In our daily life, we need to adopt different ways of speaking to different people and different things. Some people don't like to listen to straightforward words, especially when talking about something unhappy or taboo by others, from behind the scenes or from other angles, euphemistic and implicitly said, the listener will feel very useful, let the listener think about it, and the more you think about it, the deeper and more the meaning seems to be, and therefore the more attractive, persuasive and infectious. Speaking to people who have contradictions and opinions will also make the contradictions naturally dissolve in softness, not only do not intensify the contradictions, but also resolve the contradictions, make the relationship between people more harmonious, and make one's own speech image more acceptable.

Speaking subtly is an art. "Words are endless and meanings are endless, and the rest of the meaning is not spoken." Deliberately hiding the important parts that should be said, or saying them without revealing them, but allowing others to understand what they mean, is the so-called "only understand, not need to say". Subtlety is the art of speaking because it embodies the speaker's skill in mastering language.

Euphemism can be quiet

Qu said that it is inconvenient to directly state one's own point of view in the face of something, but to bypass the theme in a roundabout way and express it in a tactful and subtle way, so that it does not hurt the self-esteem of the other party, but also can clearly express one's own meaning, so that one's speaking image appears more intelligent.

Words that are inconvenient to speak directly are often determined by the occasion in which they are spoken, the identity of the speaker, the psychological condition of the speaker, and so on. For example, in ancient times, when the courtiers saw that the king was at fault, they paid great attention to the subtlety of their speech. Because the king is very particular about maintaining supreme dignity, if the minister damages the "dragon face", he will lose his head.

Legend has it that Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty wished for immortality in his later years, and one day, he said to his courtier Dongfang Shuo: "It is said in the photo book that the longer the 'human middle' under a person's nose, the longer the life, and the longer the 'human middle' is one inch, and the longer the 'human middle' is one inch, and can live to be 100 years old." I don't know if it's true or not? ”

When Dongfang Shuo heard this, he knew that the emperor was dreaming of immortality again. Seeing that Dongfang Shuo seemed to be sarcastic, the emperor had a look of displeasure on his face, and shouted: "How dare you laugh at me? Dongfang Shuo replied: "I'm laughing at Peng Zu's face is too ugly." ”

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty asked, "Why are you laughing at Peng Zu?" ”

Dongfang Shuo said: "It is said that Peng Zu lived for 800 years, if it is really like what the emperor just said, 'among the people' is eight inches long, then, isn't his face as long as a zhang?" ”

When Emperor Wu of Han heard this, he also laughed.

Dongfang Shuo is smart, he used the method of laughing at Peng Zu to ridicule the absurdity of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, which really has a bit of a taste of scolding Huai. This kind of implicit criticism was happily accepted by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty.

On some special occasions, it can also be used as a means of implicit criticism and indirectly put forward opinions. There is such a story recorded in "Ancient and Modern Tan Overview":

During the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms period, there was a country called the Southern Tang Dynasty. The government's taxes are very heavy, and the whole country is full of complaints, but they dare not speak out. At that time, the capital Jinling had a severe drought for several consecutive years, and the lives of the people were even worse. Once, when Li Yu, the emperor of the Southern Tang Dynasty, inspected the national situation, he saw that the fields had been dry and rainless for a long time, so he asked: "Why is it raining in other places, but not in the capital?" At this time, one of the ministers came out, surnamed Shen Chaogao, and replied, "I dare not go down to the capital, because I am also afraid of being taxed." Li Yu pondered for a while, and then smiled slightly. Soon, many exorbitant taxes were abolished.

Let's look at a modern story:

When Zhen Ni performed in Dalian, she said to the audience: "There is a kind of movement, I don't know if my friends in Dalian like it, first raise your left hand, then raise your right hand, and ...... back and forth with both hands." Before she could finish speaking, the audience burst into applause.

An actor, what he likes most is to be able to hear the applause of the audience, Jenny's performance has not yet started, the audience applauded her warmly, she mainly uses music to speak, coupled with visual movements, vivid and interesting, and won the favor of the audience.

