I used to wonder which of the love between parents and children came first and which came last.

From my own experience, I will feel that children's love for their parents is innate, predestined, at the moment of birth, at the moment of opening their eyes, destined to love the first person in this world than they are. Even if we are forgotten and cut off, like me, even if we are resented and tortured, like Jing Yao, even if we have never met, like Mr. An, we are always sorry or pitiful, longing and waiting because we can't get this complete love. And parents, they have too many fetters that do not belong to us, because of their helplessness, their regrets, and their expectations, they easily turn us away, even if they don't know how to be parents, they also ask us to give us opportunities and forgiveness.

I also thought that maybe I wasn't a parent now, so I couldn't understand it, and even felt that because I didn't understand, when we started to become parents, it was another cycle. But during my time on Oxford Street, the elegant old lady who lived across from me gave me a different experience of parenthood. When I agreed to take a set of photographs of her, I was fortunate enough to be able to document and preserve the story of her last life.

The landlady would be 76 years old if she was still alive this year, she was a kind and kind old man with silver hair, and when she was young, she was a nurse, she was fashionable, and she dressed with an elegant ladylike temperament, and even when she was old, she always paid attention to her proper clothing and makeup. When we first moved in, she lived alone on the second floor, her husband had died of illness ten years earlier, and her son, who was also a soldier, had died the year before in a mission, and his wife was alone and alone, except that she rented the third floor of the house to two families, and then rented another room on the second floor to us.

In my memory, my wife was an old man with a somewhat withdrawn temper and a very particular life, she got up on time every day and ate breakfast at a fixed time, and breakfast was always bread, marmalade and black tea, accompanied by the Times Daily. She has two corgis, one is more than three years old and the other is just over a year old, and she rarely goes out except in the morning and evening when she has to go out to walk the dog. Sometimes I meet her in the yard making tea and basking in the sun, sometimes I see her sitting by the window, cutting clothes with a sewing machine in her room, she will watch the 8 o'clock soap opera at 8 o'clock every day, except during this time, if the tenants need to ask her any questions, she will reply within ten minutes.

The wife's solitary life is typical of the lifestyle of a rich old lady in England, like an imitation painting framed in a precious photo frame, and like a delicate glass cup, ready to hold the rare grape wine of the heyday, not fragmented enough, not enough life. In my hometown, when the older grandparents retire, if their children are not around, they will also keep cats and dogs with them, but in addition to taking care of their pets, they also have their own unique and interesting lives.

For example, I went to the theater to listen to Peking Opera, and when I came back, I sang a paragraph or two, and then I had a square dance, and I danced vigorously in the big park. The old man likes to go out early in the morning with a bird cage, and ask a few neighbors to make tea and play chess on the side of the road. The old grandmother has more plans, the card addiction is coming, and she went out to the mahjong parlor for lunch to rub a few games, and she will not come back until the time to cook in the evening. Compared with his wife, the life of the old gentleman and the old lady in his hometown has more of a kind of fireworks, more popularity of life, more like a scroll of landscape calligraphy and painting hanging on the wall, and more like a glass that can be used to hold water at any time without feeling wasted.

My wife has always been a disdain, so she rarely takes the initiative to deal with people she doesn't know, and earlier, when I met her every time I went in and out, she was not enthusiastic, and most of them would only respond to me with a nod, of course, she also "treated the same" to other tenants. Later, it was also the convenience of living on the opposite door, I had to go out at 6 o'clock because I had to catch the bus to school at the earliest, and she was because of her many years of work and rest habits, when I went out, she also got up a little earlier, I went out to class, and she also got up early to go out to buy groceries. I guess I ran into her too many times, and every time I ran into her, she would always say something like 'you're back' or 'you're going out' when we came in and out.

To be honest, my wife's attention and concern for me gave me a lot of comfort after my mother neglected her attention to me, and emotionally and spiritually, she gave me support in place of my mother.

My wife and I really got to know each other, and even became friends, after she invited me to join her at the wedding of her "daughter-in-law", and later I learned that she was referring to her former daughter-in-law, who was her son's lover when he was alive.

It was the second year since I moved to the villa, and my mother had already picked herself up, and she and her friend here had plans to open a studio and get back to their old business. As for me, I am busy with schoolwork, and because of the backward progress of the last semester, this semester has become the object of the teacher's key supervision, and occasionally I will go outside to pick up a little photography private work to earn pocket money, and most of the rest of the time is to carry my camera around the road.

My wife came to me and asked me to help her choose a dress for the wedding, and I had just returned from a location shoot in Winchester, so I was packing myself up and sitting on my bed to guide the photos. My mother was taking a lunch break when she passed by her room when she heard the sound of a ceiling fan whirring.

When the door was opened, the wife was standing a meter away from the door, holding a box of Yin peaches in her hand. The Yin peach seems to have just been picked from the tree, the color is crystal smooth, the grains are full, and it is very pleasing. My wife said that a friend had just sent me over, and when she saw that I was back, she brought me some to try.

