As we greeted Ann Arbor's first morning, I was waking up from a chaotic dream.

In fact, it should not be a dream, but a reality, because of my mother's tears, my father's resolute back, Jiang Li's inaction and my shock, those words that were said in sadness, anger and despair are very clear.

My mother told my father that if he left us, he would never be allowed to touch me, and he would never be able to return to us. At that moment, I didn't see him explode in silence, but I saw that his body and soul had been separated. I didn't understand why my father insisted on doing so in such pain and tragedy, but then I understood that love blinds people, whether it is good or bad.

A mother's love is also blind.

My grandfather was very strict with her mother since she was a child, and her grandmother's education for her was even more refined and superior, but they never restricted her right to choose freely, not in the boudoir, but to bring her a broader vision, so that she could not be constrained by identity and gender, so her mother was confident and proud since she was a child. Such a woman, if she really can't touch love, it's okay, if she does, it is very easy to fall into it, even if a moth fights the fire and shatters her bones.

When my father was young, he was tenacious and hardworking, although he was a poor boy, but he was arrogant and arrogant who did not belong to the poor boy, and compared with the children of those high-ranking officials, there was another unstoppable attraction, more vivid, more mysterious, like an indispensable color of life. Such a mother falls in love with such a father, not so much that she chose love so she chose her father, but that she was chosen by the different love she longed for. So she can let go of her pride and self-esteem, don't care about her father's previous relationship problems, for the sake of love, she can even use a little means to tie this man to her side, she can also disobey her father who has always respected, although this love is not strong at the beginning, and it is not as deep as she imagined.

I don't know which of the two relationships will last longer, but a man's guilt and love will be buried for a long time, and even more than his responsibility, at least, the union of mother and father proves this.

During the time I was hospitalized for stomach surgery, my mother stayed by my side every step of the way, and told me a lot of things about my childhood, about her past with my father, about the emotional entanglement between her and my father, and Jiang Li's mother, she also mentioned it to me vaguely, but I don't know how much she hid from me in the middle.

Which secrets have been carried by her for too long, and there is a trance of years covered with dust, which is no longer as chaotic as it was then. But that was the first time I felt that my mother might have begun to let go of her past, about the failed marriage between her and her father. She even asked me if the punishment for my father was too harsh, and it was too cruel to cut off the connection between a father and a child, both for the father and the child.

I told my mother that I was on your side, and no matter what happened, I was on your side. Even during our most difficult time, there was no father who could lean on his shoulders no matter what happened, and lean on his father like a hero in the eyes of his children, as he did when he was a child.

When my mother called, I happened to change into a plain yellow French retro bellflower dress and was about to go downstairs, Mr. An and Lin Dong were tidying up the dining table on the first floor and said hello to me on the second floor.

When the phone was connected, my mother first asked me about my situation here, whether I had food, housing and clothing, and secondly, I asked Mr. An how he was and whether his roommate was getting along. I answered her one by one, laughing at her for not knowing when she started to look at me again as a child.

When the mother heard this, she said angrily: "No way, my daughter is too strong, if I don't be verbose as a mother, I will really become a King Kong person." ”

I said, "Being a mother is too nervous, and the child can't become a King Kong person." ”

My mother has changed a lot since I got sick, she seems to have changed back to what she used to be, but she is more gentle, more sensitive and fragile than before. She used to be a little strict with me, playing the role of a strict mother in front of a loving father, but at that time her eyes were full of fathers, and now she has become me, and I am almost all she has left except herself.

My mother said that she was bored at home, and it just so happened that a friend of mine in the United States knew that I had a job here and wanted to invite us to her house, but my mother had agreed, and she said that she would fly over to meet me in two days.

"When are you going to go to Durango?" She asked me.

"Next week." I said, "If you're bored, you can wait for me in Durango, Evan has been resting at home lately, so I can take you around Durango." ”

The mother said, "Yes." Mr. An called me downstairs, and she heard it and said to me, "Let me say a few words to Katsu." ”

I went downstairs and handed over the phone to Mr. An, and my mother cared about his work, and then said a few words, but I went to the balcony for breakfast, and I couldn't hear the rest clearly. Lin Dong took out his guitar, and while we were eating, he played a song "Da" to us very romantically

ci

g with you》。

We spent the morning at home, and Mr. Ann picked out some books for me to pass the time when I was bored, and I probably looked at them a few times, and found that there were also several photography magazines, and the pages of the magazines were folded up in a few places.