Subtle and meaningful

Words are endless and meaningful, which will make people experience what fun is in the continuity. An implicit answer is one that contains deep meaning, hides but does not reveal it, makes the answer vivid and interesting, and shines with the light of wisdom.

At the beginning of 1947, Associated Press reporter Roderick interviewed Mao **, at that time, Hu Zongnan's 500,000-strong army was about to attack Yan'an. "Mr. Mao, the future of communism in China does seem worrying at the moment, but what will happen in the future? Could you please talk about it? Roderick asked sharply. Mao ** smiled confidently and said, "Two years later, I invite you to visit me in Beijing." ”

At that critical moment related to the fate of the entire nation, Mao ** did not directly answer his views on the current situation, nor did he have any grandiose words, but borrowed an ordinary sentence to invite guests to visit, hinting at his foresight, showing the far-sighted vision of a generation of great men and their belief in the future victory.

In April 1924, Rabindranath Tagore visited China, and Xu Zhimo served as an interpreter. Once, after a speech at Tsinghua University, Xu Zhimo asked Tagore: "Are you forever governed by creative impulses suffering or happiness?" Tagore smiled and said, "You better go and ask those nightingales, who have worked so hard all day to sing, whether they are bitter or happy?" Then ask the waterfall in the deep mountains, it smashes its white body into the deep valley all year round, is it bitter or happy?

Obviously, Tagore did not give Xu Zhimo a complete and clear answer, but implicitly expressed a thought-provoking philosophy in his poetic language.

Subtle and less harmful

When interacting with relatives and colleagues, you must speak gently and tactfully, without hurting people's self-esteem, and do not rub salt on their wounds, so that they will be much easier and happier to get along.

An elderly couple over the age of 60 years has been married for more than 30 years, respecting and loving each other and never quarreling. One day, when their son-in-law came to visit them, he asked his father-in-law for the secret recipe for reconciliation between husband and wife. "When I got married, my father-in-law told me: 'Don't criticize your wife for her shortcomings or blame her for doing something wrong, because it is because she has shortcomings and sometimes does wrong things that she doesn't find a better husband.' You have to keep that in mind. ”

For the consultation of the son-in-law, the old father-in-law did not educate from the front, but went backwards, it is precisely because his own girl sometimes does wrong things that he married you, so don't be too critical of my daughter.

A gentle way of speaking does not hurt the other person, but sometimes protects oneself from being harmed.

Once, on a crowded bus, due to the sudden braking of the car, an elegant girl in front was not prepared, and stepped on the feet of a young man in front of her, because the girl was wearing high heels, the pain was unbearable, and the girl looked back at him, and did not know how to explain. He was very angry, but he still said, "I didn't hurt your footpads." The girl was very embarrassed. After a while, he suddenly felt a hand in his trouser pocket, and he looked up and saw a couple of sloppy young men standing next to him, and he realized what was going to happen, so he said, "Man, you put your hand wrong, it's my trouser pocket." With that, he felt like he had withdrawn his hand.

Here, the two things that this young man encountered, he used to avoid direct confrontation. When someone stepped on his foot, it was only because of the car, and the girl didn't mean it, so he used a self-deprecating technique here to resolve the contradiction between the two people, focusing on himself, and putting the girl in the position of a bystander, and making his own jokes open-mindedly. The second thing that he did in a direct way could have unintended consequences, but he used this subtle expression to resolve conflicts and accidents.

A beautiful young lady was walking down the street wearing a very chic decorative hat, and a few little hooligans surrounded her, snatched her hat, and joked: "Little Sister's hat is so beautiful." The young lady did not shout, but smiled and said calmly, "Is it?" I think you'd like to buy one for your sisters and sisters, right? However, I advise you not to buy them, because they will be robbed of their hats just like me. In a few words, the other party was speechless, and obediently returned the hat to the young lady.

Euphemism relieves embarrassment

When communicating and talking to people, often use euphemisms to enhance your communicative image and speaking effect, and euphemism is sometimes really wonderful.

