Chapter 8 Low self-esteem
The wind at night is a little cold, there is a faint chill, but the night sky is extremely beautiful, the stars cover the entire night sky, like diamonds inlaid in the air, dreamy and beautiful, white clouds drift over the moon, there is a kind of hazy beauty.
Yi Ruo never thought that his life would be intertwined with Ling Chen.
He is like a shining star, beautiful, but can only be seen from afar, and he is like a speck of dust, not worthy of his goodness.
In the evening of the self-study class, Yiruo was a little happy, but a little melancholy.
Since the death of his mother, he has never felt too much warmth, life is like a pool of stagnant water, no life, Yiruo has no luster for life, only thinking about graduating from high school, being admitted to college, and studying outside while working and studying.
She hates life here, the small county town here is crowded, although it is also prosperous, but she doesn't like it here, she can't find a sense of belonging, she can't find her own position, although she has lived for a long time, but she seems to have only her body left here, and her soul is like a drifting water bottle that has been suppressed and blown away.
Now his appearance is like a light, illuminating Yiruo's youth, she has a trace of vitality, and has the idea of yearning for life.
But she has some inferiority complex and sensitivity, she has been helpless all these years, without her mother's care, and it has become a warm place in her heart.
When she was in elementary school, she packed her schoolbag and walked home.
She was ridiculed by her classmates for being a little bastard without a mother, she didn't know why her classmates called her like that, she was sad and angry, her tears ran down her cheeks, she quarreled with her classmates, crying that she had a mother, not a mongrel.
"Not a mongrel, but what about your mother?" A boy looked up at her.
"That's it, what about your mother? Where's Mom? The group of people gathered around Iroying.
"I have a mother, so you don't," Iroh cried.
The "motherless mongrel" boy was even more proud.
"This nickname is good, no fucking mongrel." A chubby boy with glasses said.
A crowd circled around Iro.
When a sinful thing is supported, it becomes justice, and those people will step on the highest point and crush the people below.
"Get out of here, y'all." Iro screamed.
Iro was furious, how could she allow others to insult her mother, she had a mother, she was not a mongrel.
Iro pushed the crowd away, picked up the roadside rocks and threw them at the group.
People are like that, when you try to fight back, they feel threatened, they will restrain their behavior, but the more scared they are, the more they will tear your principles without any bottom line.
"Are you crazy?" The leading boy was a little scared.
He didn't expect this weak-looking girl to make such a move.
He was intimidated.
"You're the motherless bastards, you all get out." Iro was ready to continue throwing stones at them.
Her eyes were red, anger filled her brain, she didn't care about her friends and classmates, she cared about that dignity.
"Let's go, she's sick." The boy led the group away.
Yiruo walked on the road, tears fell to the ground uncontrollably, she choked, and she could only bear all the pain alone.
That night, she told her father.
She was going to transfer schools, she told her father that she didn't want to go to this school anymore, the lectures were not very good, the tuition was still a little expensive, and she could go to a slightly cheaper school, anyway, her grades were good, and it would be the same to go to any school.
That day, her father asked her, did she really want to transfer schools? Although he didn't achieve anything and didn't give her much love, he still hoped that Yi Ruo would have something to do, after all, he had no ability in his life, and his daughter was a little promising, so he had some honor.
So it doesn't matter if school is more expensive or cheaper.
How can Yi Ruo tell her father that others scold her for being a mongrel, she knows that her father has an extreme personality, in case she tells him, he goes to school to do something extreme, won't things get bigger and bigger?
She thought about the situation of continuing to go to school, and the boys probably spread the truth that she didn't have a mother, she was a person with a lot of self-esteem, how could she let others call herself a bastard without a mother three times and twice.
When the teacher asked about his family situation that day, he shouldn't have told the teacher that he and his father were dependent on each other, and then told the whole class about it in front of the whole class, so that the students could care more about Yiruo.
She felt that something was wrong, she knew that the teacher had good intentions, but there was no need to tell the whole class about her family affairs, she felt that she was a joke now.
She had heard others say behind her back that she didn't have a mother, she pretended not to care, she was also on the way to dinner, and was asked by a classmate about the fact that she didn't have a mother, and she fooled around.
When she came back from eating, she also saw that there was no mother written in her notebook, and she turned a blind eye.
When did sad things start to become the capital of ridicule, she couldn't figure it out, and she didn't want to understand it.
She thought that she would just mess around with her elementary school life.
But she didn't expect those classmates to become more and more out of line.
This bit by bit completely cut off her good feelings for her classmates, yes, when the classmates didn't know that she didn't have a mother, everything was the most primitive appearance, just like a little angel, playing with her, chatting and talking, after knowing her real family situation, like a demon, the viciousness of human nature was infinitely magnified, and it was interesting and fun.
