Maybe it's my own personal wishes.

Or maybe it's a kind of unconscious willfulness.

Hiding from my family and friends, I smuggled out of town and moved into a mansion where I spent my days thinking about vague and meaningless questions.

The mansion here refers to the girl's home.

From the winter of eighteen until I turned twenty, the two years after I became ill and until I died, I lived there – in that village.

My room is in an annex room.

There is nothing inconvenient in life.

There is no shortage of basic needs such as clothing, food, shelter, etc., and if I have any needs such as books and toys, my family will also provide them for me. Only going out is forbidden. Due to the strict entry and exit of human women in the village, not only was my movement restricted, but even my existence was kept secret from the rest of the clan.

However, even if I wanted to go out for a walk, I didn't have the physical strength to go out for a walk, and I was bedridden for most of the day, so this restriction didn't affect me.

Only a few people know about the fact that I live in the village.

Except for the patriarch and his wife, the only one who knew about this was the girl who took me back to the village, Ye Chun.

Although there is a second daughter in the family, I have never seen her appearance, and the other party doesn't seem to know that there is an outsider like me in the family. It's a strange situation, we live in the same house.

As I can imagine that she must have been told not to go near the other room, I wonder if she wasn't driven by curiosity to find out. I think she must be a girl with a very one-dimensional personality.

Blue Sun is the only exception.

She heard the song I sang when I was lonely, and she talked to me through the wall.

Lan Yang, the daughter of the Lan family who was ordered to ban the ceremony, was a lonely person in the village, just like me.

For me, who was confined and couldn't go out, it was a great time to talk to her. Of course, I didn't dare to mention talking to Lan Yang to Ye Chun, this is my secret.

Other than that, my mind is always thinking about family and friends.

Classmates from high school...... Especially my good friends who made an appointment with me to be admitted to the same university. I felt guilty that I couldn't fulfill my promise with her. As much as I wanted to apologize to her, I couldn't even fulfill such a simple wish, which made me miserable.

Dad, Mom, Xia Jing, I don't know how they are doing now? I don't know if my disappearance has caused them to live a life of tears all day long. Maybe my parents even applied to help find the missing person. No, I think they must have done it a long time ago.

I'm sorry, I apologize to them in my heart.

Of course, this disappearance was a decision I made on my own.

I couldn't bear to see my parents spend a lot of money on hospitalization and treatment for my incurable disease. I don't want to waste all the money in my family on me, and it will affect Xia Jing's future development.

The family's mortgage hasn't been paid yet. My good life was bound to collapse because of me as a patient, but the sacrifice of so much in exchange for it only allowed me to survive for a few more years, which taught me how to laugh.

In that case, I guess I might as well disappear on my own.

Although they may think that I have suffered misfortune or accident and are therefore sad, at least I have left them with the hope that "maybe I am still alive" compared to the clear parting of life and death.

If they think I'm running away from home, that's even better. "She's tired of going to the big city in the country," and if everyone thought I was the kind of person and gave up pursuing my whereabouts, perhaps no one would be unhappy.

That's the conclusion I've come to for a long time.

However, if you ask me if this is really the most satisfactory thing to do, I am not sure.

Am I really doing the right thing? Whether I was asleep or awake, even when I was in pain, I kept asking myself questions more than once.

Could it be that I shouldn't have directed and acted in some missing drama at all?

Will you simply choose to commit suicide or be less procrastinating?

Could it be that I didn't have the courage to commit suicide just because I was afraid of death?

If I just refuse to face my illness and death, and avoid the feelings of other people who are alive, and choose the least burdensome solution - the so-called 'for the sake of others' is just an embarrassing and disgraceful name to hide my true heart.

However, Ye Chun always said this in order to comfort me, who was becoming more and more negative in my thoughts

"Don't worry. Even if you die, your flesh will remain."

"One day, you, me, and Xia Jing will live together."

Deer Clan.

A family of monsters in the mouth of humans.

As the second patriarch, she fell in love with Xia Jing at first sight, and what happened on that day is still vivid in her mind.

I still remember that it was a cold winter.

A beautiful maiden appeared unnoticed in the snowy yard.

Two years later, I met her again. Could this be a coincidence?

