I can hear the bell in the morning, and it seems unreal. I grew up listening to the morning bells and dusk drums, and they stayed with me day and night, longer than anyone else. I don't know when those days will end, but I do know when it began.

From the moment I walked into the Yiyuan of Chang'an Xinghuafang, this voice has accompanied me. In fact, Luoyang also has it, but it is different from Luoyang. I don't know why, maybe in Chang'an I have no support, no parents, no friends, only myself and a garden that does not belong to me.

However, I'm not a complete host. I still have a lot of things, and even if no one is close to me, I'm living a good life.

Linlang brought hot water, "It's so early." ”

There are many handmaidens here, who serve me in an orderly manner. They have vibrant cheeks, but they can't have a deep friendship with me because of their status. At most, you can make a few jokes, or play chess with me. Everybody is locked up by rules, and I'm no exception.

I pushed the window without shoes on, "I'm going to school this morning." ”

It was a nice day, and the early summer sky was exceptionally clear, with only snow-white clouds. The sycamores and pine and bamboo in Shujingyuan are dense and numerous, and they are all tall and delicate.

Linlang smiled: "Girl, put on your shoes." Beware of catching a cold. ”

Here I met Linlang, who was nearly five years older than me, and she was actually the maid who took care of my grandmother, but she had passed away, so she took care of me instead. She was like my sister and cared about me all the time.

"Okay."

Every day, my biggest headache is getting dressed and groomed, and it takes an hour to do that. So I get up early every day just to deal with these things.

I like the shirts and dresses in the box, including silk, Shu embroidery, Suzhou embroidery, etc. Those dresses were light and beautiful, and they were unrealistically gorgeous. That's why I just look at it all the time, and I don't care to try everything anyway.

When the bright colors came to me, they were monotonous. Because for me, these clothes are just the tailor's meticulous work, but they are always different from the stitches and threads that my mother sewed.

My mother and grandmother are very similar, they both love the moon white, and they both loved to make me such clothes when they were alive. It's also my favorite. On top of that, I like the plain colors and the light ones.

Growing up in a prominent family since childhood, he has touched a wealth that others cannot imagine. But I was tired of this riches, and I was powerless to resist, but I fell deeper and deeper into it. If I do leave, I'm afraid I'll die soon. I knew early on how to be submissive, and I had no choice but to do that.

If you are not married to your father, you are married to your husband, and your husband is dead to your son. There are also virtue, speech, tolerance, and work. The people around her said, "It's enough for a woman to do this." "But in my opinion, that's not enough. Living with people is much more than just talking and behaving elegantly, it is only popular among the aristocracy.

Linlang was a little in the center of my eyebrows, "The girl is in a daze." ”

"It's just a distraction."

"It's not good to look at it and get distracted," she said. I'll listen to Mr. Lecturing later, I'm afraid I'll be distracted. ”

I'm like that, like a wooden man. In fact, I was just tired of this kind of life, and I wanted to look outside, and I wanted to see the magnificent rivers and mountains. It's a pity that I stayed in Yiyuan for a long time, and if I got married, I would just stay in another place.

I couldn't help but say, "I want to take a look outside." ”

"Then go ahead."

Linlang is the person who understands me best, and she won't be limited to here. It will not be like Mother Jin and Grandma Xu, as soon as they hear her say that they want to play, they will be like facing a big enemy. If you talk about it, everyone around you will be terrified.

It's all because when I first came, I was always clamoring to go home at night. He even sneaked out once, making the park full of people uneasy.

"I don't know where I'm going," I smiled from the bottom of my heart, "no, maybe I have a choice." I wanted to go to a wasteland, a dull but dawning wasteland, where the morning mist was all over the place. And I waited for the sun to rise slowly. ”

It was a scene in my dream, a sight without a trace of dust.

"Why the wasteland?"

"Because I think that there will always be a pure land in the earth, even if it is a wasteland. It's also a place worth living in. "I'll say it simply.

Linlang only smiled. "It's time to go."

"yes."

The last place I want to go is the Academy. It's far away from Shujingyuan.,And it's a boring and even boring place.。 When you walk over there, you will feel gray, as if you have been covered with dust.

