Sunday, February 2nd

During the Spring Festival, it was extended again, and the big ones said: This is not for you to go out and play.

Seeing the increase in traffic on the road, I was also a little anxious.

Monday, February 3rd

As usual, I didn't go to bed until two or three in the morning and didn't wake up until noon. I know it's not good, but my biological clock has changed, and I can't sleep at all before half past twelve in the morning. I'm desperate too......

After a few hours last night, I finally installed my new pen display with the help of after-sales service, and I couldn't wait to pick up the pen and draw a cool comic head. This afternoon, I tried my old board again, and due to the replacement of the driver, the old board only had the basic function of replacing the mouse, but it can still be used to draw without bothering.

So, I spent about half an hour blindly drawing a picture of fireworks blooming. An indescribable honey style, I really still have a bit of a talent for being an art designer, hahahahahaha

In the evening, the adults talked about the mother-in-law next door who came to borrow ginger. It is said that I have a fever, but I don't want to go to the hospital for fear of trouble or something......

February 4, the beginning of spring

Today is indeed going to be a little warmer, the beginning of spring, spring is coming. Everything will be fine.

I've always had some cold symptoms, but I've never had a fever, and I've taken medicine once, but I'm not completely well. Probably this is the human body's drug resistance, from childhood to adulthood, taking too much medicine becomes more and more ineffective. Thankfully, though, I'm not sick of that.

I don't want to prescribe a second medicine, so I'll just wait for it to heal on its own.

The longer the days go by, the more I find things to do for myself, the more I have to forget about the difference this holiday season.

Optimism is innate, but it can also be destroyed and cultivated. High school. I experienced a severe devastation that left me in a state of confusion and self-blame. In college, I ushered in a new campus life, and when I lived in a dormitory, people had changed, and I was really satisfied with them, and I felt as if I had found solace in the world, and I developed the spirit of optimism again.

Perhaps, it never left, it was only temporarily overwhelmed by the tide of darkness that was churning within me.

Recently, because I was bored, I opened a channel for anonymous questions. All kinds of questions are coming, some must be about love, and some are about the past...... That was the only question that shook my heart.

"Would you hurt a friend because you envy your friend's love?"

I was speechless for a moment. Am I like that? The people who can ask this kind of question are not 100 percent, 99 percent, my high school classmates. Moreover, it is very likely that they don't know the truth, and they are just a lively melon-eating crowd watching from the outside.

It's true that we hurt each other at the beginning, but if it weren't for that, I would never have done this kind of thing. I'm not the jealous death-bound second girl in the novel, so why should I be jealous of the friend I don't like her boyfriend at all? Jealousy has never been there, so why hurt it?

The original thing, between me and her, to put it simply: incompatible personalities, different pasts, and different ways of doing things, which led to friends being disheartened and breaking up peacefully.

Why is there such a big fuss? Just because I once lost my words, I was listened to by my male girlfriend who loved her, and used a trumpet to threaten me. It's true that I've been outspoken, but my tough personality makes me extremely hostile to threats. At that time, I told her who was closest to me everything and apologized to her. Since then, I haven't said anything bad about her, and when I hear others talk about it again, I will help her explain, and I hope everyone can be tolerant and understanding.

But the seeds of vigilance and suspicion began to sprout. I thought that my openness and sincerity would be able to regain her trust again. When many people talk about it, I try to communicate with her, hoping that she can change a little. Indeed, she has changed a bit. However, the words of man are terrible.

Her various things are spreading, she feels it, and of course her boyfriend and various male girlfriends also feel it. So, I, the closest to her, the one who had betrayed her (she thinks, I certainly don't think so), was on the cusp.

I had been peacefully separated from her for a while, and before that, our conflict intensified, and she said something very hurtful, and I, a person who rarely cried in front of my friends, couldn't help crying on the way home for the first time because of a good friend's words. My dad realized that something was wrong, but I couldn't say anything in my breath, only a stomach full of discomfort. When I got home, I cried a lot, and my father asked me again.

I opened my mouth very uncomfortably: "I feel like my best friends can't understand me, I'm really uncomfortable." "yes, what is this? I've been a good girlfriend for two years, but I don't know me at all? What does it feel like......

After that, I thought about it carefully and decided to "break up peacefully" with her and get together with another group of people with whom I had a good relationship. During this period, our changes also looked in the eyes of others, she had already been accompanied by GG (who was also her best friend, but this one was closer to her and excluded me), and I was alone and endured the secret exclusion of others. For a moment, I felt that God was punishing me, that the world was full of hostility towards me, but I was still sober, they didn't know the truth, and I couldn't deal with them, otherwise I would be the only one who would be hurt. If I stick to the past, I will become better and stronger, and from now on, any difficulty will be a hundred times better than this.

In this way, I lived a relatively peaceful life. I thought about telling my new best friends about me and her, but I held back and didn't say anything, and I didn't say anything when they mentioned her.

During this period, I had many self-crusades, asking myself, what went wrong? I think they're all squeezing out me, and that's school violence, a silent cruelty that can't be described in words. I had depression, self-tested, mild depression I guess. My mom also sensed that something was wrong with me. Now, the only people I dare to trust without reservation are my parents, so they know everything, tolerate my anger and unwillingness, and guide me to look at the people I didn't want to look at carefully.

Originally, with the healing of time, I have gradually improved. However, the sudden abuse and cold eyes disappointed me completely. She listened to the rumors of others and shot me fiercely, who had once been unreserved to her.

I was really disappointed, even if I had said the wrong thing and done the wrong thing, I really made up for it, and after the separation, I didn't say anything, why can she think that I am the source of all the gossip just by one sentence? What about trust? I'm afraid it hasn't been since I confessed to her. "Did I feed all the dogs in my heart?" I've asked her in my heart countless times, and I've asked myself.

I wrote a letter, a long, long letter, and the paper couldn't hold it. I put it on her desk with the birthday present I had just bought for her. Once again, I sincerely apologize, but also firmly state that I did not say those words now. My life sticks to that sentence - I did it, I will bear it, I didn't do it, I won't admit it to death.

And yet? She returned the gift to me in its original form, and then, with a note of angry accusations. She still didn't believe it. My current friend shares a bedroom with her, and it is she who runs in between the two of us and passes on the situation. She also helped me explain, however, it was still those two words "don't believe".

When I gave her a gift, I decided, if she still misses the old love and accepts it, I can explain it well, and we can still be friends. If she doesn't miss the old love and refuses, I won't just leave it and throw it away, and we will be strangers from then on.

I didn't expect that more than two years of love would be wiped out by a sentence from someone she thought she trusted very much (it was said to be GG). In order to confirm the news, I told my new girlfriends about our past. I was angry about this, and I had already confirmed that the people I knew were not people who were not mouthfuls and would not spread her rumors. Just as she trusted GG, I trusted them.

So,From then on, the girl was a passerby.。。

To this day, I still cry when I write this. Sure enough, I wasn't strong enough.