New York mornings are awakened by the sound of drizzling rain, which rains from midnight to day, and even when the sky fades white, the rain does not become gentle. Teng Xiaofeng was finally woken up by the sound of rain, opened his sleepy eyes, and forgot that he was in New York for a while. I fell asleep last night in a daze, and when I woke up in the morning, I didn't feel very comfortable and went to the bathroom in my room to take a shower.

He came out half-naked, with a bath towel around his lower body, and came out of the bathroom with a towel and wiping his hair. Teng Xiaofeng saw himself in the full-length mirror on the wardrobe, remembered when he was in the hotel with Gong Yao, smiled unconsciously, and suddenly wanted to send her a message, picked up the mobile phone on the bed, and didn't know what to say, but he wanted to send her a message, and after hesitation, he sent a "Morning." ”

--It's night, what's early.

Gong Yao doesn't know why, it's weird.

Teng Xiaofeng remembered the time difference, it is now night in China, calculate the time, she should be resting. Teng Xiaofeng sent another "Good night." ”

"It shouldn't be a leave of absence to see your brain..."Gong Yao looked at the chat page box with him, feeling inexplicable, and didn't know what to reply, so he sent another "Oh." ”

"Again?" Teng Xiaofeng threw his phone aside, "You won't say good night?" Teng Xiaofeng buttoned the button of the shirt while talking to himself, and the inexplicable fire turned to the shirt, buttoning up and down, until he looked in the mirror and realized that he had made such a low-level mistake.

Teng Xiaofeng picked up his phone again, saw an Alipay arrival message, and saw Jiang Chen's remarks, Teng Xiaofeng hooked the corners of his mouth, "See me like this?" Oh, I'm going to let you spend my money. After speaking, he turned off his phone and thought thoughtfully for a moment.

Teng Xiaofeng was wearing a black suit, a black tie locked his neck, but his Adam's apple was more prominent and angular, and the straight black trousers stretched his legs longer, this suit should have been worn the year before last and this year, he didn't have the courage to do it today, he has been running away for the past two years, thinking that if he doesn't face it, he can treat it as if something didn't happen, and he can get rid of the past and forget everything, but the fact is that only by facing it can he let go, this time, he decided not to hide anymore.

Teng Xiaofeng drove to the cemetery by himself, and he still remembered the last time he came here, he didn't dare to step forward, he was hiding alone in the distance, and K's tombstone was full of people. He could imagine how heartbroken his family were, he didn't dare to see them all the time, and he felt that he was the culprit who indirectly killed K.

He went to bed late every night, and every time before going to bed, he recalled that he had accused himself countless times, if he hadn't been impulsive and self-righteous to stand up for K, he wouldn't have stopped classes for a week, he could have protected K well at school, and K wouldn't have committed suicide. He was his best friend, but he disappeared when he needed him the most, watching his best friend turn into a puddle of blood in front of his eyes, and at this moment, he was burdened with a life of sin and could not find forgiveness.

Teng Xiaofeng got out of the car, and the heavy rain stopped at this time. Teng Xiaofeng stepped on the stagnant water on the ground, step by step, and walked towards the place where he wanted to atone for his sins the most.

Teng Xiaofeng looked at the black-and-white photo on the tombstone, trying to suppress himself, but his eyes were still red.

"Kelvin, long time no see. I'm sorry I haven't been coming to see you for so long. Hey, you know what, since you left, no one at school has spoken Chinese. I hate speaking English, so I don't speak at all. Gradually, I packed myself up, others couldn't get in, and I couldn't get out. I don't know how, it's been two years. Time flies quickly, right, I've been miserable every day for the past two years, and I haven't been able to accept your departure for the past two years. Until that day, I saw you in my dream, you were still sunny, still a teenager, you stood on the top of the school building, as if you were trampling the world under your feet. You look more relaxed and self-conscious than before. Thank you for appearing in my dreams, and thank you for still treating me as a friend. Thank you. Teng Xiaofeng stood in front of the tombstone and said a lot to K's photos, and unconsciously his eyes became redder and redder, but there was a smile on his face.

"You are Teng Xiaofeng." Someone suddenly spoke behind him, Teng Xiaofeng looked back, and a lady with black hair who looked slightly haggard was standing behind him, holding a bouquet of white chrysanthemums in her hand, and seemed to have been standing behind for a long time.

"I'm Mom Kelvin." Before Teng Xiaofeng could ask, the woman said it first.

"Oh, hello Auntie." Teng Xiaofeng looked at the woman and nodded politely, her heart full of guilt.

