"Ward 301 family, hurry up and your mother is throwing up again." Sisi ran to the ward while carrying her things. After this chemotherapy, my mother was in a terrible state, nausea and vomiting more frequently. The whole person is even more painful and haggard. Sisi was taken care of by herself before and after, and she often took leave from college before, and after being diagnosed with cancer, she hid from her mother and took a leave of absence. When Sisi rushed to the door of the ward, her mother was quietly leaning on the pillow of the hospital bed with her eyes closed, and there seemed to be a calm smile on her face. Seeing his daughter come in, he lovingly beckoned Sisi to come over and sit down and rest.

The mother, who usually loves clean and strong, always refuses to show her weak and fragile side, and even at this moment, she will not sensationalize some of her own pain. Talk about some family life, talk about some jokes, talk about some comforting words, talk about some words for the rest of your life, but look powerless but think of ways to make Sisi happy.

Today's mother feels a little different, with a little cold strangeness in her kindness. For a moment, she leaned back on the bed to recuperate, and while looking at the sunlight outside the window, she asked to borrow a wheelchair and push her downstairs......

It was summer, but the wind in the summer was unbearable for such a weak patient. Wearing a long-sleeved hospital gown, a thin blanket, and a sunhat with Sisi, it looks better. Looking for a warm piece of sunshine in the garden downstairs, my mother talked about the past......

"When I was a child, you and I grew up dependent on each other, your father died early, and you have no brothers and sisters, and you have been sensible since you were a child, and you mature earlier than other children. There is one thing I have been hiding from you, in fact, you still have your grandmother and aunt, in my hometown, S Province. I insisted on living with your father back then, and I didn't go home for so many years after falling out with my family. cough, cough, cough...... cough cough cough ......"

It may be that she has mood swings and coughs non-stop, Sisi looks uncomfortable and pushes her mother upstairs. Poured a glass of warm water, took a handful of medicine, the mother was already full of tiredness, lying on the bed, the mother weakly called Sisi, said: "Go home and give me a hot dumpling, there are frozen in the refrigerator, I want to eat." I'll sleep. Sisi didn't dare to say that in order to worry about money for her mother's treatment, she was also ready to buy the house, and the items at home were all packed and ready to move out at any time.

Watching her mother gradually fall asleep peacefully, Sisi estimated that her mother was hungry, so she hurried home to make hot dumplings. Along the way, I thought about what the two had just talked about, and I didn't dare to ask too much, my mother is not in a good state now, and I am afraid that it will be worse if I touch some sad past......

When I returned to the hospital later, I was delivered dumplings in an insulated lunch box. I was told that my mother had committed suicide by overdose of sleeping pills, and when the doctor found out, it was too late to save her. Although it was bad news, Sisi felt that this accident was not unexpected. It's just that she didn't stop her mother in advance, and with her mother's stubborn and rebellious nature, she couldn't stop what she wanted to do. She walked asleep, perhaps with less pain......

The doctor handed Sisi a letter that she was holding in her hand when she left......

This is all prepared by the mother......

The funeral is simple, grief, entanglement, right and wrong...... It's all over.

Sisi was bored at home, groggy and seemed to have slept for more than half a month...... Sometimes I wake up crying, crying and waking up, nightmares during the day and night, and more importantly, exhaustion, physical and mental exhaustion......