I thanked her, and she tentatively asked me if I had time now, and she wanted to ask me for a little favor. When I arrived at her house, I found out that she was going to a wedding, and I didn't know what dress to choose, so I wanted to give her a reference.

I said, this little thing can be wrapped around me. I thought she had something important that I needed help with.

My wife is hardworking and ingenious, and she sews many of the clothes she wears in the summer, which is the same as my mother used to, and the samples of the clothes she makes are designed and cut out by her.

The two clothes are similar in style, but they are ingenious in individual details, one is white slanted shoulders and sleeveless, the other is purple slanted shoulders and floating sleeves, satin water lines, which are inlaid in the knitted threads, which has a classical charm. I chose a purple dress for my wife that flattered her complexion, and suggested that she could put her hair up in a fluffy way, so that she would look really cute and elegant old lady.

I asked her, "Whose wedding bothered you like this?" ”

"Her name is E

i

。 My wife said to me as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“E

i

Be? She had never mentioned anyone other than her husband and son to me before, and I couldn't help but ask curiously.

"She's Rya

The lover before. Mrs. said.

Although I feel sorry and sorry for her, if today her Rya

Still there, then E

i

It was her daughter-in-law, and she was about to attend her son's wedding, but there was no regret or melancholy in his wife's tone, only blessings for the newlyweds.

My wife told me, in Rya

During the time she had just left, she and E

i

The two of them supported each other and had a very sad time, and she said that if it wasn't for E at that time

i

With her by her side, she may never survive.

I think that perhaps there is no pain more desperate than that of a white-haired man to a black-haired man, and that wound still aches faintly to this day, but the rest of the time, those regrets and grievances have been replaced by complete thoughts.

“E

i

She told me that the two of us could live together, so she stayed in place of Rya

Do your filial piety, guard me, and take care of me. The lady stood with her back straight, and she glanced up at the window, then leaned back slightly, lowering her face. Where can I delay such a good girl, it is me and Rya

There is no such blessing. ”

I stepped forward and gently grabbed my wife's arm, rested my head on the shoulder, and said, "Don't be too upset. ”

She patted the back of my hand and touched my cheek again: "I'm not sad, I'm relieved, an old man like me will have to leave sooner or later, nothing is more important than the happiness of your younger generation." ”

My wife reminds me of my grandfather and grandmother, and my mother and I can't be by their side to take care of them, and I wonder if they are just as generous and selfless as they miss and care for us. I was already a very empathetic person, and this scene made me even more sad.

Mrs. said that time can't dilute our hearts for the people we love, but some people's minds have changed, so this love is not there, and most of us just change this part of our hearts from possession and companionship to distant thoughts and blessings, and thoughts and blessings cannot change the concentration of love.

“E

i

Every year he writes to me saying that he misses Rya

Nothing comforts us more than missing someone together. My wife told me, and she asked me again, "Miss He, are you a photographer?" ”

I nodded: "Please call me Xiaoxi." ”

She said, "Xiaoxi, can I ask you to take a set of photos for me?" ”

I said, "If you want to be my model, of course you can." ”

"Isn't it expensive to invite you?" She asked seriously.

I smiled: "Of course, my offer is very high, but ...... My teacher just left us homework last time, and you're lucky enough to come across it for free this time. ”

Mrs. Attend E

i

I was invited to go too, it was the first time I had attended a wedding when I was so old, and I took a picture of my wife holding E

i

The moment I handed it to the groom, I felt as if I had been baptized by the holiness and innocence of the wedding, and the words that my wife had comforted me when I was sad replayed in my head, as if I had only now understood the definition.

One day, she will understand that whether she is poor, rich, smart, or stupid, she will later find out that all the hopes of a mother for her child, whether it is Jackie Chan, but whether she wants to be stable, in the end she just hopes that he can love me as a mother, as much as I love the life I give him, so that I can have him again.

The "she" my wife is referring to my mother. She reassured me not to be disappointed and not to be too sad now, because my mother would one day understand that the sadness and suffering she was going through now was less important than the fact that I loved her. I love her and the life she has given me.

I found myself revisiting the meaning of weddings. It is a new life, a new person, a new home, and a new life to come, and it is also the end, old age, decline, and even death.

My wife left in the spring of the third year I moved in, and she gave the house in Old Street, Oxford, to E

i

My husband and wife, who donated all their life savings to a child welfare agency, and her funeral was the last photo I took of her. The drizzle of silky spring, the simple and silent cemetery, the people with black umbrellas, black clothes with solemn expressions, white chrysanthemums held in their arms or sacrificed in front of the tombstone, the people in the picture did not have her, but they were all present for her, praying and saying goodbye to her.

