There was also a little girl's story in that book, and the ending of the story was not perfect, but it made me remember it for the rest of my life.

It is said that when the disaster happened, everyone was fleeing in a hurry, but the little girl did not, because she knew that she could not escape, so she did her best to keep the life of the family from being chaotic, and she was busy managing the life of the family every day.

But one day, her parents didn't know where they got a ticket to escape, but this ticket could only take one person, and her parents gave this ticket to her brother without any hesitation.

The parents' explanation was simple, because the brother was a boy, and the little girl suddenly felt so tired for a moment, she lay down on the bed, and she wanted to give herself a rest.

But the brother felt a little hungry when he was packing up, and he wanted to have another meal before he escaped, with his family, so he rushed into the little girl's room, dragged her out of bed, and shouted at her angrily: "Are you a pig, you know to sleep and eat, hurry up and go cook for me, I want to have my last meal with my parents!" ”

The little girl wanted to say that she was tired, but she couldn't open her mouth, so she could only barely support her tired body to cook, and after the meal was cooked, her parents and brother ate contentedly, and when eating, the parents' words were full of concern and worry for her brother, worried that he would not have good food to eat after he went out.

After the parents and brother finished eating, they turned around and went into the room to rest, and the little girl also wanted to take a rest, but at this time, the father turned to her and said, "Wash the dishes, and then clean the room, you see what the room is messed up with, what use do you want!" ”

The little girl was speechless by her father's words, she couldn't hold back any longer, tears fell "tick-tock", she hid in the corner of the kitchen, crying a lot. After crying, she smiled, laughing unscrupulously.

She couldn't figure it out, why? Why did she live like this, why was she so unvalued, why, she was also a member of the family!

What do you want her to do so that she can be loved and cared for like her brother.

She couldn't figure it out, and she didn't get an answer in the end, but a voice inside her told her that it was time for her to leave this world, that this world was sick and that she should flee.

Eventually, she took the only ticket in her family and took the ferry to leave the home, the city, the country, the world......

When I was not yet fifteen years old, when I saw this story, I was silent, and at the same time I fell into deep thought, and I couldn't figure out why? Like the little girl in that story, I couldn't figure it out.

Eventually, I threw the book into the dirt pit again, and before I threw it in, I wrote three words crookedly at the back of the book - why?

At noon, my grandfather came back from the mountains, carrying a large bundle of dry firewood on his back, and in our side, this kind of firewood is used to burn the kang and cook rice, so the older generation of people basically have to go to the mountains to pick up firewood to carry back since childhood, and they basically have to go back and forth five or six times a day.

After seeing grandpa come back, I accompanied him to smoke a pot of dry tobacco, and drank a cup of strong tea, grandpa and tea, always like to use a large glass, the bottom is full of tea leaves, must be soaked in black and red he will drink.

I took a sip of the blackened tea that had been brewed in my grandfather's big can, and before it could enter my throat, I hurriedly spit it out and said to him, Grandpa, your tea is too bitter.

But grandpa looked at me and smiled, touched my head and said, the tea is bitter and people drink it to be strong, it's too sweet, and people are bored!

I didn't understand what my grandfather meant, but after a few years, I also liked to drink bitter tea, the kind of bitter tea that was brewed black and red.

After my grandfather drank tea, he had to go to the mountains to carry firewood, and I also went into the mountains with him. The mountain was very big, it was the first time I went into the mountain, looking at this huge mountain forest, I was very happy, jumping up and down in the forest, having a lot of fun.

My grandfather was smiling at me while picking up dry firewood on the ground, and it wasn't until the sunset was reflected in the sky that he took me home.

When I returned to the village, the pedestrians on the road had gradually become scarce, and black fireworks had begun to emerge from the chimneys of the houses.

After I accompanied my grandfather to get the firewood into the firewood room, I lay down on the kang tiredly, while my grandfather was outside the house, tinkering and starting to burn the kang.

I listened to my grandfather's wheezing and coughing, and gradually fell asleep, and in my dream I seemed to be back in the huge mountain forest again, only this time by myself.

There was a black figure in the forest, chasing me frantically, and I was shouting for help, while running, running, and running, and when he was about to catch me, I suddenly heard my grandfather's voice.

"Dog, get up and sleep straight!" Grandpa returned to the house after burning the kang, stood on the kang and looked at me and said.

When I heard my grandfather's voice, I woke up, climbed to the side and fell asleep, but I never fell asleep again, it was the first time in my life that I had insomnia.

My mind kept thinking about who that figure was and why he was chasing me. What is he doing when he catches me? Kill me? Why did he kill me?

I was not yet fifteen years old, and I couldn't figure out the answer all the time, even though I thought about it all night.

The next morning, I woke up in the midst of an argument between my grandfather and others, and when I stepped out of the threshold of the kiln with my eyes swollen from not resting, I saw my grandfather saying to my uncle, "Baby, let's go after dinner!" Daddy just roasted the meat! ”

"Dad won't eat it, Juan'er is still at home waiting for me to go back!" The uncle walked out vigorously, ignoring his grandfather's retention.

