As soon as it was dawn in the morning, I put on a more serious shirt and trousers, and went to the Yellow Temple very early.

It was still early, and the golden sunlight had just shone through the treetops into the bluestone courtyard. The air had not yet warmed up, and the surrounding tranquility had squeezed out the hustle and bustle of the world. In an instant, I seemed to have forgotten my own existence, and my mind wandered freely with my eyes and mood in this mysterious Pure Land Buddha Kingdom.

Occasionally, I saw a few hurried lamas with a unique Tibetan smile and meaningful eyes on their faces.

Maybe it was the first time I had come into contact with this place alone, and I seemed a little nervous and restrained.

Outside the row of houses where the Buddha lived, I met the young waiter who was cooking milk tea for us when he came with Xu Konglan yesterday, he was carrying a thermos to the boiler room to turn on the water, and when he saw me, he was a little surprised: "Hey, I saw you again today!" ”

I greeted me with a faint smile: "Hello, how is the Buddha?" ”

"The Buddha is very good, how are you?" He looked delighted.

I smiled and nodded, "Hello." ”

"Hello, hello. Want to see the Buddha? The waiter was still very welcoming, and his eyes were full of pure friendliness.

I replied, "Yes, I called the Buddha last night." ”

"Oh, then I don't know, I went to run an errand yesterday." He was still happy, "The Buddha didn't tell me." ”

My nervous mood relaxed, and I felt a lot freer: "Does the Buddha have time now?" ”

The waiter nodded and said very seriously: "The Buddha is chanting scriptures, and he will go out after half past ten this morning, you come with me, wait in my room for a while." After the Buddha recites the scriptures, I will take you in. ”

I followed him. He said as he walked, "Is yesterday's milk tea good?" ”

I quickly said, "It's delicious, I've never drunk it before." ”

"I'm still boiling milk tea today, you have to drink more." He was so happy that his eyebrows flew up, "It's good to drink milk tea!" ”

Looking at his innocent appearance, I couldn't help but laugh.

As soon as I entered the corridor, I heard the crisp ringing of the bell in the Buddha's room, and the bells were intervening equally, which was particularly pleasant to the ear and very penetrating. I naturally retracted my smile and blended into that ** sacred atmosphere.

I entered a room next to the Buddha. The room was small and simple, but the bookcases and tables were filled with long loose-leaf scriptures in Tibetan scripture. I was asked by the young and modest lama to sit down on the couch. There seemed to be some special incense lit in the room, but there was no place for the incense burner.

I couldn't help but blurt out the compliment: "It smells so good!" ”

The waiter smiled embarrassedly: "A few days ago, several ** disciples of the Buddha came to visit the Buddha and gave the Buddha a lot of incense. The Buddha asked me to take a box to offer to the Dharma Protector, it tastes very good, hehe......"

Following the direction of the waiter's hand, I saw a painting of the Patriarch Thangka wearing a pointed yellow hat hanging above his desk.

I remember being told that he was a crucial figure in the revival of Tibetan Buddhism, the founder of the Yellow Sect of "Gelupa", and a great teacher revered by all the sects in Tibet. He was called "Tsongkhapa", which means a saint born in the Tsongkha region of Qinghai.

He also has many titles and names, among which the one that is considered to be the most revered and exalted is "Je Rinpoche", which means "Fundamental Treasure Buddha". But his name is not these, his name is "Lobsang Dhapa", which translates into Chinese and means "name of good wisdom".

Beneath this thangka is a rectangular silver box, beautifully carved, with wisps of smoke rising from the hollowed-out pattern of the lid's many patterns.

I asked curiously, "What is this?" ”

"It's the same as your incense burner, except that our incense can be burned lying down, so it's more comfortable!" The waiter explained with an eternal smile.

His warm smile dispelled the tension and restraint that remained in my heart.

Listening to the continuous melodious ringtones, I asked, "Is this the Buddha chanting?" ”

"That's right! The Buddha began to chant at five o'clock every morning. The waiter nodded and replied without boredom, "Praying for good fortune, praying for peace, increasing wisdom, cultivating compassion, there are many kinds of scriptures that need to be recited." ”

"You speak Chinese very well." I said with some surprise.

The waiter smiled embarrassedly: "The Buddha found me a teacher to teach me Chinese, and the Buddha has to check it every day." ”

When he said this, his expression turned out to be like that of a child.

I asked again, "What is the Buddha reading now?" ”

The waiter mysteriously put his palms together and said, "This is called 'Tama', and in general it is to make offerings to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, then to the Dharma Protectors, and finally to all the bells of hell and hungry ghosts. The most painful of the six realms are the Hell Path and the Hungry Ghost Path, and their suffering is unimaginable. So you have to rely on the help of the Buddha, and your own compassion and determination to save them. This is also a very important ...... for cultivating compassion in oneself."

"Means." He thought for a moment before he continued, "You wait for me, I'm going to turn on the water and make milk tea for you." ”

Without waiting for me to stop him, he made a gesture to me to be quiet, and then went out with a thermos.

I stood up and walked over to my desk to look at the unclosed loose-leaf book on it. At this moment, the Buddha next door shouted a few words of Tibetan. I didn't understand anything else, but I heard the name of the little waiter just now, "Junbei". I didn't know what urgency the Buddha was looking for him, so I had to go to the Buddha's room.

