Today, on a whim, Pan Jinduo decided to write a martial arts for the people of Z, but because the writing was too funny, everyone laughed to death. I'm embarrassed to broadcast it.

1. Golden Rooster Independence

It is said that in that distant ancient time: the last years of the Tang Dynasty. In that distant Peach Blossom Village, there lives a beauty, she is extremely smart, martial arts, beautiful, and heroic.

She wrote a martial arts secret book called "Oiran Treasure Book". It records her lifelong high-level martial arts and emotional experience. According to the record of this secret book, in her youth, in order to save her husband, she disguised herself as a man, and was the champion in the emperor's list. The higher their martial arts cultivation became, they were like the Condor Heroes, and finally stood on the top of the mountain and smiled proudly, unifying the Central Plains. She is her husband's teacher and husband's benefactor. Her husband is her helper and her confidant. Together, they eliminated evil and promoted good, and finally pacified the Central Plains, acted chivalrous and righteous, and unified the rivers and lakes. became the supreme leader of the martial arts alliance. So in her later years, in her hometown of Taohua Village, she wrote an autobiographical secret book "Oiran Treasure Book", which was to teach their supreme martial arts to future generations.

This Tang Dynasty heroine is called Zhang Wuxia, her first love is called Li Yitian, her master is called Wang Danshan, and her husband is called Zhao Yingwu.

The real reason why the four of them are chivalrous, stabilize the rivers and lakes, and dominate the world is that all their kung fu has been practiced to the highest level.

So she wrote this "Oiran Treasure Book" to leave for future generations, hoping to teach their martial arts to future generations.

There are a total of 120 styles of these martial arts. And their emotional stories are complex and bizarre, romantic and amorous, resonant, happy, happy, and spread the gospel.

Today, let's start with the first form: Golden Rooster Independence

Zhang Wuxia is 21 years old, she is a well-known Jiangnan geisha, she makes a living by selling art, because she is already the top brand, so her income is stable and considerable, and she is relatively wealthy.

Zhang Wuxia's master is Wang Danshan, Wang Danshan is the treasure of Master Wang, he is a son, very handsome and chic, in today's words, he is Zhang Danxia's agent. The cooperation between the two is perfect and seamless.

Zhang Wuxia's title on the rivers and lakes is lotus, while Wang Danshan calls himself a lotus leaf.

When she got up this morning, Zhang Wuxia was in a bad mood because Li Yitian took her on yesterday.

In other words, this Li Yitian, the whole living Chen Shimei, although he is Zhang Wuxia's first love, his appearance is not more ugly than Zhang Wuxia, but since he dares to make Zhang Wuxia angry, Zhang Wuxia doesn't like him.

As a result, in order to adjust his mood, Zhang Wuxia decided to go to find Wang Danshan. As a result, when she came to the door of Wang Danshan's house, she heard that when she got up early in the morning, Wang Danshan was learning to crow. This incident made Zhang Wuxia angry again, it turned out that Wang Danshan was practicing kung fu, and he was doing gong.

Zhang Wuxia was so angry with Li Yitian and Wang Danshan that he wanted to leave the door of Wang Danshan's house, but he was curious about what kung fu Wang Danshan was practicing, so he lay down in the crack of the door and was lazy.

After watching it for a while, I realized that Wang Danshan, who had learned the rooster early in the morning, practiced this kung fu and was a martial arts mastery, called: Golden Rooster Independence. This is a very powerful kung fu.

Wang Danshan practiced for 3 hours, and Zhang Wuxia peeked outside his house for 3 hours, and finally learned about Wang Danshan's kung fu in general.

It turns out that this golden rooster independent kung fu is like this.

I saw Wang Danshan first make a false move, and learned 10 chicken crows, which turned out to be a false move.

Then he did the second form and learned 10 cat meows. This trick of learning to meow a cat is even more false than learning to crow a chicken.

At this time, Lee came over one day. It turned out that he also got up in the morning and had nothing to do, so he went to Wang Danshan to come over to play.

Zhang Wuxia saw Li Tiantian, and quickly made a false gesture to him, telling him that Wang Danshan was practicing, and asked him to follow her to peek.