In the end, the uncle still left, and the grandfather walked back lonely, and when he saw me, he smiled kindly and said to me: "Alas, dog baby, let's eat!" People don't like to eat meat! ”

I didn't agree to my grandfather's words, I just looked at my grandfather's lonely eyes, I don't know why, my eyes were moist, and I remember as if we were a big family, and we had never eaten together.

During the meal, my grandfather and I didn't speak, we just ate quietly. I couldn't help but look at my grandfather and think about what he just said.

How can a good family become a family?

After eating, my grandfather was still very lonely, and went to the ground alone with a hoe on his back, looking at my grandfather's haggard back and the white hair that had been ridiculed, countless questions appeared in my mind again.

Why did the original family become a family? Why do people say that raising children prevents old age, but in the end, grandpa is so lonely? Why do you quarrel with outsiders and fight with your own family?

That night, I couldn't sleep again......

Since then, I have been talking less and less, and even I have rarely spoken to my grandfather, and as the days go by, I have gradually grown up, and my grandfather has gradually grown old.

When I came back to middle school, my parents came back from the city every once in a while to see me, and I started living in a dormitory after I went to middle school, and my interaction with my grandfather became less and less.

Gradually, we reverted to the strangeness we had seen at the beginning.

But since then, I've had a habit of seeing strangers and strangers fighting, making noise. It is also used to watching the family fight and make noise.

I guess that's how the world is! Full of fights, noisy!

In the days that followed, I rarely went home, and I began to have little contact with my parents, and in the year of the high school entrance examination, I failed the list and went to a vocational and technical college, and during that time, I began to gradually lose my smile.

It was only in my second year at the vocational college that I got into a fight with a boy from the same school and was admitted to the hospital.

After that, my parents stopped going to the city to work, and they eventually returned home and began to watch over me, saying that they wanted to live.

That year was the first time I went to my grandfather's earthen kiln again after more than a year, and my grandfather could no longer go into the mountains to carry firewood, but he still liked to talk to me about strong tea, and he still liked to tell me that drinking strong tea was strong.

I watched my grandfather sitting at the door of the kiln in the twilight, his eyes were full of loneliness, my eyes moistened again, and since then, I have been to my grandfather's house more often.

I like to watch my grandfather drink strong tea, listen to him tell stories that have no beginning and no end, and I like to see him smile kindly.

I remember that year I graduated from the technical college, it was a summer, I went to my grandfather's house to visit him again, and that year I was going to go to the city to work.

When I arrived at my grandfather's house that day, I saw him having dinner with a boy, and I recognized that the boy was my cousin.

When he saw me coming, he stood up and called me the first sentence: "Brother! ”

I smiled and said to him, "You're here too!" ”

During the meal, my grandfather added a piece of meat to each of us as before, and watched us finish eating.

I remember that my grandfather was very happy that day, and I was very happy, and it was on that day that I realized that I could still laugh, and I could laugh very happily.

After eating, my cousin went home, and I sat with my grandfather at the door of the earthen kiln, watching the sunset.

I watched my grandfather's kind smile, that smile was really beautiful and warm, like the sunset in the village in the evening, harmonious, peaceful, warm.

That day, my grandfather was drinking strong tea at the door, and suddenly turned to look at me and said, "Dog baby, are you going to the city too?" "Qiyin

I was a little surprised, looked back at my grandfather and said, "Grandpa, you know everything?" ”

"Well, yes, yes!" Grandpa still looked at me kindly and smiled.

Looking at my grandfather's kind smile, I said, "Grandpa is waiting for me to go out to make a lot of money, take you out to play, take you to the plane, okay!" ”

"Good, good!" Grandpa said repeatedly.

But I saw a hint of loneliness on his face.

After that day, I left the city and went to the city to start my life, and since that day, I have not seen my grandfather again.

When I arrived in the city, I didn't make any money, and I was used to seeing people's warmth and coldness, so I began to have an unbalanced mentality, and finally embarked on the road of crime with several people.

We robbed a household, a woman who lived alone, and the day after we had done it, we were wanted, and two other people were arrested before they could get to the station.

And I didn't run, I knew I couldn't run, I went to turn myself in, and when I turned myself in, the police asked me if I had anything else to say.

I said, I want to go home and see grandpa.

The police agreed, and took me back to my hometown, and when I returned to my hometown, it was an evening, and it was the same as the evening when I was going out of the city three years ago, quiet and serene, and the sunset on the horizon was the same, very beautiful.

When I was in the village with a deposit, my father collapsed to the ground, looking at the silver bracelet in my hand, I couldn't believe it, and my mother cried out in an instant, and the cry resounded throughout the village.

I looked at my parents and said, "I'm sorry, the child is not filial!" ”

"Son! How can you do such a thing? Dad looked at me and howled.

"Dad, I want to go to the earthen kiln and see grandpa!" I looked at my father and said.

Then I was taken by the police and walked all the way to the earthen kiln, in fact, I knew that my grandfather had passed away a year earlier, but I did not come back to see him for the last time.

When I heard that my grandfather passed away, he still had a kind smile on his face, and he walked quite peacefully.

