It was already dark, the fog was hazy, and it was raining lightly, and the cold rain wet my face.

The two timid eunuchs were already scared away, and I stood up, covered with the pungent smell of lime, just like that, if it weren't for the timidity of the two little eunuchs, I'm afraid that I would have gone to see Lord Yama at this time.

I have no strength, looking around, this is an overgrown mass grave, I don't know how many lonely souls and wild ghosts are buried under the raised graves, and the mass graves are huge like monsters in the hazy night, and they look even more desolate against the background of the prosperous Forbidden City not far away.

I staggered out of the mass grave, and I didn't feel the slightest fear, as if I was a lonely ghost myself. I don't know how long I walked, I felt thirsty, the sky was already bright, I remembered the bustling cries in my ears, it turned out that I had come to the most prosperous area of the capital.

I was dirty, unkempt, and had a pimple on my face, and everyone avoided me, fearing that I would run into them, and looked at myself like a beggar squatting in a corner of the street.

My stomach was rumbling, and I covered my stomach and found a quiet corner to crouch down and rest, watching the people coming and going on the road. Passers-by didn't even look at me, as if they were used to these beggars wandering around every day.

I felt more and more hungry, and the smell of the bun stand in front of me went straight to my nose, and I swallowed my saliva, and there was an empty echo in my stomach. I was dizzy from hunger, I felt like I wanted to eat everything, and when I saw the buns in front of me, I had an idea.

I said to myself, "It's just this once, it's already like this anyway, are you still afraid of dignity or anything?" ”

I walked forward quickly, and the young man who sold steamed buns had just opened the cage drawer for a customer to take, when he saw a pair of dirty hands reaching over, and no matter how hot it was, he grabbed one with one hand and ran away quickly.

The guy reacted, as if he was in a moment of anger, chased him out, and shouted from behind: "Stop, what are you running, stop quickly." ”

I ran in front of me, like a fish in the crowd, bumping into the crowd from time to time, attracting curses, I got into a small alley, I couldn't run, I lowered my head and gnawed desperately.

Suddenly someone tapped me on the shoulder, I turned my head, it was the person who was running out of breath, I was so scared that I wanted to run, he pressed my shoulder, panting and said: "You, what are you running, isn't the girl just, it's just a bun, oh, this is for you." As he spoke, he stuffed me with a paper bag containing two steaming buns.

I looked at him puzzled, my heart was warm, he wiped the sweat on his head and said, "I have to go back and look at the stall," and left after speaking, I still don't remember what he looks like and what his name is.

I kept my tears in my eyes and ate with my head down, crying all the time, shame, discomfort, pain, resentment, all welling up in my heart, I hated God, let my family ruin, let me be bullied in the palace, let me become a beggar now, I swear, as long as I still have a breath, I will never let myself be trampled on.

It was raining, the sky outside was thundering, and I was huddled under one roof, my clothes in tatters. The rain ran down the eaves, and I spread out my palms to take the water flowing from the eaves, took two sips, washed my face, and looked at my embarrassed face from the water.

I've fantasized about my ending countless times, but I didn't expect it to be like today, it turns out that I want to die but can't die is the feeling I feel like now.

The pox pus on my body also began to scar, and the legendary "smallpox" was cured in this way, and I lived a life of no one or a ghost for a few days.

I later learned that I was not suffering from a toxic pox. Sometimes at noon, when it was time for the house of Lord Fu Yin, there would be many beggars waiting here, and I was one of them.

My hair was so dirty that no one could see my face, and there was a fortune teller across the street who had been here since I arrived. I walked past him, and he suddenly stopped me: "Girl, stay. ”

I glanced at him, he was not more than fifty years old, dressed in an old robe, and I said politely: "Sir, what do you tell me to do, since you are very accurate in reading people, then you must know that I have no money to tell fortunes." ”

The gentleman smiled and stroked his beard, and said, "Girl, from the palace?" Although you are like this today, you will definitely be the mother of the world in the future, and the blessings in the future are unlimited, how can you imagine today. ”

He actually knew what happened to me before, and I was interested.