"It's Kelvin's death day, and I thought I was the only one who remembered." The woman slowly put down the flower, stood next to Teng Xiaofeng, and sighed, "Kelvin's father went to prison when he was ten years old, and I took him to remarry two years later, my current husband is a businessman, I have always helped him deal with business matters, and I have always ignored Kelvin's feelings." I don't know how hard he hit and how traumatized his biological father was in prison, I just knew that I had to stand up and earn money to support my family. I don't know his sexual orientation, I basically didn't participate in his adolescence, I put myself into work hastily if his studies were good or bad, he once took the first exam in the class, and I was very happy to tell me, but I scolded him for being annoyed on the phone with a client. I don't know what Kelvin went through at school as a mother...... "The woman began to cry silently, tears falling to the ground, even a little untenable, emotional breakdown, and her body kept shaking.

Teng Xiaofeng supported her, her body was skinny, and Teng Xiaofeng felt that he was holding a pile of bones.

"It's me, it's me who killed Kelvin, I'm the sinner, I don't ask for the Lord's forgiveness, I don't deserve to be a mother at all." The more the woman talked, the more emotionally collapsed, Teng Xiaofeng helped her to the side and sat down, feeling very uncomfortable, but he didn't know how to comfort her, so he could only sit next to her silently, patting her back lightly as comfort.

"Actually, Kelvin didn't tell you in front of me, and after he went to high school, he stopped talking to me behind my back about school, and the words between us became less and less, so that it didn't feel like a mother-son relationship at all. It was your mother who came to see me, and your mother came to Kelvin's funeral. Gradually, the woman stopped her tears, but her voice was still choked with sadness.

Teng Xiaofeng looked at her with a puzzled expression, how could her mother know about this? How could it be possible to go to Kelvin's funeral?

"You mean, my mother?"

"Yes, your mother. Your mother came to me the day after Kelvin's accident, saying that Kelvin was a good friend of her son, and that she had come to visit me on your behalf and gave me a sum of money. Actually, I have known for a long time that my husband is having an affair, but I have never filed for divorce because of business problems. On the day Kelvin committed suicide, he immediately moved out, saying that he wanted to divorce me. Your mother doesn't know how to know about it, and she didn't mention it for fear that I would be sad again, but this condolence money from your mother really helped me a lot, so I thank you very much. ”

Teng Xiaofeng never knew that his mother had done so many things behind his back, and he had forgotten when his relationship with his parents gradually became estranged, he always thought that the people who changed were his parents, but he didn't know that he was the one who rejected them, and he became himself, not his parents.

"Your mother is a good mother, but I don't even know what friends my children have. It's ridiculous. The woman's eyes were surrounded by self-blame, she couldn't see the vision ahead, and her back was full of scars, and the seemingly hard exterior wall was actually full of cracks, and she could collapse at any time and shatter into a pile of dirt with a slight lean.

"Maybe in Kelvin's mind, you're still a good mother." Teng Xiaofeng turned his head to look at the haggard woman and said, he suddenly saw a light in the woman's eyes, and there was a light in the crack in the high wall.

"I remember that after I knew Kelvin's secret, I asked him if your parents knew? He told me that his father had been in prison since he was a child, and his mother seemed to have become a superwoman overnight, but he actually knew that his mother numbed herself with work every day, and she was afraid that her children would lose their father's love, so she found a man who looked good to marry, at least to give herself material care. He said that his mother was getting busier and busier, but he still didn't forget to come in the middle of the night to cover him with a quilt, help him check his homework in the middle of the night, pack his schoolbag, and bring him gifts every time he went on a business trip. But when he grows up and discovers his own sexual orientation, he doesn't dare to tell you, he doesn't dare to tell anyone, he feels ashamed, so he tries to hide it and avoid you as much as possible. Teng Xiaofeng looked at the woman, she stood motionless, as if she was shocked after knowing the truth, her eyes were full of tears, and she looked at K's grave blankly, as if she was even more sad and sad, but Teng Xiaofeng continued to speak.

"He has always treated you as his good mother, and he has not blamed you, so you don't need to continue to live with this shackle. I think what he wants more in heaven is for you to be happy and take good care of yourself. Teng Xiaofeng looked at her, tears soaked her eyes, wrinkles crawled all over the corners of her eyes, her lips were trembling, as if trying to restrain her emotions, tears instantly gushed out like a raging river, across her weather-beaten face, Teng Xiaofeng reached out to wipe the tears on her face, he seemed to see the light in her eyes getting stronger and stronger, in this light, he seemed to see Kelvin.

Teng Xiaofeng finally faced K's death, in the past two years, it has never been as easy as today, he looked at K's mother standing next to him, and believed that she would be the same, from today onwards, she will let go of the past and live a good life.

Suddenly, a breeze blew, Teng Xiaofeng looked up at the sky, the dark clouds were blown away, and the sky returned to blue.