Zhang Yan was lying on my lap, his breath getting weaker and weaker, and his face was getting paler and paler, and I pressed the position where he was shot with one hand, and grabbed his shoulder with the other, watching him gasp with difficulty.

I knew in my heart that I couldn't save his life. Whether the bullet hit the heart or not, the massive amount of blood loss was enough to push him through the hell gate.

I just don't know how long he'll last and when he'll choose to leave.

In fact, I never thought that he would leave me. From college to work, for more than ten years, he has been standing behind me like a shadow. No matter how I tossed and messed around, he would gladly accept it, and help me block unnecessary entanglements and troubles when necessary.

This time it was like that again, and at that moment he suddenly appeared there, and used his body to block the bullet that was originally shooting at me. He was as partial and supportive as ever, so I forgot to say thank you and asked him if he would be troublesome. He even thinks it's his instinct, and he will, he should do that. However, the matter of blocking bullets is something that I have never thought about.

Naturally, under normal circumstances, no one would think that the crisis they are facing will be really life-threatening. Even a cancer patient will not easily believe that he has cancer at the beginning, and even in the stage of radiotherapy, he will still think that if he burns a few pieces of skin and loses a few hairs, his symptoms will be cured. It wasn't until their functions deteriorated, they couldn't eat, they couldn't do their strength, and they suddenly feared death. And once you start to fear death, death will smell you and mercilessly eat away at your life force little by little.

In the process, you can fight, you can escape, or you can resign yourself to fate, but no matter what, you are like being branded, shrouded in the breath of death. Sometimes, you can even see the true face of death, he is not necessarily bloodthirsty, not necessarily ugly, not necessarily terrifying, and maybe even has the same face as you, it all depends on your definition of death.

At this moment, I have this fear, so scared that I dare not breathe.

Zhang Yan should know his situation better than me, and he has given up the struggle, because I see calmness in his face, that is, the calm feeling of insisting on crossing the finish line and seriously enjoying the run and blessings when he knows that he will lose at the start.

"Jiang Nan, I have one, secret, now, now must... Got you covered! Zhang Yan woke up, he looked at me, stretched out his hand and put it on mine.

"Is there only one?" I tried not to let him perceive my fears.

"Should, should, just in time, say one." Zhang Yan began to cough up blood, "You, don't, interrupt me!" ”

I nodded my head hard, I couldn't say anything more, I knew I couldn't express myself properly.

"You know, me, I rarely go home because, my parents, their marriage, it's like a fig leaf, there's no love between them, there's no love. But they don't have the courage to admit themselves, so they find each other and use marriage to escape discrimination and blame. Do you understand? They, they are...... Homosexual"

Zhang Yan paused, gasping for air. I hugged him, and the back of my head began to ache faintly.

"I, I have an older sister, and I am...... It was twins, and my mother gave birth to us and left. My sister was taken back by my grandmother to raise her, and she almost, almost never saw her. I followed my father until I went to college. ”

I knew that Zhang's family relationship was complicated, but I didn't expect it to be so complicated. He rarely talked about his mother, I thought it was because of his divorce, and his father, I met twice, was more estranged.

"When I was in junior high school, my grandmother brought my sister to see me, and at that time, I found out about my parents. Since then, I've noticed a problem......"

Speaking of this, Zhang Yan's hand that was originally holding me let go, and slowly closed his eyes.

"You know, sexual orientation is inherited. I was very worried about myself at that time, and the reason why my grandmother came to visit me at that time was to wonder if I was ...... Like my parents, but I was still more introverted at the time, or I didn't understand anything, and I didn't show anything special. However, as if the virus was activated, I began to fear my various adolescent agitations on the one hand, and try to suppress my true feelings on the other......."

I gradually understood what Zhang Yan was going to tell me next...... but now the focus was not on the secret, but on the hope that he would live.......

"You should, you should understand, what my secret is. I'm not kidding, every time I say it, it's all, it's serious. I, I've liked men from the beginning, from the beginning. ”

Zhang Yan opened his eyes and looked at me, and I knew he wanted to know what I thought about it. And I, I don't really know what I think. He always said that he liked men, and I always thought it was a joke. If you talk too much, you'll be a little immune. In other words, I don't think there is anything special to care about and emphasize now. Because these are far less important than life and death, far less important than how to let him continue to stay by my side leisurely.

"I know you like men, you said it, I know!" I tried to make myself respond to Zhang's expectations.

"You, you know? , it seems that I acted not well enough. Zhang Yan closed his eyes again.

"Zhang Yan, look at me, don't close your eyes, you look at me!"

"Then you know, since I was in college, I like it, I like people?" Zhang Yan opened his eyes and gasped.

"Yes, I know! I know you like me alone. Don't say it, save some effort and stay with me for a while. "I pressed Zhang Yan's chest, hoping that he would be better.

And at this moment, I finally understand why this shadow friend has been standing behind me for so many years, and has always responded to my needs, what he put on me is not a simple friendship, he has spent more than ten years, just to silently tell me that he loves me......

Zhang Yan looked around. We were locked up in an empty room that looked more like a warehouse, with the only row of windows hanging more than a man tall and iron railings on the outside. There was nothing in the room, except for a cloud of dust and a messy trail of footprints. A split iron door was just across from the window, mottled paint falling on the side of the door, and there was an inconspicuous iron filing. The door was hollow, and there was no sound from the time I woke up. I guess we're just being dumped here, and there's no one guarding it, or the people who are guarding it are some distance from us.

"I didn't expect to confess to you in this situation!" Zhang's voice had become muffled.

