I once wrote: If you can't see the benchmark and just go all the way, you can reach the distance......

Saturday, November 16

Before last night, I was wondering if I needed to go home and get what I wanted. My damn memory! I forgot that the marathon was going to start this afternoon.

Almost all of us in the whole grade participated in this race, most of them chose the 5km fun run, and a few people chose the 10km or even half marathon (more than 20km). Those of us who have been pampered since childhood feel tired from even checking in for the daily 2.2km run arranged by the school, and of course we don't want to participate in the marathon. However, we were required by the school that new students must participate, at least register.

We were waiting for a name, a basic bag for the competition, and food was waiting for us, and we didn't have to fight for any rankings, so we still decided to go for a run, and it was a big deal to complete the five-kilometer journey.

Many people, including myself, have told me that life needs to try a little more.

So, in the face of everything that looks like a frustration, I say to myself: give it a try! What if it succeeds?

At two o'clock in the afternoon, amid a cheer, the starting gun rang out. After more than an hour, the members of our dormitory completed the 5km run in pairs. The moment I got the medal, my heart still jumped, and the guitar-shaped metal medal about the size of my palm was heavy and weighty. I didn't run the whole race, but I did finish the 5km, which was my first medal in my life.

We sat in the playground for a long time, listened to the passionate singing of the rock band on stage, and ate the food prepared by the volunteers.

Monday, November 18

I've really thought about suicide many times. I don't know when I became cold-blooded, silent, unkind to my family, and selfish to my friends. I even seriously thought that it would be good for grandma or grandpa to take the first step, so that everyone in our family would have less stress.

My mother said that she yelled at me (I guess she was yelling in her heart): "When you were a child, your father protected you so well! Why? I can tell you this: when I was in elementary school, my desires were so small that a candy or a balloon could make me happy for a long time; When I was in junior high school, I learned for the first time that my father's car was the worst, cheapest, and second-hand car. When I was in high school, I was isolated for the first time, scolded by my best friends for the first time, threatened to shut up for the first time, and I felt "the malice of the world towards me" for the first time.

When I was in elementary school, I didn't understand anything, and I didn't feel anything at all, because everyone was the same, they were all children in the countryside; When I was in junior high school, I first encountered taboos, and I tried smoking and drinking with some love-hate people, but my heart told me, "Although I have a short temper and I don't want to mess with, I don't like to live like this." ”； When I was in high school, from irritable and irritable to silent and forbearing, I was immersed in the scene, like a butterfly out of a cocoon, and I completely felt the heart-rending pain of growth.

At this moment, I am in the middle of a university class, and I still feel sad when I think about high school. Indifference seems to have been ingrained in the bone marrow since then.

11:30 a.m

I just finished my half-term exam for my dance sport class. I feel like I hung up on the spot, yes, it's that straightforward. Teachers really have a magic power: a look can give people a lot of pressure.

The beginning was not bad, the teacher kept staring at me, and I wanted to stabilize my mind and complete all the movements carefully. I don't know if it's because my heart isn't firm enough, or if the teacher's eyes are too sharp, anyway, I'm nervous, more and more nervous, and the second I finish the last action I remember, I know: I'm finished. If I didn't keep up with one movement, my mind was messed up, and I didn't know where to pick up or where to jump. I'm not afraid of making a fool of myself, but I'm still afraid of the teacher's disappointed affection, and that expression is like abandonment. When I signed up, she deliberately remembered me.

I want to be better a lot of the time, but I'm actually timid inside. Fear of becoming excellent, and even more afraid of being abandoned. Before that point, the only thing that made me less miserable was self-paralysis. I know, it's not a good way to do it. In the eyes of others, sometimes I am very bold, but when I face things that I am not good at, I am actually really cowardly inside. I am so cowardly that I only dare to use my edge to face those who help me.

Tuesday, November 19

There are only more than 20 days left before the first Level 4 exam, but it doesn't seem to have a lot to do with me. Of the four people in the dormitory, I was the only one who did not sign up.

The time for the Level 4 exam is getting closer, and almost every teacher reminds us. Whenever the teacher asks, "Who has applied for level 4?" We ...... "I'm both happy and sad." I am glad that I have more time to prepare than others, and I am sad that I have not seriously prepared so far.

Friday, November 22

I'm on the subway to City C right now, and it's a special classroom instruction. Today, throughout the day, our professional staff will visit three companies and one business district. Very purposeful: to learn and understand things related to the profession.

Six hours ago, at half past three in the morning, I had just fallen asleep. As an "idler" in the class with relatively little drawing and computer skills, I was given a glorious and difficult task by the class leader: to make a class badge.

Of course, making the class badge is not an easy task, I have been researching the plan since yesterday morning, and I also draw while listening to lectures in the evening self-study. Back in the dorm, I hadn't touched it until the lights went out, I needed to complete some other tasks first, and the computer needed to be charged for a while.

In the thin space, I looked at WeChat, and I still haven't replied to the message that the person sent me this morning. After thinking about it, I replied simply politely. Seriously, there are almost only two things on my mind right now: at home and at school. That's right, I provoked him at first, and agreed to him chasing me, but everyone can see it, and if they can't get along, they won't give in. So, I followed my heart and didn't bother with him too much.

Sunday, November 24

At the moment, I was sitting on the high-speed train back to school. Looking back on the experience of these two days, I found that the effect of personal experience is indeed more "sincere" than listening to others. There are always things that you have to savor with your body and mind, and you can't convey them to others in words.

Compared with the detailed explanation of the person in charge when I visited the company on the morning of the 22nd, I was more impressed by the IKEA trip that I devoted myself to in the afternoon. Without feeling it, I broke away from my four-person team and charged ahead alone, throwing off the distance of their "eight streets".

The combination of high technology and reality, the intersection of nature and the city, all let me see it in my eyes and count it in my heart. Perhaps it is because humans have begun to pay attention to education, and since I was in junior high school, I seem to have felt the arrival of this new era.