Maybe it was because of the first day of class, Zeng Fan came to school early the next day, but as soon as he entered the classroom, he found that Gu Ming was already there. He went over and sat down with Gu Ming.

Zeng Fan glanced at Gu Ming quietly, and when he saw that he was sitting in a precarious position, he didn't say anything, but only took out a language book to read. After reading a piece of Lu Xun's prose, Zeng Fan found that the classroom was already full.

After the morning exercise, it was breakfast time, Zeng Fan took out two steamed buns, and there was no boiling water, so he had to chew them dry. He saw Gu Ming sitting quietly next to him, so he handed him a steamed bun.

"I've eaten at home; You don't have enough to eat, give me one? Gu Ming didn't seem to appreciate it.

Zeng Fan smiled awkwardly and withdrew his hand that was stretched out in mid-air.

On the first day of class, there was no class schedule, and whenever the teacher came in to tell him what class he was taking, the students below hurriedly took out their books.

The first to come to class was the Chinese teacher, the Chinese teacher was really an "old" teacher, not tall, wearing a pair of mirrors that he didn't know what to do, and only a few silver threads on his head were still standing energetically; The teeth are still in full shape – although most of them are dentures. When the Chinese teacher said "read the book by himself", he no longer paid attention to the students, but only shook his head and read the book by himself. Zeng Fan was surprised and doubted whether he was an old man of the Qing Dynasty, but when he saw that he didn't have braids, he was relieved.

The math teacher, on the other hand, was polite: of medium height, with a pair of myopic glasses on the bridge of his nose. As soon as I entered the classroom, I swiped two strokes on the blackboard and wrote my name: Zhang Yicai. The students below regret that why it wasn't for this handsome and well-written Zhang Yi to take the Chinese class. How do they know that being handsome does not necessarily mean that a person is good in class, and that good handwriting does not necessarily mean that he is good at Chinese. It's like some big names, whose signatures are written in a chic and good-looking way, making people think that he has profound skills, and then looking at the other words he wrote, those who don't know think they were written by elementary school students.

Chen Fang came to class and spoke English as soon as she opened her mouth, which made the students below secretly think: The English teacher in junior high school is really extraordinary. Chen Fang became more and more nervous the more she spoke, and she could still understand her introducing herself in the first two sentences, and later she learned Jay Chou to sing in the early days, but she basically couldn't understand a sentence; In the end, she simply studied Adu, and the students mistakenly thought that she had a throat problem and secretly felt sorry for her. Occasionally, I heard her utter a "U" or two

de

sta

d？ The students were busy shouting "Yes!" ”

After class, Chen Fang explained that the geography teacher could not come to the fourth class because of something, let the students read by themselves, and then asked Zeng Fan to maintain classroom discipline. After class, there were many people who made noise, but Zeng Fan only maintained his discipline and did not dare to disturb others. By the end of school at noon, the entire language book had been finished by Zeng Fan.

Zeng Fan's Chinese teacher not only looks a bit like the old man of the former Qing Dynasty, but also talks and acts similarly. He likes to call himself a "widow" in class, and over time, Zeng Fan and they are not surprised by his "great rebellion". Although the Chinese teacher is angry with his books, the students who can be taught are not like him, and they are all in a southern and northern tone.

Usually, when the teacher comes to class, the students shout "good teacher", but the Chinese teacher changes the rules and makes incisions with the students during class. As soon as he entered the classroom, he shouted: "The Heavenly King covers the tiger, and the following students are right: the river demon of Pagoda Town." This was all harmed by "Lin Hai Snow Plain". How bad is this book? One person in the class who never read novels actually bought a copy of "Lin Hai Xueyuan" to read, and he didn't even sleep in class, and he smirked at the blackboard from time to time. Later, when the teacher who came to lecture saw his smile, he thought that his students had realized, and he was moved to tears, thinking that who said that the mud can't support the wall, isn't this just on it.

Chinese teachers explain classical Chinese and ancient poems, and most like to use a set of theories that are said to have been created by themselves, which is called "Reversing Three and Four Methods". It is the place where the translation of the poem does not make sense, in a sentence, the front is moved forward, and the back is moved forward; In a text, the previous sentence becomes the next sentence, and the second sentence becomes the previous sentence. Therefore, this method is also known as the "Great Shift". For example, he talked about "Candle Wu Retreats from Qin Division" in "Fu Jin, why don't you hate it?" ”

"Oh, that Jin Kingdom, what is there to be satisfied?" What is satisfying to have', isn't that translated into Japanese? In what I said, 'reversing the three and four methods', that is: What is there to satisfy in that Jin Kingdom? That's right. ”

After the Chinese teacher finished teaching classical Chinese, the following was really upside down, everyone regarded themselves as "widows", and they hated to learn from Song Taizu's yellow robe.

In addition to liking classical Chinese and "Dream of Red Mansions", the Chinese teacher also likes women, like other ancient literati. This is just like a star without scandals is not a star at all, and a literati who doesn't like women can't be considered a literati at all; And a literati who doesn't have a good story with a famous woman who is a famous prostitute or something, is not a famous literati.