"The pestle is here, and it's listless." Mr. Xu spoke in his usual tone.

"No, no."

"Let's go inside."

The daughter of the Han family has to go to school just like the boy, and she learns a serious article, in order to be an outstanding lady in the future. For example, my mother's aunt and grandmother, the woman who did not let her eyebrows go, was born in such a place.

"You don't look very well."

I was just too tired, "No." ”

Grandma Xu whispered, "Do you want tea?" ”

I shook my head.

Xu Minrong wanted to speak and stopped, he was just a teacher, and there were many words that he couldn't speak. Especially when he learned that I was about to run for election, his expression was even more complicated.

"Let's talk about what you thought about last time."

He was my mentor and friend, and without him my life would have been bleaker.

"I want to go out into the wilderness."

"You said it last time."

Grandma Xu seemed to be disgusted by such words, so she reminded me from time to time. "Girl, don't be afraid."

The first few times I blushed, but as she said more, I would just say, "Got it." ”

"I think you should go to Hengyuan to have a look."

"Where is that?"

I had only heard of the name of Hengyuan at that time, and I had never set foot there.

Xu Minrong sighed, "It seems that no one remembers it anymore." It was the place where the prime minister lived when he was there, and now it has been changed to a place of worship. ”

"It's only been a few decades, and it's changed so much."

"It's not that it has changed, it's the prime minister who left a message to make people change, and those who are far-sighted will consider it in detail for future generations. It's a pity that there are few descendants and grandchildren, and no one in the side cousins is willing to fulfill his painstaking efforts. It's common to be so lonely. ”

I had heard of my great-grandfather, but I never remembered him. So no matter how much you listen to it, it won't help, but it will only increase your feelings.

I said, "I really want to see it." ”

He seemed to be smiling, and his expression was almost none. "If you go to Hengyuan, you can beg your brother."

"He, he's in Yangzhou."

My cousin has been busy since he was a lieutenant, and he was supposed to be an official in the capital, but he was transferred to a local area. I heard that it was the prince's meaning, but I really don't know what he thought and why he let his brother go so far away.

Xu Minrong smiled slightly, "Wait for later." ”

I think maybe I didn't have a chance, he hadn't been back for a long time.

"Actually, if you want to go, you can go to the Grange."

Grandma Xu was unhappy again, "The girl is so noble, how can she casually go to the Zhuangzi and be seen by outsiders?" ”

I was always confined to my home, and I had to get permission from the elders to go out.

Xu Minrong was also helpless about the rules of the house, "Hmm." ”

I just muttered to myself, "I really want to see the outside world." ”

Soon, my family was running around for the things to be elected, and I invited many women to teach me. Lin Niangzi met at that time, I don't know how old she is, but I can feel that she is a kind woman.

"The demeanor should be dignified and elegant, the start should be light and calm, and the smile should be chaste and quiet. Even if it's just a fan, you have to be calm. ”

I gazed at her, I had never seen such a quiet posture, and it could be said that it was better than so many women.

"Girl."

I tried my best to imitate it, but in front of her, it was like an axe in the door, and my own smallness became more and more prominent.

"It's a little restrictive, but it's good to be able to do it like this." Lin Niangzi smiled slightly, she is usually serious, but she treats me so kindly.

"I have a weekly system, and many of the rituals are based on the Zhou courtesy. All women from the family should be cautious and uphold, and be gentle and chaste. This is especially true in the palace. Every step is the rule, and it can be said that words and deeds must be courteous. Lin Niangzi said softly.

I've always lived under the rules, nothing more than by another kind of rules, so at that time I just nodded, and I didn't expect much from life in the palace.

In the spring, Shioshi did not escape the cold of winter. Today, Guan Zhixue was supposed to go to class. But she stood by like those young people who usually gathered at the school gate.

Across the street from the school gate, there are all kinds of snacks. There are those who sell milk tea, there are training institutions, there are those who sell snacks or something, and there are always many people gathered there. But today is different, the street is deserted, no one comes, as if deliberately avoiding here.

She really didn't want to come here for a while.

