1. After a busy morning, I opened WeChat after lunch and saw a message from a female friend: The first message in the circle of friends asks for praise, thank you! I clicked on her circle of friends, although the first one was 'I quarreled with my husband, I was angry!', but I still liked it. I just don't understand why she's asking for praise.

2. Drove my girlfriend to the forest park to play, strayed into a path, stopped the car and prepared to come down to see, and suddenly found that there was a couple on the grass not far away, and my girlfriend was excited, we were lying on the window to watch, and we were looking happy, suddenly the woman pointed to us, the man stood up and walked towards us, and said to me: Dude, you are not kind, you have to peek at the bad and close the window and peek again, so we can pretend not to know!

3. I went to live at my boyfriend's house, he went to work early, and when I woke up naturally, I found that my relatives were here and the bed was full.

When he was stunned, his little nephew pushed the door in and said, "Auntie, Auntie has eaten!" Then he opened his eyes wide and saw this scene, and ran out crying and shouted: "Grandma is not good, uncle killed aunt!"

Then, my boyfriend's father, mother, brother, and sister-in-law all rushed in.....

4. It is said that the left eye jumps wealth and the right eye jumps disaster, and this morning I got up and both eyelids jumped at the same time, puzzled! I went out and picked up a hundred yuan on the road, and I thought about it or jumped rich. Meimei went to a supermarket to buy a box of cigarettes, but the boss said that it was counterfeit money, and also called the police!

5. A buddy drank for a night, early morning fog, groped home in the haze, and saw a fairy girl on the side of the road in the haze, sitting alone at the table, wearing a white coat on her shoulders, looking like a half-immortal, the fairy wind of the bones, and a small cylinder on the table, which was full of signs. He stepped forward to pick up the cylinder and shook it for a long time, then took out one and handed it forward, saying: This fairy girl, life is like fog, where is the road? Don't hold my chopsticks and shake the cage!

6. Teacher: Xiao Ming, what do you want to do when you grow up? Xiao Ming: If you want to be a big official, you have to get at least tens of millions, and then you have a second wife, buy any good clothes and jewelry for the second wife, and take the second wife to drive a private plane around the world for a vacation. The teacher didn't know how to evaluate it, so she had to pretend to be casual and ask the next classmate: Xiaoli, what do you want to do when you grow up? Xiaoli: I want to be Xiao Ming's second wife.

7. I used to buy a bottle of iced tea at the commissary, drank half of it, then urinated full, and took it to the boss: "Boss, your iced tea has changed its taste!" It wasn't until later, with Nutrition Express, that my body deteriorated day by day......

8. I just bought water downstairs and found that the boss was beating the child, I said don't fight, bring me a bottle of water first. The boss said that this turtle son didn't know when he replaced Lao Tzu's God of Wealth with Ultraman here, and Lao Tzu worshipped for a few days before he found out that it was Ultraman.

9. A woman goes to the doctor with a baby in her arms.

The male doctor looked at the baby, then touched the woman's Mimi.

The male doctor said, "The milk is insufficient, and the baby is malnourished!"

The woman scolded angrily: "You don't open your mouth to ask and touch it first?I'm a child and his aunt!!"

10. The beautiful female nanny of a rich family accidentally broke a bowl.

The female nanny is afraid of punishing the salary, so she seduces the male owner!

The man had sex for a while, and then forgave the female nanny.

The next day, the nanny woke up the man, blushed and said, "Master, I broke another bowl." ”

So the man had sex with the female nanny again.

On the third day, the nanny broke another bowl and was about to confess her mistake to the man.

Seeing this, the master hurriedly said, "Eldest sister, I beg you, can you fall one in three days?"

11. When I got home, my son and wife didn't sleep. Son: "Daddy come here!" I was just about to go over, and my wife said, "Husband, come here!" I said to my son: "Your mother is also calling me, she is my wife, you are my son, where should I go?" The son pondered for a moment, looked serious, and said, "You should know what your surname is!"

12. Zhang San was drunk and babbling gibberish, praying to the sky: "Let me cross, I don't have high requirements, I have my own real estate, I have a job with a stable income, I have a wife who is as beautiful as a flower, and I have a brother who can be born and die for me and has strong martial arts." Suddenly, he crossed over, and found himself lying on the ancient bed, and a beautiful young woman came to him with a smile, holding a bowl, and said to him with great tenderness: "Da Lang, it's time to get up and take medicine!" "Are you?" "Dead ghost, I'm Jin Lian"