With a heavy heart, I went back to the department to change my clothes and take a shower and go home. Under the showerhead, I burst into tears at the sound of water. Shiyan's critical illness made me feel so useless for the first time. Whether it's a doctor or a nurse, we want every life we save to live well and enjoy the beautiful moments of life. The feeling of powerlessness at the moment made me feel overwhelmed.

On the way home, I passed by a stationery store and bought star paper. I wrote all the words I wanted to encourage Shi-yeon in the star paper and folded them into stars. Xiao Shiyan, you have to come on, Auntie is waiting to take you to play. Xiao Shiyan, Auntie knows that you are the best. Xiao Shiyan, Auntie is waiting to watch the flowers bloom with you. Xiao Shiyan, Auntie wants to see you graduate from elementary school. Xiao Shiyan...... At that moment, tears flowed uncontrollably, staining the star paper and blurring the handwriting.

"What's wrong?" Lin Jia came back and saw me crying, and asked with concern.

"It's okay, Shiyan's mother came to me and said that Shiyan is critically ill. I went to see her and she was in a bad state. She was in a lot of pain, and she even told me today that if she died, she would be organ donor" At this point I burst into tears again. I don't know what to do, I don't know what Shi-yeon should do, I can't accept the information that I'm critically ill. "Is there no way for Lin Jia?"

"When she was transferred, I did a case analysis with my brother from the oncology department, and it was really difficult to do it, and it was not easy for Shiyan to survive until now, although the chest wall did not metastasize this time, it does not mean that there are no other places."

"No, there will be miracles, there will be miracles, there will be, there will be!" I squatted on the edge of the bed and cried bitterly, and my mind kept flashing Shiyan's little face, my little face comforting me, my little pale face, and my weak little face...... I was on the verge of collapse. Lin Jia squatted over and hugged me, hoping that I could calm down. Lin Jia said, "I know you are sad, I can understand your sadness, cry if you want to cry, I have always been, I am with you, I am with you......"

When I stopped crying, the sky had already darkened, and Lin Jia took the lead in breaking the peace, "Since we're done crying, cheer up, at least we have to make Shiyan happy at the last moment, right?" If she saw us all crying, she would be scared. "Yes, we should be stronger than the child, now is not the time to cry, we should comfort her, support her, make her happy, and minimize her pain.

The next day, when I came to the ward, Shi-yeon had just experienced a labor pain, and I heard Shi-yeon's crying and shouting in the room through the door, "Mom, I'm in so much pain, Mom help me." "At that moment, I was trembling and didn't dare to push the door open, not knowing how to face the situation in the room." Quick, let's go" I was pushed away by the doctors and nurses who arrived. The door was opened, and I saw that Shi-yeon had been injected with painkillers, and I don't know how long it took for the room to gradually return to calm, and only the sound of the ECG monitor ticking was left.

I crept in and saw Shi-yeon sleeping with her eyes closed, beads of sweat glistening on her pale little face. Shiyan's mother hugged her daughter tightly with a dull gaze, as if she would be taken away by death if she let go of her daughter. I put the star paper and the stars I folded on the table and turned to leave, for fear of waking Shiyan.

I didn't know what I could do for Shiyan, Lin Jia said that we have to be stronger than children, I have to do something. So I went to the doctor's office and found the doctor in charge of Shiyan, Lin Jia's college brother.

"Senior brother, do we have any new ways to deal with Shiyan's situation?"

Senior brother shook his head, "It is not easy for Shiyan to persist until now, she has been transferred from the hematology department for two years to our oncology department, and soon after the transfer, she found that there was a nodule on the chest wall, although it was not metastasized at that time, but in fact, the child has been tortured by this disease, and basically tried all the methods that should be tried." I have also discussed the condition with the professors of Capital Medical University before, and I have tried all the methods and new drugs that can be used. What can be done at this stage is to make the child suffer less pain, because it is too painful. ”

The two of us were silent, and my hope of gas was shattered again, yes, if Senior Brother had a way, why wouldn't he wait until now to not use it for Shiyan?

I shuffled out of the doctor's office with heavy steps, and by the time I returned to Shiyeon's room, she was awake.

"Auntie, come quickly." Shiyan called to me.

"Did you write this to me?" There was a smile on her weak little face, like a lily that was about to wither, and I gently touched Shiyan's face, "Yes, is it okay for that auntie to hook up with you, and when you get better, let's go out and play together, okay?" I think Shi-yeon must have been to a playground for a long time. ”

"Auntie, will I be okay?"

"It's going to get better" I looked out the window, not daring to look at Shiyan, I don't know if this sentence was for myself or for Shiyan. It's going to get better. What should I do for her?