So Li Yitian and Zhang Wuxia peeked at Wang Danshan outside the door to practice, and the two of them also chatted, the content was very chicken and duck, as if they were talking about double-talk comedy.

Zhang Wuxia said: Why did you come to see Wang Danshan so early in the morning?

Li Tiantian said: I came to see you.

Zhang Wuxia said: Although Wang Danshan and I are neighbors, live opposite doors, and are not far away, but you obviously came to Wang Danshan's house, why do you say that you are going to see me.

Li Yitian said: I see that you came to see you at the door of Wang Danshan's house.

Zhang Wuxia said: What did you see?

Li Tiantian said: I saw you.

Zhang Wuxia said: What do you think I'm doing?

Li Yitian said: I sensed that you were unhappy this morning, so I came to see you.

Zhang Wuxia said: Who told you that I was unhappy.

Li Yitian said: I felt it.

Zhang Wuxia said: Don't talk quickly, watch it quickly, otherwise it will affect the two of us to learn peerless martial arts.

Li Yitian said: Okay, let's steal the teacher together.

So the two of them continued to look at it seriously.



I saw that Wang Danshan began to practice.

There are a total of four moves in this kung fu:

The first trick is to learn the rooster crow.

The second trick is to learn to meow.

The third trick is psychedelic method, which makes it difficult to distinguish whether learning to cries a chicken and learning a cat is a real or a false move.

The fourth move is to change between the virtual and the real.

So Zhang Wuxia saw it in his eyes and remembered it in his heart.

Li Yitian also studied extremely seriously.

Zhang Wuxia said to Li Yitian beside him: Have you learned?

Li Yitian said: It's better to practice together.

Zhang Wuxia immediately put what he had learned into practice: he fell silent.

Frightened, Li didn't dare to speak for a day.

The horned rooster in the distant mountains crowed a few times.

Zhang Wuxia fell into deep thought: she began to have a daydream.

In this dream, Zhang Wuxia is the leader of the martial arts alliance, but Li stabbed Zhang Wuxia next to him one day, and Zhang Wuxia woke up like a dream and blamed him: Why are you stabbing me?

Li Tiantian said: I see the rooster crowing, I will touch you if I don't stab you, or I will hug you.

Zhang Wuxia said: Don't make trouble, it's noon, it's a joke, you still have to learn cat meow!

Having said that, these two people have been watching Wang Danshan perform the independent martial arts of the Golden Rooster for a morning.

It was summer at the time, and the weather was very hot, which turned Zhang Wuxia's hot face into red apple, but Wang Danshan said that she was pig's liver color, and she had to take off her clothes to dry her.

Zhang Wuxia said: I didn't sweat again, but my skin was a little wet, what do you rub!

Li Yitian hurriedly hugged Zhang Wuxia and kissed him, where could he control his mental impulse at noon!

He pulled Zhang Wuxia to the big forest next to Wang Danshan's house, and the two of them lingered for a while, happily ascended to heaven and turned into immortals.

But Zhang Wuxia didn't like Li Yitian and wanted to go back to Peach Blossom Village quickly.

Li had to send each other 19 miles a day.

Zhang Wuxia didn't let him send it, so he went to pull her clothes. dropped one piece after a while, until all of Zhang Wuxia's clothes were removed.

He also found a horsewhip and swung it at Xiangtiange.

The angry Zhang Wuxia was choked enough, so the two of them had another cloud and rain, so they got dressed and went back to Peach Blossom Village for dinner.

Zhang Wuxia said, don't eat with me, Li didn't leave for a day, so the two of them went to Zhang Wuxia's master Wang Danshan's house to have fun together, and they had a long meal, and Wang Danshan's four maids prepared all kinds of good dishes for a long time before retreating.

Wang Danshan and Li Yitian began to worship and became brothers, and they touched Zhang Wuxia together, thinking she was particularly fun, so Zhang Danxia's apple face was even redder, and the three of them happily ascended to heaven, so they decided to tie the knot in Taocun and often play Zhang Wuxia together and practice together.

Wang Danshan also decided to teach this kung fu to the two of them.

However, there is a particular emphasis on practicing the independent kung fu of this golden rooster, that is, women cannot wear any clothes, and they must be naked in order to practice.

