Qu's murmuring voice stirred up ripples in Bai Ling's heart.

Bai Ling looked at Qu Shi, in fact, this morning Bao Yuan said that after Qu Shi and Ning Concubine talked all night in Xianfu Palace, Bai Ling somewhat guessed that Qu Shi would mention the little prince tonight.

But she didn't expect it to be such an important decision.

"Without those people who are watching all day long, I have suddenly figured out a lot of things these days. I can't just care about me and my children, and push Ning Concubine to the forefront for herself, she is also someone else's daughter, someone else's sister, and she shouldn't be involved in these unwarranted disasters. ”

Qu Shi looked at the fish competing for food on the surface of the water, and threw all the last bit of fish food down.

In the night, Bai Ling saw her hands trembling slightly from excitement.

"I've always been afraid that Ah Tuo will become a pawn of the deep palace if he follows me, but if ...... I don't use myself as a pawn, who can bypass me and touch my Ato? ”

……

On the way back, Bai Ling suddenly remembered his first visit, which was a middle-aged man who was depressed because he had suffered the double blow of unemployment and his wife's cheating divorce.

Although this does sound miserable, he has a well-to-do family, and the income from the savings and real estate in his name is enough for him to be prosperous for the rest of his life; On the other hand, he is handsome and well-maintained, and there is never a shortage of suitors around him who take the initiative to show love.

He remembered that when he asked why he wanted to come to counseling before the formal counseling began, he shrugged his shoulders indifferently and said that he only occasionally saw some advertisements for low-cost counseling, and felt that he was idle, so he came to take a look.

Then, at the beginning of the second consultation, Bai Ling pointed out that the other party was only temporarily unable to adapt to the double breakdown of family and career roles, and there were many irrational thoughts in his mind, and as long as cognitive behavioral therapy was used to correct this situation for a period of time, it would be significantly improved.

However, the consultation lasted only four weeks before the visit fell off - after the fourth session, the man never set foot in the Berling counseling room again.

This inexplicable frustration devastated Bai Ling......

"You didn't empathize with the visitor from the beginning." At the weekly supervisory meeting, the mentor said, "If the visit is not understood by you, of course he has to look elsewhere." ”

At that time, Bai Ling sat on the soft sofa, supported his knees with his hands, buried his face in his palms, and shook his head vigorously, "But the problem is that I can help him solve the things that make him feel painful, if every visit is like this and inexplicably does not come, then no matter how good I do, he-"

"What psychological counseling is doing is always 'helping people help themselves', Bai Ling."

Bai Ling still remembers how serious his mentor's face was when he said this.

She didn't dare say anything more, just looked back with a puzzled look.

"You can never know the person better about his life than he does, and you can't know how to solve his own problems better than he does. Counselors who come up to point fingers at the client and act as a life coach will either end up ruined by their own narcissism or drag the client into their own abyss. You've probably heard a lot of examples like this, so I don't need to say anything more...... Don't be arrogant. ”

"I'm sorry." Bai Ling lowered her head, but she didn't have the heart to think about the meaning of these words, she felt a little sour, and covered her eyes a little depressed, "...... Anyway, I messed up this consultation. ”

"If you look at the first consultation, it's actually fine." The instructor shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "The first time I did the consultation, I called the wrong person's name the whole time...... So he didn't come the second time. ”

Bai Ling was stunned for a moment, then looked up and asked, "...... Were you empathizing with me just now? ”

"Hmm." The mentor nodded, and said calmly, "A certain degree of self-exposure sometimes helps the client to improve their understanding of their own behavior and encourages them to take some actions to change the situation. ”

Bai Ling looked at the mentor with tears and laughter, she adjusted her breathing for a moment, and whispered, "Thank you for this example...... Well, it does make me feel so much better. ”

……

Help others help themselves.

By the time she had accumulated about 2,000 hours of counseling, she had a new understanding of these four words.

Sometimes the questions that people bring to the counseling room in the first place aren't their real problems.

For example, a little girl who was sent for counseling because of a severe phobia still did not respond after several months of counseling. However, during a certain conversation, Bai Ling unexpectedly discovered that the time of the little girl's illness was actually a barometer of her parents' married life.

Whenever the parents had a violent quarrel over some conflict, the little girl would soon have symptoms of difficulty breathing, vomiting, and even fainting in severe cases. In this way, the problems of the whole family are manifested through the child's symptoms, and then reglued together through the child's symptoms.

Another example is a girl who had to come to seek help because of her boyfriend's violent tendencies, and with the support of friends and counselors, she finally handled the breakup properly, but within a few months, her new boyfriend was still a rotten person with obvious violent tendencies.

When the content of the consultation shifted from love to family history, Bai Ling realized the crux of the problem: she was afraid of violence, but she was obsessed with the pleasure of watching the other party hold her, cry and kneel down to admit her mistake after the violence was over - her original family history was so tragic that her parents' marriage model was deeply imprinted in her mind, so that in intimate relationships, she never knew that she had any other choice than to act as a "savior".

Almost all cases have such a process.

The problem at the beginning is just the tip of the iceberg, and the mapping behind each symptom is often deep and tortuous.

However, the counsellor is often not the real digger in this process, and even if the client is sometimes unaware of this, they are still the most important guide in the counseling process.

Their telling, their inspiration, their laughter and tears...... It really guides the direction of the whole consultation.

It was around that time that Bai Ling really realized that every visitor had already brought the key to open their hearts when they stepped into the consultation room, and that he was just the deputy who helped sort out the clues and help them explore the discovery.

When they walk briskly, they follow themselves, and when they stop, they stop and stop...... In the midst of this accompaniment and confrontation, some changes will quietly happen.

How to deal with these changes is the most testing of my skills as a consultant.