I don't know when I fell asleep, it was like I was stuck in a swamp, and my surroundings were full of sludge.

I was woken up by the alarm clock in a daze, and I saw that it was six o'clock in the morning. Hu Shanshan still didn't call, I tried to call, this time I got through, but no one answered.

It wasn't until noon that Hu Shanshan sent me a WeChat message saying: "I'm really sorry last night, I was too rushed, and I couldn't use my mobile phone when I got on the plane, so I didn't call you." ”

"It's okay, you really believe I'll wait for you!" I edited these words, thought about it, and deleted them.

In the end, I didn't reply to her, put my phone on silent, and worked with peace of mind. It wasn't until I got home from work that Hu Shanshan called me twice, but I didn't receive it. The third time I called was at 22 o'clock at night, and I looked at where her name was dangling on my phone, and it was dazzling.

But I still didn't answer, and I didn't know who I was messing with, what was I going to do?

Hu Shanshan didn't call me again for the next two days, and I saw some of her updates in the circle of friends, all of which were group photos with old classmates, expressing her nostalgia for her time on campus.

It wasn't until the 18th that Hu Shanshan suddenly sent me a WeChat message saying: "Lu Xia, I don't know what's wrong with you, and I don't want to ask anymore, I'm so tired!" But I'm still going to Hefei tomorrow, at 10 a.m. I waited for you at the airport for 5 hours, and I didn't wait. ”

Seeing this WeChat made my heart feel very uncomfortable, and I couldn't calm down for a long time.

- If you haven't been here before

- if I had never left

- Does grief slow down?

Sometimes we all make mistakes, and we make mistakes again and again! We don't even recognize our mistakes and don't repent. When grief approaches, when thoughts erode, our so-called self-esteem is so fragile and impotent.

I have been very decadent in the past few days, I have not replied to Hu Shanshan's WeChat, nor have I asked for leave from the unit, and I still got up mechanically, went to work, and clocked in on May 19. I thought I could let go, at least survive the day, and my world would be able to rid her of her completely.

As Sun Yujian said, why do I think she will like me? How much do we know about each other?

There is a sense of powerlessness that eats away at me, and I no longer have the confidence to conquer!

When Luo Qian finished typing the card and saw me in front of the desk, she exclaimed in surprise: "Lu Xia, you won't fall out of love, right?" ”

"What?" I was baffled.

"I remember you were going to pick you up today! Did you forget? Or ......"

"We had a fight." I'll put it succinctly.

"She's not coming?"

"Come on, but I don't want to pick her up."

“……”

After a long time, Luo Qian slapped me hard: "Guilty of you, this is a scumbag, people will hate you for the rest of your life." ”

"Hate as much as hate," I said.

"If you're like this, no one will look down on you," Luo Qian said, "including yourself." ”

"Sister Luo, you don't know the situation, we ......"

"I don't need to know" Luo Qian interrupted me and said, "I only know that your current behavior is called evasion, and when you turn around and look at this matter later, you are only afraid that you will regret it." ”

"Lu Xia, have you ever thought about how much harm you may bring to others just by a willful behavior? If you went to Shangrao to find her last time, she avoided her, what would you do? ”

"Lu Xia, maybe you don't have love yet, or maybe your love is fragile and dead. But even if you don't have any feelings, the path you've traveled together is real, right? With that, it's necessary for you to go and see her. ”

Luo Qian said a lot, until she saw me take out my car keys and grab the door.

At this time, it was already half past nine in the morning, and Hu Shanshan was still half an hour away from the airport, so I became anxious, picked up the car, stepped on the accelerator and went straight to Airport Avenue.

Maybe because of the bad state, or because he was in too much of a hurry, he had a car accident not long after he left the company.

When Zhou Haoran arrived, the traffic police had not yet arrived, and I took a look at the time at 10:20, and Hu Shanshan was already waiting for me at the airport.

"Da Zhou, you take me to the airport quickly." I don't care about the follow-up of the car accident, and I grabbed Zhou Haoran and said.

"I'm still going to Mao Airport, it's almost the same as sending you to the hospital" Zhou Haoran looked at me who was disheveled, took out a tissue from the car and handed it over: "Wipe the blood on your face and see if you need a few stitches." ”

"I'm fine" I threw off the tissue and went directly to Zhou Haoran's car, and I didn't care about others shouting, so I asked Zhou Haoran to drive quickly, I had to go to the airport.

The traffic jam on the road was very bad, and it took more than an hour to reach the airport. At this time, Hu Shanshan had been waiting for me for two hours, and I saw her standing in front of the departure hall with the tow bar of the suitcase in both hands, and from time to time the taxi driver stopped to ask, and she just shook her head gently, without a trace of expression on her face.

