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On August 17, 2020, after several days of tossing and turning, I began to write this book, which is a memoir of my first love, to commemorate the person I have always missed in my heart, Li Xinyun.

Although it was difficult to recover from the water, it was very irrational, I still wrote it, and I didn't understand the truth, but I am a human being, not a Buddha.

With the help of this online platform, I store the bits and pieces of you in my heart, those memories that have disappeared in the wind and rain.

Because I didn't want to post it here, it's just that Tencent Weibo has been closed, Sina Weibo is not easy to play, and QQ Space is worried that one day Ma Huateng will be closed like Guan Classmate. I thought of the novel website here......

……

Time...... August 2020......

The movie is showing a replay of "Journey to the West: The Great Sage Marrying", whether it is the affectionate confession of the Supreme Treasure on the silver screen to Zixia, or the confession of deep repentance before wearing the golden hoop, it makes my heart ache faintly......

There was once a sincere love in front of me, but I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it. There is nothing more painful in the world than this. If Heaven could give me a chance to do it all over again, I would say three words to that girl: I love her. If I had to add a term to this love, I would like it to be... 10,000 years!

……

For me,

10,000 years is too long, and 100 years is difficult to survive, and I just want to fight for the day......

But what if even the day and night are indisputable......

There is one thing that even the Buddha could not understand, and that is what do you do when you fall in love with someone else?

Q: Give up?

Me: Give up.

Q: Do you really give up?

Me: What if you don't give up?

Q: Sad?

Me: It's not just sad, it's as uncomfortable as dying.

Q: Do you cry?

Me: I want to choose not to cry.

Q: Have you chosen?

Me: I can't choose.

Q: Then you can cry.

Me: What about after crying?

Q: Will you still cry after that?

Me: I think I will...

Q: Aren't you ashamed?

Me: Lost...

Q: Are you still crying?

Me: I can close my eyes, but I can't hold back my tears.

Q: After that, you can cry when you think about it.

Me: I...

Later, I cried when I thought about it T_T

……

If you are injured, you will lick the wound, and after licking the wound, you may forget the pain, and after you are better, there will always be an accident that causes pain again, and the pain of the injury will come again.

The house is gone, you can buy it.

The chair is gone, and it can be placed.

When the lovely people are gone, they won't come back.

It's been ten years, Xinyun.

Three years of love

Three years of struggle

Three years missed

It's been ten years in the blink of an eye.

Xinyun, from the realization to the present, today, exactly 4,000 days and nights.

Every time I see you in a dream, I wake up with insomnia.

In this life, can we see each other again?

Far away, aimless, waiting all the time...

In this life, can I see you again?

It's like the lyrics of "The Love of My Life" sing......

Once upon a time, now it has passed, and it will never come again

Red and red leaves are buried in the dust

The beginning and the end are always the same

You on the horizon are floating outside the white clouds

The sea of bitterness turns over love and hate

There is no escaping fate in the world

Blind dates are unapproachable

Or I should believe it's fate

The lover will never come again after saying goodbye

Sit alone without saying a word and look out of the world

Flowers will always wither

But will open again

The love of my life looms outside the white clouds

……

It's been like a blink of an eye for so many years

I never stopped wanting to go back to the way I used to be

If you don't let go of a fate

Now whether to find a piece of the sky

Oath so many years

I never gave up and never forgot

Unchanged original love

Just this time, once and for all

Youth can no longer be repeated

Fate and fate have become clouds

Close your eyes and think of your daily life

Open your eyes and recreate your lingering

Oath so many years

Only you are forever and forever

forever

……

Like leaves, the leaves fall and turn into silt.

Like tears, memories are red dust.

This memoir is a record of every bit of my memory of you. Those scenes that I never forget, those love that I have never forgotten.

you

In a word...

Smiles...

……

Xinyun, it's been ten years.

I still remember that you shouted out the words with red eyes and crying: "In this life, you will never find anyone who loves you more than me in this life!" ”

You wept so much that your eyes were red, and you were so hurt that I was endlessly repentant and kneeling to apologize to you.

