"Calamity 191, May 26, weather ...... Still invisible.

This is the second time I've written in my diary, and there's nothing unusual in the lab today, so let's pick up where I left off. Last time, I wrote that after I was kicked out of my home, I began to degenerate into a rotten person. Yes, I'm a rotten person. So, after so many years of sin, God began to clean me up. Earlier this year, during a brawl with another gang of, I was pretty sure I wasn't hit in the head, but I suddenly went dizzy and I collapsed to the ground and lost consciousness. ”

“…… Fortunately, his companions gave him strength, and when there was one less person, he still beat the opposite side and fled. The next day, I woke up in the hospital. In order to find out why I fainted for unknown reasons, I was hospitalized for a few days on the advice of my doctor. Then I knew what God was going to do to clean me up. Acute leukemia, which my grandfather, whom I had never met, also had when he died. Then I knew that my recompense had come. Acute leukemia is not a completely incurable terminal disease, but the point is, I don't have enough money to maintain my treatment. At that time, it took me several days to accept this fact. ”

"I woke up and began to reflect on my life for the first time. To be honest, I'm not afraid of death. As early as a few years ago, when I learned that my parents had an accident because of me, and that I had no way to repent, my life almost lost all its meaning. I don't deserve to live in this world, but I don't want to die yet. It's not that I'm afraid of death, but I don't want to waste my life like before. I also have a younger sister who is the only one I have left in this world. She needs me to protect her. So, I can't die, that's why I'm here. Even though I'm a test subject, there's free treatment here, and maybe God will give me another chance to give me a new lease of life here. Even if I can't, I still have a salary and insurance money to get, and that money is enough for Xiaoyu to get a job after finishing college. That's the only thing my brother who can't do anything for my sister in the end. ”

"On June 2, 191 of the Calamity, it was cloudy because I heard the sound of raindrops falling outside.

Today, like that day, the day that completely cut off my path to repentance and retreat, happened to be raining...... Yes, today is the death day of my parents. Thinking about it, in my diary, I don't seem to have to hide it, because whether I write it down or not, I know what day it is. Let's talk about what happened two years ago today. Two years ago, on June 2, my parents, who had not been in contact for many years, heard the news that I had been stabbed and hospitalized. So, they braved the torrential rain and drove from my hometown to my city to visit me...... But on the way, the car skidded out of control and fell into the valley...... And so they died...... All these years, I've been thinking that if I hadn't fought and I had been stabbed, if they hadn't cared about me, an unsuccessful son, if I hadn't been angry and swore I'd never go back to that home...... Without all this, they would not have died...... I am truly a sinner, and I have committed an unpardonable sin. What's even worse is that I didn't even go back to their memorial service, just because I didn't have the face and the courage to face them, even though they only have two photos left now that they will never scold me again. ”

"On June 16, the year of the Calamity, 191, the weather was again invisible.

It's been a long time since I last wrote a diary. Mainly after reviewing my life, I really don't know what to write. In the laboratory, the steps of blood drawing, infusion, physical examination, and chemotherapy are repeated every day, and there is really nothing to write about. ”

"On June 18, 191 of the year of the Calamity, the weather was then invisible.

Today I was very unwell, I had no strength in my body, and my nosebleeds kept flowing, which was very annoying. Is this a reminder from God that my time is running out? But I don't want to die yet......"

"On June 20, the year of the Calamity 191, the weather was still invisible.

I'm very happy today, after the treatment, my body has recovered a lot, at least I can eat. But I am even happier that today is the day of pay. Just now, I received 10,000 alliance coins from the finance department, which is the first time I have relied on my own money without stealing or robbing. Looking at the extra 10,000 alliance coins in the account, I suddenly felt extremely fulfilled in my heart. It's really nice to finally get a taste of how those who get paid their salaries feel when they get paid for the first time. Hopefully I'll be here for a few more months, preferably forever. Well, I still don't dream, and from the expressions of the doctors in those labs, I already know that my body is getting worse and worse. Maybe one day it won't be there. Luckily, though, I was prepared before I came in. Even if I die tomorrow, my good brother Da Kui will help me pass on the salary and insurance money I have accumulated to my sister. When I was alive, Xiaoyu didn't want a penny from me, and if I died, she should be able to forgive me a little and be willing to accept my brother's last thoughts. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on June 22, the weather was fine.

I'm so stupid, although I can't go out all the time, I can know the weather from my phone! It took me so long to find out that it must have been my illness that caused my mind to be so dull, it must be. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on June 24, the weather was fine.