Mr. An said, "Here is your interview. ”

I asked, "Have you seen it?" "I haven't been interviewed in many magazines, and I have an impression of both magazines, both because they promote my photo exhibitions.

Mr. Ann nodded, and he took the magazine and flipped through it.

I said, "How do you feel?" ”

"It's shocking."

"Shocking?"

"I remember every sentence you said in the interview, you said that life has length, but it also has width, and although everyone's time is the same, its value is completely different. You also say that as a photographer, you don't stop all the way because every time you go to a place, it tells you where the next place is. Life seems to be like this, maybe you feel like you have nowhere to go before, but when you are there, you will know where you are going next, which is very natural, and even seems to be a kind of nature. ”

I said, "Although this is true, in fact, I am not the only one who can say this, and to be honest, if it were not for a written interview, I would have rarely said these high-sounding words, and I always felt like I wanted to package something and then take it out to deceive people." ”

"It will indeed be like this, but this is what He Xi said." Mr. An smiled, "They say that the photographer He Xi will at least tell them something about what she has seen or wants to see, at least her works have always been." ”

"To hear such a compliment, the person who said it should be very cute." I said mischievously.

"Do you mean me?"

I said, "Guess? ”

"You also said that Tahiti is a place where you should be with your loved one, and you regret not being with the person you love the most, right?"

I said, "This is probably the most honest and honest sentence I've ever said in the whole interview." ”

Mr. Ann looked at me, and he seemed to have something to say, and I asked him, "Katsuki, you only went to Tate Mode after reading this interview."

(London Photo Exhibition address)? ”

Mr. An shook his head quickly, but our conversation didn't continue here because Lin Dong had just returned from school and told us to start preparing for the evening BBQ.

We drove to a nearby supermarket to shop, Mr. An and I were in charge of food, and Lin Dong was in charge of tools. They used to have a barbecue grill in their apartment, but they haven't used it for a long time, so this time we plan to rent it from a nearby shop or a neighbor's house first.

Mr. An was responsible for carrying the food bags to the trunk one by one, I leaned on the car cover and did nothing, so I took out the camera and began to shoot him, just about to check the effect of the photo, Lin Dong, who was moving the barbecue grill with someone on the other side, shouted at me: "Big photographer, please give us one too." ”

He grinned, revealing a mouthful of clean white teeth, and the sleeves of his robe were rolled up to his shoulders, revealing strong and strong arms, and the muscles were clearly visible. I looked at Mr. Ann and laughed at each other, and then I turned the camera to him.

"I've earned it, I've earned it, this is the work of a great photographer." When I gestured OK to Lin Dong, he exaggerated and shared it with his partner, but the other party obviously doesn't usually pay attention to photography, nor does he care about photography-related news, so his performance can be said to be calm compared to Lin Dong.

Mr. An told me that when Lin Dong knew that I grew up with him and was still his girlfriend, he made up a lot of my works. But later, I heard Lin Dong say that Mr. An, a straight man in science and engineering, often pays attention to these delicate things in art, but after he knew that I was his girlfriend, his doubts were solved.

In the afternoon, there were a lot of classmates from Mr. An and Lin Dong, and we set up two long tables in the courtyard, which just happened to seat so many people. Among them are their respective friends, and there are also people who know each other together, including of course friends who have formed a band to play together before.

I thought that everyone must be very curious about my origins, but after a very short question and answer, everyone introduced each other, and they naturally talked about other topics and engaged in their respective conversations and favorite foods, so I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I had feared.

Mr. An, who got along with his alumni and classmates, only saw the other side after a long time, and in their conversation, I also found that Mr. An during the university was different from the An Jiashu I once knew. Mr. An in college was more active than in high school, although his personality was still rigorous and cold, and he would not be naturally close to people, but that kind of alienation had nothing to do with the inferiority complex in high school, but was confident and sober.

The second this fact was confirmed, there was a buzz in my head, and the sounds around me seemed to gradually disappear, even Mr. An's.

