What the hell is this world?

I don't really know, I just know it's messy and ridiculous.

Especially after I met him.

Oh yes...... My name is Hallie. Quinn, while he ...... I do not know.

......

My story is like a journal of a primary school student. It's even more boring.

I was born into a family of doctors, as you can guess by the name, the kind of boring family that has been in medicine for generations, my father was a brain surgeon, my mother was a nurse, my grandparents, and my grandparents were also doctors in the nearby town...... I have two older brothers, can you guess what their profession is....... Well, then I'll tell you, also a doctor...... Surprised, wasn't it.

In my home, the most I saw was the white coat, the bookshelves were full of medical books, the dissection atlas was hung on the wall of the bedroom, and my father even bought a soft model of the brain, which was placed on the table in his study.

And I, as the youngest and smartest child in the family, had high hopes for me...... I don't know if you can guess, but ...... They all want me to be a good ...... in the future Doctor!

Well, that's it.

Although I didn't have much interest in medicine, as the saying goes, next to a manure pit, even if it's a rock, you don't expect it to not smell, so I went with the flow and applied for medical school.

The moment I got my acceptance letter, my family was finally complete......

Or rather, my family, at last, ceased to exist, it completely became ...... A hospital.

The calendar on the wall, not the holiday plan, but our duty schedule, at the dinner table, we don't talk about shopping or movies, but we are studying some cases, I don't say that it's bad to put work first, but I think, how to say it here, it's also a family, I have a mother, a father, and even a brother, but I never feel their identity...... I didn't feel the word 'love' in this home.

So——— I hate hospitals.

This hate lasted until the day I graduated from medical school.

It was a good morning, just in time for the cooling, the wind was strong, and it was said that there was a light rain in the afternoon, but I was in a good mood that day, because my family finally decided to go on the only trip in my long memory...... We're going to go to Gotham City for a big picnic by the riverside.

And on the road that day, we rarely talked about the weather and my new clothes, instead of talking about my father's last surgery, as usual......

That feels really good...... I remember being amused by a joke my father told me, and that was the first time I knew that my father had a humorous side.

And his unfamiliar laughter was the last memory I had at that time......

......

When I opened my eyes, I was already lying in a familiar place...... Hospital.

A car accident...... I was seriously injured, but I was lucky because I was alive after all.

Not like my ...... Family.

......

Well, 'family'...... When I finally experienced the meaning of the word in my boring life, I lost them.

It was a terrible time, and whenever I opened the door and saw the empty living room...... I admit that although I have fantasized countless times that I wish I could have such a quiet family, when it is really in front of me, it brings me only endless emptiness and loneliness.

Gradually...... I contracted a not-so-good habit.

Fantasy Suicide ......

Maybe it's timidity, maybe I can't find a way to commit suicide that satisfies me, but in short, this thing has always stayed in my fantasy, of course, I can't always fantasize, I will always do a little bit of practical action, such as cutting the skin with a blade, such as clenching my fist hard, and sinking my newly beautiful nails into the palm of my hand.

...... My colleagues couldn't believe that I, who was usually cheerful and lively and liked to tell jokes, was actually a crazy person, and the same person who was talking to them and talking about soap operas was actually biting the tip of his tongue hard, and then smiling and swallowing blood mixed with coffee into his stomach.

It's silly, but the feeling of pain makes me feel relaxed and want to stop.

Finally...... That day, after a heavy rain, I gave my cat to a neighbor, donated all my savings to the orphanage, cleaned the house, put on the most beautiful clothes for that day, and walked into the hospital where I worked with a smile.

Maybe it was that day, I was really dressed up so beautifully, so I received four bouquets of flowers, and three after-work date requests.

Of course, I rejected them all......

Because...... I'm going to die on this day!

I connected a needle to the blood vessel in my wrist, and little by little, the blood flowed into a sealed bag, and I was still wearing a white coat, still drinking the refreshing coffee every morning, still smiling and talking to my patients, as usual...... No one will know that I am enjoying death.

However...... This wonderful experience was broken again.

On that day, a man came to the hospital where I worked......

Clown!

I had heard the name on TV and knew him as a terrible, heinous criminal, and that day, in that dirty purple gown, he walked into my office and pointed a gun to my head...... Said to me with a smile.

"Beautiful lady, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I think I'm dying, so, can you ..... Help me? ”

At that moment, I looked at the terrible corners of the clown's mouth and the crazy eyes, and I smiled......

"Okay."

I promised him, yes, I looked at the horrible corners of his mouth, his crazy eyes, and the blood that flowed from the office door, and didn't scream, because I was dying......

After that, he politely thanked me, and then escaped from the hospital with me in one hand and a gun in the other, laughing maniacally at the guns of the countless police officers who rushed in.

We got into a car that had been robbed halfway through...... I don't know how many roadside stalls and pedestrians he knocked down along the way, but it was the first time I experienced something other than despair after losing my family...... It's a hint of irritation.

At the same time, I also saw the muzzle of the gun that was bubbling blood out of the clown's belly......

Yes, he is going to die, but unfortunately...... I can't save him.

Because...... I'm dying too. 8)