Today I met a boy about my age in the cafeteria, named Ling Hai, who also came to be an experimental subject. I was very happy when I saw him, because I used to have only an uncle in the lab, and I couldn't find anyone with a common topic. After seeing Ling Hai, I originally thought that this time I would finally have a peer to chat, but I didn't expect that this boy named Ling Hai was too psychologically defensive, no matter how enthusiastic and active I was, I didn't want to deal with it. If I had been so ignorant of lifting before I was sick, I would have slapped it a few times earlier. But the strange thing now is that for some reason, seeing his coldness, I not only didn't get angry, but also had an inexplicable good impression of him, feeling that there was a kind of fate between me and him...... Ling Hai is indeed a little handsome, but I am not a comrade, why did I have such a strange idea? Could it be that I've been sick lately? ”

"On June 25, 191 of the year of the Calamity, the weather was cloudy.

I won't admit defeat, the colder Ling Hai is, the more active I am, and I'll just be on the bar with him. Anyway, I'm bored here by myself right now, so let's find something challenging to do. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on June 30, the weather was fine.

Haha, I won, and after a week of perseverance and hard work to get close to Ling Hai, he finally agreed to tell me about himself. Unexpectedly, Ling Hai, this kid, is not only handsome, but also so good at learning, and he is the top student in the college entrance examination in Southern Province this year. I knew that this kid was not ordinary, otherwise I would not have had that inexplicable liking for him in the first place. It turns out that everything is because of my unique vision. Handsome and capable of learning...... Xiaoyu should like this type of boy, it just so happens that the age difference between them is only 2 years, can you consider introducing Xiaoyu to him? Although I don't know why such a potential and promising person would come in as an experimental subject, I asked him many times without saying anything, but if Ling Hai can enter the first laboratory, his own background will not be low, so the probability that he will get out safely is still very high...... No, no, although Ling Hai is very good, Xiaoyu is more precious, I have to investigate again. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on July 8, the weather was fine.

I've decided, I'll introduce Xiaoyu to Ling Hai tomorrow. After so many days of investigation, I found that Ling Hai is a very good person, at least I am very satisfied. Although he is very cold on the outside, he is actually very kind on the inside, and he is very considerate of others in details. If Xiaoyu is handed over to such a person, if something really happens to me, I can leave with confidence. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on July 9, the weather was cloudy.

Alas, today I introduced Xiaoyu to Ling Hai, but I didn't expect that Ling Hai already had a girlfriend. I saw the photo in Ling Hai's mobile phone, his girlfriend was in the same class as him, she was really beautiful, and her academic performance was as good as Ling Hai, and the two were indeed a good match. Also, how could someone as good as Ling Hai not have a girlfriend! Forget it, that's how my brother-in-law's dream ends. Besides, Xiaoyu will definitely not accept what I give him. ”

"In the year of the Calamity 191, on July 17, the weather was cloudy.

I am very touched today, very moved! I didn't expect Ling Hai to take what I said to heart and buy me a birthday cake on my birthday. I...... It's been a long time since I've had a birthday...... I was very unhappy today, not because of anything else, but because of the old problem, I felt that my condition had deteriorated, and my body was getting worse day by day. I could clearly feel that I was like a candle that was about to burn out, and that day was not far off. Very unwilling, as Jiang Xiaodong, I have already lived enough, but as Jiang Xiaoyu's brother, I don't want to die yet. If it weren't for Ling Hai, today would have been a completely gloomy day. His birthday gift not only touched me, but also increased the courage of not giving up easily. I'm grateful to him, yes, I'm not going to give up, I'm going to live longer......"

The diary came to an abrupt end here, because it didn't take long for Jiang Xiaodong to suddenly have an intracranial hemorrhage and pass away.

After reading the entire diary, Ling Hai suddenly didn't know what to say. He has no intention of evaluating Jiang Xiaodong's life right or wrong. From the words of the diary, he only felt Jiang Xiaodong's desire to live, his condemnation of himself, and his nostalgia for his sister.

He has been fighting against the disease, but not for himself, but to spend the rest of his life as much as possible to make up for the damage suffered by his sister.

Compared with Jiang Xiaodong's regret and pain before his death, Jiang Xiaodong's reason for approaching Ling Hai became insignificant.

Go all the way, Jiang Xiaodong. If I have the chance, I will help you see how your sister is doing, and I will help you take care of her.

Ling Hai said silently in his heart.