My father was as enthusiastic as ever.

It's a pity that he didn't know that at this moment, under the calm appearance of his youngest son, whom he loved and was most proud of, he had already turned over the river and the sea and had turbulent waves.

I looked at my father carefully.

high forehead, white eyebrows and black eyelashes are very thick and long, very much Antarctic fairy look; The eyes are large and bright, with slightly higher cheekbones; He stroked his short gray beard, squinted his eyes, and let the soft light surround him—as my father was used to—and the way he stroked his beard was more familiar to me, and he was so kind and amiable.

After cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks, I sat down at the table again, looking at my father's face in the light, and a stream of soreness, pungency, and pity washed over the embankment of my emotions.

I asked my father in a steady tone, intentionally or unintentionally, "Dad, you are in good health now." I heard from my mother that you had a serious illness when you were young and were in a coma in a hospital in Shanghai for three days. Really, Dad? ”

"Really, the coma was due to general anesthesia." The father opened his eyes and spoke slowly and unimpassively.

"Oh!" I came to my senses and continued my inquiry.

At this moment, I suddenly felt so bored, so shameless, so mean, and even so ruthless.

"Dad, I heard from others that we also have an eldest sister who was later given to someone else. Where is she now? ”

My father's kind gaze without any suspicion, like a bright silver dagger, drew and cut my skin.

As always, he explained to his son, unguardedly: "She was not born to your mother, but was brought back to raise her." When she was five years old, she was kicked out of the house by your grandfather and finally taken away by her own mother. Now I don't know where she is. ”

I didn't ask again, I didn't want to take this merciless and cruel whip, beat my father, who loved me dearly, and give the last good time of my life to my father without regret! I don't want to pick up this whip again and whip my own already scarred, bloodstained soul!

I gazed at my father, who had been raising me until I graduated from college and asked me to marry and have children, and said softly, "Dad, rest early." Before I could finish speaking, I quickly turned to the side and ran to my room.

I knew that if I had slowed down a little, the tears that had been under my control would burst in front of my father.

Stand in front of a one-person tall dressing mirror and carefully examine yourself in the mirror.

The hair is jet black, and the bridge of the nose is high and straight; The thick sword-shaped eyebrows are slightly raised, extending to the temples; The charming double eyelid eyes are all the more touching because of the sadness, and the sad, angry, and mournful eyes seem to be hidden in the expression that cares nothing but cares about everything; The thin rectangular face is suffocatingly handsome, but it has a little more concise lines than a girl; The skin is as smooth as teeth, and even gives people a youthful texture that is not fully developed.

The whole face is reflected by the faint light of the lamp behind him, like a carving from the temple of Ossis.

I was amazed at how I looked! I have never observed myself so closely, and after observing myself, I seem to have been impressed by my own style and charm! But at the same time, a great pain came to me in a stormy wave: I did not resemble my father in the slightest, except for my eyes!

Thinking of the sister who was five years older than the eldest sister and still did not know her whereabouts, thinking of my father who was in a coma for three full days under anesthesia, and thinking of what my eldest sister Minglan had told my mother to my father before she died, "After I die, I am worried about whether you will pull the child up", I made a judgment: My father may not be able to have children.

As soon as this thought flashed through my mind, the faces of my brothers and sisters appeared in front of me, and none of them looked like my father!

Oh Father, O my dear Father! Do you know all this? You wouldn't be unaware, would you? If you know, what kind of pain and what kind of suffering should you endure? Lying on the bed, twisting and turning, my thoughts seemed to be violently whipped by a whip, and I thought of the pain wherever I wanted.

I think of my father, Chu Guangzong.

Born in 1920, he married his mother, who was a full 10 years younger than him, at the age of 26.

When I was a child, I heard my mother say that my father was born in a rich family, because the brothers fought lawsuits for property, and the family was in the middle of the road, and the grandfather's generation was completely broken, and the grandfather was obsessed with smoking, so that there were only three broken grass houses left, and my father was not able to marry the eldest lady of the Chang family, who was also in the middle of the family and was a smash hit in Binjiang Town at that time, that is, my mother Chang Xiangyu.

My father had a rough life, fished and touched shrimp, worked as a mason, worked as a tailor, and finally entered the Hongqi Township Supply and Marketing Cooperative. When I was 9 years old, my mother passed away, and my father retired early and was replaced by my eldest brother Mingyu.