The dean doctor who treated me was the exclusive physician designated by the Deer Clan, and Ye Chun happened to come for regular checkups that day, I think it should all be due to chance.

However, it may be a certainty that I will get an incurable disease. Including when she heard me unconsciously muttering that she didn't want to go home, she invited me to go back to the village with her.

In any case, I always feel that Ye Chun and her clan will have incredible power, which is a predestined inevitability.

In just two years, the girl who has grown up in surprise is still outstanding, although she is still childish.

Just another three years...... No, in two years, she will definitely transform into a girl who captivates everyone. Although I can't see it with my own eyes, I hope that Xia Jing can witness it for me.

- The princess she met on a snowy day grew up to be slim, and then went to reunite with the boy.

What a touching romance it is.

As I lay in my hospital bed, I had a dream.

I dreamed of the future in 10 years.

Xia Jing has become a handsome big boy.

Maybe it's not objective to say this from my sister's point of view, but Xia Jing's appearance is not bad, and her personality is also very honest. The picture of him standing side by side with a beautiful girl with an embarrassed face must be very warm.

And at that time, I would also guard the two of them behind them.

Ye Chun helped me realize my wish to die without alarming others, and Xia Jing was my most important relative. I will become the living dead, guarding them both and continuing to exist.

Even if it's just the walking dead, I don't mind.

Memories don't seem to be preserved, but that doesn't matter.

That's right.

In the near future, I will leave this world, Shaya.

I don't know what the future holds. It's impossible to know.

That's why I have dreams.

With hope, I painted the happiest future I could ever imagine.

- The inner monologue of Xia Ya, the sister of Xia Jing.

......

May.

The school that has just ended the Golden Week holiday has a lazy atmosphere on the whole, but it is gradually returning to the normal track. Even the students who were drowsy in the morning were affected by the atmosphere that was very different from the holiday season when they were sitting in the classroom with other people in uniform.

When it was almost time for lunch break, I slowly began to regain the feeling of my usual campus life. Although he still complains verbally "so tired" and "so annoying", it can be regarded as a warm phenomenon.

Nestled in the corner of the second-year Class C classroom, they are naturally no exception.

"The problem is that you shouldn't live a life of day and night upside down just because you're on vacation."

Li Mu gulped down the leftover rice in the corner of the lunch box into his mouth, and said with a smug expression.

"It's because some people lack self-control and sleep too late during the day, and when they have to go back to their early life, they naturally feel miserable. Today's appearance of dying or not alive is the price paid for living that life."

"Then Li Mu, what time do you wake up when you are on vacation?"

Wang Chuan showed suspicious eyes, biting the bread, and raised the corner of his eyebrows high.

"You yourself seem to be the standard type of person who lives day and night upside down during the holidays. Isn't that right, Xia Jing?"

Xia nodded in agreement.

"Absolutely."

"What? You two guys, don't look down on me."

Li Mu snorted and smiled arrogantly.

"I've been suffering from sleep deprivation for years, but I've recently developed a new special move. In other words, as long as you don't sleep on the night of the last day of your holiday. The method I came up with was to stay up all night and play crazy electricity, until the last evening to make myself unable to hold on and fall into a coma, and when I woke up, it was just morning. How about this trick? It's perfect, isn't it?"

Look at how proud he is.

"Wow......

Compared with Li Mu's smug appearance

"It's amazing, Li Mu is so smart."

Wang Chuan was expressionless, cold and casually perfunctory.

"Hey, idiot Li Mu."

Xia Jing also cast a sympathetic gaze to Li Mu.

"Can you give me a little bit of your simple head? Also, you can get a little bit of excess energy from playing electric games from morning to night without resting."

"That's right, if you give it to us, you might be able to use it in something more meaningful. Ah, I mean the head isn't physical."

Wang Chuan also echoed Xia Jing's statement.

"Besides, even if you set the biological clock back to wake up in the morning, it's not pointless to doze off in class."

"What...... Wang Chuan, how do you know......

"Ah, I guessed that. As I expected."

Li Mu was easily tricked out.

"I knew it was going to be like this."