She is a little disgusted with human nature, but she can't face human nature.
That day, she sat alone in the room, with the lights on, writing a diary, she remembered her tablemate, she was a little reluctant to change schools, although the class was very hostile to her, but Ling Chen didn't care about this, it was still the same as usual, she should talk to her, she should smile, and bring her something to eat, she would help her clean up, someone bullied her, would help her fight back, she felt that he was her good friend, at that time she didn't know what liking was, she only felt that others were very good.
She was a little hesitant, she was entangled, but who understands her pain, the light source is just a little bit, and there is darkness all around, why are you still staying in such darkness, continue to let your classmates torture yourself?
Yiruo tore up the group photos of all her classmates and tore off the headstickers taken with them.
She threw the crumbs in the trash.
The next day, she told her father firmly that she had changed schools.
Dad agreed.
That day, she was in the class again as usual.
She really wanted to tell Ling Chen about her transfer, but she couldn't, she trusted Ling Chen, she knew that Ling Chen wouldn't talk nonsense, but what if she told him, she would say a lot of cheers, you would be fine. You are gold everywhere, you can shine, I can't bear to say polite words like you at the same table.
She remembered that Ling Chen gave her a gift that day, it was a pink notebook, she didn't know why Ling Chen was so good to herself, maybe she was too pitiful, and Ling Chen probably felt that she should be sympathized with all she did.
But I was very good to myself before, how to explain this? Haha, it can only show that others are real and sincere to friends.
That's all she could explain, what more could she ask for.
She left him with her best smile, didn't give him any contact information, didn't say goodbye to him, and just disappeared into his world.
She changed schools.
Transferred to a new class.
There was no one there who knew her, and that day, another teacher asked about her family situation, and she lied, saying that her mother worked on a relative's side and her father was at home in business.
She didn't want to be noticed by anyone again, how good it was to be an inconspicuous ordinary person.
Her lies brought her peace, and she passed elementary school peacefully, successfully entering the best junior high school.
She still thinks of the boy who gave her the notebook.
She fantasized about being reunited with him.
But the reality came to naught, she never saw him again, there was no news about him, and even his appearance was almost forgotten.
However, now, she met him again.
She wanted to seize this opportunity to say thank you to him, thank him for his care, but she didn't know how to speak, she felt that she was not worthy of him, she was a little inferior, her family, he knew, she still couldn't figure out why he was good to her, she didn't dare to expect him to like him,
Do white swans like ugly ducklings? How could it be, he was well educated, his parents were both publishers, he was lively and cheerful, and with so many beautiful girls around him, how could he like himself?
Just like the story of Cinderella and the prince, Cinderella still has to take off her shoes after 12 o'clock and live a life of dust.
Ding Ding Ding ~
Iro's mind pulled back to reality.
Evening self-study class is over.
The students walked out of the classroom one by one.
Chen Yao said hello to Yiruo and left.
Ling Chen didn't leave quickly, he was waiting for her.
"Aren't you leaving?" Yi Ruo looked at Ling Chen, who was sitting behind.
"I'm slow to pack things, have you packed up?" Ling Chen watched as Yi Ruo put the book into his backpack and zipped it up.
"Packed up, what about you?" Iro asked him.
"I've packed it up too, let's go." Ling Chen walked out of his seat with his schoolbag.
Yi Ruo and Ling Chen walked through the playground.
"Are you cold? Yi Ruo," Ling Chen said with concern.
"It's okay, it's a little cold in the fall." Yi Ruo smiled at Ling Chen.
"I'll touch your hand." Before Ling Chen could react, he held Yi Ruo's hand.
Iruo panicked, and her heart beat faster and faster.
"It's so cold, and it's okay." Ling Chen took off his coat and draped it over Yi Ruo's body.
The coat was a bit big, draped over Iro's body, a bit like a child stealing an adult's clothes.
"Thank you," Iruo was a little embarrassed.
"What's polite, what should I do" Ling Chen was also a little shy.
"Are you cold?" Iro asked.
"It's not cold, I'm wearing a sweater," Ling Chen pointed to the white sweater.
Iruo smiled.
"There's no class tomorrow, let's rest, let's go play," Ling Chen looked at the lovely Yiruo.
"Hanging out?" Iroh was a little surprised.
"yes, how are we both?"
"I'll think about it."
"It doesn't matter if you come here or not. I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at the school gate. ”
"Silly"
Yi Ruo and Ling Chen laughed.
The stars in the sky are beautiful, as if looking at them with blinking eyes.