Natsu-chan, Mom is now able to speak to you in gentle words, most likely because of the distance between us. If one day, we get along day and night, like many other mothers and daughters, and our differences permeate every part of our lives, and we may also have constant conflicts with each other.

Today, my mother, who is in her thirties, is in the middle of a quarrel with her grandfather. In the mother's opinion, although she was already an adult in terms of age, she saw in this repetitive and regular quarrel the difficulty of a person trying to gain adult independence. The focus of debate is who can make the decisions about the mother's life, whether it is the mother herself or the other person who puts forward the opinion. When Mom once had a marriage, she used her control of her life in exchange to please your dad, and in the end, the direction of Mom's life was completely out of her control, and the ending was unexpected.

And since the restart, my mother has always wanted to feel the taste of being the master, but she has fallen back to the right territory of a family of three created by her grandfather impartially. This familiar environment is also where mothers have lived for many years as children. But this time, my mother is an adult who has experienced major events in life, and I have not gotten the right to independence, and my mother has to take the initiative to fight for it.

In fact, we have not experienced it ourselves, and many experiences cannot make us empathize. Mom has heard before that the most likely time for power struggles arises is when life involves choosing a major and career direction, marrying someone, buying a house, decorating, and how to educate your children. These are important events that have long-term implications, and every family member involved wants to influence their own future or that of their loved ones. Mom used to think that as long as she gave up her rights in these matters and avoided fighting as much as possible, she could buy harmony. But it turns out that suppressing one's desires for a long time does not bring happiness. Everyone should have their place in life, have their own opinions, and practice their own plans. If you are lucky, then your relatives will try to work together and communicate with each other, and it is not impossible to achieve a win-win situation.

But this is difficult to achieve because our relationship with our loved ones is always fixed, and over time, we are renewing our personal roles. The inertia of the past will nourish and solidify existing relationships, making change more and more difficult to accept.

When we are all children, we will be very dependent on relatives like parents, grandparents, and grandparents. This sense of dependence gives us a lot of security. Correspondingly, our dependence empowers our loved ones and enhances their sense of control. Later, when we grow up, our abilities gradually increase, and the sense of security brought by our fellow relatives is no longer a necessity for us to settle down and establish ourselves. We can gradually make our own decisions, and we will no longer need their help as much as before.

But at this time, the other party is likely to be accustomed to dominating us, and their affirmation of their own abilities is also reversely dependent on us. In such a situation, there are some loved ones who will consciously let go slowly, acknowledge our maturity, and see the sense of boundaries that we have established ourselves. But there are also many people who will use various reasons to refuse to accept the reality that we have grown up from their perspective, hoping to protect us for a longer time. Breaking the relationship that has been established is difficult for the unprepared party to accept. Such a relationship between one party pushing away and one party following closely is not only in unequal love, but also everywhere in family affection.

My mother spent most of her childhood with her grandparents. Until now, my grandfather will give a very satisfactory evaluation when he recalls his mother's childhood and adolescence. Mom is a hard-working and excellent daughter. My grandmother used to say that when she was a child, she didn't know how to teach her mother, because she only received positive feedback and countless compliments at school and in the neighborhood. The way my mother looked at that time was almost a perfect image of an innocent honor student. In addition to encouraging my mother to strive for the top, my grandfather could hardly find an entry point to communicate with my mother about other things. At that time, learning well was still a child's goal in the general sense, and as for other things in life, they would be taken care of by their grandparents. Ignoring things outside the window and only reading sage books, this is the state of my mother at that time.

And my mother is also accustomed to listening to my grandfather, thinking that this is a necessary condition for family harmony. This inertia has been guarded by my mother to a gathering of my grandfather's friends, and after this historic event, my mother has experienced many silent confusions one after another. The consciousness of the right to one's own life probably awakened from that time.

When my mother was in the graduating class of junior high school, her grades were very good, and her comprehensive scores remained in the top ten of her grade, most of which were ranked in the top three of her grade, and she often won the first place in her grade. The timeline before and after the grandfather's party is blurred in my mother's memory, but my mother remembers one of the conversations. At that time, my grandfather drank tea with my old friends who I hadn't seen for many years, and my mother accompanied me.

My friend suddenly asked, what kind of career your child plans to do in the future? Although my mother is in junior high school, she has never seriously thought about her future career. When she heard this question, her mother immediately blushed, because she thought that the question was asked directly to herself, and she did not have a ready-made answer. As soon as my mother began to hesitate, my grandfather said very calmly that he was going to let her study law and become a lawyer in the future. Lawyer? Mom had never heard of this plan. But my mother was not disappointed or dissatisfied at that moment, on the contrary, she was even a little happy, thinking that maybe this direction was also good. Although my mother already knew at that time that the real judicial system was very different from the legal beauty presented in Hong Kong movies, it should not be too bad to imagine. Mom blushed and thought that it would have been better if she had known sooner.

After that, I may become a lawyer in the future, and it will become my mother's own words. Occasionally, I would mention it to my friends, and from time to time I would write it in my mother's composition. This sudden message has become my mother's medium and long-term life goal. However, except for an impression of this incident, my mother and grandpa never talked about this topic again, and my mother did not make any special efforts for this sudden goal. The days go on as usual.

Later, my mother went to high school, and another opportunity mentioned what she would do in the future. Mom thought that grandpa would say, try to be a lawyer. But that day, my grandfather said that I could consider taking the civil service exam. At that moment, the ordinary enough bubble of a lawyer burst and became another job. If the profession of lawyer can also use the legal beauty as a fantasy image, then for civil servants, all my mother can think of at that time is the image of a grassroots officer in the news. Very faintly, my mother said in her heart, I felt that I didn't want to do this. Despite feeling lost, my mother didn't say anything at the time. Later, I often felt this way, but my mother didn't say what she thought. It may be a really good career to take the civil service exam, but because of that short-term patience, I have been accumulating unspoken inner thoughts, and finally this option is negatively buried. The promising profession of civil servant has become a tombstone of my mother's own will.

Later, there were all kinds of similar things, on the one hand, my mother silently accepted the arrangement, and on the other hand, in this process, split into another self that only I knew.

But Xiao Xia, her mother was too naïve, and she always thought that this harmony would last forever. But this is impossible, because the long-term repression makes the mother always want to escape from the control and do whatever she wants, and this desire sometimes pushes the mother in the wrong direction. Doing the wrong thing just because you want to feel in control doesn't pay off.

Not only that, but the different opinions of my mother and my grandfather eventually erupted into contradictions in more and more important areas. Mom can talk to you later.

Xiao Xia, almost everyone will gradually see their own boundaries. Some people are earlier, in the familiar rebellious adolescence, with a stroke of the pen, to draw their own territory. For others, it is a little later, and it may be the year of establishment. My mother used to read and saw old people who have been fighting for their boundaries all their lives, that is to say, some people, who have not completed their transformation all their lives, have always been old children. Even though my mom is in her thirties, she feels like she's just beginning to draw her boundaries. And to become a truly independent person, my mother herself has a long way to go, but my mother feels that this is the real starting point of life.