The 'Me' of the Past

My father always said that I was a quiet child, almost weird, with no smiles, no words, and I stayed alone in the study every day, but the books were still neatly arranged, and my father couldn't tell which one I was reading.

Sometimes, my father would come into the study and ask me, "Xiao An, what are you looking at?" ”

"......" always answered her with my silence, but my father didn't care.

It was only when that happened that he would ask me for advice over and over again, and he wouldn't give up even when I was bored, unhappy, or even crying. Because that incident is related to the lifeblood of my father.

I don't know when it started, no matter how much my father asked, I couldn't tell him the right answer, which bothered me a lot.

I desperately read professional books, desperately tried to close my eyes and dream, but I still couldn't see the scenery that my father wanted to know. For this, I think the father is depressed and sad.

I don't know if his frustration and grief are for me or for himself.

In the first 40 years of my life, that is, when I was young, my father had a very difficult life, because of his poverty and sourness, my mother left us very early, and I have been thinking about my mother in my heart to this day.

Oh, by the way, my father's name was Anze, and he was a very famous archaeologist. In fact, this is not true, because my father got to where he is by other means, but we all have to call him an archaeologist in front of him.

As for where is the one who really has the talent? I can't say it, I can't think about it, my father will be insecure if I think too much, he will keep staring at me until I fall asleep in my room, and that bothers me very, very much.

Ten years ago, we moved from our warm cabins in the city to the top of this icy mountain cliff, just to avoid the people who were doing good things and were constantly tracking our secrets. Father couldn't let anyone know his secrets, or else he wouldn't have had all that he had so hard.

He always said that it was not a problem of money, it was not a problem of money at all. I agree with that, and although money is so important to us, I don't think my father is lying.

But what if one day I die? Or one day I run away from home like my mother?! What will my father do at that time?

I often think about this question, because when I think about it, I start to miss my past classmates, my past life, and the days when I was a child when I was held in my mother's arms and ate rock sugar gourds.

Now, I will never be able to have all this, I feel really pitiful, and I should not have told my father about that dream in the first place.

Regret and chagrin made my spirit worse day by day, but my father didn't notice it, and still kept forcing me to imagine and dream. Until I can't squeeze a little oil or water out of this skin.

Yes, you're right, I'm resentful, one might even say hateful, but to whom should I vent this feeling? Alas...... It didn't work, so I could only bury it in my heart and hide in my favorite study to bear it silently.

After living in Spiegel for almost a year, my father's incident could no longer be sustained, even if he made me dream all day long, I couldn't do it, I couldn't say the right thing anymore, so he gave up.

And then what? Daddy, can we go home? I couldn't wait to ask.

But it was not his father's gentle words that greeted him, but his sad face that almost collapsed!

'Daddy......' I called out to him, wanting the answer in my heart.

'Daddy......'

My father stood up and said to me with his back on his back: 'This is our home, you don't want to go anywhere in the future, just stay here!' ’

What a cruel and cruel thing! I couldn't think of any other words in my head other than these two words, and the blank space occupied my mind more and more, and even the memories of the past began to blur a little.

From that day on, my father no longer communicated with me, but lived as if he were alone every day, and the maid of the house was very close to him, and every time I secretly looked at them, my father would severely reprimand me and let me go back to my room.

I feel that love is gradually draining, and if the last bit of warmth is gone, how can I live!

A man in his twenties, like a teenage girl, is locked up in his home like a caged bird...... It was only from those books that I could feel a hint of solace.

Many of the books were left by my mother, who was also a teacher, and a good teacher who was much more patient than my father, and sometimes I thought that in the next life I must no longer be reincarnated as a mother's daughter, but as her student, because the student spends much more time with her than I do.

If you express too much pain, you will also get tired and tired, so now I want to... It's time for me to go to sleep, and hopefully when I wake up, everything will change with the cold mountain wind......

——

The 'me' of the present

I don't know when I got used to and liked the treacherous house, yes! It's a treacherous house, not a mirror house. I didn't like that name at all, including the little maid who didn't give up and pestered me for years to fight lawsuits.

I already have a life of my own, and a man who truly loves me, and his name is Eternal, which I gave him, which represents eternity, which means the man who will always be in my heart. Isn't it beautiful and romantic?

But what girl doesn't want to have such a beautiful love that is boundless and heaven and earth are together? People like me are no exception.

With Eternal, my life is full of sunshine, even if the cold winter snow covers all the cliffs, as long as we hide in the treacherous house, as long as we hide in the warm nest of ten square meters, everything does not matter to us.

As long as he's by my side, the treacherous house is the home I yearn for the most—

Every morning, when everyone in this family has not woken up, in order to be able to see him as soon as possible, I will secretly lie at the window and say to the old man of time: Please walk slowly, walk slowly, please give me an hour, okay?

Every night, when all the people in the family had gone to sleep, in order to be able to hide with him in the warm hut as soon as possible, I would say to the old man in the snow: Please hurry up, go faster, give me an hour, okay?

Old Man Time will remember my request and help me fulfill my wish, day after day, year after year, and this wish will never stop. I even feel more and more that many years ago, the bright red reflected in the sunset was so correct and timely.