When I was taken to the door of the kiln, the door of the kiln was already full of people, and everyone was looking at me, their eyes were full of embarrassment, and they were discussing something one after another.

I saw my cousin in the crowd as well, and he looked at me the same, but his face was different from the others, and he had a smile on his face.

Seeing this, I smiled at him, and then walked through the crowd towards the earthen kiln, and when I entered, I saw that my grandfather's things were all there, and my tattered bedding on the clay kang was also there, and his big can and bottle on the stove was also there, and the tea in it had grown white hair.

On the kang head of the earthen kang, there is a black and white photo, the photo is a photo of our family, uncle, second uncle, father, they are all very young, my cousin and I are still in our arms, grandpa is sitting in the front, on his left hand is a very kind woman who is also smiling, I know that the woman's name is grandma.

Looking at this black and white photo, my eyes suddenly moistened, tears fell on the photo drop by drop, I took the photo in my hand, handed it to my father, after my father took it, he and his uncle looked at it, looked at it, they looked at each other, bowed their heads and stopped talking.

Seeing this, I didn't say anything, just turned my head and closed the door of the earthen kiln, looked up and said to the sunset on the horizon: Grandpa, I'm sorry, I didn't make a lot of money, I can't take you on a plane! ”

At this point, the story ended, and the middle-aged man also stood up and wiped the tears that overflowed from his eyes.

I looked at him without words, turned around and took a glass of beer, handed it to him and said, "It's your wine!" ”

"No, I'm not thirsty anymore!" The man looked at me, smiled innocently, and turned to leave.

Seeing this, I hurriedly shouted at him, "Alas, where are you going?" ”

When he heard what I said, he turned his head back to me and said, "Go home, my father is also in his twilight years, and I don't want him to feel lonely too!" ”

After hearing his words, I did not speak again, and he did not speak again, turned and pushed the door open and disappeared into the night.

After seeing him leave, I looked up at the wall clock on the wall, and it was already five o'clock in the morning.

Seeing this, I took the beer back, washed it, put on my coat and walked out.

When I walked out, there was already a touch of morning sun in the sky, and the morning sun was also very beautiful, and the morning sun shone on my face, making people feel warm all over the body.

I just don't know if for that boy, he sees the sunset or the rising sun.

When I fell asleep that day, I had a strange dream in which I became a voyeur.

On the streets of late autumn, I followed a strange shadow, I followed him through the streets and alleys, begging along the streets, watching him abuse across the street, humbly laughing, accompanying him to drunk and dreaming of death, hungry and cold.

Later, when dusk came, I left him, and before I left, I saw him sleeping on the floor in the late autumn night, and waking up in the middle of the night and sitting and looking at the sky.

Finally, when the dawn broke, I went to see him, accompanied him to get up and step through the autumn cold flowers and plants, and quietly took him home

………………………………

At three o'clock in the afternoon, I woke up and lay in my rental house, looking at the flat gray ceiling, and the whole person looked boring and boring.

At this moment, I am in the absurd city between 33.42~34.45 degrees north latitude, lying on the strange and familiar bed of this city.

At this moment, I am reminded of a woman, her name is Fei Fei, a very simple woman, or you can change the adjective, a very simple girl, she is really simple, simple like the number 10 on the calendar.

In addition to her simplicity, she also has a particularly significant feature, that is, she is very fast in finding men.

But she doesn't seem to have a good eye for finding men, since I knew her, she always likes to find men in the garbage, and today is the day she broke up with her thirteenth boyfriend.

If the 10th is destined to have a special meaning, then it will be counted as her breakup anniversary!

Fei Fei and I have always maintained a very delicate relationship, and I have never shied away from being meaty to her...... I like it, and she seems to enjoy the existence of me as a person.

In addition to solving each other's physical needs every time, she was also keen to complain to me about all kinds of dissatisfaction in her life.

I remember after a tumultuous rain, I hugged her and leaned on the head of the bed to smoke, she suddenly looked up at me and said, you have to write me, I said what do you have to write, and it doesn't make sense to write it into my ridiculous words, she said she can write, I want to see it, I said what do you want to see? She said whatever.

Later, I thought about it a lot, but when I think about it, it seems that there is really nothing to write about.

It seems that Fei Fei has no material for me to refer to except for her and her ex, and I am particularly bothered to write about the relationship between men and women.

So I dragged on writing about Fei Fei for almost half a month, and after he broke up with this boyfriend, I still felt that there was nothing to write about.

Until this moment, she suddenly raised her head again, looked at me and said, did you write me?

I was speechless for a moment, paused for a long time, looked into her eyes and said nothing.

She went on to say, forget it, if you really don't have anything to write about, don't write it.

At this moment, I suddenly found that she seemed to have suddenly become very vicissitudes, as if she was suddenly full of stories.

At that moment, I realized that she didn't have a story, but she didn't show it, just like even a particularly strong person, it was because she once gave up some of the emotions in her heart that she became invincible.

Fei Fei is the same as the kind of person who pretends to be strong, they are actually very lacking in love.

At this moment, I swore that I had to write about her, and even if I couldn't write it, I should make up a story for her.