September 3, 2000 sunny

How much do you believe about love? Do you believe in love, or believe in the person you love, or do you actually just believe that you love him. I believe that there is love, but its vitality is fragile and limited, and after its limited life is over, it may become carnal desire, into greed, into dependence, into family affection or friendship, and it may even become a burden, and then form a grudge.

So those vows derived from love naturally become lies and scams. If you really want to love someone, then you can love it yourself, don't let him know, and don't tell others, so that the shelf life may be a little longer. Recently, I read a novel called "Love, Don't Bloom", in which it is said that "what does not bloom is love, and what blooms will bear hatred", now that I think about it, this should be the truth.

I don't have love, even though I may have fallen in love with someone, I just watch other people's love burst out in an instant, and then fleetingly, and suddenly realize that this may be why the person who chases love is happier than the person who has love, because when chasing, that feeling is still called love.

They finally divorced, after many years of struggle, when each other was old and gray. Ru Ling said that this is also a relief, letting each other go for the rest of their lives. So we shouldn't be sad, we should even applaud it. Bless them to embrace themselves and regain their lives. I understood Ru Ling's words, because I had witnessed 7 years of quarrels and disgust. But I don't understand how they can hold on for so many years, outside of love, what imprisons each other. may really be what Ru Ling said, there is also family affection, responsibility, and habits.

Ru Ling also broke up on the same day. He didn't say why, he didn't explicitly say that he broke up, I just saw him quietly take out the photos in his wallet and put them in a drawer. Speaking of which, his love is much shorter, only three months. I'm not sure when they fell in love, or never. It's just that Ru Ling thinks that he is in love with wishful thinking.

That's another proposition. Love, in the end, is it a matter of one person, or is it a matter of two people, is there only love between two people who love each other, or those who have not spoken it and have not been able to hold hands and embrace each other are also considered love.

Let's go back to Ru Ling, whether it is love or not, he fell in love with a smart woman, too smart. So many times I don't think that the woman has any special feelings for Ru Ling, she just thinks that there is some kind of benefit to being with Ru Ling after her own clever calculations that I haven't yet identified, she is smart enough to make Ru Ling feel that there is affection between them, but let others understand at a glance that their relationship will not last. In this way, there is a group of people who are happy, and a group of people who feel that they don't have to worry too much, and the momentary excitement will always pass.

At least that's what I thought at the time. It's not enough to break anything, and there's no need to dissuade anything, it's just a short episode, and it won't be long before it's fine. So it's not unusual for them to break up. Ru Ling is not stupid, he will eventually understand the problem.

Ru Ling is indeed not stupid, but I may not really understand love. I didn't expect that when a person fell in love with another person, judgment and self-control would be affected, so since Ru Ling was with that woman, she slowly became blind to me, even with deliberate alienation, so that when I finally said what I thought of that smart woman, and broke Ru Ling's true mistake, Ru Ling gave me a resounding slap in the face.

It was so loud that I couldn't hear anything else, except for the deafening snap of his palm on the left side of his face. It was so loud that the two divorced people actually ran over at the same time and scolded Ru Ling in unison. It was so loud that I couldn't even hear Ru Ling's voice after that. And it's not just loud, it's painful. As for how much it hurts, I can't describe it. I just remember that there was no sound, no language, and I even forgot to cry.

I was pulled out to check, while Ru Ling left in a bad mood. My cry only erupted after Ru Ling left. They thought I was hurt and thought I was wronged. Only I knew in my heart that I was afraid of losing Ru Ling, because I slandered the person he loved, and slandered his love. And this inconsistency in the concept of love will be a gap that cannot be crossed. From now on, his love world is his own, and it has nothing to do with me.

I don't know if Ru Ling really used too much force, or if I hadn't been beaten for too long, until the night the left side of my face was swollen, and his palm print was still clearly printed on it. I don't bother to pay attention to it, after all, I can't die. Aunt Tang is collecting things, she should be ready to leave, but it's just a city to another city. Ruan Yang came at dinner, he probably heard the news of the divorce of the two people, and wanted to see if there was anything he could do to help. It's a bit strange to think like this, after all, it's a matter of the elders, and the participation of the juniors always seems to be a bit overstepping. But it doesn't matter, Ruan Yang looks more like Aunt Tang's son.

Ruan Yang saw me folding clothes with half of my swollen face, and asked me if I had ice cream without asking the reason. I said no, so he went to the fridge and got some ice cubes and asked me to take them and put them on my face.

