short Matsuoka.

I was stunned for a while, even more surprised than when I saw the college entrance examination mathematics test paper, and it took a while to turn the book to the last page, I didn't bother to look at the phone number written next to the characters, and translated the characters again, and the answer was Qin Guan.

Then I turned to "Queqiao Immortal" without thinking: Xianyun is clever, the flying star spreads hatred, and the silver man is dark. As soon as the golden wind and jade dew meet, they will win countless in the world.

Tenderness is like water, the best period is like a dream, and you can endure the return of the Magpie Bridge. If the two love for a long time, how can it be in the morning and twilight?

At the end of the word, a few lines of small words were written in pencil: My parents knew about our affairs, so they transferred me to a school, and I was going to No. 1 Middle School after the final exams.

But don't worry, my mother said that I would be free when I went to college, and I will see you in Liang Wangcheng after the college entrance examination (it turns out that the "Anthology of Tang Poetry and Song Ci" is the folio, and the page 1 of Tang poems is turned from the front, and the page 1 of Song Ci is turned from the back).

I thought of the bicycle twisted on the ground at the entrance of Liangwangcheng Park, the letter from Yu Zhaomin, and the fact that Zhao Min and I were walking hand in hand in sweaters on the mottled youth road...... For the first time, I knew that crying and laughing could really be on the same face at the same time.

After that, if there was one more person in my house, some things, and the number of times I went out became less and less, until I came back with the soles of my feet stepping on the shit, and basically stayed at home.

Although I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed and rubbed and brushed and brushed and brushed, I still felt unclean in my heart, and even implicated my hands, so that I washed and washed my hands with soap.

This incident had a great psychological shadow on me, not only imprisoned my steps, but also addicted to washing my hands, so that every time I sweated, my hands were slippery and greasy, and later I learned that it was because the soap was not rinsed and adhered to it when I washed my hands.

The bedroom has become a forbidden place for me, let alone anyone coming in, even if I suspect that someone has come in, I have to wipe the floor inch by inch.

Every time, I sneak into the living room to watch TV when I am alone (I also eat when everyone is finished, and I only eat once a day).

The sofa that used to be fought for is now completely unsitting, just standing, holding the remote control in his hand and constantly changing the channel, of course, watching TV is just an accident.

For me, the most frequent state is lying in bed with my eyes open, accompanied by those ifs, constantly reminiscing about the past, always teary-eyed when I think of emotional places, and strangely I never thought about the future at that time.

In fact, I can force myself not to do all of the above, but this kind of coercion will make me more desperate!

My parents naturally noticed my abnormality a long time ago, but they were powerless to change anything, and they could only sigh and talk to comfort themselves.

Later, I found a small half bottle of baijiu on the dinner table, maybe because he had been watching me on the bottle, and drank it all in one go, I had never drunk baijiu before.

After drinking it for a while, I felt dizzy, my stomach was turning over like a river, and I didn't care if I had wiped it, I retched against the wall for a while, and my mouth kept reversing sour water, and I wanted to vomit but couldn't spit it out.

Later, I actually fell asleep against the wall, and I don't know how long it took, but in a trance, I only felt that someone helped me to the bed, and my eyes wanted to open but couldn't open them, and then I didn't know anything.