"Is there anyone who lives in memories all the time?"

"Yes, there are quite a few such people."

"Why would you rather be reminiscent of the past? Don't want to cherish the present? ”

"It's natural, we're all like that."

From time to time, guests ask such questions to Guan Zailan, and after seeing a lot, she found that the doctors did not know it.

We all have the same disease.

They all want to live in their memories.

She also wants to live in someone's memories, a place where nothing seems to be in the world that is beyond the reach of the world, and where the overlapping time cannot drown out the buried.

Her little stepmother once told me that memories are not documentaries, they are French films that I watched thirty years ago.

She was 32 years old when she said this. That day, she came back from taking a taxi from the company alone, or they had a big fight. She didn't want to go home, so she made an appointment to meet Lan at a nearby teahouse. When I walked into the room, she was holding a cup of bitter old Pu'er, drinking it lonely, and her eyes fell on the distance, unpredictable. I remember her left hand, with her enamel Hermes watch, resting limply on the edge of the table, her fingers hanging fragile and low, and she finally collapsed there like an exhausted and tired beast. The blue spring light pouring on her face outside the huge floor-to-ceiling window was not the color of her world, illuminating her even more obscurely.

Guan Yulan couldn't help but walk over to her and sit down. In fact, they fought for all these years, and finally caused a dispute with my father, which was not lost to Zailan.

Instead, they lost to the fond memories that belonged to them. What makes her sadest the most is not that her father doesn't love her now, but that her father used to love her like that.

Guan Zailan suddenly remembered something.

Jingxi, what exactly is memory? The night breeze on Hanguan Mountain is still blowing in the blue mind with snow particles, and you have never recognized me. The night I got into your bed, you left behind her pathetic memories that you never knew.

Tong thinks that you will never fall in love with anyone again, and you will die alone. It turns out that this is not the case. Little did I know that Miao Haoshi would come and ask me the same question.

She was lying on the blue velvet couch in the exam room, covered with the thin knitted blanket I handed her. The afternoon sun shines through the window, and the room still lingers with the coolness of autumn.

"In Blue, will anyone live forever only in memories?"

"What's wrong? You're not the one to ask that kind of question. ”

"I'm not, but there's one person who seems to be."

"Who?"

"You don't know. Maybe it will be recognized. I have a chance to bring him to you. ”

"You care about him, who? Tell me about it. ”

"He seems to think of me as someone else, and he has someone in his memory that he can't forget." As far as she spoke, my heart was already inexplicably clenched.

"Are you in love with him?"

“...... What is love in Blue? ”

"I'm just a counselor, not an emotional expert. But you're worried about him? ”

"He's the one who braved the rain to get an umbrella to pick me up? It's just a coincidence. Hershey's smiled, a face she hadn't seen since these days.

It was dark that day. There seemed to be a rumbling thunder in the distance, obscuring the twilight haze that swallowed up the light, swallowed up the day, and even swallowed up the light years of peace between me and Hershey's in an instant.

I looked at her, and although she had just recovered from a serious illness, her slightly emaciated cheeks flickered somewhere, like a flower bearing a new color.

Jingxi, I guess, that person is you.

Why are you my French film, cherished all my life, I can't bear to read it, but you quietly enter someone else's life? And this other person turned out to be Miao Haoshi. Aren't memories irreplaceable? Isn't your heart already drowning with her? It turns out that I have cured your illness for so long, but I don't know the easiest way. Heart disease needs heart medicine to be cured, and I am not your heart medicine.

I looked out the window at the weather and heard Hershey say,

"Do you remember? You hate rainy days the most. ”

"Really? Looking for an umbrella in the rain? How do you feel so far away. When did you say that? ”

She talked about the past, and this moment made me feel indescribably sad.

"It's old. It's the third year of high school, it's the rainy season before the college entrance examination, and one day it suddenly rains heavily, and the rain seems to be going to be non-stop for the rest of your life. ”

"yes, for the next life. That's why some people say that if you want to love, you should love a person who goes out to find an umbrella for himself on a rainy day. This person appeared? ”

Hershey replied, "At that time, it was Cheng Sixiu who went to the sports center to find an umbrella to take me home, and I still think about his wet appearance." ”

"It turned out to be really him, we all guessed that it was Cheng Sixiu at the time, and you didn't admit it."

"How do I recognize it? Doesn't that mean I'm okay with him? Hershey's still lying on the couch and refusing to get up, pulled up the thin blanket that covered her body, and prepared for a good night's sleep.

"Haven't you had a good time?" I lifted the blanket.

"Actually, I didn't like him. It's a joke to brave the rain to find an umbrella, but you all believe it. You're still a psychiatrist. ”

I folded the blanket and pulled her to her feet. Her hands were cold, only a little warm.

"And what about this one?" I asked.

"I don't even know if he likes me."

"Does he also hold an umbrella to pick you up on a rainy day?"

She got up and put on her trench coat, pretending to run away. said, "When did Zai Lan become a third aunt and six mothers-in-law?" My good doctor. ”

That night, I didn't have dinner with her, and told her to go home early and rest. She didn't notice anything and drove away. After her Musanne was completely gone, I slowly drove the car out of the parking lot.

The torrential rain had poured down, and the rain did not give people a chance to breathe, and everything on the street was soaked in mist and turned into lonely light and shadow. My car drove like it was stuck in the mud, and it was hard to move an inch. A car behind me honked anxiously a few times, so I had to pull over and turn on the emergency lights. The mobile phone in the passenger seat leaked out of the bag, and I finally didn't have the strength to think about it anymore and broadcast your number directly. I don't store every single number of you, because I remember it, and it can be broadcast all the time. It's just that I don't want to admit that I want to call you so much.

The call went through. I was so sad that I couldn't speak.

"In the blue?"

“...... It's me. ”

"What's wrong? Can I help you? ”

“......”

"In the blue? In the blue? The rain signal is not very good. ”

"Where are you?"

"In the magazine social draft, I was stuck here without a car."

"I'll pick you up, in which magazine?"

"Now in a traffic jam, the editors here will have dinner together in a while. Don't come. ”

"In the blue? What happened to you? What happened today? "There was concern in your voice, but it was not deep or shallow, and it never crossed the horizon between you and me.

The warmth of your speech made me gradually sober up. I'm your psychiatrist, can I say I'm in love with you? Can I let you know where you stand in my heart? How do I let you know that I'm frustrated. I can't get into your heart anyway, all I do is wander around and snoop desperately.

"Berg, can you stay with me tonight? I...... Lost in love. ”

"Ah, when did you start falling in love?"

"It's over. Can you come and see me? ”

"Okay, I'll come later, are you in the office?"

"I'm at home."

"Okay, you have something to eat. Don't be too sad. ”

After hanging up the phone, I slowly calmed down, and even regretted calling you a little like this. We're just friends, aren't we? Or just doctors and patients. Who you will open your heart for is none of my business in the first place. I shouldn't ask you for affection, unless the person you're going to fall in love with is me.

At that moment, my heart was like this bleak moment, deep in the dark clouds, the sun was torn to shreds. Yes. I hate rainy days the most. Rainy days make people feel emotional, negative energy swells, and they are full of sorrow. On a rainy day, people are trapped in the whirlpool of emotions and entangled in the illusion of memories.

You're obsessed with your past, and I'm obsessed with your past, and that's true for us.