Then I asked Aunt Tang what time the plane was, whether the things were put away, and whether she wanted to have dinner before leaving. Sure enough, he came to see Aunt Tang away, and Ru Ling even asked Ruan Yang to do such a thing for him, I don't know what to say. Aunt Tang said that she had collected it, if there was anything she forgot to bring, let me send it to her again at that time, it is not that she will not come back, and she can still contact and communicate in time if there is anything.

Ruan Yang and I helped move things to Ruan Yang's car, and Uncle Ru followed to the door, watching the three of us get into the car, without saying a word. I think they may really have feelings between them as Ru Ling said, but the mustard in their hearts is too deep, one is unwilling to explain, the other is unwilling to believe, and then they become resentful. Even so, there are feelings.

Ruan Yang sent Aunt Tang to the airport, and went through the check-in and check-in procedures, during which Aunt Tang and I didn't speak, because I knew that I was the mustard who had been buried in each other's hearts for 7 years, and at this moment it is estimated that they have spread into an old vine that climbs and entangles, covering the bright window, so we have been very careful about our mode of getting along. As we stood like that, my face began to hurt hotly, and I didn't dare to touch it with my hands, because my movements, in the eyes of Aunt Tang and Ruan Yang, might inspire another war. Their patterns of expression of love are subtle and intense.

Everything is ready, we send Aunt Tang to the security checkpoint to line up for security. At the security checkpoint, Ruan Yang said he went to the bathroom and left. I know he's deliberately giving us one last chance to say a thoughtful word or two.

Aunt Tang finally spoke, she looked at my face and helped me fix my hair again. Said calmly:

"Don't be angry with Ru Ling, although he is older than you, but the emotional matter is not mature, and you will slowly understand after experiencing it. He started beating you today, it's not right for him, I'll tell him later. After there are two men left in the family, you will have to work a little harder. After so many years, I know that you also have a grudge against me in your heart, blame me, but you still call me mother, which I am already very grateful.

I worked hard to be a stepmother for 7 years, hoping that it didn't become a negative teaching material. I don't hate you, I don't blame you, I just can't get past myself, I have to divorce when I'm old, but I also think that you have grown up, have your own will and life, and can take care of yourself, I want to leave the little time left for myself and live comfortably.

You may not understand it now, but you may understand it one day. In fact, what I am most worried about is that the quarrel between me and your father for so many years and the final divorce will affect you and Ru Ling, so the last thing I want to tell you is that I have loved your father, and the people of the contract generation are different, and we are together because of love. That's why they care so much about each other's loyalty and understanding. Do you understand? ”

I nodded, indicating that I understood, and I think I understood. Aunt Tang is a brave person, she did treat me very well, but she was a little deliberate. I kept calling Mom because I thought I was part of the family and recognized her for being good to me. Although it is not a parting of life and death, it should be difficult to see her again if she will say this. I'm going to be a junior soon, and I'm going to do an internship in another year, and then work, and then I guess it's even harder.

At this time, Ruan Yang came back, and Aunt Tang pulled Ruan Yang again and said, "Thank you Ruan Yang for taking care of Ru Ling and Ru Jing for so many years, and you will have to bother in the future." I hope that the three of you can always take care of each other as you are now, and understand that your generation needs friends so much. ”

"Auntie, don't worry, I'll watch Ru Ling and Ru Jing." Ruan Yang is intimate, and he is simply a model boy in the eyes of his elders.

Aunt Tang looked at me again, turned around and entered the security check area. Nguyen Yang and I stood in place, watching her line up before passing through the security checkpoint before turning to leave.

Ruan Yang put one hand around my shoulder, the other in his trouser pocket, and asked me what I wanted to eat. His appearance instantly subsided the tense and low atmosphere. I covered my face and said I wanted to eat Tom Yum noodles. He took me out of the airport and straight to the Thai restaurant we frequented.

"I helped you beat up Ru Ling." On the road, Ruan Yang said with a smile while driving.

"Hmm!" I think he did that, too. I just don't know where to start. Ru Ling was beaten, will he be even more angry.

"Why are you so nervous?" Ruan Yang saw that I didn't speak, and added.

"It's not that I'm worried that it's broken, but I'm afraid that we will both be blocked in the future."

"I'm not afraid, I'll call him to pay the bill, which can be regarded as an apology for the two of us."

"You beat him, and he has to apologize to you?"

"He beat my most beloved Ru Jing, so naturally he wants to apologize!" Ruan Yang said as he stretched out his hand and grabbed my hair like Ru Ling. I ignored him, he has been Ru Ling's good brother and my good brother for the past two years, but I know in my heart what the real role he wants to play is, it's just that I am willing to admit that I know.

"Did he say why he hit me?"

"Because you owe a beating."