It was the longest day of my life, and the darkest day of my life.

On this day, I experienced the pain of life and death, and the despair of losing my love forever.

On this day, I lost my little Nono.

It's a girl, she finally came into this world, but she didn't have time to open her eyes to see the world and left in a hurry.

She wanted a little angel who had quietly come to my arms, and after spending nearly seven months with me, she quietly left.

Some of the images flashed through my mind, and I couldn't tell whether they were reality or dreams.

As if returning to a rocking fishing boat, I heard Zhou Jingru's cry for help again, and in the dim light, I saw Xu Junyan's face, saw his tangled and hesitant expression, and saw him rush out of the cabin without hesitation.

Zhou Jingru's voice seemed to be still echoing in her ears, she said that Zhou Yunru was not dead, and she said that if she was not saved, Xu Junyan would not be able to find Zhou Yunru for the rest of her life.

I wanted to stop Xu Junyan, but it was too late.

He jumped down, and a beautiful splash was made on the water.

The water poured in from all directions, and I felt cold, so cold that my blood seemed to be curdling.

I struggled desperately, I told myself that I couldn't die, I still had to protect little Nono, I lowered my head in a panic and touched my stomach.

It's mediocre, lifeless, lifeless.

However, just a few days ago, a little living being was still in it, still listening to me, and I used to look forward to her with joy, looking forward to a pink little face, but now there is none, there is nothing.

It was like walking in a desert, and despair was like a poisonous snake gnawing at every cell and nerve ending.

There is also endless hatred ensued, I hate Zhou Jingru, I hate Qian Hong and Liu Qianqian, and I hate the gangsters who kidnapped me.

I hate myself, I hate Xu Junyan.

I hate myself for being weak and incapable of protecting Xiao Nuonuo, and I hate Xu Junyan for delaying the best time for treatment in order to save Zhou Jingru.

I remember what the doctors said, they said that if it had been earlier, the child would have survived.

I opened my eyes, staring vacantly at the ceiling.

I don't know if this was the first few days I've spent in the hospital, and I don't remember when I started being afraid of the sun.

When He Zhenzhen came, I would ask her to close all the curtains, and she did so while crying, and her tears seemed to be more than mine, but to be honest, it was not that I didn't want to cry, but my tears seemed to have dried up, and in the end I couldn't cry if I wanted to.

Sometimes I comfort her, sometimes I comfort myself, but I feel as if I have lost the ability to speak, I just go over and talk something that annoys me.

I hate the moment I wake up, and I fear the nightmares that come after I fall asleep, whether awake or asleep, every part of my senses reminds me that I have lost little Nono.

My senses seemed to have become much duller, my brain often went blank for a moment, and I felt like a living dead now, except that I could breathe.

A pair of hands suddenly reached out and caressed my face, his movements as soft as feathers, but at this moment, my heart was only deep disgust and resentment.

Like the other day, I knocked over the porridge bowl in Xu Junyan's hand.

I don't know if he has been with me in the hospital for the past few days, anyway, every time I wake up, he is by my side, day and night and even early in the morning, I can feel his breathing, his temperature, he is like a shadow, following me and enveloping me.

However, I just want him to stay away from me, a little farther away.

The porridge was hot, and the back of Xu Junyan's hand was red, covering the burns of the previous few days, looking a little shocking, he didn't say a word, just silently cleaned up, and then refilled a bowl and handed it to my mouth.

He was happy to try to get me to eat, and he was very persistent, but most of the time I wouldn't eat anything he brought, I was kept alive by the nutrient solution, and then I lost weight day by day.

"Get out!" My voice didn't sound like my own, hoarse and faint.

Xu Junyan's face was haggard, a layer of stubble appeared on his chin, his eyes were bloodshot, and his cheekbones seemed to bulge, "You can beat me and scold me, but you have to eat." ”

The spoon of porridge was handed over, and his patience seemed to be as good as possible, and I turned away from him.

Struggling to sit up, he pulled out a soft pillow and put it behind my back and gently helped me up.

"I want to drink water." I say.

He handed me a glass and let me drink it from his hand, which seemed to be much rougher, and the touch of his cheeks and the calluses between his fingers made me feel strange at once.

After drinking the water, I calmed down for a while, and then looked at him calmly, "Xu Junyan, let's talk!" ”

He sat down in front of the bed, and he took my hand and held it in his hand.

His facial features are still so finely crafted, his eyes are still so deep and bright, once upon a time, I was so attached to the man in front of me.