"Another time, I might consider marrying you." I said with a deliberate smile, but tears still flowed out.

"Jiang Nan, I, I, love you, love you for many years. Even if you know, I, I'm going to say it myself, I love you. I want to ......"

"From here, I'll take you abroad to register." I'm sincere, I really think it's okay to do anything, as long as he lives.

"Don't use your words to coax women, coax me, besides, I should, I shouldn't be able to get out." Zhang Yan smiled reluctantly, just like he usually made fun of me when I was forgetful. He actually looked good when he smiled, and I looked down and kissed him on the forehead, which was probably one of the few things I could do for him......

"Will go out, will definitely go out, I will definitely take you out, I will take you to register, will go out. You're holding on. "I don't know if it's for Zhang Yan or for myself, whether it's coaxing or praying, I think it will come true if I say it a few more times.

"You, I didn't expect to be confessed by your brother, right?"

"Hmmm! You're always doing things that are unexpected, I'm used to it. ”

"Actually, I'm quite envious, envious of Ru Jing, she didn't do anything, you are willing to guard her and take care of her!"

"Because she's good-looking, you know that when I see a beautiful woman, I don't have resistance."

"I know, but I'm still envious! Jiang Nan, do the last two things for me. ”

"You can have as many things, you say, do you want to get married, or do you want to have a baby?"

Zhang Yan smiled again, raised his left hand with a smile, and looked at me,

"I think, I miss you......" He suddenly began to vomit blood, sad and speechless.

"I'm going to find Yu Huai, go buy the ring, and the one on his hand, do you want this?" I looked at Zhang Yan's hand on his chest and said eagerly.

"Well, do you give it to me?"

"Okay, what more do you want? Let's go out, go out and find a church......" Zhang Yan interrupted me with a gentle shake of his head.

"Also, there is also going to meet my sister, I lied to her, I lied to her that I didn't like men, but, I want her to meet you, I want her to dispose of my ashes."

"I'm not going to give you to anyone else. Zhang Yan, you have to stay by my side all the time, haven't you always been with me? Even if you die, you have to stay with me. ”

"If you really can't bear me, bury me in the ground, and then plant a tree and a kapok."

"Okay, just plant kapok. Plant it in a pot, and I'll move you wherever I go. ”

Zhang Yan laughed again, and when he smiled, I felt tightness in my chest......

"Still, go meet my sister, you will, you will like her. Give you to her, I'm not so unwilling. ”

"Okay, I'll go see her, where is she, what's her name?"

"Her name is Zhang Qiu......

"Okay, let's go together, I'll propose marriage and let her be a witness, you don't have to give me to her......"

"Don't be frequent, finally, there's one more thing, you, you may not remember," Zhang Yan's pulse became weaker and weaker, I could barely feel his heartbeat, and his voice became smaller and quieter, I had to attach myself to it,,

"We, we've met Gao Fei, in, during the internship, there was another person, named Ru Ling, I thought, I think, I think it's all related to Ru Ling, you probably don't remember .........., I think all this, no, it's not a coincidence! You, you must be careful! ”

Zhang Yan finally closed his eyes and stopped talking. I let go of the hand that was pressing the wound, grabbed his arm, and took him into my arms. He finally gave up, finally left, and finally left me alone in this empty cage.

I hugged him, but I couldn't cry, only tears flowed, only my chest hurt, only my throat seemed to be stuck, and there was a burning feeling of oppression.

I held Zhang Yan like that until his body temperature slowly dissipated and his body became soft.........

I put him down and helped him sort out his clothes, wiped his face with my own clothes, and straightened his hair. Raised his hand and kissed the ring he was wearing on his hand, remembering that when he first saw the ring, I was sitting on the sofa in Ru Jing's ward, holding the jewelry box in a daze, he just came in from outside, saw the box, and snatched it.

"The rings are ready!" He opened the box and saw that it was the ring, the blurred look in his eyes.

"I'll try it for you!" He didn't wait for me to react, he put it on his own hand. "It's quite suitable, like it was made for me." He did have a pair of slender woman-like fingers, and he raised his hands in front of him, looking at them over and over again.

"Don't be beautiful, take it off!" I ignored his self-amusement.

"For whom? Play this time for real? He didn't take off the ring, but looked at me teasingly.

"Not mine. Take it off. ”

"Not yours? Whose is that? Zhang Yan asked as he began to take off his ring.

"Hers." I lifted my chin and pointed at Ru Jing in a coma.

"You don't let go of a married woman?" Zhang Yan was still trying to take off the ring.

"You think too much, she really picked it up on the plane. Hey, you won't be unable to take it off. ”

"I can't take it off."

"Impossible, hurry up." I walked over to help, grabbed his wrist with one hand and the ring with the other, and pulled it down.

"What are you in a hurry, I'll wear it for two days first, and I'll take it off when I'm thin, anyway, she doesn't need it now."

"That's not going to work, I'll have to give it back. If you like it, I'll buy another one for you, and you can take it off. ”

"Then wait for you to give me another one, and I'll pay you back." Zhang Yan said and withdrew his hand, no longer trying to take off the ring.

"You're insane, you're a man, why did I buy a ring for you!"

"You said it just now, thank you for blocking so many peach blossom calamities for you on weekdays." Zhang Yan withdrew his hand with a hippie smile, turned around and ran again, and turned back after a while

"I forgot to tell you that the image of this woman's head is out, and you have time to take a look. Oh, and remember to buy a pair of rings. After saying that, he walked away in a happy manner.

Zhang Yan, Zhang Yan, if I had known that you had such a mind, I really, really might have married you!