There is a legendary basketball coach in the United States named Pemayer. He led the basketball team of De Bauer University in Europe, which won 39 domestic championships, and made fans fall in love with it. However, after winning 29 consecutive titles, his team suffered an unprecedented defeat. As soon as the game was over, reporters flocked to him, surrounded him, and asked him how he felt about the defeated general. He smiled and said humorously, "Great, now we can travel lightly and go all out to compete for the championship without the baggage of the championship." ”

In social PR, people often encounter things that are inconvenient to speak out, so they have to use vague flashing words to imply. A customer sits at a table at a fancy restaurant with a napkin tied around his neck. This kind of uncivilized behavior is very disgusting to other customers. The manager called a waiter and said, "You show this gentleman that that is not allowed in our restaurant." But be as subtle as possible. ”

What to do? Not only not to offend the customer, but also to remind him. The waiter thought for a moment, walked over and politely asked the customer, "Sir, do you shave or get a haircut?" As soon as the words ended, the customer immediately realized his faux pas and quickly removed the napkin.

A young man visited the home of a young couple. The little protagonist, who is only 4 years old, said loudly to the guest's uncle: "Uncle, Dad beat Mom again last night." The young hostess glared at her daughter with a disgusted expression, and when she saw this, the guest improvised and said to the child: "Yunyun, your father and your mother are not fighting, they were playing the game of 'eagle catching chickens' last night!" You see, isn't that so, 'Whoa, whoa,' the little girl laughed innocently, 'Whoa, whoa...... The embarrassment on the hostess's face also disappeared.

Euphemism is favored, mainly because it can have the best of both worlds. Of course, when using euphemisms, care must be taken to avoid obscurity. The purpose of social conversation is to make people understand, such as blindly pursuing kitkat, which will make others confused, and even cause misunderstanding, which will inevitably affect the effect of expression. To be subtle in your language, you must be good at understanding the situation and purpose of the conversation, and you must also practice the ability to adapt to changes, so that your speaking image and style will be better than ordinary people, and you will be unique.

7. How to conquer people's hearts with compliments

Everyone likes to be complimented by others, even those who usually say that they hate compliments, in fact, they like to listen to compliments in their hearts. The most important thing is that your compliments should be said subtly, without revealing the slightest trace, and just right, so that the person who is complimented will be convinced.

Being good at saying compliments can not only be likable, but also have an unexpected comedic effect when it is critical. Especially in some unfavorable situations, if you are good at saying compliments, the other party will no longer embarrass you. Specifically, saying good compliments has the following benefits:

(1) It can turn danger into safety

For example, after Yuan Shikai stole the power of the provisional president of the Republic of China, he dreamed of being an emperor every day. Once, in the daytime, he fell asleep. A maid happened to bring ginseng soup, ready to be used for Yuan Shikai to make up for after waking up, but who knew that he accidentally knocked the jade bowl to the ground. The maidservant knew that a great calamity was coming, and she turned pale and trembled with fright. Because this jade bowl is the "heart meat" obtained by Yuan Shikai in the Korean palace, in the past, even the Queen Mother Buddha was unwilling to use it for filial piety, and now it has been turned into pieces, which is a disaster of death; Sin cannot be escaped in any way. Just when she was thinking about suicide in panic, Yuan Shikai woke up, and when he saw Wang Wan being beaten, his face turned purple with anger, and he yelled: "I have to kill you today!" The maid hurriedly cried: "It's not the fault of the villain, I don't dare to reach it if I have a feeling." Yuan scolded: "Say it quickly, look at what nonsense you make up!" The maid said: "The little man came in with ginseng soup and saw that it was not the president lying on the bed. ”

"Bastard thing! It's not me in bed, what can it be? ”

The maid knelt down and said, "I said." Bed ...... Bed ...... Lying on the bed was a big five-clawed golden dragon! ”

When Yuan Shikai heard this, he thought that he was the reincarnation of the real dragon and was about to ascend the coveted emperor's throne, and suddenly a stream of joy surged from his heart, and his anger disappeared, and he couldn't help but take out a stack of banknotes to suppress the shock of the maid.

At the moment of life and death, the servant girl not only spared the crime of murder through a compliment, but also won the reward of the other party.

To use praise and praise, you must understand the other party's hobbies, habits, and even temperament and emotions, grasp the other party's psychological weaknesses, and choose things that the other party is really interested in to compliment, so that the other party feels very good, in order to achieve good speaking results.