As soon as the door opened, the Buddha was cleaning up the things on the table. Seeing that it was me, I was a little surprised, but I was happy: "You're already here?" When did it arrive? I miss you so much. ”

I had to smile stupidly, I couldn't even remember a word of greeting the Buddha, and I didn't know how to use the etiquette that Xu Konglan taught me.

"What's wrong? Don't know me anymore? "The Buddha saw my appearance and smiled.

The Buddha's kind smile resolved my embarrassment, and I also laughed: "Buddha, how are you?" ”

"Good, good. What about Junbei? The Buddha smiled even more happily.

I quickly said, "He's gone to turn on the water, what's the matter?" I'll do it. ”

"You can't do it, you can't do it." The Buddha smiled, "You sit down." Are you alone? ”

"Yes." Seeing that the Buddha was very happy, I said quickly and seriously, "Buddha, I want to tell you something and make a request." ”

The Buddha saw that I was very serious, so he nodded: "Look at what you can do, I will do my best." Good no good? ”

"I want to take refuge." I said nervously.

The Buddha was stunned for a moment, and then laughed heartily: "This is a good thing, why are you embarrassed?" I'm glad you think so. ”

So I offered Hada to the Buddha, and the Buddha happily wrapped the Hada around my neck and blessed me.

There were some very strange things on the small table in front of the Buddha.

It looks like a large basin plated with gold, covered with various intricate and delicate patterns, and inlaid with turquoise and coral. A small kettle of the same texture, except that the handle is at a ninety degree angle to the left of the thin, pointed spout, in the shape of a closed ring that can be inserted into a finger.

There was a shelf in the large plate, made of beautiful brass, with a small gold-plated dish on it. The large basin was full of water, apparently poured from that kettle.

There are many things in front of the Buddha:

A string of crystal rosaries, a shiny bronze mirror, a wide and long white hata, a pair of silver bells that looked like they were connected by cooked leather strips, and a crystal bowl filled with water filled with small bronze Buddha statues and many jewels.

Obviously, the crisp and pleasant ringing of the bell I heard before I came in was made by the Buddha in the course of this secret ceremony.

The Buddha pushed these things out slightly, picked up the small string of ancient prayer beads from the scriptures on the side of the table, rubbed them in his hand, and blew them on his lips.

The Buddha looked me up and down, which made me embarrassed.

The Buddha smiled very happily: "Young man, don't be shy. ”

I opened my mouth to say something, but I remained silent.

The Buddha was even happier: "I have heard a lot about you, it was Xu Konglan who told me. She couldn't be with you at that time, it was painful! But now, she's in pretty good shape! ”

I was shocked by the words of the Buddha, and Xu Konglan confessed her feelings for me to the Buddha? But I was asking, "Why do you speak Chinese so well?" ”

"I have studied and lived in Beijing for many years, and I studied Chinese here when the 10th ** master was here." The Buddha smiled and looked at me charitably, "How is it?" How is it going? ”

I shook my head.

The Buddha looked at me with great concern: "From the phone call to me last night, I know that something must have happened to you. Let's talk about it, okay? ”

Bathed in the caring eyes of the Buddha and looking up at him to maintain a soothing posture at any time, I am like a child leaning on his mother's gentle, thick and kind breasts, and I can really feel the warmth of blood and hear the sound of its flowing.

I don't know why, but suddenly I wanted to cry, like a soldier wounded by a gun in a trench like a torn flower, staring at the sky with dying eyes, full of regret for being born:

"I now realize that the father I have always loved is not my biological father, I am divorcing my wife, my career is also at a low point, and the leadership position that is about to be approved is being snatched up by powerful people...... I'm in trouble, I'm in the abyss, I can't extricate myself......"

"It's understandable that these worrying and painful things are hard for you to accept." The Buddha nodded heavily.

Tears were already rolling in my eyes, and I felt that all my friends seemed to be on the moon at this moment, the dream was dead, and the city around me was bustling and desolate.

"I want to find my biological father, and I love my adoptive father very much; I hate ** Langwa, I despise the red apricot out of the wall, and my mother has a last resort; I laughed at bastards, and I didn't think I was, so involuntarily born; The wife I married was not my love, and I married her only for the sake of my father's wish; I'm not a fame chaser for fame and fortune, but I'm overwhelmed with grief and indignation when I lose the power that is about to come to my hands. ”

"Am I really miserable? Did I create too much sin in my previous life? Am I inconsistent? Am I bad? ”

On the contrary, the Buddha was amused by me and looked at me lovingly: "If a person recognizes his own shortcomings, there is hope for this person." ”

"But there will always be a conflict between my intellect and my emotions, and I don't know what to do?" I poured out my grief.

Immediately after that, I began the most sensitive and painful part of my life: "I now feel that maybe there is really nothing left but work. Am I making the right choice? I can't seem to break free from the bondage of reason, emotion, and work, which is like the vice of alcoholism or the addiction to drugs, which is constantly flare-up and helpless. Maybe I'll never change, maybe I was born that way. ”

The Buddha still looked at me very kindly, and when I spoke, the Buddha nodded for a while, and shook his head for a while.

When I didn't know what to say, the Buddha said to me very seriously: "Karma in the past life will be retributed in this life; Create a business in this world, and receive retribution in the future. Do you think reincarnation is like this? A soul is immortal and then judged according to his good or bad merits? And then the Almighty Buddha to have mercy and save sinners? ”

"Isn't that so?" I looked at the Buddha with doubt.

"That's not the case," the Buddha smiled, "this is superstitious Buddhism, secular Buddhism, not real Buddhism." ”