Once upon a time, I wanted to live with him for the rest of my life.

But such an idea is over, and the moment he loses Little Nuono, there will never be it again.

"Let's ......," I looked up and squeezed out a smile at him, "let's get a divorce!" ”

Xu Junyan stared at me, his hands tightened, he looked at me in disbelief, his eyes were undisguised shock, "Wife, what did you say?" ”

I raised my head and pushed back the tears that came out of my eyes, and my nostrils overflowed with a sour feeling, "I said, let's get a divorce!" ”

I looked at him, my voice cold, "Little Nono is dead, you and I are both murderers, as her parents, none of us have protected her; I can't forgive myself, but I can't forgive you. ”

"You want to save Zhou Jingru, you want to fulfill your promise to Zhou Yunru, you want to be a responsible man, as you wish, Zhou Jingru is saved, you can also let her take you to Zhou Yunru. But do you know that a second before you jumped, I tried to stop you. ”

"For the sake of Little Nono, I want to be selfish once, and I want you to be selfish again; I've been thinking, if Zhou Jingru hadn't said that Zhou Yunru was still alive, wouldn't you have jumped off? Can I get to the hospital earlier? Will Little Nono be able to survive? ”

"But there aren't so many ifs, are they? The reason why the regrets in the world are called regrets is because time cannot be turned back, and what has passed cannot be recovered. ”

"Your goal has been achieved, but at the cost of losing our children."

"I sometimes think, when you swam past Zhou Jingru, did you think of Xiao Nuonuo? Have you ever thought of me? ”

"You don't, you just want to be the hero of your world, you don't want to live up to your promise to another woman, you want to be worthy of your conscience, but in the end, you make our children pay."

"It's not fair, Xu Junyan, it's unfair to me, and it's even more unfair to Xiao Nuonuo."

I thought I was going to get excited, I'd cry, I'm going to break down, but the whole time, my voice was surprisingly calm.

I held Xu Junyan's hand, I felt the temperature of his palm, I felt the beating of his pulse, these hands once sheltered me from the wind and rain, these hands used to gently soothe me, these hands used to be my shelter.

The hands eventually reached out to the other woman.

"Let's get a divorce!" I say.

"No!" Xu Junyan roared, he raised his head, and his eyes flashed with unprecedented panic.

He withdrew his hand, he hurriedly approached me, holding my cheeks, his voice was a little unusually urgent, "Wife, this is an accident, I didn't expect the fishing boat to sink so quickly, I didn't expect the speedboat I arranged to come so slowly, I wanted to get her up quickly and send you to the hospital immediately, I ......"

"Zhou Yunru is still alive, is it an accident for you?" I coldly interrupted him.

His eyes shrank, and his hands slid off my face.

I stared at him, my tone becoming more sarcastic, "It's more like an accident than a surprise, right?" ”

Xu Junyan raised his head again, a heavy pain appeared in his eyes, and after a long silence, his voice suddenly returned to calm, "Wife, you have a good rest, I will let Aunt Zhang take care of you tomorrow." ”

"No need, He Zhenzhen will help me go through the discharge procedures tomorrow, and as for the divorce agreement, I will have someone send it to your office." I took a deep breath and didn't give myself any chance to hesitate.

He stared at me and said firmly, "I'm not going to sign." ”

"You'll sign it sooner or later." I said through gritted teeth.

He was stunned for a moment, and a thick and indissoluble sadness seemed to gather in his eyes, and then he stood up, the expression on his face became gentle again, "If you want to be discharged from the hospital, I will let people arrange it, and the environment at home may be a little better than the hospital." ”

"Are you deaf? I said I was going to divorce you, and I wouldn't live with you again when I was discharged from the hospital. "For a moment, I lost control of my emotions and yelled at him again.

He looked at me calmly, and the corners of his mouth even hooked a shallow arc, "You are my wife, of course you want to live with me." ”

I had already planned in my heart, and I didn't pay attention to him, he suddenly stopped at the door, and the moment his tall body turned to me, his expression was unusually soft.

"Wife, I'll take care of a little thing, and I'll come back to accompany you later!" He said seriously.

Then, he pushed the door open and walked out, leaving a cold back.

I think Xu Junyan is probably sick again, I don't know if he has a split personality or schizophrenia, he doesn't care about my divorce request at all, he seems to insist that I will continue to live happily ever after with him.

But no matter what he thinks, I'm not going back.

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