After Tang Taizong succeeded to the throne, a monk named Fa Lin wrote a book to promote Buddhism, which caused Tang Taizong's dissatisfaction. In a fit of rage, Taizong put Fa Lin in prison and said to him: "I heard that those who recite Guanyin have no swords and guns, so now let you recite it for seven days, and then try my treasure sword." Fallin was terrified. As soon as the seven days arrived, when he met Taizong, he said:

"For seven days, I have not recited Guanyin, only Your Majesty, because Your Majesty is the Guanyin who saves the suffering!"

At the critical moment of life and death, the monk Fa Lin saved his life by complimenting the other party as Guanyin Bodhisattva who saved suffering.

People always want others to respect themselves, so the speaker should pay special attention to grasp the other person's hobbies, habits, personality, temperament and emotions, and choose the things that interest the other person the most to compliment, and the desired effect will be obtained.

(2) Everyone can be happy

There was a famous calligrapher and painter in the Qi Dynasty of the Southern Dynasty called Wang Shengqian, who was the grandson of Wang Xizhi of the Jin Dynasty. The hand-written official book is also written smoothly.

When the emperor of the dynasty, Emperor Qi Gao, Xiao Daocheng, was also a master of Han Mo, and he was pretentious, and he was not willing to listen to others say that his calligraphy was inferior to that of his courtiers.

One day, Emperor Xiao Daocheng of Qi Gao proposed to test his calligraphy with Wang Shengqian. So both the monarch and the minister finished writing a word carefully. After writing, Emperor Xiao Daocheng of Qi Gao proudly asked Wang Shengqian: "You say, who is the first, who is the second?" ”

If it is an ordinary courtier, of course, he will immediately reply: "Your Majesty first" or "The minister is not as good as also". But Wang Shengqian also did not want to belittle himself, obviously his calligraphy was higher than the emperor, why did he answer against his will? But what if you don't dare to offend the emperor? Wang Shengqian's eyes rolled, and he actually said a wonderful answer that has been passed down through the ages: "The minister's book, the first among the ministers; His Majesty's book, the first among the emperors. ”

He skillfully divided the calligraphy competition between the courtiers and the emperor into two groups, namely the "courtier group" and the "emperor group", and compared them, not only put a high hat on the emperor, saying that his calligraphy was "the first among the emperors", which satisfied the emperor's desire for a championship, but also maintained his own honor and character, so that the emperor respected his own style more, and felt that he was not the kind of guy who specializes in sycophancy.

Sure enough, Emperor Xiao Daocheng of Qi Gao laughed when he heard this, and no longer asked who was the first between the two.

Since compliments have the above two benefits, how can we say compliments well?

Choose a compliment topic

To compliment others, we must choose a good topic of compliment, and compliments are actually to meet people's psychological needs. People's psychological needs are multi-layered, and at each level, it is important to choose the right topic for compliments. If one of your colleagues is sent on a business trip to another place, and it happens that this colleague is a person who doesn't like to run out, and you compliment him on getting the trust of the leader, and you can enjoy the customs of various places when you go out, this gentleman will definitely not like to listen to it. If he likes calligraphy, you might as well compliment him on calligraphy.

As long as you are good at understanding people's hearts, understanding the most urgent needs of the other person, and targeting, stimulating and dispatching them, then he will treat you well. Especially for those who are very aggressive, you might as well use your brains more, lose no time in "saying good words" to him, put on a high hat for him, so that his heart will be satisfied to a great extent, and he will automatically weaken his sharpness and turn to treat you well. For example, we often encounter such a situation in some individual shopping malls: at first, the salesperson and the customer have a big argument about the quality, style or price of the product, but then the clever salesperson changes his tactics and suddenly turns to praise the customer's rich knowledge and experience in talking about the product, saying: "Mr. seems to be a very knowledgeable person, I really need to ask, ask for advice!" "Even if you don't buy this dress, I've gained a lot!" It's strange to say that the other party was so praised and complimented by you, but instead became uneasy and uncomfortable in behavior. There are even some customers, as soon as the salesperson lifts him, he feels that if he doesn't buy the goods, he can't live with the salesperson, don't you blame it?

