I don't have much hope, I just suddenly want to be quiet.

So I said, "Grandpa, can you go out for a while?" I want to be quiet. ”

My grandfather listened to me and wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't say anything, and walked out with the sloppy old man and Lao Cai, and closed the door gently.

……。

The moment the door closed, the whole area fell silent. The sound of "buzzing" in my head kept ringing, I didn't know what I was thinking, but at that moment, I didn't have any other thoughts, I felt so tired.

I shrunk myself into the quilt, closed my eyes, and fell into a deep sleep.

……。

It's still that dream. He turned his back to me and said bitterly, "Do you blame me? ”。 I went after him again, but this time I couldn't, and I didn't have the chance to put my hand on his shoulder again. The female ghost in red did not appear, only the action kept repeating.

I couldn't catch up with him, and I kept that distance from him anyway. I was furious, and suddenly I was like I was enchanted, chasing his back and screaming and shouting, until finally all kinds of expletives came out of my mouth in pieces.

I was like a madman, like a madman. With his head tilted and his eyes red, he repeated the action he had done I don't know how many times. Ten times, a hundred times, ten thousand times. Eventually, a deep despair spread from the bottom of my heart. I crouched down, holding my head and crying like a child.

I felt like I had been abandoned by everyone, and it was hard to find a place ...... place in the middle of nowhere.

"Wake up ......."

Suddenly, a voice appeared around me. It was a woman's voice, and there seemed to be a hint of hatred in her tone that was born out of chagrin. It was like the last voice that came to me in my dreams that night.

And when this voice fell, the whole heaven and earth shattered at once, from the sky, from afar, to my feet. It's all turned into pieces piece by piece.

As if I had suddenly fallen from a height, I woke up and was sweating profusely.

……。

I don't know how long I've slept this night, it feels like a moment, and it feels like a long, long sleep.

The lights in the room were not turned off, and I saw several glass bottles hanging above my head, and a small piece of hemostatic cotton wrapped around my right arm. And inside the mouth, there is a strong smell of medicine. This is the natural sensation of the human body after too much infusion.

The curtains weren't pulled up because I could see the dark sky outside.

Occasionally, one or two rooster crows came from nowhere, exactly four or five in the morning. It was quiet, and the environment at this time was a little scary.

The words of the scruffy old man came back to my mind. In fact, there was one sentence that he didn't say.

That is, if there is a deficiency in the five elements, in the previous life, he must be a great traitor. The suffering of this life is only because of the fact that it is necessary to make up for the sins of the previous life.

Was my last life bad? Maybe yes, otherwise how could I have such a fate? Maybe my last life was a bastard who murdered, arsoned, raped, and plundered.

I can only rely on speculation, because this life and the previous life are simply two people. I don't know what kind of person I was in my last life, because he is him and I am me.

Although this explanation is a bit weak, after all, we still have the same soul. But that's a fact I can't change, and it doesn't mean I'm him.

I'll only live to be twenty years old at most, and yes, if things go well, I'll have two years and a few months to go. It's really not too much to say, and it's not too little to say less.

However, I was only seventeen years old. There are so many beautiful scenery in this world that I have not seen, and there are many beautiful things that I have not experienced.

But what can I do? It is said that the king of Hades told you to die on the third watch, who can keep you until the fifth watch?

I don't know if the legendary Sanqing Fall that my grandfather said was really that powerful, and I don't know if it could really save my life.

All I know is that if a thing has the word legend in front of it, it is doubtful whether it actually exists in the world.

I had no doubts about my grandfather's determination to save me. But the thing he was talking about was really hard to find.

Because he couldn't give me a shred of strong evidence when he comforted me. I think when I was eight years old, when the Celestial Divine Rune turned into ashes, he might have been trying to find the Three Clearings. But after all these years without a single clue, what can be done in the remaining two years and months?

The sloppy old man later told me that the reason why Sanqingshen is too difficult to find is because it can hide the heavens itself, so it is impossible to calculate its location by divination.

If it is possible to say that it is possible, it can only be a glimmer of hope for those who have cultivated the Sanqing divination to the extreme. There was no other way, and even the cloth cloth god he had cultivated for so many years couldn't figure out a single clue.

I have no doubt about the strength of the sloppy old man, because the person who can fully calculate my fate for the next two years is already a fairy-like figure in my opinion. But even if he said so, how could I dare to hope that I could find the three clear falls?

As for the Sanqing divination, another secret technique that is as famous as the Sanqing Talisman I practiced, there has been no news at all for so many years. If you want to find someone who has cultivated the Sanqing divination to the extreme, this difficulty is not much different from the difficulty of directly finding the Sanqing Fall.

I lay in bed, I don't know if it was because I had slept for too long, I felt extremely awake at this time.

Like an old man about to die, my mind began to flash back to the scenes that had happened to me in the past.

It is said that the most useful way to comfort a person is to give an example that is worse than his current time, but when I look back on the past ten years, it seems that nothing can be more tragic than mine.

What can you do in two years and two months? It seems to be able to do something, but it doesn't seem to be able to do anything.

And for me, it's the type that can't do anything.

But when you think about it, it's not because two years are too short because I can't do anything, but because I don't seem to have anything to do. So, whether I live for two years or two hundred years, it doesn't seem to make a difference to me.

There is a classic quote in "How Steel is Made" that says. A man's life should be spent in such a way that when he looks back, he will not regret that he wasted his time, nor will he be ashamed of his inaction...... he has done nothing.

In two years' time, I'm going to end my life. But now, when I look back on my past. It seems to be eating and sleeping, sleeping and eating.

In the next two years, if nothing else, it should be in this state of "social septic machine", right?

It is not to say whether I have lofty ideals to contribute to the cause of socialism. In fact, I don't even have ideals.

Maybe it's because at my age, the ideal is still too far away for me. However, time could not wait for the day when I would determine my ideals.

In the next two years, am I willing to be a muddy person, drinking all day long, living the kind of life that regrets yesterday?

I don't want to ......, yes, I don't.

……。