I used to hate my father, hated that he didn't care about his children like other children's fathers, hated him for letting me do my own laundry after my mother died, hated him for not going to school to see me once in the two years I was in high school, and could only secretly look at the food, clothing and drink brought by the parents of my classmates with envious eyes, and hated him for blaming me for wasting the bus fare by sneaking home from Beijing during the National Day, in fact, he didn't know that it was because I was too worried and worried about him!

But now that I think about it, what right do I have to hate my father, hate my father who did not give birth to me but raised me!

Every time I'm at home, isn't my father cooking for me? Isn't it for me to continue feeding pigs and farming after my father retires? Also, what did my father ask me for? But my unfilial son, this son who is not his own, hates to ask for his heart, and now he still worries and does not know how to eat!

I only know how to work and study, and how hard to honor him!

Is once a month a visit home sufficient? Could it be that a few gifts at a time are enough to comfort his beloved son? In fact, the long pain, deep sorrow, and deep loneliness behind my father, I can read and taste a little!

Father, from your face as calm as autumn leaves, from your body as calm as a mountain, how can I not see the slightest complaint or dissatisfaction from you?

And the mother!

The mother who died when I was nine years old!

Her pain, her sorrow, even if the times have developed to the present, it is difficult for people to sympathize, let alone understand!

It seemed to me that there was a long, long road that had been built thousands of years ago, and there were many women walking on the road, stumbling and stumbling, and my mother walking in it.

"Three from four virtues" blackmailed the mother, and the "no queen is great" destroyed the mother, and the mother had to do "**" to give birth to us "wild seeds". Bastard...... Bastard...... Bastard...... I don't remember exactly what people said, but I remember that my mother was holding me tightly and shaking constantly, and I only remember the astringent and sour taste left by something flowing into my mouth.

At this moment, my heart felt as if it had been pierced by a steel needle hundreds of times.

Oh Mother, my bitter and great Mother! My son understands your pain and sympathizes with your pain!

You're not wrong, it's just thousands of years of pure rules and precepts that are wrong, and it's just people's distorted perverted souls!

I am like a delicate grass in a storm, and I am like a lost boat in a stormy sea. In a trance, I felt as if I was nothing, like a speck of dust, floating from nowhere and flying somewhere.

yes, who am I? Who is my father? Why did my 39-year-old mother give birth to me, leaving me with so many questions, so many troubles, and so many pains! I felt like I was in a dream, how nice it would be if it was really a dream, how good it would be to live in a dream forever without waking up.

But I know that this is a living existence, this is a cold fact, and the story that originally happened in the movie novel appeared to me mercilessly!

Suddenly, I became angry, and a sense of human dignity drove me to fight against the cold reality for hundreds of rounds.

I stared at my own face in the mirror.

Never so sad and so white as now, like the towering rocky cliffs; The angry look was like thunder and lightning about to explode in the dark sky; staring intently, his eyes shot out a sword-like green light, and it seemed like a fire that burned everything at the touch of a button; His lips were closed and his teeth were clenched, as if he wanted to crush all the pain, all the shame, all the resentment.

But for some reason, I threw the mirror far away, clenched my fist and pounded my head, and breathed as hard as I could no longer live.

I felt like my whole body and mind were standing on the beach, and in an instant, all collapsed, all shattered, all melted, all turned into tears, pouring out unstoppable.

Gradually, I seemed to become a speck of dust, floating up and flying to my father, as if I felt that my father had never loved me so deeply and so intensely as he did today.

I snuggled happily on my father's knees, looking up at him: smiling and his eyes shining with joy; A smile overflowed from the corners of his mouth, and his tightly closed lips naturally relaxed, and the smile spread all the way to his cheeks. I felt the warmth and caress of my father, and I felt the happiness of life.

But when I looked up at my father again, he was gone.

I panicked and scared, I was scared, I yelled, daddy, daddy, daddy...... There was no reply, only the white sun above the head shook people's hearts and hearts; Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...... My mother wasn't there, only the winding path around me made me pessimistic and desperate.

I ran lonely and shouted in heartache, my voice was hoarse, my legs were weak, and finally I shouted Feixia.

She jumped and jumped in front of me, smiling sharply and speaking harshly...... Bastard...... Bastard...... Bastard...... I quickly turned around and tried my best to run and run, but I couldn't get rid of her ghostly figure and poisoned arrow-like language...... Bastard...... Bastard...... Bastard......