At 3 o'clock in the morning the next day, Huang Xiaoya woke up early, and she couldn't fall asleep after tossing and turning. She saw that Tan Xiaojuan was sleeping soundly. Quietly climbed up, closed the bedroom door, and curled up on the couch alone. Wrap yourself in a blanket and think about things in the dark.

"Resign, I can't do this job at all, it's so boring."

"Why are you going to go after you quit?"

"I'll go to school for two more years."

"No, it's better to find a new job."

"Ask from among the alumni, Zhang Jixiang."

……

She pondered upside down in her mind, she began to browse the pages of her mobile phone, looking at the familiar but unfamiliar names in the WeChat circle of friends, and felt more and more inexplicably lonely in her heart.

Huang Xiaoya knows that she has often been surrounded by loneliness since she was a child, but she still can't get rid of it every time she faces it. She understands that lonely people are either strong or vulnerable. She felt that she was the fragile one, and she couldn't be strong in her heart if she practiced all the time. Most of the ways she takes in the face of difficulties are to escape. For example, she is now thinking about quitting her job and changing jobs.

"Change, work, everywhere. I was born to be useful. She began to comfort herself.

Habit of giving up and habit of persistence will shape two different lives, this truth everyone understands, but when she thinks of going to the company to face these people during the day, she has an indescribable embarrassment in her heart, like you eat a beautiful meal, the waiter brings the dessert, you suddenly find that there is a small moth in the dessert, the moth is visible to the naked eye, you use chopsticks to pick it on the top of the chopsticks to look at it carefully, and the head comes out of the head, "Is there also that dish just now?" Confusion. You feel a little churning in your stomach at this point, and then it's blocked, and you can't get out. Huang Xiaoya feels this way now, she can't muster the courage to return to that environment again.

She continued to let her mind wander in the dark room, fluttering and fluttering, and such a picture appeared before her eyes.

In a stone house, it was very dark and the light was very weak. A trembling old woman, trying to find something in a large wooden box? The outer edge of the box was a little broken, but the fragrance of camphor wood was still faintly visible, and the old woman kept digging into the box with her hands, the wooden box was a little deep, and she was digging very hard. The weather was a bit muggy, and the old woman was wiping her sweat while digging. Soon, a cute dress studded with gold lace was pulled out by her. The skirt was very well preserved, about 1 meter long, she shook happily, the folds on the skirt disappeared, and the little girl with two pigtails on the skirt was blinking happily. She sat on a woven wicker chair and shouted to the little girl who was humming a song in front of the stone house and playing with mud on the ground: "Xiaoya, come here, come here." Put it on, and we'll go to the third master's house for dinner in a while. ”

The little girl jumped on tiptoe and approached the old woman, and the old woman took off the little girl's dirty little frog sweatshirt and wiped the little girl's body with a towel. After wiping her body, she put the skirt on the little girl again. He said to the little girl, "Go, bring the glass mirror in the room and take a good look at it." The little girl hurriedly ran to the room, and with a mirror in one hand and a skirt in the other, she came out happily and cried, "Grandma, I'm so beautiful." The little girl thought that her grandmother was asleep and quietly walked in, only to find that her grandmother was not snoring as usual. She pinched her grandmother's face with her hand, but there was no response. She pushed her grandmother's body with her hand that was not holding the mirror, but she was still unconscious. The little girl was so frightened that she threw away the mirror, and the mirror fell to the ground, and in an instant the debris was scattered, and she began to tear her grandmother's clothes with both hands, shaking them with all her might, and kept shouting: "Grandma, grandma, grandma......"

The blanket wrapped around Huang Xiaoya's body tightened harder, and the tighter she pulled, the colder she felt. Tears dripped down the corners of her eyes, silently.

That's when I understood what loneliness is? What does helplessness mean? Years from now, whenever she encounters any difficulty, she will remember that bewildered self, just like now.

Since then, she has lost the only person in the world who has truly loved her in her eyes.

There was a sound of Tan Xiaojuan getting up in the house, Huang Xiaoya stopped crying, and she wiped away her tears.

"Xiaoya, are you okay. Are you alright? Tan Xiaojuan put on her pajamas and got up in a daze, in her eyes, she felt that Huang Xiaoya was not so weak.

"It's okay, I just don't want to go to work today. You can help me take a leave of absence when you arrive," Huang Xiaoya said to Tan Xiaojuan.

"It's not appropriate, is it? Your boss is the boss, I'll help you please, and he will definitely say it. Tan Xiaojuan thought that she and Xia Huaqiang hadn't even spoken, and she didn't dare to imagine how Xia Huaqiang would react if she said this.

"It's okay, or I'll ask him on my phone."

"You didn't sleep well last night?"

"Well, I slept when I came back yesterday, and I slept enough." Huang Xiaoya began to regret letting Tan Xiaojuan move in, she just wanted to be quiet at this time.

Tan Xiaojuan heard the displeasure in Huang Xiaoya's tone, she stopped talking and prepared Zhang Luo's breakfast. She took out the quick-frozen food in the refrigerator as usual, and wanted to ask Huang Xiaoya what she wanted to eat, but the words came to her mouth and swallowed again, she saw Huang Xiaoya burying herself in the blanket, and she wanted to go over and hug her. But, she knew, she couldn't. She had always been envious of Huang Xiaoya's life before, and she didn't understand why Huang Xiaoya was scared like that before hosting the show. She's never been afraid of anything, she's not afraid of making a fool of herself. All she had to remember was the money her parents and siblings had asked her to send home on time every month.

She was scolding herself for wasting money on that dress, she didn't quite understand the inexplicable emotions of these rich people. She found that since she went to college, she saw the gap between herself and her classmates, at first she was still very inferior, but then she was relieved in the pleasure of earning money, and now for her, all that is left is to keep facing problems and solving problems. Both in life and at work. As for emotions, she felt as if she had completely quit.

She put the buns on the steamer and ran to the bathroom to wash herself. She didn't dare to disturb Huang Xiaoya, she remembered that when she was in the student dormitory of the university, because she saw a roommate crying there, she couldn't help but say to her: "There is no grass at the end of the world" nonsense to comfort her. As a result, another girl said to her: "You are like this, you have never even talked about love, how can you be qualified to persuade others." She turned around and left the dormitory, and later, she had to spend more time working outside to earn money, so she simply moved out of the dormitory.

She knew that emotions were an annoying thing, like the glass mirror she was looking at in front of her, ready to shatter at any moment. Especially for those who have a heart of glass!