Yesterday I drank a lot of alcohol, and a lot, more than usual. I was going to write an early bedtime diary, but when I got home, I was sleepy and went to bed to rest without turning on the computer. I think it's still necessary to continue to write, and I'll read it in the future, as a realistic novel, and the protagonist is myself. Yesterday was a wonderful day, I was really happy, and it will definitely leave a strong mark in my memory. Yesterday I came to the house as promised, I went to the supermarket with her to buy hot pot ingredients, and all kinds of dishes, and also went to the vegetable market to buy some fresh vegetables, and went home to make hot pot to eat. AH still hasn't come, she really wants to go back to Fengyang's hometown, or is she with friends or people she likes. She asked me, and I said that there was a dinner party in the workshop in the evening, and she estimated that she would have time in the evening and was ready to come again.

I want to thank N the most, she makes hot pot is really delicious, she is very good at washing vegetables and cutting vegetables, and she is a veteran at a glance. It also helped me tidy up the house very neatly, a warmth that I have never felt before. I felt quite uneasy, and being a guest made her sweat profusely. She's really good, she's so good at cleaning up. I haven't eaten hot pot for a long time, but this time I made it myself, and I ate it and wasted some of it. While I was washing the pots and tidying up the kitchen, N kept tidying up the room. At three o'clock in the afternoon, N was going to see a master, so I took her to the bus station, and she went by herself. I'm fine, so I played a few LOL smash brawls, but the network is very stuck, and it's not very comfortable to play.

It was almost 6 o'clock in the evening, so I rode a shared bicycle to attend a dinner in the workshop, which was not very far from Xingye Street. Last night I was in a good state, so I drank more, and last night my second brother rode me back, and Brother Tao also followed me and stayed overnight. I got up dizzy, and I slept until dawn, and I still brought breakfast to AH today, and she politely said thank you for riding her bicycle that night. I'll be home tomorrow night, and I'll be able to bring breakfast to AH tomorrow.

An unpleasant thing happened today, and I ran away. N failed to pass the job review because she was already employed, and I have been comforting her after she told me that she was in a bad mood. Maybe I'm really a straight man who is used to being negative and pessimistic, and I won't comfort others and make her angry. Don't say it, are you comforting? It's true that I don't comfort people, I'm always self-righteous, and I want to listen more to the other person's opinions and ideas. That's what AH told me before, I'm still not conscious and really changed.

After work, I specially sent her two pomegranates to eat, and in the end, AH only left one, and I took the rest home. Also, moon cakes I don't know N doesn't eat moon cakes, she didn't ask me to think she was really angry with me, I was a little flustered, and ran away. I may feel inferior from the bottom of my heart, and I feel that my care and concern are a little redundant. I'm really too stubborn and self-righteous. If others don't like to eat it, I'll try not to bring it in the future. I was going to wait for AH and N to get off work together, but I don't know why I slipped away first, because I didn't deserve it, or because of my pride. I thought about it calmly, it was caused by low self-esteem, I was not decisive at all, I would not make the girl happy, so I chose to escape or leave. I felt that I really couldn't bear to be in such a bad mood for N, but I had to take into account my feelings and comfort me. I might have let N down again. I really don't get along with girls, especially when they cry or get angry, I don't know what to do, that's my flaw. N said that she would not be able to pass the exam for a while, and would teach me how to get along with girls. She should be in a bad mood, and she doesn't know that there is wood to eat at night. She replied to me that she was fine, and she was in a good mood, so I chose to believe it. I'm not going to comfort people, and listening to me backfires, that's what AH told me.

After eating and cleaning up in the evening, I called the eldest sister on a video and told her the news that I was home. Then I played a video to Lao Shi, he was playing mahjong, and he didn't chat much, so he said that he probably wouldn't go out to play when he went home this time, and he shouldn't have a chance to get together without going through Lanzhou. I made an appointment with N, and we will go to the train station together after work tomorrow, and we will be in the same carriage on the same train. She said that if she left at six o'clock, she would come to the house and cook dumplings to eat. Why don't you go to the snow park at the train station to eat wontons? Let's see what happens tomorrow. By the way, today I gave the rest of the uneaten dishes to my neighbor Erjun, told him the news that I was home, and asked him to help take care of the house, and contact him if there is something. I bought too many pomegranates, I don't know who to give them to, except for a box for the neighbor's second army, and the rest I thought about whether I would take it to the office tomorrow to eat it, and it was estimated that it would be broken after a week. I haven't been sleepy today, so I'm looking at the tomb robbery notes and waiting for the time to go to sleep. Today is an unforgettable day, because N is in a bad mood, I ran away. Today's S10 game is still stretched, LGD is really watery, losing three times in a row, but in the end it pulled back a city, and there is still a chance to qualify theoretically. If, today's penultimate one, LGD will be sprayed and disbanded.

Thinking about sending a message to N again to ask, is it in a better mood, there is wood and rest, she said no, she is doing big things, she has not told me what the big things are, she said that she will tell me again in two days, once she sent me a message at 11 o'clock in the middle of the night, asking me what kind of stuffed dumplings I like to eat, I was very strange, and in the end she didn't tell me why she asked, and I didn't guess. I drank last night, but I fell asleep when I came back, and I didn't call anyone while I was drinking, and I didn't send messy messages to anyone, which was good. I seem to remember sending an emoji to AH, and she deleted my friend again, and I deleted it, and it was a really good feeling to be suddenly very down-to-earth and have nothing to look forward to. I don't have any illusions about AH anymore, I think the feeling of liking is still there, but I restrained it.

Also, why am I always not confident in front of N, they are afraid that my colleagues will see me or I am too sensitive and unconfident. I wonder if it's not boyfriend and girlfriend, why do you care so much? Ordinary friends are very good, they don't care, and they won't be afraid of being misunderstood by others or colleagues. N won't stay, she's been rejecting my kindness to her, always saying whatever, she's going to be unhappy. I'm a person who lacks self-confidence and courage, and I always try to give up. N is too good and perfect, I don't have a chance and possibility. I will respect N's wishes very much, and I will not be stubborn and put pressure on N. Just like today, my panic and I don't know what to do, in fact, it is a sign of my lack of confidence and courage. I don't know if N understands what I'm doing, I'm ashamed of myself and feel like a failure. I don't know how many skills I can learn to get along with girls in the future? I can't think too much about it, just be natural, go with the flow, it's more appropriate. Good night!