As I thought, in addition to a lot of missed calls, the most painful thing is Hu Shanshan's WeChat.

You can imagine how disappointed and resentful she was at that time.

I listened to the voices one by one, from the first question, to the later indignation, and finally to the anxious question:

"Lu Xia, what's wrong with you? Would you like to reply to that? ”

"Lu Xia, count me begging you, reply me with a word, even a symbol, let me know that you are still alive, go to school"

"Lu Xia, stop playing, I don't blame you. If you say anything, I'll treat it as if it never happened, okay? ”

"Lu Xia, where have you been? I specially chartered a car to Hefei today and waited for you at your door all night. Don't scare me, please give me a word, okay? ”

"Lu Xia, I'm going home, and I'll come here to look for you again in a few years. Please reply to me if you see it, I really don't want to come back! ”

……

My hand trembling very much while holding the phone, and finally replied to her:

"I'm sorry"

It's just a simple excuse for three words, I just deleted it, wrote it, and hesitated for a few hours.

Later, Hu Shanshan replied to me with a "hmm", and nothing else.

I guess that's the sound of the end! She may be worried about me, but she doesn't necessarily want to hear back from me. I finally let her pigeon go, not dying on the road or being captured by aliens.

At this moment, although she let go of her worries about me, her hatred for me also took root and flourished.

I glanced at the calendar, the 28th of the lunar month, last year's this, Hu Shanshan and I were still in Wu, and I accompanied her from Han Street to Chuhan Street, but I didn't buy a satisfactory dress. So, I'm a person who is destined to bring her down.

Xia Xue seemed to sense my mood swings, worried that I hadn't come out yet, and squatted in front of me to talk to me.

"Lu Xia, how do you feel?"

I hurriedly waved my hand: "I'm fine, don't worry about me." ”

"But the look in your eyes tells me that something is wrong with you."

I smiled at her. I thought to myself, you really deserve to study psychology! It seems that it is really not easy to lie to you in the future.

"It's Da Shanshan" I showed her my phone, and I was never more calm and comfortable with my feelings.

Xia Xue read our chat record and said to me in a low voice: "Won't you explain?" ”

"There's no need!" I.

"But it was an accident! She's going to hate you. Xia Xue put down her phone, and covered my hand when she picked it up. He looked at me with wide eyes and a frown.

I pinched Xue's warm fingers and sighed, "There are too many accidents between us, and there is no fate." ”

Xia Xue withdrew her hand shyly, turned her face away and chuckled: "You still believe in fate!" ”

"I don't believe it. …… But it's always there. ”

……

The closer she gets, the more Xue's parents call to urge her to go home. But Xue will find all kinds of reasons to prevaricate, until he really can't go back, so he can only accompany me for the New Year.

On the morning of Chinese New Year's Eve, my eldest brother drove me and Xia Xue back to our hometown, and a large table of people had a Chinese New Year's Eve dinner. They didn't treat the snow as an outsider, they put vegetables in the bowl again, and stuffed the New Year's money, which made the girl who was already ashamed to answer blush like an apple.

I talked with Xue in the yard at night, she, this is the first time she is not with her parents for the New Year, I didn't expect it, I don't miss home at all. Because here, we treat her like family.

I smiled at her, but I thought about the relationship I experienced with Hu Shanshan in Wushi at this time last year

At that time, Hu Shanshan lost her ID card, lost her suitcase, caught up with the moon tide and cold ......, and worst of all, her grandmother died of illness at home.

At that time, Hu Shanshan's bravery and optimism have always infected me, and she often said: Lu Xia, why are you so unlucky to be with you! You're my scourge, aren't you?

Maybe I'm really her disaster star, and all the time, all this time has brought her only disasters and harm.

The night of Chinese New Year's Eve was exceptionally quiet, and Xia Xue and I sat in the courtyard with our chins propped up and looking up at the sky. At the beginning of the Spring Festival Gala, I began to send some red envelopes to the employees of the unit, say hello to good friends, and bless my parents and uncles.

Xia Xue pushed me back into the house, turned on the TV, and the two of them snuggled together to watch the Spring Festival Gala. His face flashed with the refraction of the TV screen.

Outside the window was a quiet Chinese New Year's Eve, and there was a cup of boiling water and cold medicine in the house. The night was getting colder and colder, Xia Xue took my hand and took a breath of hot air, rubbed it, and smiled faintly at me.

Watching the jubilant dancing and cross talk on TV, I began to lose track of time and where I was.

In a blur, I seemed to be back in time, I was sitting in front of the TV of the Spring Festival Gala, and my mother was snorting hot air in my palms......

On the Chinese New Year's Eve night of a certain New Year, it snowed heavily, and the yard of my hometown was full of thick snow, and the winter trees were hunched over by the snow, and large clumps of snow under the eaves slid down and smashed on the iron basin.

At that time, there was no ban on fireworks, the sky was colorful, and there were not only messy footprints and shredded clothes of firecrackers on the snow. I lit the last "flying sword" in the snow and watched it melt into the rainbow. The family dogs circled around me, and the chickens and ducks sang in the cages.

Dragging most of my wet shoes home, my mother and brothers were peeling eggshells in the front room, and the smell of eggs was everywhere. Dad and uncles played cards in the hall house, arguing about inexplicable things, and sisters-in-law held their nephews to watch the Spring Festival Gala, complaining from time to time......

On Chinese New Year's Eve, I called Zhao Qian for two hours, and she asked me how long I would go to school, and she said: Let's run to school when school starts!

…… It was so beautiful that I wanted to reach back and stroke it.

I don't understand why I grew up like this. I often live alone in an empty house like a grave, looking up at the cold flower board and looking out the window on the cold night. There is no one around me except for Zhao Qian's photo, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my girlfriend ......, where have they gone? No one called me, no one asked me how I was doing? What did you eat?

Last year, I experienced an unforgettable online love, and it was also a love that hurt to the bone marrow. We only met once, and for many of the rest of the rest of the year, it was like going through purgatory.

At that time, I thought that Hu Shanshan was just a passerby in my life, and I probably felt that I was still young, and I still had the conditions and would meet a better love. But after separating from her, I found that I was really terrible, where is there still love and behold capital?

People will eventually have times of fragility and lowliness, and when you feel tired, those worries will seem insignificant.

Just like Xia Xue wrote in the color book: No matter how far the journey is, there is always a warm place waiting for you. Spring, summer, autumn and winter, frost and heat, accept every moment of exhaustion and palpitations!

Therefore, when Xia Xue held my hand and smiled at the palm of her hand, I suddenly found that warmth can be held in the palm of my hand. …… I desperately need such a warmth.