After that, I squatted on the ground with my school bag on my back, hugged my knees, and silently looked at the white envelope on the coffee table. Minutes and seconds passed. I waited for a long time, until the sky was slightly bright, until the sun was three poles, until the sun was shining, until the sun was setting, and until nightfall.

The phone rang many times, but it was all from the teacher. The landline also called many times, and it was also called by the teacher.

Mom didn't call a single phone. I memorized her cell phone number very firmly.

My mom told me when my father left and I started living together that she was my last family in the world, so she had to memorize her contact information so that she could be reached instantly at all times.

Before I knew it, tears fell. I looked at the white envelope and wept silently. I swallowed my saliva and inhaled more snot.

Why?

I didn't think about the sadness, but I couldn't stop crying. Why? My head can't figure it out.

It only knew that it commanded my eyes to water, made me breathless, and had a pain in my chest, so that I didn't dare to open that white envelope.

Let me continue to wait for my mother to come back with a faint hope, come back and hug me, touch my head, and apologize to me, saying that it was actually because my mother was too busy with work and forgot to call you.

This white envelope is something that Mom wants to give to someone else, don't care. Sorry for the hanging, are you hungry? Mom, I'm going to cook for you.

I don't know how many days and nights passed, and my mother didn't come home after all. So home is no longer home. Only your own home, not your home.

I stretched, got out of bed, and took out the letter from my mother in the cupboard.

I rubbed my fingers over the letterhead, and I had a back in the golden afterglow. The back was pitch black and the outline was blurred, but for some reason, I had a gut feeling that it was my mother, not my father.

To this day, I feel like I more or less understand what I didn't figure out that day.

I didn't deliberately think about the sad things but I couldn't stop crying, maybe because my mother left me, which is the deepest sadness in my life so far.

It may be possible that this thing really exists. It's like the Smurfs. A small talent, with blue skin and white shorts, stood there pointing at me and laughed: "Look, you can't do anything without me!" ”

I looked at the pan at the unpleasant smell of burnt protein, hurriedly turned off the heat, and sighed helplessly.

In order to save money on food, self-catering is a must.

But through this time, the first time I tried cooking, I realized that I really can't cook, I can't do anything but stuffy rice. It's obviously done step by step according to the recipe, but it still turns out like this.

I threw the stir-fry in the garbage bag, washed the pots and dishes, grabbed my wallet and phone and walked out of the house, aiming for the convenience store.

Since you can't cook by yourself, you can only use the convenience store as a refrigerator. It's not very big, but there's a convenience store nearby, and you'll find basic necessities and fast food. But the price is not cheap.

I bought a box of milk coffee and tuna sandwiches, checked out the bill, left the convenience store, walked to a small park nearby, and sat on a deserted bench to eat.

At half past eight in the morning, when the weather was not particularly hot, I watched the children playing on the park slides, the middle-aged women who were talking and laughing together, putting sandwiches in their mouths and taking sip of milk coffee from time to time.

If you are another senior high school graduate, you should be anxious to choose a suitable university at home now. I also took the college entrance examination, but I only participated, and then I had a casual meal with everyone, and then I lost contact with them completely.

Like a kite with a broken string, it is free from now on, but it also loses a sense of direction that may be important at this age.

I didn't check the scores, although it was impossible, but even if I got a full score, I don't think it had anything to do with me. Originally, I didn't like studying, I didn't like school.

Although I didn't think about it exactly, I should have been vaguely prepared to not go to college. Even if my mother hadn't left, she would have been able to pay my tuition in advance, and I probably wouldn't have gone to college.

If I can't go to college, it has nothing to do with my future achievements. For me as a person, it should be more of a certain uneasiness and hesitation caused by being separated from the group and deviating from the social trajectory.

I want to live, so I need to find a serious job. I whispered it in my mouth—when I wanted to convince myself of an idea, I would say that thought out loud.

It's a habit. It's a habit I developed after watching a cartoon before. The heroine of that cartoon pronounces "bean paste bread" when she wants to muster up courage.

After eating, I opened my wallet and took a look, and there was 430 yuan in cash left. I walked to a nearby bank ATM, inserted my savings card into it, entered the password, and glanced at the balance - 2,000 yuan.

I deposited the 300 yuan I earned from working part-time on stage yesterday into the card and turned to leave.

2,300 yuan, I can't even last a month.

The sunlight reflected on the asphalt road was still white and blue, and I walked down the street with my head slightly bowed, passing by a few passers-by who were also silent with their heads bowed. A serious job, just like this is not enough, yes, not enough.

Even if you live in this cheap apartment, it costs 1,200 yuan a month, and no matter how you save food expenses, it will not be a way in the long run.

