"Ru Jing and I met during the Spring Festival in 2004." Su Yao sat sideways on the stone bench in the gazebo, looked in the direction of the special inpatient building, and recalled. She wore a thin lake blue coat, and the whole person was wrapped in it, which looked exceptionally bright and slender, and her hair was tied up today, with a neat atmosphere.

I didn't interject, I went to the café to find her after work for three days in a row, but for three days in a row, Yu Huai sat there, and I had to pretend to be fine, drink a bottle of beer and leave. Today is strange, Su Yao suddenly came to me at noon when she got off work, saying that she wanted to solve my doubts, so I had to give up my lunch break and listen to her tell stories on this small island in the middle of the lake. On the one hand, I chose this place because there are many people in the office, and everyone is resting, so it is not easy to speak; On the other hand, this island is surrounded by water, as long as I guard the covered bridge, I will not be eavesdropped by Yu Huai anymore, and the scenery and atmosphere here are good, which is more suitable for dating.

"At that time, the Deep Sea Cafe had just opened, and it was just in time for Chinese New Year's Eve, and it was not popular, but it was still open on Chinese New Year's Eve. As soon as I returned to Shenzhen, I didn't find a job to accept a short-term residency, so I wanted to sit in a bar I knew before to see if there was an opportunity, only to find that it had become a deep-sea café. Maybe it's because of the Spring Festival, there is a waitress in the store, who is very beautiful, but she doesn't like to talk. ”

"That waitress is Ru Can, right?"

"Well, it's her, she was really indifferent at that time!" Su Yao smiled as she spoke, as if she remembered something.

"Because I don't have a job, I have nothing to do all day, I get up at three o'clock in the morning, get up and find a square or street corner with my guitar on my back to practice stalls, and when I am tired, I go to the deep sea to sit in a daze, and sit until the end of the day and go back to the hotel to sleep. I went on like this for a week."

"What does that café mean to you, do you like it there?" I sensitively sniffed out for potential clues.

"Well, I met a man there before, and he accompanied me to many places, and then accidentally died." Su Yao said lightly, as if she was telling someone else's story.

"Dead?" I didn't react for a while, and forgot to say a polite word of comfort.

"Ah, yes, I accidentally died that year of SARS."

"I'm sorry to remind you of such a sad thing." I finally came to my senses, but as a doctor, I am always a little insincere in the face of the sorry of birth, old age, sickness and death.

"It's nothing, it's not that he's dead, it's that he slept with another woman before he died." Su Yao's gaze flashed with a hint of coldness, and I couldn't help but shudder.

"How do you know?"

"I bumped into it myself, I was young at the time, and I still had a feeling that I couldn't accept it, and I was sad to die, but it didn't take long for him to die." Su Yao turned her head to look at me, with a pair of big eyes burning and shining, and she couldn't tell whether she was sad or happy. I couldn't help but swallow my saliva, thinking evilly about the vicious picture in my heart.

"Then what can I do, I don't know whether to be sad or happy. You tell me? I don't know how to remember him, but I can't help but not recall. So I went back to where I started and wanted to remember as much as possible. ”

"Well, always believe in the good!" I reluctantly followed.

"But don't trust men!" Su Yao looked at me with a smile, and that look was like an MRI scanner, not even letting go of the fluid in the cracks of your bones.

"No, no, men are still reliable." I don't feel very confident.

"I didn't grow up in this city, but a few years ago I started as a wandering singer with someone else, carrying a guitar on my back, dragging a suitcase, and earning some rations and bus tickets by singing, and when I earned enough, I went to the next place. When I first came here, I had been wandering like that for 1 year, and although it was hard, I felt happy. Because in one year, I did go to a lot of cities, saw a lot of stories, and wrote a lot of songs. ”

"So you didn't have a place to live?"

"Sort of, Deep Sea was originally a very old little bar, because a friend knew the original owner, so he recommended me to be a resident singer, and at that time I thought about repairing it for three months before setting off. After all, this city is relatively young, and the tolerance for wandering singers is also very high. The first time I sang on stage, the guy sat in the audience. Maybe it was fate, I noticed him in the crowd, but he didn't notice me as a new singer at that time. ”

"What does he do?"

"Translation, an English translation of foreign patents. He has his own studio, but he is actually alone. Relying on the operation of some regular customers, it seems that the income is not bad. He sat in the bar almost every day, and while others were drinking and chatting, he would work there with a few pages of paper. On a whim, I sent half a dozen beers, and that's when he started noticing me. ”

"Is he handsome?"

"Well, it's not counted, it's just a very ordinary person, he looks a little decadent, his hair is always unkempt, I thought he was a writer at first." Su Yao couldn't help but smile when she said this, it turned out that the image of the writer was so close to the designer.

After that, he gradually stopped coming to the bar with his work, but listened to me sing, and occasionally brought two friends. We got to know each other slowly. He is a very considerate person and makes people feel warm. After we met, every time he came, he would bring me throat tea, and sometimes he would make some food for me. When I got off work late, he would wait for me and take me back to my apartment. I started to feel like I was in love, so I wrote a song for him and sang it to him, and he naturally knew that it was for him, and he gave me a response. We're just starting to procrastinate. ”

"Is he sincere?"