Guan Zhixue went to her mother-in-law's stall selling old-fashioned dim sum on the street and chose two crispy peach cakes.

"That's it."

The mother-in-law smiled kindly and put the peach cake into the bag.

After she left the stall, she tried to take a small bite. The peach cake exuded a fragrant aroma, but her whole body resisted, and before she could swallow it, she spit it out.

Guan Zhi Xuefei also fled back to her former daily rental house. In the old building, there is a strong sense of vicissitudes.

As expected, the opposite door has been blocked.

That's because, two days ago, there was a murder there.

"Oh, it's you. What's wrong with this? The person who asked was a middle-aged woman who had a little friendship with her.

"The tenant died tragically inside." Guan Zhixue's voice was shaking, and she and the landlady were scared silly. The tenant was killed, and the body was mutilated.

"No, no one would have thought that such a tragedy would happen to us. If it weren't for the landlady's door-to-door collection, no one would know that the person was gone. At that time, a lot of police cars came, and now I don't say who the murderer is. ”

The middle-aged woman shuddered when she heard her words, "It's such a terrible thing, what a poor girl." She obviously didn't want to continue the conversation, "I'm going upstairs to cook for the kids." ”

No matter what happens around us, it will not affect everyone's life on the track. It's like she has a good impression of her psychiatrist, and even almost showed him love, but she can't get him out of her life. It's still two people who are strangers.

When she thinks of her doctor, she throws any fear behind her.

Although he didn't have many intersections, he was indeed a man more beautiful than any daydream vision.

Truth be told, at first he wasn't the most brilliant or the most fascinating, on the contrary, few people even cared about him. But when you talk about it, you will feel more and more that his gentleness and elegance are deeply rooted in the hearts of the people. Maybe that's what makes him so charming.

Every time she goes, she comes back with a myriad of inspirations.

Even if there is nothing to write about today, she should write down the memory of him.

Because, just now, when she said that she wanted to go to the hospital, the doctor politely refused. He was leaving the hospital without specifying why, but rumors told her that everything could have something to do with the woman who had a crush on him.

Since then, whenever there is an improper doctor-patient relationship, the hospital will deal with it severely and hand it over to the police if necessary. Her doctor was unfortunately hooked on a female psychopath, and after being rejected many times, the woman accidentally ingested other drugs and caused hallucinations, and later used her family power to frame the doctor for prescribing the wrong medicine and causing medical accidents.

The doctor took the initiative to bear the consequences, but the family did not give up, and it took a long time to settle down. Because of this incident, his reputation was greatly damaged, and it is estimated that this is the case, so he submitted his resignation.

Guan Zhixue wanted to say goodbye to him, but was refused.

Tonight, she won't stay here. Today she contacted the landlord to quit the day rent, no why, no one can sleep peacefully in such a place.

Packed up his things and fled. She'll never come to this shady day rental again, enough is enough, it's time to get back on track. The car booked outside was already waiting, so she said hello and sat in.

He Shubang took the photo on the table, stroking, stroking his past. The boy and his mother held hands, such a warm scene, I am afraid it dates back to more than ten years ago. He took advantage of the fact that there was no one now, and secretly lit a cigarette, even if there was a camera, he would not be afraid.

I took out the yellowed old photo from the frame, pressed it lightly on the lighter, and within a minute, the photo was completely burned to ashes.

"Do you still have illusions about all this?"

It's bleak, but unexpectedly in line with his current situation.

Before he could finish his cigarette, he went out. Leaving quietly, just like going in in obscurity. This is where he struggled for a few years, and it was also where he was depressed in the end.

Waiting downstairs was He Shiying, his distant relative.

"Shubang, long time no see."

"It's you."

"The weather was not very good when I saw you last time, and I thought that the next time I saw you, I would have a clear blue sky, but now it seems that it is unfortunate."

He Shiying still likes cold humor and likes to talk about the weather. But Shubon has always hated talking to him, even disgusted that he spoke in a clichéd tone.

"Well, the weather is bad."

"It's over, don't take it personally. With your strength, you don't have to worry about becoming a good doctor. His words were half joking and half blowing, because He Shubang's qualifications were average, and he rarely had outstanding performances in medicine.