Therefore, in real life, if we want to make good connections, we must learn to use this method of "putting a high hat on him", praise the other party more, lift him up, and let him be psychologically satisfied, naturally, he will not "make things difficult" for you. Of course, don't wear a high hat too high, too tall and he will get tired of you because he is uncomfortable. It's best not to call a hospital cleaner sweeping a floor a "doctor" or a wrinkled woman a "miss." In this way, people will think that you are ridiculing him or her and get tired of you.

People in the world like compliments, but compliments should be spoken in different ways according to the characteristics of each person. For example, male clients should not compliment lesbians too much. It is more appropriate to compliment his creative talent and pioneering spirit to young customers, and to compliment his physical health and experience to older customers. As for the businessman, if you say that he is moral, well-learned, and incorruptible, he must be indifferent and dismissive. If you say that he is outstanding, that he has a clever mind, that he has a nimble wrist, that he has a good way of making money, and that his face is flushed, he will surely get rich immediately, and he will be happy to hear it. As for the officials, if you say that he has a way to make money and make money every day, he must be unhappy, you should say that he is for the country and the people, and he is upright, so he will be happy to hear it. For the literati, if you say that he has a foundation in learning, flowers in his pen, correct thinking, and quiet and indifferent, he must be happy to hear it. Look at what kind of profession he does, what compliments you say, so that you appear to be a person who can talk.

The compliment should be just right

After choosing a topic for compliments, you must also be good at compliments. In real life, many of us are not good at compliments and are often self-defeating.

Alexandre Dumas, a French writer, once went to the country's largest bookstore to learn about book sales. When the owner of the bookstore learned of the news, he decided to do something happy for the famous author, and on all the shelves he kept only Alexandre Dumas's books.

When Alexandre Dumas walked into the bookstore and saw only his own books, he was shocked:

"Where are the other books?"

"Other books? We've sold out. ”

Obviously, the bookstore owner would not be flattering and patted the horse's hooves. Therefore, it is very important to be good at saying compliments. For example, if a friend who is in business has a prosperous business and a lot of money, it is better to directly praise his ability to sell goods, or praise his means of business. This kind of more truthful words can touch the other party more and speak to the hearts of people.

In particular, caring for someone else's one thing will make people feel grateful in addition to joy. "The man who is a confidant dies, and the woman is the one who pleases herself." After Zhong Zisi's death, Boya stopped playing the piano for the rest of his life, and his gratitude to his confidant was so great that Zhong Ziqi could capture his heart and praise him. A person who is good at talking often lays a good foundation for his future because he can say a few words well.

Here's an old joke about sycophancy. A certain C is an expert in sycophancy, and even the king of Hades knows his name. After his death, when he saw the king of Hades, the king of Hades was furious: "Why do you specialize in slapping sycophants? I hate this kind of person the most! The sycophant kowtowed and replied: "Because the world loves to pat on the back, it has to be like this, the king is fair and honest, and he is discerning, who dares to say half a word of compliment?" "After hearing this, the king of Hades even said yes, yes, I don't dare to forgive you! In fact, Hades also likes to listen to compliments, but the way of saying compliments is different from ordinary people.

This story is to illustrate that it is normal for people to love to listen to compliments, as long as your compliments are quite measured, not flattering, not only does not hurt personality, but is a way to win people's hearts!

In short, some people love to listen to compliments, and if the compliments you say to people are just right for them, they must be very happy and have a good impression of you. The strangest thing is that the more arrogant people are, the more they like to listen to compliments, and the more they like to accept compliments from others. Some people are righteous and strict, saying that they don't like to compliment and are willing to listen to criticism, but in fact this is just his façade, if you believe it and criticize the shortcomings unceremoniously, he must be unhappy in his heart. Although it may not be expressed on the surface, the heart is very uneasy, and for your feelings, only decreased. It will never improve.

Of course, compliments should be measured and not self-defeating. Unrealistic evaluations are a form of irony. Pandering and flattering against one's will can also damage one's own personality. Appropriate compliments should be based on understanding others, encouraging others, meeting their normal needs, and creating a harmonious and friendly atmosphere for interpersonal interactions.