Li Muyuan was in Class A of the second year, which was far away from the second class, and the teacher's voice there reprimanding him was of course impossible to hear even Class C clearly, but it was easy to imagine the scene at that time.

"Do you want to sleep if you sleep too long?"

Xia Jing said to Li Mu, "Suppose you start sleeping in the evening, that is a full twelve hours of sleep. If you sleep so long, it's no wonder you can't keep up your energy during the day."

"Tsk...... You two are really not interesting."

Li Mu smacked his mouth as if annoyed, "I thought I had come up with a brilliant idea."

「…… So you're serious, huh?"

Wang Chuan's expression changed from dumbfounded to sympathetic, and then sighed.

"Look at you so seriously, but it makes people awe-inspiring."

Xia Jing also expressed a brief impression.

"Xia Jing-swean?"

At this moment, someone behind him called Xia Jing.

"Huh?"

Xia Jing turned his head to look.

Standing behind is a slightly taller girl - Zhao Nan.

"What's wrong, Zhao Nan?"

Zhao Nan has chestnut-colored hair, beautiful facial features, and she has been in the same class as Xia Jing since this spring, and she looks dignified, just like the so-called deep boudoir eldest lady. It is no wonder that Li Muhui sat upright like a thunderbolt from the sky. It's just that her innocent face is now faintly covered with a layer of haze, and she is looking at Xia Jing with an uneasy face.

Xia Jing was stunned for a moment, and then asked, "What's the matter with me?"

"Xia Jing, that ......"

Zhao Nan clasped his hands in front of his chest, plucked up the courage to speak, "I want to ask you about Anno-san......

Her brow furrowed, as if she was helpless and distraught.

"It's been more than half a month since she took a leave of absence from school."

- Anno.

Zhao Nan is a good friend of the same club as him, so it's no wonder that she is worried that An Ye has never come to school.

Zhao Nan stared at Xia Jing's eyes, his expression full of doubts.

"Do you know why?"

Therefore, Xia Jing showed a wry smile.

"Why did you ask me this question?"

"Xia Jing-san, aren't you and Anno-san in a good relationship?"

"No matter how good she is, she's not as good as you. How can I know what you don't know?"

Xia Jing shrugged his shoulders and said, "Did Lin Tian say anything?"

Hayashida is the instructor in Anno's class.

"Hmm. The teacher said that Anno had temporarily asked for leave from school due to family factors."

"Since you have asked for leave from school, you don't have anything to worry about, right?"

"But...... She doesn't even answer her phone. Could it be that the parents are sick? If so......

"I don't know."

Xia Jing shook his head and interrupted Zhao Nan's words.

"Since she didn't contact you, there must be her reason, right? For example, I don't want you to worry, or I want to go on a trip with my parents."

"Is that really the case?"

"Don't get too. When the affairs of her family are dealt with, she will naturally come out again."

"The problem is that she can't keep up with the school anymore......

"I can't keep up, won't you just teach her then?"

Zhao Nan was silent for a moment, then nodded and said "yes" to show acceptance, then turned around and left. However, it can be seen that the uneasiness in her heart has not been erased, and her expression is still sad.

「…… Hey, black-hearted glasses."

When Xia Jingmu sent Zi Sen's back away and sighed, Li Mu suddenly interrupted from the side.

"Which tendon is wrong with you today?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Your attitude towards that beautiful Zhao Nan is too cold, right?

"Is there one? Xia Jing, he's usually like this." Wang Chuan said as if he was not surprised, but Li Mu still couldn't let go.

"However, this guy's mouth, attitude, and temper are indeed known for their bad reputation."

"You have to worry so much, idiot."

"The question is......

Li Mu ignored Xia Jing's choking voice, but looked directly into his eyes as if he was interrogating.

"Haven't you been weird lately?"

「…… Huh?"

"Ahh I said you seem weird lately."

Xia Jing frowned.

"Where have I changed? You're right, I'm born with a cheap mouth and an underwhelming attitude, so what's so strange about that......

Xia Jing's voice was slightly excited, and there was a hint of protest in his tone.

However, Li Mu did not take Xia Jing's excitement to heart.

"I don't mean that kind of place. It has nothing to do with your underwhelming attitude. How to say that? Well, I'm not very good at it."