【0531】

Growing up in a different world is really different

I used to say that I wasn't in the mood to write because I didn't finish my homework

Now it can be said that I am not in the mood to write because there is a riot in the city (

But today I was notified of my first film festival finalist, and I feel like I can be happy

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【0604】

I'm feeling really bad these days but I don't know what I can do. I bought a few new games, but I still can't play after tossing for a long time. In the evening, I had to take out the wine again. Last year, I even bought a set of bitters for the bar, which can probably tell you about my current life.

Pushing up the Canadian Prime Minister for an interview, the reporter asked you what you think of Trump's tear gas on the crowd, Trudeau was silent for 21 seconds into the microphone, this is the funniest video of the week, I almost fried the fish. Sanhua said that she had never understood what the appeasement policy was thinking before, but now she suddenly understood a little. The most interesting thing is that the silence is actually quite witty, and we share disappointment, embarrassment, and nowhere to go in the silence, and the silence itself is absurd.

Half a year has passed, and the world can get worse, but I can't get more depressed. Before, I could lie on the sofa and look at my phone, but I didn't even need my phone for an afternoon in the past two days. I know it won't work. I made an appointment to take the certificate, and I didn't look at it at all. I thought about writing an essay, but I couldn't pick up a pen. The things I wrote these days have been typed out intermittently on my mobile phone notepad.

The other night there was a kitten barking under my window, I thought it was a neighbor's and ignored it. The next morning something crept into my balcony through a leaky pipe, and I saw that it was a black kitten, the size of a palm, with unkempt hair, and a soft cry. I went out to look under the flower bed and it had run away. I put water and food on the balcony and it didn't come back. Three days passed, and I was very lost. Was it hopeful about the window that night, for a moment I thought I was going to have a cat.

Writing doesn't help much in this regard. I seem to write about something more idealistic, but my stories are very pessimistic in nature. The story I have always wanted to describe is the part of human nature that is irresistible but tenaciously struggles in the face of the torrent of the world. It's about cruelty and perseverance, but it's also about doomed destruction. I've always believed that good things exist, but I've also always known that they don't help us stay alive. Writing about these feelings is very draining for me, and I often have to dig into the stinging of myself to barely feel like writing a little bit of what I want, and I love them, but they don't help me feel better.

I love you too, and thank you for reading me write this. I really want to write something that is everyday and happy. Some time ago, I watched a Japanese comic, and it took a few minutes to talk about the heroine pulling her hair into her favorite hairstyle. I thought, this is really unexpected, and it may be more important than you think, to give your character a little bit of personal detail in life, to make it look like it has a life of its own, not just a soul. My stories place too much emphasis on souls, which float in the universe as if they were myself, and when their fantasies are frustrated, they get bogged down.

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【0606】

Judy came to my house to drink and get drunk.

It's a pleasure.

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【0610】

The feeling of being devastating in the middle of the night

I may really have to take a leave of absence, and I have mixed feelings

Hopefully this week can be adjusted

At least you can't delay living (

-

【0613】

After talking to the hospital three times, I finally had to admit that my graduation work couldn't be filmed.

It's not just me, according to the current film and television industry norms issued by California, most low-cost small productions cannot meet the epidemic prevention requirements. The union requires core team members to undergo nucleic acid testing more than three times a week, disinfect the venue every four hours, and hire professional health risk supervisors...... Productions that could not afford these additional expenses had to be cut back on the risks: minors could not be filmed, intimate encounters could not be filmed, everyone on set needed to maintain social distancing, and the venue was limited to no more than three...... Overnight, it seemed that only big companies could afford to make movies.

I can choose to take a leave of absence, but it will be very risky to return to China to shoot, and I don't feel very willing to postpone my graduation. I discussed with the producer that I could accept an alternative graduation plan from the school, and at the same time, I could form a group outside the school to shoot the original script, which could be postponed until the spring...... But there are still a lot of uncertain risks.

It's complicated, it's not that I'm depressed, if I didn't expect this two months ago, I've almost come to terms with that fact for two weeks. It's more likely to be a kind of confusion.

The other day I was talking to a friend about Lenny Riefenstahl, whose most famous work was the propaganda film "Triumph of the Will" for the ** party, for which she was prosecuted a few years before her death. I said that, in contrast, painters, poets, musicians, painters, poets, and musicians might be more likely to insist on independence in the face of economic hardship—without criticizing anyone, except that a poor writer can still write. But when a female director who mortgaged her house to make a film was faced with the question of "yes" or "no", I could understand that the temptation was devastating.

Of course, I wouldn't starve to death if I didn't make a film. In fact, the chance of starving to death is smaller if you can take a few fewer shots......

Alas. In the past few days, I dreamed that I was in the playground, and suddenly everyone did not move or speak, watching a man with a gun slowly walk out; I dreamed that a gunman told me to run first and then chase me behind; I dreamed that a little boy suddenly went crazy and bit his classmates to death just because the class size was not even; I dreamed that I was living in a small house, and one day I came home and found that the whole house had been bulldozed; I also dreamed that a friend helped me find something in the ruins and picked up a grenade that was blown to pieces. If I had been honest with myself, I'd say, I'm really sad (.)