It's like yesterday, and it's still in front of you.

For many years, I have kept you deep in my heart.

I know that there are some secrets that cannot be told. But there is nowhere to put it, and I will go crazy if I suppress it. But what can be said?

I don't want to know how, I can't forget you, maybe when I'm old, I'll have dementia and amnesia, but there really is a day, I think, I won't want to forget you in my heart.

Even if I can't do it all over again, I want to make a note of the bits and pieces you left in my heart...

Whether it was in the past or in the future, I don't want to forget you in my heart and become a strange three words in other people's mouths, Li Xinyun.

Is it just possible... When I'm old, it's not what I can think about at all... Just like back then, there was no such thing as now, it turns out that I love you so much...

Never forget,

Never gave up.

……

Date...... ...... September 6, 2009

Time: Around 5 p.m

Place...... On the lawn in the student dormitory town......

I remember the day I first met you.

It's dark, and dusk is approaching.

The fragrance of osmanthus flowers fills the city of Guilin.

I bought a big bag of fruit outside the gate of the student apartment town, and I wanted to go straight back to my accommodation, but I thought it was still early and it was too boring to go back so early.

It wasn't long after the university started, but I had already walked around the school once, and I didn't have any thoughts of walking around, so I just wanted to find a place to sit.

So, I walked alone and carried this big bag of fruit onto the sidewalk of the student apartment town.

As I walked, I saw a large lawn on the other side of the road, the afterglow of the sun was just right, half of the lawn was shady, half of it was exposed to the sun, and I walked over without much thought, and came to the shade and sat directly on the lawn.

The environment here is very good, there is half a small mound, and the fence of the student apartment town is like a gentle zigzag building around the perimeter.

I sat on the lawn, put down the bag in my hand, opened it, and saw that I was about to have my usual fruit dinner, and muttered to myself, "I bought too much again." ”

When I buy food, I see that I like it, usually pick a few here, pick a few that, and I don't think much about whether I will buy more because of this, but the boss is good and helps me cut and pack.

I looked at the fruit for more than 30 yuan, I can't eat it all, take it back to my residence? Forget it, it's so far away, and it's all already cut.

So, I took my phone and dialed one of the numbers, then said a few words and waited quietly......

After about five or six minutes, the person I was waiting for appeared from the downhill junction in front of me.

I saw that a girl accompanying Liang Lin was walking towards me.

From a distance of seven feet, I saw that the girl next to Liang Lin was wearing a bundle of ponytail hair swaying from side to side, wearing a blue and white striped round-necked long-sleeved T-shirt, a pair of dark blue jeans, and a pair of leather dark blue flat-soled low-heeled shoes with two blue lace flowers on the shoes......

Liang Lin brought her to me and said, "Let me introduce you, this is my dormitory roommate, Xinyun."

I heard Liang Lin's introduction, and out of politeness, I said, "My surname is Ruan, just call me a classmate."

Liang Lin glanced at me dissatisfied: "Why do you say it so outwardly, it sounds embarrassing......"

I glanced at Liang Lin speechlessly and didn't answer.

My personality is like this when I first came here, very casual, I don't like to think too much, and Xinyun, who is a stranger when I meet for the first time, I don't want to talk much, and it's not just her, but it's the same as all strange girls.

Actually, when it comes to my acquaintance with Liang Lin, it has only been less than a month. It was because of the introduction of another classmate, the two of them were classmates, and I, who were classmates in the same school as them, was in the next class.

Liang Lin was a little dissatisfied with my attitude, so she said, "Xinyun, don't care, this guy is a stinky person......"

After finishing speaking, Liang Lin and Xin Yun sat down directly on the lawn.

The three of them were like C letters, Liang Lin sat in the middle, and Xinyun and I sat on either side of her.

I didn't object, after all, I don't care what others think of me, I'm casual, and I'm used to other people's thoughts, so it's good not to care.

