Feeling is a momentary thing, and once the moment has passed, you forget what kind of pleasure it brought you at that time.

Zhao Xun said goodbye to Wang Yi and returned home to see his father sitting on the sofa peeling an apple.

"Dad, I'm back!"

"I'm back."

"Uh-huh, Dad, what shall we eat for lunch?"

"Didn't you eat out with that boy?"

"No, if I eat outside, what are you going to do, hehe."

"Ouch, I'll just deal with an old man, you don't have to worry about me, look at you kid!"

"Dad, what are you talking about, I'm going to cook, you might as well rest early after eating."

Zhao found a simple stir-fry of two dishes.

I was sitting at the dining table with my father when I received my brother's WeChat video.

"Sister, what are you doing?"

Zhao Xun reversed the camera and shone it on his father and the dining table.

"I'm having dinner with Dad, what about you?"

"Mmmm, sister, show you who this is?"

Ziyi suddenly appeared in his younger brother's camera.

"Hey, sister!"

"Is it Xiaoyi?"

As soon as his father heard Ziyi's voice, he immediately put down the dishes and chopsticks in his hand and hurried to Zhao Xun's side.

"Xiaoyi, have you had lunch? What are you doing? ”

"Hello uncle, uncle, Mu Xuan and I just finished lunch, we have nothing to do, we are ready to take a lunch break, let's see what you are doing at home."

"Your sister and I are very good at home, it's not easy for you in Beijing, take care of yourself, you can call home if you have anything, do you hear?

"Okay, uncle, we are both adults, but you and sister, take good care of yourself at home, otherwise Mu Xuan and I will be very worried."

"By the way, a few days ago, I heard the uncle Wang downstairs say that his nephew and daughter, who don't eat every day, lose weight there, you say, isn't that foolish, don't you dare to lose weight for your uncle, you know? Chubby you're resistant, aren't you? ”

"Uh-huh, uncle, I don't lose weight, don't worry, hehe."

At that moment, the kind of joy from family affection that came from the phone Zhao Xun seemed to have never experienced it.

She even felt that she was "superfluous" in that moment.

After hanging up the screen, Zhao Xun touched his face, feeling a little hot, so he simply drank two more bowls of soup.

After his father returned to the bedroom to rest, Zhao Xun cleaned up the dining table, cut a plate of fruit plates, and put it in the refrigerator.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my father sitting there peeling apples, and my father must have been a bit hungry for fruit.

After Zhao returned to his cabin, he didn't expect his thoughts to become more and more chaotic, and his mind kept thinking about the video he had with his brother when he had just eaten.

In the past 20 years, it is no exaggeration to say that Zhao Xun has never heard her father say such things to her one day.

Zhao Xun always thought that his father had always been a typical representative of the rough type in the first half of his life, and after middle age, the years smoothed him out, and the relationship between her and her father became better day by day.

Although her father is no longer as arrogant and unreasonable as he was when she was a child, and he will not pull a face at her for no reason, he does care more about her.

Although Zhao Xun had never begged her father to treat her like the father of other children, she now saw that her father was so gentle on the other end of the phone talking to someone who was not related by blood, saying things she had never heard before.

She always felt weird there, and the more she thought about it, the more angry she became, and the more she thought about it, the more angry she became.....

There were two mes in one person, one awake in the darkness and the other asleep in the light.

In the light, she was breaking free, howling, screaming, screaming.

Finally, she broke through the cage and broke through all the restraints.

"Why? Why? Who is she? She's just a daughter-in-law who has just been identified and hasn't passed through the door? And who am I? I am the daughter who has served her for more than 20 years, how can she compare with me? Why should she compare to me? What did she take to surpass me for twenty years! ”

"No, I must stop her!"

For a while, all that flashed in Zhao Zhao's mind was the scene before she was in her twenties.

When she was eight years old, she lay alone in a mud pit full of cow dung for the whole night on a cold night in heavy rain.

At the age of eighteen, Zhao Xun was found to be deaf in his left ear.

At the age of twenty-five, she married a man thirty years older than herself......

"Nope! I can't let her surpass me, I can't let her compare to me! I'm the one who made the biggest contribution to this family! ”

Bang bang bang......

"Look, are you alright?"

Because his emotions were too out of control just now, Zhao Xun staggered and hit the bed board, hit the computer cabinet, and his father heard the movement, so he rushed to hear the news.

After being interrupted by my father, I woke up from my sleep in the dark.

"Oh, I'm fine! I'm fine, Dad. ”

The father did not seem to make any sound, muttered a few words, and had no choice but to walk away.