My wife has a picture that I particularly like, of her sitting at a table by the window in the room with an old-fashioned sewing machine, and she is wearing a red dress, her silver hair is coiled, and she is holding a thread in her hand, looking at my camera. The afterglow of dusk seems to see the end of life, the outermost aesthetic element "retro", but it seems to have broken through some confinement to a new life and made a comeback, known as the photographer Su

The pinnacle of Y's aesthetic thinking, this photograph still hangs in a corner of the London Art Gallery. But no one knows anymore that when I took this photo, I thought that maybe this would be my wife's last photo, or maybe I just wanted to take a picture of her as I thought she was.

From Springs back to Durango, I stayed at Aven's house for a few days, then my mother returned to Vancouver, and I took the train to Denver to surprise Mr. Ann.

It happened to be a rainy day when I arrived in Denver, and Mr. An did not come back from a visit to the construction site, so I left my luggage in a temporary hotel and went to the construction site with the engineering team. In front of the warehouse board room, Mr. An was wearing a hard hat, holding drawings in one hand and an umbrella in the other, and was explaining something to the warehouse inspector.

"Girl, why are you here?" He looked at me several times as if to confirm that it was me, and asked in surprise.

“Su

p

ise！ As I spoke, I walked over faster and faster and jumped on top of him. Mr. Ann guessed what I was going to do, he had already thrown his umbrella and reached out to catch me steadily, but fortunately I was still holding the umbrella myself.

Cheng Gong said to Mr. An: "I forgot your phone number, I brought Miss He here." He was too embarrassed to disturb us getting along, so he left with the inspector first, and did not forget to explain to Mr. An before leaving: "Your fiancée didn't call you, and I've been worried, you...... Comfort people. ”

Mr. An had already told me that the process worker was upright and bold, and he was half a master in this project, so he naturally didn't dare not listen to the master's words, but just turned his head and looked at me in surprise and confusion. I stared into his eyes and asked, "Do you have an opinion?" ”

"Nope." Mr. An shook his head, he buried his head deep in my neck, and took a deep breath, "Girl, I miss you." ”

Mr. An and I rarely express our hearts directly to each other when we get along with each other, and it is probably only when the time comes to get together and leave that I can let that kind of uncontrollable dependence, unreserved, and more clearly and profoundly expressed to each other than before.

It's August since I came back to Vancouver this year, and I've already applied to leave the Academy of Fine Arts and started working on my studio. Mr. Winter, as my leader, didn't ask much, he and his wife were planning to move, and it happened to be next door to my new house, and we went straight from colleagues to neighbors across the street.

In mid-September, Mr. Ann returned to Vancouver from Denver, and he first went home and then came to the doctor's office to pick me up. I had my last follow-up visit at the doctor's clinic and the recovery was good, and instead of giving me any more medicine, the doctor really gave me a hug of encouragement.

He went home holding hands with Mr. An and asked him, "Have you seen my mother?" ”

"It's an official visit."

"Nervous?"

"Not nervous."

"Really?"

"Liar, but Auntie is more nervous than me."

I pouted, my mother was so nervous, she didn't know how satisfied she was with this son-in-law.

I asked Mr. An again, "How is my new house?" ”

"Bigger than I thought." Very affirmative tone.

I smiled, faced him, looked back at the street we walked out of, and asked him, "Don't you have anything to ask me?" ”

Mr. An thought seriously for a while, and then said, "Yes." What do you want to eat at night? Let's go to the supermarket and buy groceries and go back to make them? ”

Quebec's maple leaves are famous in Canada, and our wedding venue is on a hill facing south. The relatives and friends who invited him said that Mr. An's choice of this place was extremely attentive and romantic, representing the sacredness of our wedding and his cherishment, dedication, and loyalty to our marriage.

I never doubted Mr. An's intentions, he must have chosen it very well, but when I wore the wedding dress sewn by my mother, walked to the oath platform in the wedding march, and walked to the oath platform in the eyes of everyone's blessings, I felt that this day was so unreal, like stepping on a soft cloud, worrying about my feet going soft with every step, so I became Mr. An's marionette, only by holding him, is it real and safe.

At the end of the wedding, as a bride, I was still confused by the scene in front of me, and under the coaxing of my friends, I worked part-time as a half photographer, and I was tired and sweaty at the end, Mr. An came over to untie my veil and gently put my hair behind my ears.

The breeze is light, warm and comfortable, I bow my head, I don't know when the bellflower in my hand has turned into a handful of maple leaves, and all the friends and relatives around me have disappeared, Mr. An, he doesn't seem to be there, like a dream.

When I opened my eyes, the warm yellow wall lamp blurred out layers of light through the glass cover, and the arm resting on my waist instantly tightened a little. Mr. An hadn't fallen asleep yet, his warm body approached, and a deep voice was in his ears.

"Mrs. Ann, happy first wedding anniversary!"

At 0:01 on October 21, 2017, I fell asleep in Mr. An's arms.

——End of text——