The Chinese teacher likes women, that is, what is the role of Ren Yingying in "Smiling Proud Jianghu", and implements the reverse proposition of "do not do to others what you don't want to do to yourself", and lends her collection of "Smiling Proud Jianghu" to girls. But he doesn't like the women in Gu Long's novels, because the women in Gu Long's novels always like to take off their clothes. In fact, this is also a common problem of most men, they don't like women who always undress, but they hate that all women only undress in front of themselves.

Literati naturally want to drink, and the amount of alcohol cannot be bad. Chinese teachers like to drink, but the amount of alcohol is not good; After drinking, there is another bad problem that literati usually have, that is, composing poetry. After the Chinese teacher drank the wine, he was immediately able to make a lot of poetry, just like Li Bai in the poem in the afterglow, "The wine enters the bowels, seven points become moonlight, and the remaining three points become sword qi." But the wine is less than a bucket, and the moonshine brewed is like gold mixed with copper, and the color is insufficient; The sword qi also lacks confidence. The Chinese teacher wrote poems, but did not publish them, but only gave them to his students. He is most proud of an ancient style poem:

Last night the moon was shining, and I was drunk.

Suddenly, a flying crane came and invited me to worship Ge Hong.

Get up and put on your clothes and move to the transfer court.

The crane is light, and the fingers are piercing through the stratus clouds.

Climb to the peak, and stand on the old pine.

Next to the pure fire, the immortal is strong.

Give me the Fog Pill and travel to the Heavenly Palace hand in hand.

After the dust is swayed, the robe is full of wind.

People on the earth come and go, and they are in a hurry.

But wherever he went, he was all famous.

It is like hearing the roar of a lion, and Daigo is also initiated.

Turn your head to say goodbye to the immortals, and there is no trace of them.

I sat up in shock, but I saw that the night was dim.

After reading this poem, Zeng Fan felt that the Chinese teacher was suspected of seeing through the red dust, and he was afraid that he would enter the empty door, and no one would teach him to sing "Red Bean Song" again. But Zeng Fan is just "staring at his eyebrows in vain", because poetry is just poetry; The Chinese teacher looked down on fame and fortune in his dream, and after all, he had to teach to live when he woke up. The greatest sorrow of a poet is that he has no money to eat. From this, Zeng Fan came to a conclusion: the words of poets cannot be believed, especially drunken words, and poems written after drinking are only suitable for reading novels.

Chinese teachers often boast to their students that they have two unique skills, one is calligraphy and the other is chess. The Chinese teacher's calligraphy follows the "thin gold body" route of Song Huizong, and the thin land is about to be malnourished; Although he himself is as thin as "withered vines and old trees, faint crows" and "ancient road west wind thin horses", he still has to practice as always. The Chinese teacher is really the most "like his person" person that Zeng Fan has ever seen, even if it is Song Huizong himself, there may not be a Chinese teacher whose words are like his person. In fact, Zeng Fan has also seen a lot of people who are good at writing "dog crawlers", but they are also human, and they don't have the appearance of a pug or a husky, or even a local dog.

The Chinese teacher later gave Zeng Fan a "beauty difference" in reading the text aloud in class (Zeng Fan privately felt that the teacher himself was too lazy to read aloud), just because Zeng Fan even plagiarized and fabricated something that looked like classical Chinese. Fortunately, the Chinese teacher was full of dentures, so he was not soured by Zeng Fan's article. This article is as follows:

When Yu Yi went to work in the summer, because of his work, he needed a little stone trough material. So I bought it from my boss and bought it from another boss. Take the boss brick machine, after the clattering sound, except for the wind, I don't hear anything else. Suddenly, the brick machine stopped, and everything was quiet. The boss then carried the dantian qi, and after a few exhalations, he saw a red-faced man, thick eyebrows and big eyes, medium stature, about the age of standing; Dressed in dense color clothes, holding small willow branches, among the green willows and poplars, beside the rocks and weeds, chanting and singing. Listening to it, the sentence "Flowers and flowers fly all over the sky" is also, isn't this "Funeral Flowers"? Yu was immediately in awe and amazed. In the midst of the recklessness, there is a hidden gentleman, and it is worth the trip. When this son saw my boss, he hugged his fists and saluted, smiled slightly, and said something that his brother had not seen for a long time. This son is very healthy, returned to the apartment, brought a few Tsingtao beer, drank two bottles, talked and laughed, as if there was no one around. Unexpectedly, after a while, I negotiated with my boss and lost harmony, and there was alcohol again, and I actually spoke badly to my boss, and even had the potential to fight. Yu stood aside and did not dare to speak silently. Those who can chant "Funeral Flowers" are not the generation of Sister Lin; Li Kui and his ilk, in addition to the axe, will inevitably have this elegance. So Yu You sighed: People don't hear about it, but judge its elegance and vulgarity, but what?

In fact, there is a lot of trickery in this article: the Chinese teacher originally liked "Dream of Red Mansions", and usually liked to hum lyrics such as "Flowers and Flowers Flying in the Sky" and "Gossamer Soft Floating Champs". The Chinese teacher's preference for "Dream of Red Mansions" almost reached the level of obsession, and later, Chen Xiaoxu, who had played Lin Daiyu, died of cancer, and the first thing he did when he entered the classroom was to announce it on the podium.