It was that night that I had a clear and peculiar dream. I woke up at four o'clock in the morning, only to hear a voice in my head say, write it down. So I jotted it down on my phone.

"The dream began in my childhood at the home of a classmate An Huan, and my mother sent me to the same school and said to Aunt Liao, this child should live in your house. Aunt Liao agreed without hesitation, and my mother disappeared.

Suddenly there was a new population, and life was also very poor, I, An Huan, and An Ren (An Huan's younger brother) were all wearing tattered clothes, gathered around the stove and looked into the pot. Aunt Liao was making my favorite scrambled eggs with tomatoes, and I looked at the eggs in the pot that were getting fewer and fewer.

The corners of my mouth curled up unconsciously, and I felt very satisfied.

Then, in the school playground for physical education class, Wu Yang, Zicheng, Lei Teng and some boys with unclear faces. The physical education teacher was replaced by my homeroom teacher F in my first year of high school. He let us move around freely, and then he was with one of his colleagues (honestly, I didn't know him. I've just heard of it, I've seen it) slapstick. I was twisted around my neck and screamed uncomfortably.

There are still a few minutes before class ends, and Wu Yang wants to skip class and leave early, I don't agree. But we actually implemented a card-type access control system in class, I looked at the watch showing that there were still five minutes, Wu Yang, who has always been a good girl, swiped the card without any scruples and ran out, and I was uncharacteristically patient waiting for the coming five minutes.

Then, I was walking home alone, and when I got to the door, I met a man. This man was very familiar, and I vaguely felt that I had a strong love for him, but I couldn't tell who he really was.

Vaguely, I heard a voice from the bottom of my heart that was my mother's ex-husband (this dream is contrary to the truth, because my parents have never been divorced), it can only be my dad, or my first boyfriend Ah Jun, who is holding a little boy who is more than five years old, and the little boy is looking at me with a pair of watery eyes and a smile.

The man said, "I committed a crime a long time ago, and I was exposed, and this time I can't escape, and now I will suffer from 18 years in prison." But his hard-working child, with no one to take care of him, hopes I can take it back.

The little boy didn't know that he was going to be separated from his father, and he still looked at me stupidly and smiled, like a peony flower in April, warm and full of joy.

It was November, and it was very cold, and the little boy was still smiling at me in an old single coat, which made me feel sorry for me.

I squatted down and took his little hand and told him that when I got home, someone would buy you new clothes. He jumped and jumped happily ahead of me.

On our way home, I don't know why we climbed over a wall, and he climbed up and fell down with a "Peng"?

When I woke up, fear came over me, and I saw me standing behind him, with a pair of sinful hands outstretched.

I was sweating from shock.

Zhuangzi Mengli said: Death is life. Death in a dream is a kind of resurrection, an old thing dies, and a new thing can be born. Dreaming of the death of someone means that you will get to know someone again. Dreaming of the death of the self is like a snake molting, the old self is metamorphosing, and a whole new sense of self is being formed.

But why did I push a five-year-old child off the wall in my dream? That day, I was nervous, always worried that something would happen. As usual, I got up early and went out with my bag on my back.

Now, my awake soul, re-examining this dream, looking at the soul that I began to mess up five years ago, I don't know what to say for a while, because even when I was in a trance, I felt that she was so beautiful even in chaos, and I didn't want to modify her, and I showed her as it was, so that you could see her as she really was, and this is what I looked like five years ago, when I was in chaos.

On the weekend, on this day I decided to say goodbye to the second consultation room. Internship is not a job that can be developed in the long term, and the counselor is not suitable for me, so I decided to quit this job and go back to City A for development, and the graduation job fair is imminent, it is time to prepare for the application, interview, and job wholeheartedly. At the same time, I couldn't see her on campus for several days, and I used to see her in the playground at twenty o'clock on time, but now there is no trace. I rarely saw her all day, and when I woke up in the morning, I felt a lot of comfort to see her lying peacefully on the bed.

After saying that after returning from Teacher L for the last time that day, there was only me and her in the dormitory, and she was lying motionless on the bed in pain, silently blushing, shedding tears, and moaning quietly, I was extremely anxious and sad in my heart, but I didn't know how to comfort her, and I didn't want her to continue the way of the counseling room into the dormitory.

We were roommates, we were good friends in the same dormitory in the same major in my freshman year, and I applied to change my major to psychology in my sophomore year. I liked the dorm so much that I didn't move out. Because I am not a major, I have a delicate relationship with my classmates in the dormitory, sometimes near and sometimes far away, sometimes close and sometimes sparse, and elusive. I only eat with her often, go to self-study together, go for a run together, and go shopping together.

In the second semester of her junior year, she was going to graduate school, and I wanted to work. They all submitted applications to stay in school during the summer vacation. Since my work was a bit far away, I rented a house outside and was busy with my own things every day, occasionally staying in the dormitory for a few days and chatting with each other.

"I can't hold on any longer." A month ago I cried and said,

"What happened?" I asked.

That day, there was only me and her in the dormitory, but she cried all morning without saying a word, I was helpless, thinking about whether I should make an appointment with her teacher, she didn't agree, I didn't force it, I seemed to be in a much better mood in the afternoon, but in the evening she suddenly appeared in the second counseling room I didn't expect. After all, my friend's suggestion is just a suggestion, and the decision-making path of the brain has been studied by scientists at home and abroad for more than 100 years, and it has not been completely deciphered.

Every counseling room has a supervisor, and my supervisor is my counseling teacher, Mr. L, who is also my thesis advisor. My dissertation was the use of psychoanalysis to study the emotional psychology of human beings, and I was the case of my research thesis.

On the day I left my job, I happened to meet her looking for Ms. L, so I sat in the reception room outside the consultation room. In order to find her, I ran to every corner of the campus, and even went to the back mountain, where people rarely visited, and when I found her, she sat quietly on the sofa chair of the Red Forest Internet Café and slept. At that moment, I had a terrible thought, it was better to let her die if she lived in such pain.

Now in the second counseling room, I met her and took the initiative to find Teacher L, the image of Teacher L instantly radiated in my heart, and I couldn't suppress the joy in my heart, and suddenly a sense of pride arose, and I was deeply impressed by Teacher L in awe of the profession of psychological counselor.

This time, I was fortunate enough to hear my friend and my story in the second counseling room, and I had mixed feelings. I decided to write down this story so that more people could understand me, and what an incredible psychological journey this timid girl blushes when she speaks.

"I had a dream that was special." She began to speak to herself.

Five years ago, one night on the playground, I went round and round like a wheel, and after 25 turns, I clearly saw that my personality had been divided, how many had been divided? One is in class, eats, learns and chats together (roommates), one is a rebel who loves to skip class and love the Internet (Sunshine Boy), one is a student of psychology (a scumbag), one is an intern in a psychological laboratory (a psychology teacher), one is taking a graduate exam (Xueba), one is working part-time (worker), and one likes to hide in the corner and cry (little girl)...... Internship in the second counseling room? Writing a graduation project? Part-time job? ……

I seemed to see myself standing in a closed elevator at that moment, with countless parallel versions on all sides, but if there was an axis of time and space enabled at the same time, my sense of time would collapse.

In this way, a long time ago, my sense of time collapsed when I played a split personality game, and I began to wonder which time and place I needed to use which self to protect me from suffering at that time, and then I buried him and his memory in the wine jar like wine. Then the real me will not have to suffer.