"I guess I thought it was sincere. But then I started struggling because I didn't want to stop and wanted to keep traveling, but I didn't know if he wanted to go with me, so the relationship became very strained. One day I was singing on stage, singing and singing, and all the lights in the bar went out, and I was stunned on the stage waiting for the staff to troubleshoot, and after a while, the lights came on, brighter than ever.

He was holding a flower in his hand and kneeling on one knee in front of me, proposing marriage, and the whole audience gathered around. That's when he said he wanted to go on a wandering trip with me, and asked me if I would like to take him with me. Women, maybe it's this scene that I can't stand the most. At that time, I felt that I was the luckiest and happiest person, and I was so moved. ”

"Understandable." I also think that most women can't escape this kind of public show of love, even if they don't like it in their hearts, they will still feel happy and moved.

"I accepted his marriage proposal, but I didn't get married immediately, because I was still very cautious that whether the two of them could stay together for a long time depended on whether they could withstand the grinding of firewood, rice, oil and salt. Soon we set off, went to Xitang, then Zhouzhuang, then Wuzhen, Hangzhou, and then went to Yunnan and Guizhou, and then returned to Xiangxi, and in 2003, we returned to Guangzhou. The SARS epidemic broke out suddenly, and when it wasn't very serious at first, I still went to sing every night, and he worked from home.

Everything was natural, but one day, I noticed that he had changed his hairstyle and started to sing to me in the bar again, and I thought he had regained the feeling he had had when he first met. But instead of waiting for me to get off work as he used to, he left first.

One night because of the epidemic, the bar had very few customers, and the owner closed the store early, and then I came home early with my guitar, and when I saw the shoes at the door, I thought there were guests, but when I walked in, I found that he was busy making out with a woman, and he didn't notice that I was back, and I even stood at the door of the bedroom for a few minutes before he saw me. ”

"This is kind of exciting." The story is very old-fashioned, the woman is busy with work, the man is bored and cheats, and then he is bumped into by the woman who unexpectedly returned early, and the ugly thing is revealed. So, why should a man cheat at home, why is there no etiquette at all for cheating, I will definitely learn a lesson in the future.

"We didn't argue, he just sent the woman away and then asked me if I was going to break up. I didn't actually think of this step yet, I sang in a bar, men stealing fishy, women splitting legs, I have seen a lot, but as long as you are not tempted, I think I can accept it. But when he asked, I began to hesitate, and I asked him if he was serious, or if he was bored. ”

This woman really thinks about it, and sure enough, what she has seen in the world is different.

He also admitted that it was just a dismissal, but it was not the first time. Ask me if that's the case, can I accept it? I asked him if he could change it. And he would not answer. Since that's the case, you can only break up. I packed my things that night and went to the hotel. He didn't stay, the bar was closed, I had nowhere to go, so I was about to change cities, but I received a call from him, saying that he had SARS and had been quarantined, so I should pay attention to safety no matter what, and see a doctor in time if I feel unwell.

I was very scared at that time, afraid that he would be infected as the news said, and afraid that he would also be infected, so I hid in the hotel and didn't dare to go out. A week later, I got a call from his mother saying he was dead. He said he had left me a letter and a ring, and asked me if I would like to take it.

I didn't know what was wrong, so I put down the phone and fled Guangzhou, and then wandered around Beijing, Tianjin, and Qingdao for a year, never daring to go south. It wasn't until the Spring Festival in 2004 that I received a letter and ring from his mother to my friend, who in turn forwarded it to me. I think it's been a year, and I've always loved it, whether it's good or bad, so I decided to revisit the old place and see the places I loved back then. ”

"What's on the letter?"

"Nothing, just words of apology and memories. I guess when he wrote the new one, he already realized that he was going to die, so his words were a little more earnest. ”

"Then you forgave him?"

"Why not? Do you want to be angry with someone who died? Isn't it enough for him to abandon his city and family for me and follow me to wander? Now think about it, love is a matter of a moment, that moment has passed, what maintains the attachment between two people should be family affection or friendship, in the eyes of men, there is carnal desire? Su Yao said this and glanced at me contemptuously.

"You can forgive him because you don't love him that much, as you said, that moment passed. Isn't it? ”

"I think so, so you see, both men and women, in the face of love, are unreliable. Because love has a shelf life that varies from person to person. If you want to stay together, you have to cultivate another kind of relationship. ”

As she spoke, Su Yao took out her watch from her pocket and looked at the time.

"Are you going to withdraw?" I also looked at the time, it was almost time to go to work, and I didn't hear the theme.

"You're going to work, I still have something to do, let's talk about it next time."

"Are you creating an opportunity for the two of us to meet in this way?" I started teasing her again.

"So narcissistic, be careful that you will be lonely and grow old!"

"Yu Huai has been going to you very often recently?"

"He wants to come and see me, do you have any opinions?"

"No, but he's said to be not much better than your ex-boyfriend."

"It's none of your business." Su Yao turned around and left.

I also hurried to the consultation room, thinking about Su Yao's views on love, for a while I felt that this woman was free and easy, and for a while I felt that she was sad. Freedom and freedom is her commitment not to demand men, and sadness is also her loyalty to not demand men. This kind of woman who has seen a lot and has personally experienced right and wrong, either she will protect herself from now on and no longer provoke love, or she will have a vindictive reversal and play with men in the palm of her hand, I don't know which one Su Yao will be.