"That's how you saw her?" Zhou Haoran poked his head out of the car window and asked, "Why don't you wash your face too?" I don't know, I think you just killed a pig. ”

I hesitated a little, looked at Hu Shanshan standing impressively in the crowd in the distance, and hesitated to move forward.

What would she do if she saw me now? Will laugh? Worried? Will you be impressed? Maybe Sun Yujian is right, we are just online dating, how can there be any love at all!

After walking the steps in front of the hall, I could stand in front of Hu Shanshan and look at her, but at this moment I couldn't move at all. Eventually, he sat down with his back to Hu Shanshan.

Suddenly I felt very tired, and an icy river flowed in my heart. Hu Shanshan stood behind her and looked around, neither of them could see anyone, her eyes were full of tears. Zhou Haoran took a photo and sent it to the circle of friends, saying that this may be the worst tragic drama of this century. The two of them are close at hand, but they seem to be separated by the end of the world.

I don't know how long I sat like this, until when I turned around, she wasn't there anymore. That's when I started to panic, ran around looking for it, and even started screaming, but she was gone, leaving my world with despair.

A lot of good things are not lost, and it is difficult to find its value and importance to yourself. As you said, I am a wonder you encountered in the New Year, and you are also a wonder I have encountered, which is beautiful and I should cherish and be grateful.

However, I have betrayed your trust and sincerity, and I can see that I am really a lackluster fellow, and I have a big problem with myself.

I didn't think so, but it wasn't until this moment that my heart ached, and then I realized that the situation was a disaster for me.

I have been thinking about what the problem is all day long, and I have a lot of self-blame and remorse, it is indeed that I am doing something wrong, I should not bring small emotions to your attitude, and I did not redeem it at the first time, and I take it for granted that it is not so serious.

One day two years ago, you have been "accompanied" to me, you are one of the few good friends of mine, probably out of pity, you take the initiative than me in the matter of meeting, every time you modify the schedule and location, you check the ticket, choose the route, arrange the time, pay so much energy and time, just to see me.

Later, we ran to the present, and had some common memories, how grateful and fond I am, what you have brought me is the most beautiful scenery in this life.

I have been looking forward to seeing you during this time, it is the most beautiful watch in front of me, and it is also the only important schedule for me during this time. But I didn't expect to wait for so long, but there was a change in the last three days. Da Shanshan, I am ashamed of you, every day with you a greeting, a joke, an ambiguous or mean word, it is very happy, you make me see a lot of hope, but to this day, you also let me see the fragility of online friendship!

……

After the traffic police team completed the formalities, Zhou Haoran patted me on the shoulder and said, "Forget it, it's not suitable." ”

...... occupation, region, and living habits, Hu Shanshan and I have too many external factors to overcome and face, maybe we are really not suitable, or we should not meet, let alone rush.

"I'm going to Shandong next month, so let's take care and work hard." Zhou Haoran said that he would not say much here, maybe he can also understand my difficulties, after all, giving up a relationship is like purgatory for many people.

Later, I found that photo in Zhou Haoran's news, which was the only photo I took with Hu Shanshan, but it was like this.

At night, Hu Shanshan also updated a news in the circle of friends, saying that the journey was too tiring, and the first thought when she got home was to hug her head and cry.

Maybe her relatives and friends will think this is an exaggerated rhetoric when they see this dynamic! But I knew she might be crying.

Once upon a time, I thought I wouldn't be a nostalgic person. I listen to new songs, read the latest books, drink new drinks, and shut down the latest games......

I don't know when these are changing. I no longer know what songs have been popular lately, I don't know who has written which books, I don't know what games have been released.

One day I found you, like a rose that I had picked many years ago and was forgotten, and I suddenly panicked, and I touched and rubbed it with trembling fingers, like wiping away the tears of my lover.

Thinking about the old has become a cancer, a cancer with no cure, although he tries his best to be free and easy, he can't whitewash the inner turmoil. So your appearance was once imprinted in my heart, and I couldn't scrape it off, tear it off, and tear it off......

Some things are really wonderful, I didn't see the shallow side of your love before but crazy, and after seeing you, the love was deep but peaceful. Then you really became an untouchable star, and I could only silently look up and humbly miss you at night.

There are always moments when you say to yourself righteously, how to do the next moment, how to do this and that the next moment, and the next moment to forget what .......

The more deliberate, the more entangled, because everything about you is so beautiful. The next moment I realized that I couldn't love anyone else!

There are always miracles happening in my life, and sometimes I wonder, will you be the miracle of my next stop? Maybe meeting you is a miracle in itself! I'm running out of good uses, and I couldn't have given me more. God is harsh and fair, and I am reluctant to lose, but I have to surrender with pleasure. So the only thing I can do for you now is to look up and settle down.

I don't think anyone wants to be nostalgic. Who doesn't want to open up a new future and welcome a great start?

And the so-called nostalgia is nothing more than that the good things for you have gone far away and become out of reach.

……