"Ahh I suddenly let out a low moan, my right hand stroking weakly over my chest, my left hand resting against the wall, my mouth gasping for the heavy breath.

Maybe I can really rest, the corners of my mouth can't help but smile slightly, as if I see something in my heart, I think it should be hope~

Yes, in recent months, my heart must have had some problems, often feeling very heavy, even the slightest exhalation will feel heavy, often feel trembling, as if my heart has been beating, constantly jumping, I have to use my hands to press hard to be more comfortable. I didn't talk to anyone about it, because there was no one for me to talk about. I didn't go to the hospital for any check-ups to save this inexplicable pain, because this pain was nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

But I seemed to have been looking forward to such an ending, because I was so tired, and it seemed like a relief for me to die. In the face of such a natural death, there is an inexplicable hope that can really be put down······

The name Roscha always sounds harsh, maybe because I hate myself in the first place, so I feel that even this name is incompatible with myself, may my life be full of gratitude and forgiveness, this is my greatest hope for life.

When I was young, I also lived in a carefree family, my father was kind, my mother was gentle and kind, I once thought that I was a princess, even if I didn't have a noble background, I didn't have a family that I was proud of, but I had the best parents in the world, and they were willing to give everything for me, so I was very happy when I was young. As I grew older, I began to learn about the world on my own, to get in touch with society, and even to get to know my parents again. My father's original appearance of charity in my mind began to fade, followed by hypocrisy, ruthlessness and lies, always said to me, "Son, you are all to Mom and Dad, the hope of our life" but now he began to turn his back on his words and deeds, he likes to go out early and return late, all the housework is lost to Mom, as soon as he comes home, his face is full of resentment, sometimes one of my accidentally makes a noise, he will be angry, scolding me and Mom.

I once asked my mother, "Why did Dad change?" But my mother's answer surprised me and made me sad. Mom said, in fact, my dad has not changed, but he used to like sweet words to lie to us, but now he is tired and can't deceive, selfishness, hypocrisy is exposed.

After listening to my mother's words, I cried alone in my room for I don't know how long. Because the person I thought loved me the most, the person I could rely on the most, was such a liar. I don't know how much blood my heart bleeds...... I began to have doubts about life, it turned out that what family affection, what family, what willingness to pay for my beloved, are all fake, but I suddenly came to my mind, another figure, yes, maybe I don't have a good father, but I have the best mother in the world, she can give everything for me. In this way, such a belief supports me to stand up, supports me to continue to face the outside world, I often feel that I am nothing, worthless, unfair, and inferior to anyone, but whenever I think of my mother and I depending on each other, I will secretly encourage myself, wipe my sweat and tears, stand up, live well, bury my sadness and inferiority complex in my heart, I will be fine.

But how cruel and realistic modern society is, no matter how much I encourage myself, the cruel reality still slaps on my face again and again. Seeing that their college classmates have started their new lives after graduation, their parents have paved the red carpet for them in the future, but they have to brave the cold and heat to go to the interview for their livelihood. The heavy copy of my resume pressed between my arms like a small mountain, but even so, I resolutely straightened my waist and smiled at the oncoming interviewer. But without the backing of a prestigious university and without a well-connected interpersonal relationship, I was rejected from my job again and again. Sometimes I really can't support it anymore, looking at my small hair, all of them have stable jobs, even jobs worth showing off, my heart is full of envy and tears.

Finally, after an interview, I couldn't control my emotions anymore. The interviewer was a Japanese, a senior HR manager, with a tall and thin figure and an unfriendly face, and I was ready to be rejected early in the morning, but what I didn't expect was that this senior HR actually criticized me in public, "Didn't you look at our recruitment requirements?" Your drawing level is just a student, you have no work experience, you have no management ability, why should you apply, it's a waste of my time, let's go back and see how your classmates are looking for jobs! A few simple words, but my criticism is incomplete. I don't even know how I walked out of the office that day, how I faced the dozens of pairs of eyes in the office that were round and ready to watch a good show, I didn't know how my face would be red at that time, and whether the tears in my eyes kept falling......

When I got home, the Japanese voice had been lingering in my head, and I couldn't disperse it for a long time, and I was afraid that my heart had been torn apart at that time, and I began to ask myself, what I was facing, why did my classmates, my friends, my hair small, they didn't need to face it, I asked many times, and the cry in my heart was hoarse, and there was still no answer, no, in fact, there was always an answer, but I didn't want to accept this answer, and I didn't want to admit it. I only heard the sound of "bang" and the door of the house, and I thought to myself that my mother must have come back, and what followed was the collapse of my feelings. I hugged my mother tightly, tears fell like a downpour, "Mom, I ...... today" I was going to cry about today's grievances, but before I could say anything, I was interrupted by my mother. She didn't seem to be in the mood to listen to my complaints, and just said lightly, "Don't cry, you're touching the nail again, aren't you?" Don't worry, sooner or later there will be the right one. Then he pushed me away, turned on the TV, and watched. I even couldn't believe it, how could her attitude be so cold, I thought that I had suffered a great grievance outside, and wanted to vent with my mother, who is also the only person I can rely on now, but I was prevaricated by her so lightly. Watching my mother staring intently at the TV, with an expressionless face, my heart really fell to the bottom, and the voice kept asking herself, "Why, why, why do I not have what others have, even the simplest family affection, the love of my parents is a luxury for me?" Why, why ......" I don't know how long I've asked myself, maybe I'm too tired······