Xiao Xia, the topic that my mother wrote today is a topic that I have not completed well in my own life. And this is so bad that it affects almost everyone in the relationship between mom and everyone, including your dad, of course.

My mother once thought that the breakdown of our marriage had a lot to do with it. In fact, this is not just a simple subject, it is more like a crack in my mother's heart, the abyss is deep, and my mother sinks.

And what my mother said is that until today, my mother has not accepted her body from the bottom of her heart. Mom has matured, there will be no more huge changes in appearance, after all, she will only grow old. Therefore, my mother can't count on a qualitative leap in appearance to make a earth-shaking change in her mentality.

This attitude of non-acceptance covers almost every aspect of the mother's appearance, arms, legs, buttocks, back, breasts, eyes, nose, mouth, eyebrows, skin, hair, etc. The degree of non-acceptance is also different, but no matter what, the comments that my mother gave herself are always bad, not good, all unsatisfactory, and all extremely ugly.

However, in life, at work, there are many people who think that mom is beautiful and temperamental. My mother's lack of confidence and cowardice in my heart and the confidence and calmness on the surface made me a tangled and complex combination. And this distortion tore at the mother's character from the outside in, making dignity and self-confidence on the scales, constantly swaying from side to side.

If in the crowd, I am a flying butterfly, generous and not afraid, then whenever I am alone or naked in front of the mirror, my mother will be ashamed and sad, curled up, trapped in her own ugly sketches, and the laughter of the illusion rings in her ears.

The shyness and lack of confidence in the treatment of the body gradually evolved into the excessive modesty and cowardice of one's own career, and later became groveling and fear of loss in marriage. Everything is like the butterfly effect, connecting the mother's successes and failures into a series of logically related cause and effect events.

Xiao Xia, the source of all this is likely to start with her mother's inner desire for perfection, and it has nothing to do with anyone.

When I was about ten years old, my mother realized for the first time that body shape and appearance were an area of concern. When I was younger, although I was just imitating the behavior of TV characters and your grandmother, I also had a curiosity about grease and powder, but I really observed and evaluated myself, it should be after the age of ten.

At that time, my mother was a young athlete specializing in middle-distance running, and with the expectations of the school, she was preparing to participate in sports competitions in the provincial games. At that time, I had to get up at 5 o'clock every morning to run laps in the back mountain, and I had to go to the playground to practice after school. Mom's face was tanned and red, and her legs were thick like newborn tree stumps.

Mom is proud of herself. Because he loves sports, is lively and healthy, and at that time there were already some male classmates who admired him to give gifts and love letters.

My mother, who was about ten years old, never had any special thoughts about her skin and body shape, neither felt particularly good, nor did she think that she was a little bad. The idea is very simple, isn't that what I look like?

And the awakening of the consciousness of beauty and ugliness really begins with the problem of a female classmate without warning. My mother was in school at that time, and she was an honor student with good grades, good sports, and good art, and full of self-confidence was the most common appearance of my mother.

One day during recess, a girl came up to her and suddenly said to her mother, "It turns out that your legs are not very thin." Mom didn't understand why her legs should be thinner, but she replied mechanically, well. When I got home, maybe even a few days later, my mother suddenly looked back and found that she had encountered a problem, should a girl's legs be thinner?

This question lingers in the mother's mind, for it, the immature mother has no answer, and it is inextricably entangled in the unsolvable thinking of many other questions, how to be beautiful, why some people are popular, and some people are not. Besides being yourself, is there more ways to make yourself beautiful?

Since that day, there have been more and more such problems, and my mother has gradually noticed that some girls around her will be liked by boys, while some people have a lot less followers, some are even very ordinary and inconspicuous, and some will deliberately dress up and put up lights every day.

And what kind of image is my mother herself in this piece of spring mushrooms?

In the mirror, she is a very thin but tough-looking girl. There is no flesh on the face, it is an angular face, and even a little asymmetrical. My eyes were hurt when I was smaller, and I was one big and one small. The lips are small and the eyebrows are thick.

The more the naïve mother observes herself, the more dissatisfied she becomes.

Why is the chin asymmetrical, the actors on the TV have either round faces or pointed chins, but I seem to have a square chin, and it is uneven from side to side. It didn't take long for a female star named Zhao Wei to become popular, and the name of Shu Qi, an actor, was often heard, and they both had generous mouths. And the mother with an asymmetrical chin thinks that if her mouth can be more aggressive, she may not make the asymmetry of the chin look so obvious. However, on the noodle plate, there is a cherry mouth.

The asymmetrical eyes have a more complicated story, when the whole face was broken because of the fall, almost to the same extent as disfigurement, and the scars on the eyes were almost worthless compared to the others. Everything faded, the blood stains disappeared, and in the end, only the big and small eyes were left, which was not easy, and gratitude was more than dissatisfaction.

The eyebrows are very thick, since I was a child, my parents and elders have said that this is called big knife eyebrows, but as my mother gets older and older, I have heard people talk about beauties, they are all willow leaf curved eyebrows, and I have never heard of a slender woman with big knife eyebrows. So the eyebrows can also be described as unsatisfactory, not as desired.

At that time, my mother went to the public bathroom with my grandmother to take a bath once a week, and during this week, rain or shine, there was no chance to wash again. At that time, the air quality was not good, and the dust was also heavy, and after a whole week, the whole person was already gray and haggard.

The ten-year-old mother, looking at herself in the mirror, began to quietly speculate and consider, and after looking at the left and right, she came to the conclusion that there are deficiencies in every place, and they still need to be carefully crafted.

So, there was a small figure in the classroom, and as soon as he was free, he put his chin against the table, so that he raised his eyes to look at the teacher every day, pressed his chin homeopathically, and thought to himself, one day, this protruding side can be pressed down.

However, before this trick could be penetrated to the end, my mother found that a small hard pimple on her chest was also the sequelae of pressing the table too tightly.

And this little bump, from the time it appeared when my mother was a teenager, to the present, has been painful and happy tormenting my mother's life. Mom will tell you in detail next time, how the body and the mother's heart have changed when you are older.

Xiaoxia, mom loves you.