I laughed: "Sir, I have no money on me now, and if he succeeds in the future, I will thank him heavily." ”

The gentleman looked at me and said, "I have been here for twenty years, and you are the only noble person I have ever met." ”

"I've been setting up a stall here all my life, and I'm sure you'll come and thank me." The gentleman smiled mysteriously.

After listening to the fortune teller's words, I didn't pay much attention to it, would my crippled body go to the palace again?

After leaving, when I turned around, my husband sighed: "It's just that the moon is not perfect, people are lacking, there is no perfect thing, a decision, a fate." “

Who cares about the young beggars on Yongan Street, I run around in the crowd just to have a bite to eat, and most of the old beggars bully me for being weak.

I shrank in the corner of Liubiju, looking at the crowds coming and going on the street, and I wanted to be one of them, not spurned by them.

A kind woman threw a copper plate in front of me, and I picked it up from the sewage with trembling hands, and said with a wry smile: "From now on I am a real beggar."

A few elderly beggars not far away walked up to me and snatched the copper plate from my hand, and said with a smile: "How can the girl run away at a young age to become a beggar, it is not easy to eat a full stomach, and there is food in the eight alleys." ”

I gave him a cold look and said, "Give me back the copper plate." ”

He laughed maliciously, looked at my curled body, and said, "The little girl looks quite smart, why don't you be a lady to our eldest brother." ”

I got up and snatched the copper plate from his greasy hand unceremoniously, ignoring it at all, I raised my foot to leave, he grabbed my loose hair from behind, and I slapped him with my backhand.

My slap angered him, he pushed me to the ground, and several people's fists and feet fell on me, "Dare to hit me, look for death." ”

Passers-by avoided it, but it was just a beggar fight, and no one cared at all. I didn't return the phone at all, and finally when they were tired, I got up and wiped the blood on my face and the corners of my mouth, and dragged my numb legs out of Yong'an Street.

The crowd made way for me, and with my desperate eyes, I stepped out of the crowd's field of vision. I wept softly, and the last dignity I had tried so hard to protect vanished.

I stood on the tower and looked at the towering houses nearby, but none of them belonged to me. Looking at the birds flying in the blue sky, I said with envy: It's great, I want to fly too.

I opened my arms, these are my wings, I want to fly, I close my eyes and say to myself: I will be free from the sea of suffering.

There are more and more onlookers under the city tower, pointing and pointing. looked curiously at the disheveled and blurred woman on the city tower.

"What is this girl going to do?"

"Is this going to jump down, why didn't anyone go up to persuade him, oops."

"If you jump off such a high wall, you will definitely die, whose girl, it's a pity to be so young."

There was a young and handsome man in the crowd who saw this scene and got off his horse, and I listened to the sound of discussion under the city wall, and stretched out one foot, and everyone closed their eyes with an "oops" and couldn't bear to look at it.

"Girl, why do you despise your life so much?" Behind me came the voice of a young man, who grabbed me as I fell.

I suddenly turned my head and saw a familiar face, and I looked at him dumbfounded: Lu Congmian.

As if he didn't recognize me, he continued, "Why does the girl not value her life so much, when everyone in the world pays a great price for their lives? He was still clutching my sleeve for fear that I would suddenly jump off.

I looked away at the crowd and said coldly, "What's the use of keeping this stump for such a miserable fate?" I don't need you to talk about my own life. ”

"Girl, are you afraid of death?" He asked suddenly.

I laughed and said, "Naturally, I'm not afraid, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here." ”

Lu Congmian loosened my clothes and said meaningfully: "You are not even afraid of death, why are you afraid of living?" ”

I was stunned for a long time, Lu Congmian took his moonlight white robe from his body and tied it to my body, and said, "When you want to die again, ask yourself, do you really have to die." ”

He didn't recognize me as dirty, and when he turned to leave, a red peony bloomed at the corner of my mouth, and I knew I wouldn't jump anymore.