I'm not sure what the real reason for Mr. Ann's appearance in front of me after so many years is that he misses me as much as he does, and finally makes up his mind, or whether he just misses the old feelings and reluctantly gives up at a certain age. In the past, even if I thought about him again, after this long time, I felt that I had lost him after all, so I was both eager and anxious about the reunion, and if it wasn't for Mr. An who took this step towards me first, I might still be hesitant and unable to advance or retreat.

I know that I am cowardly in my hometown, but I am passive and apprehensive in love, and I have only tasted it at Mr. An. If he thinks the same as me, then he has more courage than me, thinking like this, time passes.

In the evening, the sun sets fast, and the cool breeze blows in the courtyard, blowing the smell of grass and wood, and charcoal fire. The man slowly moved into the house, leaving behind the bits and pieces of unburned red charcoal from the barbecue, on which were a few sweet potatoes wrapped in tin foil.

When Lin Dong turned on the stereo downstairs and joined everyone in the microphone, Mr. An and I were already playing several games of checkers in the room on the second floor. I don't know if he deliberately let me or if I really didn't know how to play, I lost to me every time, and in the end I didn't have the fun of winning.

"Stopped playing?" Mr. An put the chess pieces in order, and it looked like it had just been opened.

"No more playing." I looked out the window with little interest, the sky was blue, staring at the two shadows of me and him reflected on the bed.

"It's boring to stay in your room all the time, isn't it?" Mr. Ann said.

"It's fine." Actually, I said that I wanted to go upstairs for a while, so Mr. An came over to accompany me. Actually, it's okay for me to stay alone.

I'm a person who can be alone, and my camera used to accompany me the most, and sometimes I would stay in my room and work on the photos, or I could stay all day without seeing people or talking.

Mother often said, I am lonely, far away from her, away from the crowd, I don't know what I'm looking for, even if she doesn't know that this heart is pretending to be her, and she is also pretending to be someone else, and she also longs for warmth, and she also longs for someone to walk together.

I always thought that the person who walked with me was to choose for himself, Ge

E came out of Qijiao by himself, and Mr. An chose it from beginning to end.

"He Xi, what are you thinking?"

I realized I was distracted.

"I don't know Ge either

What's going on? "I complained softly to Mr. An that the child hadn't contacted me for several days, and it stands to reason that she was coming back soon, and I don't know if the family has taken care of the matter.

Mr. An said, "You are stupid, sometimes no news is good news." ”

"That's right."

I turned to face him, and finally I had this opportunity to talk to him, to talk to him.

I said, "What about you?" Did you comfort yourself in the same way before, thinking that no news was good news, so you didn't take the initiative to contact me and blocked your own news. ”

I said, "But you haven't even asked me, I want to know how you're doing and what you're doing." ”

Mr. An's good-looking eyelashes dodged for a moment, he reached out and scratched the tail of his eyebrows, and said with some refusal: "Why did you pull this sentence back to us." ”

"You're always reluctant to tell me about the past, as if you're running away from something."

"Because there is nothing important in the past that is worth your trouble, the important thing is that now, I will not leave you again." Mr. An said firmly, and then asked me, "Are you angry?" ”

"I'm not angry, I just hope you have something to hide from me, don't have a day I don't know something, how can you promise not to leave?"

I'll admit I'm a bit extreme, but I don't think it's unfounded. Lost and regained, the thoughts of worry are normal, how can I let it happen again.

Mr. An assured me, He Xi, one day, I will tell you when the time comes, and you will tell you any questions you have.

I said, when is the time.

Wait until one day when they all know what time can prove, but it doesn't mean anything, and time can take away something, but it can't change anything. His nose furrowed, and his mouth pursed tightly.

At that time, I don't know who I wanted to prove, and I don't know what this time means to Mr. An. I found out all this until we got married.

Later, Mr. An and I brought up today's events again, talking about the promise he made to his aunt before studying abroad and the determination he secretly made, his eyes were still as gentle and firm as now, like a child who couldn't help showing off, but he remembered that adults should pretend to be calm and reserved, and they were really cute. And I still have a lot to say, but when I saw that he was so tired that he fell asleep in my arms, I couldn't bear to wake him anymore.