And Xinyun didn't seem to care about this, and said with a slight smile on her face: "Hello, classmate Ruan......"

I watched Xinyun smile at me, and saw that her eyes were not dissatisfied with my coldness, so she smiled gently, and then said, "I'm like this, don't see me outside." ”

Liang Lin saw that Xinyun and I were both so polite, maybe they felt too rusty, so they said: "Why are you both so polite, don't be polite, come, first have an international salute, shake hands, and say hello to each other again."

Xinyun and I were unmoved, faintly, just smiled slightly, and didn't say anything.

Liang Lin looked at me and Xinyun, she grabbed my right hand with her left hand, grabbed Xinyun's left hand with her right hand, put our hands together, and said, "Don't be so polite, too polite, you are really." ”

I didn't feel anything, but I was embarrassed to see Xinyun.

After all, the first time you meet, a girl at school, who will shake hands with the opposite sex, and it is not the first meeting gift with a foreigner.

Then the three of us sat on the lawn.

Liang Lin looked at me and said, "How is it?" Actually sitting here. ”

I said, "Oh no, I just walked around and got here." Look, I'm not buying food? Would you please come down and eat? ”

Liang Lin threw a roll of her eyes at me and said, "That's it?!" ”

I nodded and said, "I bought too much, I couldn't finish eating, and I didn't want to take it away, and I didn't want to waste it and throw it away, so I asked you to come down with me."

I did buy too much, because I was more anorexic lately, and I didn't want to eat fried and boiled meals, and I didn't want to eat noodles and the like, so I bought several small bags of various kinds of whole bags of fruit.

Moreover, I was in the college student apartment city, and I only had the phone number of Liang Lin's old classmate.

Liang Lin pouted even harder, and gave me a roll of his eyes, and then said, "Okay, for the sake of deliciousness, help you destroy them!"

Then, Liang Lin beckoned and Xinyun to join in, and the three of us began to eat fruit.

I took one look and pulled out a small packet of tissues and handed it to both of them.

Liang Lin took the tissue, glanced at the couple on the tissue bag, and quipped: "Oh, the tissue you printed with your heart, this fragrance is really smelly and beautiful."

I casually asked, "What's the matter?" Can't I use it yet? Who said men weren't allowed to use it? ”

Liang Lin didn't speak, just looked at me with a giggle.

I was really speechless at Liang Lin's giggling appearance, so I didn't speak. I can also see that her personality is actually like this, free and easy to joke, mixed with a little bit of others.

My appetite was a little bad, I looked at Liang Lin, then at Xinyun, and then quietly looked up at the sky.

It was almost dusk, and the weather was fine tonight, sitting on the soft and thin lawn, watching the sky be a large field of burning clouds, reflecting a bright red.

I was stunned to think about something.

Everyone has their own thoughts, just like me, just like you, just like the world.

When I came here, I didn't want to do what I wanted, and when I came here, I just wanted to be well.

I quietly looked at the sky, thinking about some things from the past, some were tired, some were empty, and some were uncomfortable.

About half an hour later, Liang Lin's mobile phone rang, interrupting me in a daze.

Liang Lin got up and answered the phone, and then walked to the other side to answer, more than ten meters away.

I have very good eyesight since I was a child, I have 5.12 vision in both left and right eyes, and my ear power is also very good, about ten meters, if it is not a very small sound, I can almost hear clearly.

I didn't want to listen to it, but when I saw Liang Lin's sad expression, I listened a little carefully, and I could only sigh in my heart: "The only thing that can hurt people's hearts in this world is love."

About ten minutes later, Liang Lin ended the phone, lingered for a while, seemed to control her emotions, and then she came over to me and Xinyun and said calmly: "I have something to do now, I can't accompany you, let's do this first." ”

I looked at Liang Lin, and I didn't know how to say it, I couldn't help her, so I could only say, "Okay, then pay attention to safety when you take the car."

Liang Lin nodded, and then turned to leave.