"It's not that I don't understand, I've planned it all, it's really planned!" I stressed to He Xiaoyu again and again.

"Then why didn't you take advantage of such a great opportunity?" He Xiaoyu frowned and asked.

"I probably know what's going on, I haven't slept well for the past few days, and I regret it." I felt aggrieved.

The west wind blew through the gate of the park, and in the middle of the night, which was rare and cold in the summer, He Xiaoyu and I sat in our respective battery cars, parked next to the intersection, on the granite floor tiles where people usually dance square dances. It was quiet, with the occasional car passing by, causing a cacophony in the air.

"Then tell me what's going on." He Xiaoyu said.

"Well, I'll just make a few important points."

……

"How did you go to Qingdao?"

"I'm very happy, but the whole person is tanned."

I looked at Lin Ximeng carefully, it was indeed a lot darker than before, and I found out when I looked at her QQ space as early as those days. In the photo, she giggles at the beach, like a madman. At the time, I thought it was a problem with the angle of light when taking pictures, but now it seems that it is really dark, so black that I can't believe that it is the dream of Lin Xi, which is as clear and jade as Snow White in my memory.

Seeing that I had been staring at her, Lin Ximeng adjusted her shoulder straps embarrassedly and said, "I specially picked out this white dress to wear today." ”

"Oh, uh-huh, haha." I didn't know what to say about the dress and smiled awkwardly.

It was a plain white sleeveless dress with a feeling as light as tulle. The staggered texture on the chest makes the whole dress not look too monotonous. The shoulder straps she just arranged are even more chic, and they are tied with small bows. But when the white veil covered the black, thick arms, it seemed to be a broken rag, which was not at all elegant except to cover up its shame.

This is the most suitable clothes that she chose all day long? Doesn't such a white dress make her even darker? Even if she wears makeup, she has no beauty at all!

I reluctantly stirred the straw in my hand to ease the anxiety in my heart a little. I can't believe that my favorite Lin Ximeng, the face that has been echoing in my mind for four years, has become what it is today.

……

"In the end, you think you're ugly?" He Xiaoyu questioned me.

"At that moment, I don't know why, maybe I can't accept this disparity."

"People don't think you're ugly. Besides, didn't you like her because of her beautiful soul? ”

"Hey, even if I can accept that she has become ugly, I still think she is far from the Lin Ximeng in my impression."

……

Lin Ximeng's words box opened suddenly. This time it was as if I had forgotten to close the valve, sentence after sentence, and laughed happily as I spoke.

"Uh, that ......" I was about to interject, but she didn't intend to give me a chance at all, and continued to talk to herself.

In this situation, just like the day I made a phone call for more than two hours, I didn't have a chance to say a word or ask a question of interest. It's like when I was a freshman, she never responded to my messages in the first place, and when she replied the next day, I was already out of interest.

Yes, that feeling is not what I remember Lin Ximeng look like. In my memory, she is gentle, virtuous, and understanding, and will listen carefully to my voice and answer my questions seriously.

I continued to shake the straw in my hand helplessly, occasionally taking a small puff. It's the only thing I can do, and the only thing I can do to feel like I exist. The air was already filled with laughter because of her tirade, and I couldn't bear to break the atmosphere after all.

When she finally finished, I forgot what I wanted to ask, I didn't remember what she had just said, and I didn't know what to say next, so I could only smile at her stupidly, as if amused by what she said.

She stirred the straw and took a sip, still smiling happily. It was her usual smile, innocent as if she didn't think anything was wrong. However, every bit made me feel like a knife, disappointed and sad.

……

"I don't think you're thinking too much." He Xiaoyu said with a smile.

"Maybe. I'm tired of hearing her talk so much. I just laughed with her, and I couldn't bear to hurt her. She also said that the past four years have felt no different from high school life, which also makes me think it is unimaginable. ”

"Well, I find it unimaginable. But most of my classmates are like that, like us. You have a lot of energy to spend on computer competitions, and I also have a lot of energy to spend on student union, always busy to death. ”

"So, I think she's pathetic. Her college life was just a continuation of her high school life, and she never had a clear idea of what her true interests were, and she never seriously thought about what the ideals she was pursuing. She has almost nothing but the kindness and simplicity that she has always had, and she has not even really experienced the joy of college. I felt like I was confronted with an empty shell, without a soul and without a mind. That's not what the Lin Ximeng I love looks like. ”

"Hey! I still think you're thinking too much. ”

"Perhaps. However, I still wanted to find a chance to confess, but she never let me find the right time. That's what makes me uncomfortable too. ”

"Didn't I tell you again and again, don't confess!"