This incident frightened Zhang Wuxia, and she resisted at first, but Li Yitian practiced earnestly, so he and Wang Danshan removed all of Zhang Wuxia's clothes.

Then they practiced the Golden Rooster Independence together.

To practice this exercise, you must first be pointed at the acupuncture points of the whole body 120 times, and it is not pleasant to point wrong, you must be accurate and keep improving, in order to practice happily.

So the three of them lived together, doing this day by day, practicing and having fun.

Three months later, the three of them practiced the acupoint magic skills, and Zhang Wuxia was ordered more than 5,000 times in total, so the martial arts were sublimated, and the first sign was that the chest would become fuller. In today's words, it is a successful breast enlargement, which is a cup larger.

Next, to practice this golden rooster independent magic skill, it is necessary to insist on clear clothes every day, be tied tightly, more than 24 hours a day, an average of one hour, and use a horse whip to beat it with light or heavy work.

So Wang Danshan and Li Yitian did so. After persisting for 3 months, the martial arts of the three people have been leaped and sublimated together, and this time the feeling of heaven is even stronger.

But after all, they have to hold on. Because it takes 1 year to practice this golden rooster independent martial arts in Peach Blossom Village.

We have to hold on to it.

The next step was to remove the clothes and start writing moral scriptures, which had to be written 10,000 words a day, tickled and scratched by others as they went, and they kept writing without a day off.

After persisting for 3 months, Zhang Wuxia really wrote 300,000 words, which was very successful and withstood the test.

Seeing that there are still 3 months left, the martial arts peerless martial arts Golden Rooster is about to finish its practice.

As a result, Li Yitian suddenly fell ill with typhoid fever, Wang Danshan and Zhang Wuxia had to suspend their practice first, boil medicine every day, and take care of Li for a day, but Li did not get better for a day, and vomited blood.

So Wang Danshan and Zhang Wuxia invited the best old Chinese medicine doctor in Taohua Village to treat him.

The old Chinese medicine doctor said that Li Yitian was in a hurry because he was too tired in practice, so he got a poisonous fever.

He prescribed a prescription for Li Yitian, and asked Wang Danshan and Zhang Wuxia to go to Taoshan and Huashan in Taohua Village to collect medicines and collect all the formulas, so that Li Yitian could recover from typhoid fever.

So Wang Danshan and Zhang Wuxia went to Taoshan to collect 100 gourds according to the prescription. I went to Huashan again to collect 100 four-leaf clovers. After collecting these 200 herbs, he hurried back to the practice place and gave Li a day of torment.

Who knew that Li insisted on taking medicine every day, and in less than 3 months, his illness miraculously recovered, and it was almost January of the new year, and he was cured.

Moreover, the three brothers of the peach and the three righteous brothers have really practiced the top martial arts Golden Rooster independent magic together.

The three of them were overjoyed, preparing all kinds of New Year's goods, gifts and soft up for the New Year in Peach Blossom Village, and prepared three large pockets.

Laughed to death all the other neighbors next door, and there was literally no one left in the sight.

But fortunately, Zhang Wuxia was kind-hearted, and she decided to give some of the New Year's goods to the neighbors, so Zhang Wuxia, Wang Danshan and Li Yitian carried 3 big pockets separately, one person carried a pocket, robbed the rich and helped the poor, and put all kinds of gifts from the chimneys of the villagers in Taohua Village to their homes.

And when they distribute gifts, they use the Golden Rooster Independent Divine Skill System to distribute them.

The villagers of Peach Blossom Village were already very wealthy, and all of them received gifts during the Chinese New Year, which was a joy on top of joy, and they couldn't stop smiling.

But there was only one person among them, and he didn't laugh, and he was Zhao Yingwu.

Who is Zhao Yingwu, why don't you laugh, and listen to the next pink cloud.

In the next episode of "The Book of Oiran", Zhao Yingwu will be fully introduced, they are the three Zhao brothers, they are like brothers, and Zhao Yingwu is the eldest of the three brothers.

See you or leave you

After Pan Jinduo finished writing, he thought for a while, and then he would continue this martial arts joke in two years. But don't delay Zhang Wuxia to find a partner!