Gradually, in the light, I fell asleep.

Zhao Xun turned on the computer, and a song by Teacher Cui Jian's flower room girl sounded again.

I've walked past you alone

I don't have anything to say to you

I don't dare look up at you

Oh...... Face

You ask me where I'm going

I pointed in the direction of the sea

Your amazement is like for me

Oh...... praise

You ask me where I'm going

I pointed in the direction of the sea

You ask me where I'm going

I pointed in the direction of the sea

You take me into your flower room

I can't escape the scent of flowers

I forgot it unconsciously

Oh...... direction

You say I'm the strongest in the world......

In this hoarse singing, Zhao Xun didn't even hear the slightest shouting, mania and anger in the past.

So much so that for a long time, Zhao Xun listened to the panthers, listened to the Tang Dynasty, listened to the pain, they were irritable, they roared, they shouted.

Even Zhao Xun has summarized himself in the cynical category, looking at the metamorphosis in Hunan Satellite TV, and seeing those left-behind children who are not well fed and clothed, she is worried about the country and the people.

Watching a so-and-so middle school student jump off a building because of a class ranking, she questioned the school's current education model.

looked at the brightly dressed temperament woman walking on the street, but finally walked into the nightclub, and sang the flute every night.

watched those "gentlemen" who were polite and wore suits and ties, but in the end, they gave up their wives who had been chaff along the way for physical pleasure.

Zhao Xun began to doubt the world and the atmosphere of the world.

So, in the light, I began to scream and shout again.

Day after day, year after year, mountains are still mountains, water is still water, there are still left-behind children in the world, there are still nightclub girls walking on the streets, and the unsightly synonym of junior still appears frequently in marriage.

On that day, Zhao Xun was dressed neatly and walked alone for a long, long time until he finally disappeared into the crowd.

On the way, Zhao Xun met a gray-haired old man, and the old man asked:

"What's your dream?"

Zhao Xun was at a loss;

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

"It turns out that no matter how long I walk, in the end, I realize that I don't have the strength to change the world and change those things that are not satisfactory."

The white-haired old man stroked his beard with a smile.

"Young man, if you can't change the world, then you have to adapt to it, if you don't agree with the world, then you have to be yourself, because you are the only one in the world!"

Zhao Xun seemed to understand something at that moment, and the things that she had always cared about and that could make her angry were not precisely because she couldn't get them?

It turns out that that is human nature.

There are so many beings in the world, and if you are isolated from the world, none of us can escape it.

Of course, you can overcome it, manipulate it, or obey it and cling to it.

But you can't get rid of it.

Zhao Xun finally picked up his mobile phone and dialed Ziyi's number.

"Sister?"

Ziyi's crisp voice came from the end of the phone.

Zhao Xun was ashamed of his careful eyes at that moment.

Ziyi is her brother's girlfriend, and she may even be the younger brother's daughter-in-law who marries into the family in the future.

Father is just sighing for the family, and she is almost broken.

loves the house and Wu, and Ziyi will definitely be his closest person in the future.

"Ziyi, you just moved over, if there is anything missing at home, you can worry more about buying and purchasing, although Mu Xuan has a house, but if he lives alone for a long time, it is inevitable that there will be some bad habits, how tolerant are you."

"Sister, don't worry, I will definitely take care of our little family."

"Kari gave you 5,000 yuan, if you have any daily necessities to buy, you can use them first, and you can tell me if they are not enough."

"Sister, we have enough money, you don't have to send us any more money, you and your uncle don't have any money at home, you better keep it."

After hanging up the phone, Zhao Xun really realized that it seemed that she couldn't go out to work.

You can't live on the little money you left over from the past for the rest of your life, it's no different from sitting on a mountain and eating nothing.

If one day, Ziyi proposes the bride price, she won't be able to get a penny out of it at that time.

Zhao called a few acquaintances who had asked for a job in the past and asked them one by one.

It's just that there is no news at all, either there is no shortage of people in their own unit, or they are not in the same age, anyway, there are various reasons to prevaricate.

Zhao Xun looked at Wang Yi's postcard in his hand.

She knew that if she made this call and opened this mouth, then she would really owe someone from now on.

And she really can't think of anything she can give back to others.

Zhao Xun threw down the card in his hand and plunged into the soft quilt.

Thinking about it, I graduated from college and passed the fourth or sixth level of English, why is it so difficult to find a job in this small county?

The damn negative energy instantly soared to the extreme!

At this moment, Zhao Xun's mobile phone rang.