"I remember, but I can't hide the longing in my heart. So I wanted to find the most appropriate time and try to be as tactful as possible. ”

……

"Alright, that's all." I handed the menu back to the waiter.

"Okay, sir, it's 110 yuan in total."

"Do you want to pay first?"

"Yes."

"I'll do it." Lin Ximeng said.

"Don't, don't be kidding, you pay for every invitation, you should let me buy it once."

"It's okay." Lin Ximeng said as he took out the money from his bag.

I hurriedly took out two hundred pieces from my pocket and put them on the table, one step faster than Lin Ximeng.

"I'm sorry, we can't find it right now." The waiter said embarrassedly.

"But I only brought the whole penny." I say.

"Forget it, I have change." After that, Lin Ximeng put a ten-yuan one on the table, and then said to me, "That's just right, you make a whole deal, I'll make a break, haha." ”

When I went out, I thought I would go to the mall to spend a lot of money, in that case, I would take a hundred to save trouble, and I wouldn't delay things, but I didn't expect to make a mistake in this small restaurant, and let Lin Ximeng save the scene. It makes me feel ashamed.

……

"It's okay, it's not a particularly shameful thing, it doesn't have any impact, don't take it to heart." He Xiaoyu comforted me and said.

"Oh, okay."

……

"Oh, by the way, there's something I'm curious about. Why does your QQ always show up online? ”

Lin Ximeng suddenly asked me this question, and I was a little confused.

"Oh, that, I've been hanging on the upgrade since I signed up, I'm used to it, and I've been hanging it when it's okay."

"Oh." Lin Ximeng stirred the straw in his hand and took a big sip, probably because eating udon noodles was too salty.

The air finally quieted down, and this was the moment I had been waiting for, it was time to get into my rhythm. But how am I going to speak? I'll have to take my time and think about it.

I also picked up my cup and stirred the straw. The drink was almost gone, and the lemon that the straw drove it through shook rapidly, like my thoughts surging at high speed, and like my heart beating faster.

Finally, I looked up, looked at her, and plucked up the courage to say, "There's something, you know. ”

"What's the matter?"

"You know I used to like you, right?" After saying this, I finally relaxed a lot.

She sneered, "Haha, I found out a long time ago." ”

……

Hearing this, He Xiaoyu's face sank suddenly: "What? 'Ever' liked her? How can you say 'ever'? ”

"Is there anything wrong?" I didn't understand why He Xiaoyu's eyes suddenly widened.

"When you say 'once', isn't the subtext that you don't like it now?"

"That's not what I meant, 'was' means always."

"Gee, I'm really worried about your emotional intelligence. I'll tell you that I used to treat you as a friend, and you can see for yourself what it's like. ”

I was speechless for a moment. The air once again reverberated with the smell of cars passing by.

"But what I do want to say is that I've always liked her."

"Then why don't you say 'all the time'?"

"I ...... I...... I was so nervous. ”

"How sad she must have been when you said this! You're dead! ”

"Is it that serious?"

"Unless the meaning and actions you express later make her feel that you still like her."

No wonder later, she made me feel more and more incomprehensible, and when she heard my confession, she didn't get a little excited, didn't ignite a trace of enthusiasm. I thought it was because I was too tired after talking for so long, or that she had just eaten and was sleepy, or that she actually only regarded me as a friend and did not accept my further actions. ”

"What kind of confession are you, it's completely counterproductive!"

"Okay. Anyway, then we sat down for a while and had a few sporadic conversations......"

……

"It's not too early, or let's go." Lin Ximeng leaned back on the sofa and said, while preparing to straddle the bag over his shoulders.

"You've got a lot of udon left."

"It's okay, I'll just taste it, after all, I've been losing weight recently."

"Wait a minute, there's something I want to show you." I said anxiously.

"It won't be another gift, you don't have to give me a gift!"

"It's not." As I spoke, I picked up the hardcover notebook beside me, "All the poems I have written so far have been written in this notebook, and many of them are written for you. ”

"Wow! No wonder I saw you holding this book all the time when I was in the mall, I was quite puzzled, why did you come to eat with a book, it turned out to be like this. If you don't mention it, I've forgotten about this book. She smiled in surprise.

