Sending off the eldest brother, I sat alone in the ICU in a daze. My life in the past few days has been richer than I have in the past 20 years.

Is this a midlife crisis that has come early? I laughed at myself.

Every night shift, I am very scared of the patients who come to the emergency department to have a craniotomy, I am afraid that in the early hours of the morning, I will have sleepy eyes, and I will see my family or myself.

It was this loneliness that made me decide that I had to have siblings. Just like at this moment, Lin Jia is lying on the hospital bed, but he can have an older brother besides me, but if I am the one lying on the hospital bed today, then my parents will have nothing.

I was the only child in the family, and if I fell, my parents had no one to take care of them, and my two children had no one to take care of. I can't think about it.

Although I didn't get to such a miserable point at this moment, I lost my uterus by two cesarean sections, my husband cheated, and I was forced into the palace by the mistress, although in the end because my husband had a car accident, I took care of the mistress for surgery to end this farce.

Once again, a sense of helplessness crept up on me in the middle of the night when I was alone.

Lin Jia, please wake up quickly, why am you not there every time I need you. Can you get better soon?

After explaining to my ICU colleagues, I hurried to the gynecology department to see Feng Nannan, who had just undergone surgery.

As soon as she entered the ward, she was walking back and forth in the room, "I just had surgery, why don't you lie down?" ”

"It's been more than six hours, it's okay, it's not taking advantage of the urine tube to pull out the activity."

"Well, it's good to come down and take a walk, it helps you vent and helps you recover sooner."

"All right? How is Mr. Lin? ”

"The operation was successful, nothing happened, it depends on his own creation."

Feng Nannan walked to the window and looked at the night in the distance, "I really hope this is a farce, like a dream, I just hope that when the sun rises tomorrow, everything will be gone." ”

"It's not a dream, everything can be karma, right? We are all a grain of sand in the long river of fate, and you and I can't decide where to float with the river. I sat on the escort bed and pinched my neck, "I'm going to sleep, and I'm going to see Lin Jia tomorrow." You also go to bed early. ”

After saying that, I fell asleep, and soon I fell asleep relaxedly due to the fatigue of these days and the tension of my nerves.

In my sleep, I saw Mango and Little Cream, the two of them holding their trouser legs between the fields, barefoot, and their feet were covered with mud.

"Mom, here!" Mango beckoned to me, and I was smiling and ready to walk up to my pair of cute children, only to find myself stuck in the mud and unable to get out of my feet.

Mango kept waving at me, hoping I could come, but I was trapped and couldn't move.

"Mom, why didn't you come?"

"Mom, come on!"

"Mom, don't you want to play with Little Mango?"

"Mom! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! ”

I tried my best to pull my feet, and I didn't come to Mango, but I was pulled back into the real world. I looked at my watch, it was three o'clock in the morning, and I was gasping for breath and exhausted.

Looking at Feng Nannan, who was breathing evenly on the hospital bed, I quietly stood up and prepared to go out.

I came to the large flat of the operating room, and stood alone here quietly looking at the starry sky, listening to the sound of cars whistling in the distance with the sound of the wind.

I really wanted to smoke a cigarette, but I didn't have it in my pocket. I touched only the headphones and mp3, turned on the music player, hung up the headphones, pressed the song that best suited the mood, and sat on the steps to listen to the song.

"I used to think about it a hundred times, when I heard the wailing of the seagulls, floating and sinking between the waves and drifting endlessly, it took away my unbearable time......"

Tang Wei's quiet female voice came from the earphones, and I once thought about it.

I once thought about it, but at the last moment it was Mango who rescued me, I thought I had endured all the suffering, I didn't expect that life was really like a game, and there was another level after completing this level.

The night breeze was cool and stroked my cheeks, because there have been so many tears lately, so when the wind blows gently, it even makes me feel a little painful.

I gazed at the sky in the distance, waiting for the sun to come out, waiting for the darkness to pass.

At this moment, I even missed my mother a little.

At about five o'clock, I returned to the ward, Feng Nannan was still sleeping, lying down gently, and suddenly "Sister, where have you been?" ”

"I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep, so I went out for a walk."

"I knew when you went out, I thought you would never come back when you left, and I was quite scared at that moment." Feng Nannan sat up from the hospital bed and said with a wry smile.

Just after surgery, coupled with poor sleep, the otherwise clean face became more and more pale.

"You should rest more than thinking about what you have. Words must be done, deeds must be fruitful. Since I said I would take care of you, I will definitely take care of you. If you have time to worry about where I've gone, you might as well rest and think about how to recover quickly. ”

"Sister, can you still sleep? If you can't sleep, can you talk to me? ”

I lay on the bed with my eyes closed, "Say whatever you want, I'll listen." ”

"Sister, do you know why I've always wanted to take a shortcut?"

"It's not just you, but many girls your age are dreaming, marrying a domineering president, and then living happily ever after. When I was your age, I thought about these things when I looked at romance. ”

"Sister, I'm really not as lucky as you to be able to watch romance." Although my eyes were closed, I could feel Feng Nannan's self-deprecating wry smile.

"My home is in a small village below Yi County. Our family's living conditions are not bad, my father is a small businessman, my mother is a housewife, I have two younger sisters and a younger brother, and my younger brother and I are 18 years apart. ”

I opened one eye to see Feng Nannan's expression at the moment, but because there was no light in the room, I didn't see it clearly.

"Probably because he didn't have to worry about food and clothing, my father wanted to have a boy, and for him, raising a daughter was to get married."

Indeed, Yi County is a county seat closer to the north, and the patriarchal preference in the north is much heavier than in the cities in the south.

"So since I can remember, my mother has been constantly pregnant, constantly doing color ultrasound, judging whether each pregnancy is a boy or a girl, you also know that not every color ultrasound can be particularly accurate, after all, through the belly! So I had two younger sisters. ”

Feng Nannan paused, lay down and continued, "Finally, when I was 18 years old, my mother gave birth to my younger brother. From the moment I gave birth to my younger brother, the good days of my two younger sisters and I came to an end. At the age of 18, I was preparing for the college entrance examination, and every day when I came home from school, I had to help my mother bathe the child and wash the child's clothes. Because the mother at that time was no longer young, she did not have a lot of energy to support herself to take care of a child wholeheartedly. ”

In the dark, Feng Nannan said that in the first half of her life, "I was admitted to college, my father said, a girl, going to college, it is better to go to a technical school, and you can get a job when you come out, anyway, you will marry someone in the future, as long as you can marry someone and give birth to a boy, what will you say in the future?" I forcibly borrowed money from my father to go to college, and then I started working to earn tuition and pay back my father's money. When someone else buys a bag, you want to have it, someone else has lipstick, and as soon as someone else leaves school, her parents can directly let her go to work in the hospital, but I still have to do an internship, and I work hard for every excellent intern, so I got tired of this day later. ”

I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say, each of us is a speck of dust on the wings of a butterfly, a butterfly just flapping its wings, and we have to drift away with the wind.

"Remember, no matter when, you have to grit your teeth, nothing is more important than yourself, the money in your wallet will always be more secure than what your husband gives, there may be shortcuts in the world, but for most of us ordinary people, hard work is the most important way we should go." After I finished speaking to Feng Nannan, I fell asleep deeply.