On the way, I saw that many shops had signs for part-time students, and in addition to the recruitment information, there were also photos of the store staff smiling, as if this was a job that could make people's lives full of happiness.

Laugh at you. I clenched the hand in my pocket tightly.

Graduated from high school, male, without any special skills, ordinary appearance, although he has a father and a mother, but now he is no different from the orphans in the welfare home. What kind of company would make a person like me a full-time employee?

I thought pessimistically, feeling depressed, and by the time I came back to my senses, I had walked into an alley that I had never walked before. I turned around and saw that I had walked a long way, and it was hard to see the entrance from my current position.

There were almost no people in the alleys, the roads were narrow, and the ground was covered with a large shadow that could not even be seen by the sun. A middle-aged woman was tapping something like a blanket not far away.

She was wearing a baggy white T-shirt, revealing a large breasts without care, blue shorts underneath, and the flesh of her thighs was loose, reminding me of pigskin with large pores.

"Forget it, let's move on."

At this moment, however, there was a noticeable commotion from my right. When I turned my head, it was an old three-story building made of blue bricks. The dark brown lattice door was tightly closed, and an orange bin sat on the right.

The sound was clearly coming from this place.

It's a historic building, but it's a dilapidated building, but it's supposed to be a building that makes people think that this alley has been around for so long. But why such a disturbing commotion?

The door was closed, but I had a feeling it would open. I looked up and saw the old buildings sighing. I guess too, your stomach can't hide this upsetting commotion.

The door was slammed open with a thud. I quietly stepped back a few steps and quietly looked at the other side.

A crowd of men and women, dressed in colorful clothes, mingled with the smell of perfume and sweat, poured out from the building. It's as if the building is vomiting.

"Ah, it's so fun, it's fun, and sure enough, Kobayashi's slang is the funniest."

"What are you talking about, it's obvious that the mountains are more fun, right? I burst into tears! ”

"I think it's better to be that young and beautiful girl...... It seems to be called a falling cherry blossom, right? It's the one who has been on a TV variety show. ”

"You guy...... Just know to look at the face, pathetic fellow! ”

"Cut, aren't you pathetic! Who is not a wretched fellow who comes to listen to the gossip...... It doesn't matter what she's talking about, Lao Tzu is happy and comfortable, this is the biggest compliment to that little girl! Thank God so much that you go! ”

It is still a few who make a screeching voice and argue loudly. Most of them were expressionless, never looking at each other, with a slight smile on their lips, looking straight ahead, with some kind of uncomfortable light in their eyes that was fading in color.

They are not normal at the moment, or they are in the process of gradually returning to normal. The alley is long, and by the time they step out and soak up the hot sun, it is expected that it will return to its normal state again.

Sayings. I whispered. Is this the thing that makes them temporarily abnormal?

Out of the door came a middle-aged man touching the back of his head, with a visibly distressed look on his face, and he sighed helplessly as he looked at the crowd that had left without hesitation.

Immediately, he spotted me staring at him across from me—a gaze that seemed to have found prey, clenching my eyes.

Bad. I immediately looked away, turned and walked away.

"Hey! Little brother! Wait! ”

The eagle's talons clamp tightly at its prey, immobilizing it. I looked down at the grabbed wrist and turned my head unpleasantly to glare at the man.

He didn't seem to mind at all, his eyes were still shining, and he said excitedly: "Little brother! If you don't mind, do you want to listen to it? You're so handsome and so young, you must know the proverbs, right?

It's a lot of fun! Or have you heard of it? After all, the proverb has only been born for a long time, and you young people are more receptive to new things! ”

I shook my head, "I haven't heard of it." I'm sorry I still have something to do, so I'll go first. ”

I once saw a slang on TV, a performance performed by a stalker.

It is said that it is something that is specially performed in theaters, but I haven't seen it anyway. My childhood memories were very vague, and I had no interest in this thing, so I couldn't remember the slightest bit of the content of the slang I saw on TV at the time.

But there is also one image that I still remember vividly.

The proverb speaker, after finishing the proverb, was hit on the corner of his brow by the egg thrown on the stage, and blood flowed down his face. The audience erupted in frantic laughter and curses, as well as screams and screams.

But the whisperer sat there, looking at the spectator with a smile, and bowed respectfully, without wiping the blood from the corner of his brow the whole time.

"Oh, little brother, please! Don't be so cold! I'm not afraid to tell you the truth, just after the performance of those veteran whisperers ended, the audience was almost gone, and they couldn't stop it!

Now there are only single-digit viewers left - or I tried so hard to hold on. That's a lot to do! Because there's a newly-debuted whisperer going to perform here! The first time they made their debut, they had to face an empty audience, don't you think they are pitiful? ”