I handed her the notebook.

She held it in her hand, flipped through it page by page, and then said happily: "These poems are so profound, I don't understand them very well, can you translate them to me?" ”

I stood up, walked over to her couch, and sat down in the empty seat next to her: "Well, there are several." ”

I had never been so close to her, and I instantly felt a stream of acid fill my whole body, as if every joint was inflamed, and my heart felt like it was locked, and I couldn't breathe.

She stared motionlessly at the notebook she was holding, her elbows resting on her thighs.

My left arm was propped up on the couch, less than a finger away from her! Can you lean on her like this? Wouldn't that be too radical? Won't it be too sudden? Will she not be able to adapt to it? Does she think I've offended her? Won't you be angry? Will my impression of me collapse instantly? Will you ignore me from now on? Will......

Which poem should I tell? Which one is better to tell her? The poems on this page she opened seemed to have no impression on me! How do you say that? No, I've got to say something!

"Uh...... Well...... These poems ...... Hmmm......"

……

"Did you pick a few songs to talk about in the end?" He Xiaoyu asked with concern.

"No, I'm so nervous. I flipped through it over and over again, and I didn't know how to say it. ”

"She's not telling you to say it, right, old cat! Just pick one and talk about it, old cat! You can even cuddle up, old cat! He Xiaoyu was already angry.

"I ...... I...... Well, you're right. ”

"Hey! How do I usually teach you, how can I coax you at a critical time! ”

"When I look back on it that day, I already regret it."

"Tell me, what a good opportunity! People are so proactive, you are like a log! ”

"Uh-huh, yes."

"You say, you like Lin Ximeng so much, isn't it just for this moment of hard work in different places in the past four years? As a result, you kicked off the door? ”

"Uh-huh."

"And in the end? Did you send her home when it was over? ”

"Nope."

……

"What's this piece of paper in here?" Lin Ximeng asked.

"This is an excerpt of the poems I have written about you, and I have copied them neatly on homework paper, and I am going to give them to you. You take it. ”

"Okay, then I'll take it. So, almost, let's go. ”

I looked at the time, and it was half past nine.

"Uh-huh, okay." We got up together, packed our things, and walked to the door.

"How did you get here?" I asked Lin Ximeng.

"Coming on a battery bike."

"Is it still the dark blue one?"

"Yes."

"I also came on a battery bike. It's getting late, I'll escort you back. ”

"No need, if it's not on the way at all, I won't bother you." She said lightly.

I felt quite embarrassed, she didn't seem to be very happy, did I put a little too much pressure on me? Maybe I should say something soothing?

"Actually, this summer, I just want to connect with every friend." So, I said.

"Then you also have to contact Song Hongyi!"

"Yes, I haven't asked him when he's free, if he's free, call him, let's have another good meal."

"Okay. Go back and ask him. ”

"Where is your car parked?"

"Across the street, in front of the mall."

"I'm parked over there, too."

We crossed the sidewalk and found our respective cars. I parked the car in front of Lin Ximeng and said, "Or, I'll give you a ride." ”

"It's really not necessary, just a little way, you better go back early."

……

"Because of her very resolute attitude, I finally gave up. On the way home, I was already regretting it. This is not the outcome of my ideal date. ”

"Hehe, now that I know that I regret it, what's the use? You even told her that you just wanted to meet your 'friends' when you came back this summer! Didn't you push her away even further? ”

"I think she just treats me as a friend, that's why I say that, I want to save a little bit of face as a friend."

"You shouldn't say 'ever', it's you who make her feel like you're just a friend. Then the back was all messed up, and every step was wrong. You buried the relationship you cultivated with her with your own hands. ”

"Hey! This was the first time I had a solo date with a girl. ”

"It's time to gain experience, right?"

"Yes, eat a trench, grow wise, and you will know what to do in the future."

"Hey! Lin Ximeng is a good girl, you use her to accumulate lessons, this price is a bit big! You say, don't you? He Xiaoyu let out a long sigh.

"Yes. Can I get it back? ”

"You've broken her heart, you know?"

"Yes."

"It's not easy to get back. Some feelings, if you miss it, you won't have it again; There are some opportunities, and if you miss them, you will only regret it. ”

"I'm sorry and sad now, which is why I asked you out to talk."

"It's hard to make me think about what to do."

He Xiaoyu looked across the street, thinking thoughtfully.

I looked at him anxiously, like grasping at a straw.